


Chasing the Dragon

by scifishipper



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Bechdel Test Pass, Canonical Character Death, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, New Caprica, Political Intrigue, Romance, looking for earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-06
Updated: 2012-01-25
Packaged: 2017-10-10 23:28:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 174,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifishipper/pseuds/scifishipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kara transfers to New Caprica, Lee follows her and the two embark on a relationship that jeopardizes the political fate of the Colonists and the search for Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Spoilers: **AU from Lay Down Your Burdens Part II  
> **Beta:** My lovely LiveJournal friends cynicalshadows and kdbleu  
> **A/N:** Also available on livejournal: [scifishipperfic](http://community.livejournal.com/scifishipperfic/))

“Commander?” Lieutenant Illari’s voice came over the comm in Lee’s ready room on Pegasus.

Lee picked up the receiver, “Adama. What is it Lieutenant?”

Lee replaced the receiver and looked at his father, a grin brightening his features. “Kara’s back.”

The older man grinned, too. “That’s our girl,” Adama said, sliding his chair out and shaking his head in disbelief. Lee unconsciously did the same and straightened his jacket, preparing to leave the meeting and see Kara for himself. The two men walked out together to greet the returning crews.

Even after all of these years of stunts and near-misses, Lee was still astonished by Kara’s will to survive. Here she was coming back again from another risky mission, this time, one of the riskiest military missions he and the Admiral had seen in recent years. Lee thought it was a good plan, but it was arduous and no one knew what Kara and her team would find back on Caprica. Lee and the Admiral hadn’t shared their fears verbally, but both were aware of the risks. Kara had been confident when she set out, cocky as always that she would succeed in rescuing all of the resistance fighters. Especially, one in particular.

Lee was excited for her return, but couldn’t help the feeling of anxiety pricking his skin. Relief was foremost in his mind, but the nagging feeling of worry came up sharply as he imagined how he might react to another man in Kara’s life. He swallowed away the feeling, determined to keep it at bay and to give the other man a chance. He and Kara were just friends. She’d made that clear – there was nothing between them.

When the pair arrived at the hanger deck, the crowd parted to let them pass, the Admiral and the Pegasus Commander, personally on hand to greet the fleet’s good luck charm. The crowd was twittering with excitement, not only because the crew had returned, but because they were excited to talk about the recently discovered habitable planet.

The excited men and women leaned forward to see the crews emerging from their ships. Adama and Lee moved to the front to greet Kara’s raptor. Helo, Sharon, and two other marines filed out of the raptor first, looking tired and worn. When Helo caught sight of the two commanders, he shook his head slowly. Lee swallowed, not quite sure what it meant. Helo walked towards them.

Lee spoke first, “Kara?” His voice was tight against the small knot in his throat.

“She’s inside. It didn’t go well.” A deep frown creased his face. “I’ll let her tell you.” He glanced back to the raptor as Lee skirted around him to step up into the ship.

“Kara?” He called to her from the doorway.

“Yeah,” was all she said from the cockpit.

Lee moved forward and paused at the cockpit’s narrow entrance, looking looked down at her. She hadn’t unbuckled; she just sat there staring blankly through the side window at the bustle around the raptor. Lee slid into the pilot’s seat.

“What happened?” He leaned toward her, speaking softly.

Kara didn’t respond for a long moment. “We were too late,” she said, still looking out the window.

Lee swallowed. “I’m sorry, Kara.”

He thought about asking for more information, but sensed it was better to wait. So, he sat with her for a while and she didn’t ask him to leave.

Something must have shifted inside her; she took a deep breath and unsnapped her belt. She turned toward him but did not meet his eyes before she rose from the seat and stepped past him. Lee waited until she left the raptor before he followed her, his eyes searching her out as she made her way slowly off the deck.

:: :: ::

Later in the day he found her in the rec room, sitting alone and drinking at a small table.

“Hey, Kara. How’re you doing?” He asked, trying to keep it light.

“Fine, Lee. Doing just fine,” she said, her tone warding away further questions. If she was surprised to see the Commander of the Pegasus in the pilots’ rec, she didn’t show it.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked, half-expecting her to send him away.

She raised her eyebrows at him and pushed the bottle of ambrosia his way. He walked to the supply shelf, took a glass, sat down and poured himself a drink. Her demeanor told him it might be a good idea to have a few before he tackled the problem.

They sat quietly for a long time. She seemed lost in thought and partially unaware of his presence. He, on the other hand, watched her out of the corner of his eye, watched her fingers as she absently slid her dogtag back and forth on its chain. He wasn’t sure he’d ever really thought about that one tag on her chain – now, though, it seemed obvious. Under different circumstances, he might have asked her about it. Instead, he just sat with her and supported her with his presence. Every few minutes one of them would take a drink until most of the bottle was gone and they had slid down in their seats.

Her voice surprised him. “We found them in an old school. All of them, Lee. They were all dead.”

Lee was still, waiting for her to continue, afraid that any movement would stop her words.

“Bodies were everywhere. Looked like they all died at the same time in some cylon blitz.” Her voice was flat and her eyes unfocused, as she watched the scene in her head.

Lee slid his thumb around the rim of his glass, listening intently, curious but not wanting to know at the same time. Lee didn’t want to wait for the report, sensing that she needed to talk about it even if her demeanor told him to frak off.

She stopped talking, staring blindly at her glass, not moving, lost in her own thoughts.

“What about Sam?” Lee spoke softly, not knowing if she would respond or ignore him. He felt like it was now or never, if he didn’t ask right now in this exact moment, he might never find out what had happened. He knew as soon as Kara returned to the regular routines of managing pilots, she’d shunt it all away, becoming impenetrable again.

Kara’s head moved slightly and she took breath through her nose. Her eyes closed briefly, as if resetting the image in her mind.

“I found him.” She took a drink and set the glass down carefully. “He was shot in the chest. There was blood everywhere.” She took another drink, draining the glass and pouring another.

“I don’t think they even had a chance, Lee.” She looked at him for the first time since her return, her eyes wide and full of pain.

He stared back at her with a softly empathetic expression. “There was nothing you could do, Kara.”

He startled as she slammed her drink down on the table. “Frak,” she growled, pushing her chair back and into the wall. She stood up and moved away, turning her back to him. He saw her fists clench by her side as she struggled for control.

“You don’t get it, Lee,” she ground out.

He sat for a minute and watched her. “What don’t I get?”

“We could have saved them. We were too late.” She dipped her head and crossed her arms in front of her, still facing the wall.

“How?” Lee asked.

“One day, Lee. One frakking day sooner and we could have saved them. Or we could have all frakking died. I don’t know.”

“What are you talking about, Kara?” He was confused now.

She spun around, her face a mix of anger and regret and grief. “Don’t you get it? They had just died. They had just been frakking attacked. Maybe just the day before. Kipper said some of the bodies were still warm, like they’d just died. What the frak, Lee? What the frak?” Her eyes implored him for answers.

Now she was shaking, gripping her arms tightly around her waist, eyes glazed over as she relived her experience.

Lee stood up and approached her.

Kara backed up a step, snapping her eyes to his. “No, Lee. I was frakking too late. All of this motherfakking bullshit preventing me from going back to Caprica. The Pegasus, Cain, the frakking President, all of it.” She started pacing the room.

“One frakking day, Lee. Why didn’t I get there sooner? Why?” She walked back and forth, shaking her head and grimacing, fighting some internal battle to find some way to cope with the horror of it.

Lee stopped her, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Kara, stop. Stop blaming yourself. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have know. It could have gone a hundred other ways. They could’ve died weeks ago or you could have died when you got there. It wasn’t your fault.” Lee took a breath. “You could have died, too, Kara.” He gripped her harder as he spoke the last line, the realization of the risk hitting him all at once.

He was surprised that she stood still and listened to him. He’d expected her to shrug him off, or push him away, or even frakking punch him in the face, before she’d just listen.

“Look, I’m sorry about Anders. I really am. I know you had feelings for the guy. But, frak, Kara, you can’t blame yourself.” He loosened his grip on her shoulders and stepped back to give her space.

She stared hard at the ground, as he watched the internal struggle play on her face. He saw the grief welling up in her eyes.

“I wanted to save him, Lee. I wanted so much to save him.” Her voice broke. “I promised.” Tears started streaming down her face and she struggled to keep her body rigid against an onslaught of grief. She lost the battle and began to shake gently.

He stepped forward again and drew her gently into his arms. She didn’t hug him back, keeping her arms tightly coiled around her middle, but she accepted his embrace, even putting her forehead against his shoulder.

She cried for a while and his heart ached. Lee imagined what it must have been like to find all of those people dead, to lose the image of herself as the rescuing warrior. To see Sam Anders dead and to know how close she had been to saving him.

When she stirred, he planted a kiss on her hair and released her. She sniffed loudly and wiped her nose on the back of her hand.

She looked up at him, finally, and gave him a small smile.

He smiled back, more brightly, and touched her shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, all right?”

She nodded mutely, and he stepped away, leaving her to compose herself.

He’d almost reached the hatch when she stopped him. “Lee?”

“Yeah?” He half turned.

“Thanks,” she said, not turning to face him.

“You’re welcome, Kara.” He smiled even though she could not see it. “I’ll see you later.”

She nodded and he continued out the hatch.


	2. Chapter 2

Kara stood in front of her locker staring at the tag in her hand. _Frak_. Two weeks of staring at the tag she’d taken from Sam’s body and she was no closer to putting it back on. It just lay in her palm, crusted with blood that she couldn't stand to see but couldn’t bear to wash off.  
   
Since the day after her return, she’d been working, pouring herself into the fleet’s efforts to survey the new planet, and now scans and recon missions reported that humans could live there. Kara grimaced, everything was changing. She’d barely had time to cope with the failed mission and Sam’s death before she was thrust into coordinating ever-widening patrols to search for signs of cylons around the new planet.

Kara jammed the tag into her pocket and slammed the locker door shut. The sharp sound of the locker thrust a hard line between her pain and the work ahead.

:: :: ::

“Chief? What the frak? You said you’d have these ships ready by 0900. I’ve got crews scheduled and ready to launch.” Kara’s tone was sharper than usual, but she didn’t really care.

“Okay, Major. Um, I’ve got two birds in final check and two more that will be ready to launch in an hour. We’re doing the best we can, Sir,” Chief Rivers mumbled. The man was a good engineer, but not the most assertive person she’d ever met. Lighting a fire under his ass seemed to be Kara’s main job. Today was one of those days she when wished she could steal Tyrol from Galactica.

“Your best isn’t good enough, Chief,” she spat out the words. “Get those frakking birds in the air.”

“Yes, sir, Major,” the Chief said with some effort. He scurried away from her impatient glare.

Kara gave him a disgusted look and turned away. She was on fire. _Godsdamned sloppy crew_. It was this kind of crap that’d get them all killed, she thought as she barreled down the corridor to the CAG’s ready room. She stormed through the hatch and tossed her papers on the table. She stood, staring hard at the table and breathed. Her mind was a spinning storm of anger and pain.

She was going crazy.

It had only been two weeks since she returned from that frakkery on Caprica. Two frakking long weeks of slogging through work and tolerating all the happy chatter about the new planet, when really she just wanted to crawl into her rack with a bottle.

She thought the pain was supposed to get better with time. But instead of feeling better, she was just getting angrier and angrier. Every time she heard politicians talking about some new colonization plan, she wanted to scream. Every mention of happy new lives made her want to choke someone. How could everyone just forget?

:: :: ::

Reports of Kara’s attitude reached Lee in just about as much time as it took for them to occur. Chief Rivers had been buzzing in his ear about it since this morning. It was becoming a problem. Normally, Lee would avoid Kara in her pissed off moods, but as the ship’s commander, especially a ship with a history like Pegasus, he needed to take a strong stand.

Lee leaned back in his chair and stretched. It was a shame that Kendra Shaw wasn’t around to play the bad cop this time with Kara. It had been a hard blow to lose her in the Guardian mission. They’d lost three out of six crew on that mission and nearly missed their opportunity to destroy the hybrid facility. Kendra had gone down in a barrage of cylon bullets, leaving Kara to set the nuclear device and get the hell out of there under heavy cylon fire. When Kara returned, she was haggard and wondering, along with everyone else, if the losses had been worth it. She hadn’t seen the hybrid on the base, but they’d trusted the Admiral when he’d said it was an important target.

Lee had been amazed at how well Kara took the mission losses. Maybe it was because the mission had been successful in some way, or maybe because she didn’t really like Kendra Shaw, although Lee thought the two were more alike than she’d ever admit. Lee had been more affected by Kendra’s death, of course, because it left him exposed to the Pegasus crew without one of Cain’s people in command. He’d thought about promoting Kara to XO, but Adama advised him otherwise. She’d rubbed too many people the wrong way ever since she set foot on Pegasus. And he needed her as CAG; right now, that was the more important position.

So, he’d promoted Bruner to XO and the man did an adequate job. He was no Kendra Shaw or Saul Tigh, but he was efficient and respected among the crew. The one thing he didn’t handle was Major Kara Thrace; that job was left to the Commander.

Lee clicked open a comm channel, “Lieutenant Allari, where is Major Thrace right now?”

After a moment, “She’s scheduled to be on Deck, Commander. Shall I page her, Sir?”

Lee hesitated, “No, thank you, Lieutenant. I’ll go down there myself. Adama out.”

Lee stood and straightened his jacket, taking a deep breath. _Here we go_.

:: :: ::

Lee arrived just in time to find Kara leaving the ready room.

“Commander,” Kara said tersely, pausing at the end of the long corridor. She looked pissed off, her usual demeanor these days.

“Major,” Lee returned with equal formality. Noting enlisted personnel in the corridor, he started with a soft approach. “Can I have a word with you?”

Kara snorted and glared at him, “I’ve got things to do, Lee. Can it wait?”

“No, Kara, it can’t.” He grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her back towards the small room. She shrugged out of his grip and followed him.

Venom was pouring out of her before that hatch was even closed. “What’s the frakking problem now, Lee? Did the Chief come crying?” She yanked at the buttons on her jacket. “This is bullshit.”

She tossed the jacket on a chair and stared at him, shaking her head and chewing on her bottom lip as she struggled for control.

Lee sat down on a chair across from the desk and watched her. He flew on instinct with Kara and knew this wasn’t about the Chief or vipers or cylons. “Kara,” was all he had to say to topple her thin control.

“Godsdamnit, Lee. I am so sick of this frakking crap. Ships down, crews in half-assed condition all chattering on about this frakking new planet. Who cares, Lee? Who frakking cares?” She paced. “It’s not Earth. We’re supposed to be finding Earth. I risked my ass on Kobol for this? For a frakking gray and rainy rock? What about Earth, Lee?” Kara took a deep breath. “What about frakking Earth?”

Lee knew better than to try to answer.

“And the politics! Don’t even get me started on the politics. I could frakking reach right over the wireless and choke Gaius Baltar, that motherfrakker.” Kara avoided Lee’s eyes at the mention of his name. She remembered as clearly as he did what had happened during the last Colonial Day.

That memory took some of the steam out of Kara’s anger and she slumped down in the chair opposite Lee.

“Gods, Lee. I’m so frakking tired. I need a break.”

Kara raked her fingers through her hair and held on at the roots as she closed her eyes and released a loud exhale. The anger drained out of her, leaving a worn expression on her face.

Lee felt the tiredness, too. They had been running and fighting for a long time.

“Yeah, Kara, we all need a break. But c’mon, just take it easy on the crew. I know Rivers isn’t the guy we’d want managing the deck, but it could be worse. Okay? Give it a rest."

Kara dropped her arms and crossed them in from of her as she stared at the desk, absently sliding that one tag along her chain. “I’m exhausted, Lee. Too many missions.”

Lee knew what she meant, knew she was still having a rough time about Anders. Ever since the day she returned, he’d been keeping his eye on her tags. If her anger wasn’t an obvious enough sign, he would have known she wasn’t ready to move on because only one tag hung suspended from the chain around her neck. The other she carried jammed in her pants pocket. He’d seen her take it out and look at it when she thought no one was looking. His heart still ached for her.

“No more missions, Kara, at least not anytime soon.” He paused, treading carefully. “Maybe this planet will be our break. I know it’s not Earth, but what if? Think about it, Kara. What if we don’t have to run anymore?”

Kara looked at him briefly and stared at the table, struggling.

Lee watched her work her lower lip with her teeth and wished he could do more. “How are you, Kara? Really?”

She smiled grimly to herself. “It sucks, Lee. Things really suck right now.” Her voice was sad and tired.

Lee stretched out his hand, palm up and slid it across the desk toward her. “If you want to talk, I’m here, okay?”

She looked at his hand and then his face. She dropped her hand in his and he squeezed reassuringly. The feel of his hand was rough and smooth and familiar.

Lee withdrew first, and pushed the chair back with a loud scrape. “I’ve gotta go, Kara. Take it easy on the crew, okay? If you need some more time, I’ll get Reeds to step in for a while. Just let me know.”

He waited for a response. “No. I’m okay,” she said, glancing up at him.

Lee pulled open the hatch and stepped through.

When the hatch clanged shut, Kara leaned forward to put her elbows on the table. She splayed her fingers along her cheeks and stared at the wall. The gray metal gave way to the image of Sam’s body slumped against the wall until she pressed her fingers painfully into her eye sockets to clear it.

Finally, the truth of it emerged through the anger. It wasn’t about the Chief or the new planet at all. It was about Sam. And all those other people that she couldn’t save. They’d never get a chance at a bright and shiny new future. Why should she?

She folded her arms across the desk and put her head down. She really wanted one.

:: :: ::

A week later, Kara had to smile at herself. Her paperwork had never been in such good order.

After her conversation with Lee, she struggled to keep her feelings off the deck. She spent more time away from the crew, letting people do their jobs without her breathing down their necks. She focused on things that kept her alone, at least for now, so she could get her head back together.

She tried to keep herself out of conversations about Baltar winning the election and tried not to plot murder when people called the planet New Caprica – _Gods, that burned_. But she still held on tight to the resentment about abandoning the search for Earth. That anger wasn’t going to go away just because she was coming to terms with failing on Caprica. She’d lost other things in the search for Earth.

A voice coming from the hatch broke her reverie.

“What do you hear, Starbuck?”

Kara didn’t turn to the voice, but her face broke into a wide smile. “Nothing but the rain, Sir.”

The old man answered back, “Then grab your gun and bring in the cat.”

Kara turned and stood, a welcoming grin on her face. “Admiral.”

“At ease, Kara. This isn’t an official visit.”

The pair paused for a moment. The room seemed so much smaller with the Admiral in it. Kara motioned to a chair and Adama sat.

Kara sat again and looked at the old man.  He always got straight to it.

“How are you, Kara?”

“Good.” She swallowed and glanced at the desk. “Actually, better now, Sir.” She gave him a sheepish smile.

The Admiral considered her with steady eyes. “Have you been down to the new planet yet?” Adama asked.

Kara’s smile ended abruptly. “No, sir. Not interested.”

Adama looked surprised.

Kara continued, “It’s not Earth, Sir. I thought we were looking for Earth.” Kara gave him an accusatory look, as if he was solely responsible for not continuing the search.

He smiled sadly. “No. It’s not Earth.” He paused for a moment, considering her. “You know I’d never been sure about Earth. It was you and the President who convinced me. I don’t like it any more than you do, Kara. But the fleet’s made its choice. We’re colonizing.”

Kara gave him a disappointed and angry look. “What about Earth, sir? Is that it? We’re done?” She didn’t bother to keep the anger out of her tone.

“For now, Starbuck,” Adama countered, narrowing his eyes a bit and using her call sign as warning against her anger.

Kara clamped her lips together.

The two sat for another minute before the Admiral spoke again. “It’s not over yet, Kara. We don’t know what will happen in the future. Maybe someone will continue the search someday.”

Kara looked at him; it was her turn to be surprised. _Someone?_

Before she could ask more questions, Adama pushed out his chair and stood. “For now, this is our course, Kara. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us and I need you on board. Can you do that?”

Kara was distracted by his words. “Uh, yeah. I mean, yes, Admiral.” Kara stood.  
   
“I’ve got to get back to Galactica, Kara. It was good to see you.”

“Goodbye, Sir.”

Kara sat again in her chair and puzzled over his comment._ Someone?_ Yes, she thought, someone would continue the search for Earth. Not right now, but later. And that someone would be her.

:: :: ::

After that day, Kara emerged from her self-imposed exile and started to interact more with the crew. She didn’t exactly apologize to Chief Rivers, but she did give him a pair of socks that she’d won at Triad a few days earlier. When she handed them to him, she thought he might faint. She had to bite her lip from bursting into laughter. He understood what it meant, and after that, things got a whole lot less tense on the hangar deck.

Kara also started to smile more and laugh at jokes about President-Elect Baltar. Frankly, she didn’t even really care that he’d won the election. She still held a big fat grudge against Roslin for frakking up her mission to Caprica, so it didn’t displease her that the woman had lost.

She knew that Lee and Adama were against colonizing the planet, but Kara was less convinced that it was a bad idea. She was still angry that they were giving up on Earth, but the conversation with Adama led her to believe that some day he might let her go search for it herself. That gave her hope.

And then one morning, without warning, she dug deep into her pocket and pulled out the tag. It had been hidden there for so many weeks that the crusted blood had worn off, falling into tiny dots inside her pockets. She ran her fingers along rough edges of the tag, scarred from so much wear. She unclasped the chain and with a small prayer, slid the tag smoothly along the length of it. She wrapped the chain around her neck and secured the clasp. She grasped the two tags together, feeling the edges digging into her palm and smiled.

She felt whole again.  



	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

“If I have to sign one more supply request, my hand is going to fall off,” Lee said, dropping his pen and shaking the tightness out of his fingers. He leaned back in the chair and stretched.

“Yeah, at least you get to sit in your cushy office. I’ve got fifty whiney deck crew bitching about working too hard.” Kara rolled her chair back, put a foot on the edge of Lee’s desk and spun herself around in circles.

Lee scolded her as she sent the chair crashing against the wall. “Watch yourself, Kara. You’re gonna wreck the place.” He was grinning nonetheless.

Kara righted herself and rolled her chair back to the desk, smiling. “Your quarters are too neat anyway, Lee. You need a little mess in your life.” She winked at him and he rolled his eyes.

“Paperwork, Starbuck. Back to work.” Lee gave her an exaggeratedly stern expression and looked back down to the stack on his desk.

Kara ignored his request and stared at him. “So, Lee. Think you’ll ever go planetside?”

Lee glanced up at her and barked a laugh. “Yeah, right. With all of this work? I doubt it would be any time soon.”

“No, I mean to live. Would you live there?”

He looked up at her, surprised by her earnest tone. “Why? Would you?”  
   
“I don’t know. I mean, it might be nice – well, not nice, it’s a crappy gray planet – but nice to live planetside for a while. There’s a lot to be said for fresh air and the rain on your face.” Her tone was wistful.  
   
Lee paused and considered her. “Maybe, Kara. I haven’t really thought about it.”

Kara took a breath and brushed the topic aside. “Yeah. I don’t know either.” She picked up another stack of papers. _It would certainly be better than drowning in paperwork. _

:: :: ::

Preparations for colonization were arduous. Planning and revising and planning again was the order of business in the few weeks that followed. Kara and Lee worked side-by-side with XO Bruner and the President’s liaison to schedule shuttle runs and supply requests from the Pegasus. Rationing out those highly sought after supplies always left a bitter taste in Lee’s mouth. He knew how Cain had gotten them and it burned that the fleet was so desperate that they had to be used.

In the few months since Lee had taken command, the Pegasus crew had finally loosened up. Kendra’s command had helped with the transition, but now, Lee felt like the crew was able to respect him without her hard-edged rule. Slowly, more and more of the brutal history on Pegasus came to light. After everything he’d learned, he was not surprised that Cain had been murdered by the cylon, Gina Inviere. The crew’s fanatical loyalty to Cain also explained why Inviere had been killed so brutally after she had been found unconscious near Cain’s dead body. He’d still never heard the details of who had murdered the cylon, but it had been bloody.

Adama counseled Lee to hold true, as much as he could, to Cain’s hard-edged approach. It was hard for Lee, a man who’d never worn the military mantle with much enthusiasm, but he managed. It would have been a hell of a lot easier if he didn’t also have to manage Kara’s volatile relationship with half of the crew. Lee shook his head. She was remarkable in many ways, but frak, she drove him crazy.

:: :: ::

“C’mon, Commander,” the pilots cajoled. “Pull up a chair. Starbuck’s got two pairs of socks in the pot.”

Lee grinned and held himself at the door of the pilots rec. “I don’t know guys. I might damage my reputation by being seen with the lot of you.”

Winger, Narcho and Grimace waved him toward the triad table. Kara sat, smirking, looking from Lee to her cards and back. Lee saw her determined expression and changed his mind.

“Okay, one round. I’ve actually got work to do.” Lee took the chair that Winger vacated and sat to watch the end of the hand.

“Aw, frak. Not again, Starbuck.” Narcho threw his cards on the table in frustration. “How can you throw colors up? Again?” Narcho grumbled and drained his glass of ambrosia.

“Commander, can you do anything about this winning streak? Starbuck’s been cleaning us out for two days. Can’t you assign her some remote duty in engineering or something?” Grimace laughed, bravely challenging Starbuck and addressing the Commander directly.

“I’ll see your ass on double CAPs soon enough, Grim,” Starbuck taunted the nugget. His smile faded abruptly.

Narcho dealt the cards again and Lee pulled a promising hand. He glanced over at Kara who was staring back with a slightly upturned mouth. _Damn_.

Kara took a drink, slid her cards together and fanned them out again. “What’s it gonna be, Commander?” The challenge in her tone was clear and the other pilots looked from Kara to Lee and back. Only Narcho had ever seen the pair together before Lee became commander and Kara the CAG. He smiled to himself and watched the show.

“What’s the rush, Kara? Have a hot date?” Lee drawled.

“Depends on what you’ve got in your hand there, Commander. I could use that bottle of Picon Whiskey you have in your quarters. Might spice things up. Care to wager?”

The pilots looked at Lee, waiting to see how he would take the challenge. Narcho’s smile widened.

Lee glanced at his cards and leaned forward towards Kara. “Only one bottle, Starbuck?”

Kara’s eyes widened. She should have expected he’d have more, but Kara covered her surprise.“It’s gonna make you cry when you lose, Apollo.”

Lee took the challenge, not because he thought he could win, but because he could never resist. “One bottle of Picon Whiskey. Let’s see ‘em.”

Kara grinned wide and spread her cards on the table. The pilots let out a loud groan.

Lee confirmed his cards and leaned back in his chair. He took a deep breath, groaned loudly and threw the cards face down on the table. “Well, that’s one bottle.”

“Ha!” Kara gloated. The other pilots laughed and shook their heads, fantasizing that maybe Starbuck would offer that bottle up to them next time and they’d have a chance to win it from her. She did get a bad hand every once in a while.

“All right. All right. You win.” Lee grinned. It felt good to be one of the pilots again.

Kara just beamed at him and scooped up the cards. Lee pushed back the chair and stood. “Remind me never to get roped into cards with a bunch of drunk pilots.” He looked appraisingly at Kara. “_Especially you._”

She continued grinning and leaned back in her chair, satisfied and thinking about that bottle of whiskey. “I’ll come around to collect those winnings, Commander.” She smirked devilishly.

Lee just smiled. The pilots’ laughter followed him out the door.

:: :: ::

The workload hadn’t eased over the past few weeks, but the promise of a Colonial Day celebration gave the crew something to look forward to. Lee had had the difficult job of denying a lot of requests to muster out. He hated knowing that it was first-come, first-served when it came to discharges. He’d promised a few crew that they’d be on the next rotation out, but that would be several months down the road. He hoped that once the crew saw the tent city down on New Caprica, they’d be grateful for their warm bunks on Pegasus. Or at least they’d get drunk enough to forget for a night. He was certainly looking forward to taking a break himself.

:: :: ::

Kara walked casually to Lee’s quarters, a half-smile on her face. She was itching to collect her winnings. She could already feel the burn.

Kara approach was announced by the guards. They motioned her in and she took a few steps before stopping at the sound of a woman’s laughter.

“Kara?” Lee called out. Kara cocked her head in puzzlement. She started walking again through his office until she rounded the corner into the wide expanse of his personal living space.

Kara was surprised, hell more than surprised, to see Dee sitting next Lee on the sofa. She looked beautiful in her pale blue dress. Kara’s eyes opened wider as she saw Lee in civvies. The pair was obviously on a date.

“Oh. Hey, Dee.” She backed up a step. “Um. Hey, I can come back later.”

Lee stood up from the sofa. “No, Kara, it’s okay. What’s up?” He walked over to her, laughter still in his eyes.

Dualla looked around Lee to catch Kara’s eyes. “Hi, Starbuck,” Dee said, smiling.

Kara felt a surprising lurch in her stomach. “Yeah, uh, I came for my winnings.” Her voice was tight. She clenched and unclenched her hands nervously.

Lee smiled, puzzled by her tone. “Yeah. Okay.” He walked over to the small bar and pulled out the bottle of golden whiskey. He held it to his chest. “I’m gonna miss this.”

She eyed the bottle and snorted, suddenly annoyed. “You lost, Lee. Give it over.” She held out her hand expectantly.

Lee was a bit taken aback by her tone. “Okay, Kara. Take it easy. You won.” He handed her the bottle.

She grabbed the bottle and stepped back. “Right.” She looked over at Dualla and then glanced back at Lee.

“Um. I’ll see you later. Uh, bye, Dee.” She spun around on her heel and walked out.

Lee’s brow crinkled in confusion. “Kara?” He called out to but she kept walking.

He stood for a moment then looked back to Dualla.

“What was that all about?” she asked.

Lee gave her a strange look and said, “I’m not sure.” He was lost in though for a moment, then sat back down on the sofa.

:: :: ::

Kara’s heart was pounding when she left Lee’s quarters. She was completely shocked to see Dee there with him. For some reason, she’d just forgotten about the woman. Granted, she was a little busy with her own crap to notice what Lee had been doing while she was storming down the corridors and pissing people off, but still, how had she missed this?

Kara got back to her quarters and dogged the hatch. The room was small, but at least it was private. Getting promoted to Major on a new battlestar helped her move out of the senior officer’s bunk. She thanked the gods, because at that moment, she just needed to think.

Kara set the whiskey on the table and peeled off her jacket and laid it over a chair. Her pants and tanks followed quickly before she slipped into a t-shirt and sweatpants. She grabbed the bottle, lay back on her rack and took a long drink. _What the frak, _she thought.

The burn of alcohol was a welcome distraction from the realization that she had been hurt to see Dee in his quarters, obviously there for a date. She hadn’t even realized that she’d been feeling something for Lee again. _Just like old times._ She smirked derisively.

It was just like her to be surprised at her own emotions. And hell, she didn’t even consider Lee in all this. She was ten kinds of fool for not realizing that he’d moved on. Of course, he’d still be with Dualla. What had she been thinking for all of these weeks? That just because they weren’t fighting that somehow everything was better?

_All I wanted was a good lay_.

Her words rattled around in her head and she took another long draw of whiskey. She grimaced and shook her head at the alcohol’s bite. She remembered the night that she’d pushed him away with those harsh words. _There’s nothing here. Nothing._

Kara’s closed her eyes at the memory. It hadn’t been right then. All she wanted to do was forget, to stop worrying about Sam on Caprica and bury the frustration by using Lee. They’d never been able to get it together, the two of them. The attraction had been there all along, but she was so frakking guilty over Zak that she kept denying it.

And now, gods, now it was too frakking late. _How had this happened?_

:: :: ::

Over the next two weeks, Lee’s relationship with Dee became completely obvious to Kara. Somehow, she’d missed all the signs before. He left Pegasus at least once a week to go to Galactica – to meet with his father, she’d always thought. Twice in the past week, she’d seen Dee coming off a raptor and heading to Lee’s quarters. _What the frak?_ Gods, she was sure she hadn’t seen her before this. _Where was her head?_ Shoved up her own ass, she thought.

“Major, who’s piloting these two runs?” Chief Rivers asked her. She was distracted and did not answer. “Major?” Rivers said more loudly and cleared his throat.

“What?” Kara bit back, disturbed.

“These supply runs. Who’s doing them?” Rivers asked with trepidation. The CAG was back on the war path and he was usually planted smack in the middle.

“Gods, Chief, can’t you read? Says it right there—“ Kara pointed to the blank space on the sheet and stopped abruptly. The schedule was missing the pilots’ names. “Frak.” She grabbed the clipboard and scribbled in the two names. She didn’t apologize. Not today. “Here you go.” She shoved the clipboard at him and turned away.

Kara rounded a raptor to see Dee stepping out of another across the deck. _Shit_. _This day just keeps getting better._ She’d slept like hell the previous night, just like she had for the past week, drowning in alcohol and passing out in her rack. Mornings were a bitch and all she needed was Dualla in her face to remind her how bad she felt.

Kara gave the woman a curt nod and turned away. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.

:: :: ::

Adama, Lee, Helo, Tigh and Kara met in Galactica's CIC to discuss the Fleet’s presence on New Caprica. The business of running the battlestar went on around them.

“The problem is that the current location is too close to the water supply for it to expand properly. The survey team recommends this as a new location.” Helo pointed to a blank space two clicks to the east of New Cap City. “There is plenty of room for expansion to the east, while the city is slated to expand west and north. The valley to the south abuts both the city and the base.”

Lee jumped in. “Right now, we just have barracks, a small mess and a handful of Marines who rotate on and off Pegasus. What were planning now is a permanent base. We’ll start with two raptors, three pilots, a Commander, a Chief, fifteen marines, a maintenance crew and half a dozen support personnel. Pegasus has five ground vehicles that are already planetside. We’ve got nine more that we’ll ship down with base personnel.”

Helo filled in more details. “For the raptors, we’ll build a small hangar bay to do minor repairs. Any major repairs will be handled by Pegasus or Galactica. I don’t expect that personnel will be a problem, we’ve got dozens of requests to muster out. We could transfer them instead.”

Adama interrupted. “Yes. I like that. We’ve been losing a lot of valuable people. I’d prefer to station them on active duty planetside. Sounds like a good plan.”

“We’ve got two positions to consider: Chief and the Commander.”

Kara interrupted, “You can have Chief Rivers, Admiral. I won’t miss him.”

Lee threw her an exasperated look. Adama disregarded her comment and continued speaking.

“The Chief position is a tough one, Helo,” Adama commented. “We’ve been low on qualified personnel. What about from one of the civilian ships? There are at least three ships that will be docking permanently planetside.”

“I’ll put out inquiries,” Helo said.

Kara interjected a comment, “The Rising Star’s got a good Chief. Seevers, I think. Try him.”

Adama nodded at Kara. “So, that just leaves the commander,” Adama paused, mentally considering his options. “Let’s get the word out and see if we have any volunteers before we make a decision.”

They all nodded in assent and parted ways to prepare.

:: :: ::

Twenty minutes later, Kara was digging around in a locker just off the hanger deck. _Where the frak is that bottle?_ She knew she’d stashed some ambrosia in her somewhere. _Frak_. She looked around, standing and stretching her hands up to feel along the highest shelf. _Bingo!_ She grinned and sighed, retrieving the mostly full bottle, dragging it across her pants to remove the dust and opening it to take a drink.

As her lips touched the bottle she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She froze. _Motherfrak_. _This is all I need._

It was the happy couple: Lee and Dee. _Frakking gods._ Kara nearly groaned aloud.

By the time she looked away, she’d already seen too much. Lee smiling down at Dee and looking happy, and Dee with her frakking toothsome smile, looking up at him like some frakking moony school girl. Gods, the whole thing just made her sick.

She did her best to stay still, her body tight with anxiety. It sucked to have seen them, but having them find her would be much worse.

Kara was alternating between gritting her teeth and drinking ambrosia when Dee’s words caught her attention. Kara’s eyes widened and she froze.

“I thought you were going to talk to your father about my transferring to the Pegasus, Lee?”

Lee smiled at her and brushed a hair out of her eyes. “I will. I think we need to wait until the mass exodus to the planet has stopped. He’s going to say no if we ask now. He’s not going to want to give you up right now.”

Dee sighed, “Okay. I guess you’re right.”

Kara’s chest tightened and she swallowed hard. _Dee was coming to Pegasus?_ She hadn’t seen this coming.

:: :: ::

Kara toyed with the pen in her hand, sliding her fingers over the rough edges. The paper in front of her was blank, awaiting her words. Carefully, she printed her name and rank and checked the appropriate boxes. She surveyed her work and put her pen to the signature line. Taking a deep breath, she scrawled her name and dropped the pen on the desk as if it burned. She let out a sigh of relief and stood, staring down at the paper.

She’d done it.

:: :: ::

Lee sorted through yet another stack of requests on his desk: supplies, personnel, transportation, major system overhauls and the largest stack, by far, the requests to muster out. They hadn’t announced the new base yet, so those who were requesting to go planetside would be asked to consider transfers. For the most important personnel, Lee would deny the requests and assign them to serve on New Caprica.

Lee had already dispensed with non-essential personnel, but now others, who held more important positions, were submitting requests. His ship needed to function and he couldn’t give everyone the chance to muster out. He weighed their service, skills, family situations, and his personal feelings. His father told him not to consider his personal feelings, but he didn’t really operate that way. His father had let personal feelings affect his decisions more than he would ever admit. At least Lee admitted it.

He separated the requests into piles by rank and area of specialty. Goren, Marks, Wiloczek, Franklin – all deck crew would do better transferred to the new base. He was doubled up on deck crew because of the demands of CAPS and alert vipers in the throes of battling cylons. Now, four months after colonization and no cylons in sight, he halved their numbers. Seven more crew from support positions deep in engineering and maintenance requesting to go planetside; another stack that would likely be transferred to the base.

Lee shook his head, wondering how life would be now that his crew would be so much smaller, and maybe eventually, if it all worked out, even he could muster out. Lee smiled to himself. Fat chance of that any time soon.

Lee shuffled the papers and stopped dead. In front of him was the familiar scrawl of Major Kara Thrace. Transfer papers. _What the frak?_ Lee stood suddenly, sending his chair rolling back to crash into the table behind him.

Lee jammed his finger into the comm button. “Lieutenant Allari. I want to see Major Thrace in my quarters. ASAP.”

He released the comm before Allari could answer. _What the frak?_ He kept repeating it to himself. This was completely unexpected. He never even considered that Kara would want to go planetside. He remembered her frustration about colonization and her disdain for the government’s decisions. What had happened?

Lee paced around his quarters until Kara was announced.

Lee stood near his desk with the paper in hand. He took a deep breath. “What is this?” he said, thrusting the paper towards her.

“What does it look like, Lee?” Kara’s tone was challenging.

“You want to transfer? Where’d this come from? Why?” He asked a barrage of questions without waiting for her to answer. His eyes were confused and a little hurt.

Kara had made her decision. Her expression was guarded and her tone clipped. “I’m done here, Lee. I’ve been doing this job for too long and I’m tired. I want a change.”

Lee opened his mouth to argue, but she continued harshly. “I don’t want to be on Pegasus anymore.” Her final words carried a note of desperation that she could not suppress.

“What do you mean? I thought –.” He stopped himself. He didn’t know what he thought. Hell, he’d been pre-occupied over the past few weeks and had ignored the feeling that something was going on with her. He’d been too busy to ask, always assuming that she would work it out on her own. What had he missed?

He took a breath. “I – I don’t know what to say, Kara. I’m surprised.” Lee stared at her, a vaguely shocked expression on his face. Kara took no pity on the man.

“C’mon, Lee.  It’s no big deal. You don’t need me as CAG now. Reeds doesn’t want to go planetside. Promote him.”

Lee backed away and turned, staring blankly at the papers on his desk. “I don’t know, Kara. I need to think about it.”

Kara’s frustration mounted – she needed him to sign the paper and she needed to get the hell out of there. “Stop thinking, Lee. Just sign the frakking papers.”

Lee spun back to face her. “What the frak, Kara? You just expect me to let you go?” His voice was strained.

Kara steeled herself. She’d decided that her feelings for him were over. She didn’t want to be the pathetic girl mooning over a man who’d made other commitments.

“Yes, Lee, I do. Just sign the papers.” Her face was unyielding and he just stared.

Lee drew himself up and resorted to the comfort of protocol. “I’ll get back to you with my decision, Major. Dismissed.” _Frak_. He walked behind his desk and rolled the chair back to its original position.

“Fine.” She gave him a mocking salute and turned away. Lee ignored her walking out the door. When the hatch clanged shut, he sat heavily in the chair. His stomach was a mix of nervousness and nausea. What the hell had happened?

:: :: ::

Lee piloted the raptor to Galactica himself. He needed to fly today, to feel the throttle of a ship under him. Being in the air always calmed him, centered him and he made several passes around the fleet just to give himself space to think.

Calmer and more focused, he landed on Galactica and went straight to his father’s quarters. Adama had been expecting him.

“Lee. How are you, son?” The old man clasped his shoulders. Adama was calmer since the fleet had decided to settle on New Caprica. Several months without cylon attacks had eased everyone’s minds.

Adama gestured to a chair and Lee sat. “Dad, I need your opinion on something.” The older man waited expectantly, thinking about how nice it was to have this easy relationship with his son.

“Kara wants to transfer to the NewCap base.” Lee said it simply and looked down at his hands.

Adama released a surprised breath. “I see.” He leaned back in his chair and appraised his son. “What do you think, Lee?” Adama questioned.

Lee hesitated before answering. “My first reaction was to deny the request, Dad. I mean, she’s the CAG, she needs to be on Pegasus.” He picked at his fingers.

“And now?” Adama asked.

“I think she’s been through a lot, dad. I know we all have, but…” His words trailed off.

“That would be a tough loss, son. She’s important to the Pegasus.” Adama chose his words carefully.

Lee and his father sat silently for a while, each lost in his own thoughts.

“She’s not happy on Pegasus. I can see it. I just didn’t think she’d want to leave.” Lee’s voice betrayed some of the hurt he’d been feeling.

“How much of this is personal, son? Remember what I said about personal feelings. They can’t be part of this decision.”

Lee sat back in his chair. “I guess I hadn’t pictured commanding Pegasus without her as my CAG.” Then Lee smiled to himself. “Actually, she’s such a pain in the ass, maybe it’d be a hell of a lot easier to manage with Captain Reeds at CAG.”

Adama smiled. “Yeah, you’ve got a point.” The two men shared affectionate glances.

“Lee, I don’t want to influence your decision too much, but she’s just what we need planetside.”

Lee stared at the floor, absently rubbing his palms against his thighs, weighing the decision. After a while, he took a deep breath and exhaled, laughing nervously.

“I think Reeds will do a fine job. I’m going to let her go.” Lee nodded his head, reinforcing the decision. Inside, he could feel his heart squeezing at the prospect of letting her go.

“I agree, Lee. I think it’s a fine decision. Give her my congratulations and let her know I’ll see her at the Colonial Day celebration,” Adama said.

Lee stood. “Okay, Dad.” He paused and looked at his father, appreciating his stolid manner more now than ever. “And thanks.”

“I’ll see you down there, too, right?” Adama smiled warmly.

“Yeah. See you then, Dad.” Lee gave his father a final smile and left the quarters.

Adama slid papers around on his desk and shook his head. That woman always managed to surprise him.

:: :: :: ::  
   
Kara found the transfer form on her desk with a note attached. She stepped back when she saw it, not quite wanting to look. When she picked it up, she saw Lee’s signature on the transfer form and unfolded the note.

_Kara,_

_Congratulations on the transfer and promotion. Yes, promotion. Dad and I agree that you should command the NewCap Base._

_I will miss you.  
Lee_

Kara's throat constricted and her eyes unexpectedly filled with tears. For a split second, she wanted to rip up the transfer and run to Lee and take it all back. This was one of the best and worst moments of her life. She was going to be a base commander. But she was leaving Lee to do it. She struggled to make sense of it.

The tears ran down her face as she took a deep steadying breath, remembering the reasons why she could not stay on Pegasus. It broke her heart, but it was time to go.

She picked up the paper, folded it and jammed it into her pocket. Her new life was about to begin.

  



	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next few days passed in a blur of activity and preparations for President Baltar’s groundbreaking celebration. Kara was not happy that he was co-opting her favorite holiday for his purposes, but at least it gave her something distracting so she could avoid thinking too much about the implications of her transfer. Her assignment as base commander had yet to be officially announced, but the Pegasus rumor mill was already in motion and she’d received several congratulations about the position. The official word would come down from the Admiral in three weeks when she took the expanded crew down to the surface permanently. For now, the builders were busy preparing the basic structures needed to operate.

Kara thanked the gods that the celebration would happen tomorrow, she’d had enough of Baltar’s liaison, Jorge Ellexor, breathing down her neck. So far, she’d been able to keep a cool head, but her irritation rose as his requests became more outrageous. Two days ago, Ellexor had demanded a dedicated raptor and pilot to shuttle the President back and forth between the planet and Colonial One, which had yet to dock planetside. Yesterday, it had been demands to use more of her pilots to shuttle Baltar’s cronies to the celebration. Today’s request was the final straw and Kara no longer contained her anger for the sake of “cooperation.”

“Mr. Ellexor.” Kara glanced at the man, greeting him with barely contained distaste and continued her work.

“Major Thrace.” Ellexor nodded formally. “I’m here to discuss the aerial portion of the groundbreaking ceremony.”

Kara’s head snapped up. “What?”

Ellexor smiled thinly. “President Baltar gave me specific instructions about how the groundbreaking celebration should proceed. The President wants the fleet to participate in the celebration and he wants an aerial show. It is very simple, Major. He expects that you, as the CAG of this battlestar, will coordinate just such a show. This is a very important day, Major Thrace and I am here to ensure that his instructions are carried out.”

Kara stared at the man for a second, suppressing the urge to punch him in the face.

“There’s no frakking way that’s gonna happen, Sir,” Kara said, emphasizing the last word derisively. 

“This is non-negotiable, Major,” Ellexer said coolly. He was a man who did not ruffle easily.

“This is more than frakking negotiable, Sir. It’s not going to happen.” Kara glared at him, challenging him to say more.

“We’ll see, Major.” Ellexor stood his ground, staring blandly at the CAG, as the crew gaped.

Clenching her fists tightly, Kara reminded herself to breathe. She pressed her face close to his and enunciated each word. “I don’t give a frak what Baltar wants. My pilots don’t do tricks. Forget it.” She turned abruptly and walked away.

“I’ll be contacting the Commander, Major,” Ellexor called after her.

Kara’s face was a mask of outrage and anger as she stormed down the corridor towards the CIC. She’d had enough of Baltar’s people getting in her face. _Aerial tricks – was he frakking joking?_ She’d be frakking dead before they’d do barrel rolls for Gaius Baltar.

Kara found Lee, as expected, in the CIC. He was coordinating survey operations for Caprica’s second moon, Sparta, looking for a more reliable source of ore than they’d discovered on New Caprica. Kara came on deck and cleared her throat. Lee took one look at her and walked toward his ready room, motioning Kara to follow.

Lee started speaking as soon as Kara closed the hatch. “I know. I heard. Baltar.” Lee put his hands out in a conciliatory gesture, warding off the impending attacks.

“Ellexor is making frakking me nuts, Lee. The man doesn’t take no for an answer. He wants us to do frakking air show tricks so Baltar can look good for his cronies.”

“I know, Kara. He’s a real pain in the ass. It’s a bullshit request, but look, let’s try to cooperate. Tell him we’ll do a fly over.” Kara opened her mouth to protest, but Lee continued, “We can do that, right? I mean, I can’t stand the guy any more than you can, but we’ve got to keep the peace.”

Kara shook her head, but acquiesced in the end. “It’s frakking bullshit, Lee. My pilots should be celebrating, too, not doing tricks at high noon. One fly over. That’s it.” She gestured finality with her hand.

“Okay, Kara. One fly over – and tell the CAP to make it hot. Let’s give the new President his money’s worth.” Lee grinned conspiratorially. Kara grinned back, much of her anger fading as the image of Baltar’s surprised face lit in her mind.

They stared at each other and Lee’s face settled into a half-smile. It was the first time they’d been alone since she’d received his note. Kara shifted from one foot to the other and looked away.

“Kara,” Lee spoke hesitantly. “I’m okay with it, you know, the transfer.”

Kara kept her guard up, resisting his entreaty. There was too much to say and she wasn’t ready. “You did approve it, Lee,” she said flatly.

Lee flattened his lips into a thin line, slightly irritated by her tone. “What I mean is that I was surprised at first, but I'm okay with it now.” He smiled wanly, frustrated by his inability to say how he really felt about her leaving. He looked at her expectantly, wanting her to say something about the transfer, but she just stood there staring at him with that inscrutable expression.

Kara frowned. “I’ve, uh, I have to go.”

Lee dropped his head in defeat, but as she turned to go, he spoke one last time, “I hope it makes you happy, Kara. I really do.” There was sadness around his eyes.

She swallowed away the knot in her throat before turning to leave. “I hope so, too.”

:: :: ::

Lee stood still for a long time, staring at the floor, feeling confused and hurt. What was going on between them? There was so much distance now that he couldn’t figure out and Kara was no help. She just stood there, staring at him like he had two heads, and left without a word. Would she miss him? Did she care? What the frak was happening?

“Commander?” A voice called him from the ready room hatch.

“Come in,” Lee invited, grateful for the distraction.

“Commander, the survey team has found something, sir, and they want to speak to you.”

Lee pushed away his thoughts of Kara and tried to focus on work, all the while aware of the dull ache in his chest.

:: :: ::

Kara grinned as she piloted the raptor to New Caprica for the Colonial Day celebration. Truth be told, this was the first time she’d have the opportunity to examine the planet close-up. Like everyone else, she had been curious about the surface and had volunteered to pilot a few raptors for the survey teams. She hadn’t stayed to explore, however – back then she was still smarting from Sam’s death and her resentment about the new colonization plans. Now, with her future mapped out before her, she gave in to her curiosity and made a wide sweeping pass around the town center, over the flat plains and east towards a small range of mountains, the so called ‘Tauron Peaks,’ named after a similar range on Tauron. Kara imagined hiking there would be exhilarating – she hadn’t climbed a mountain in forever. 

Kara bumped down the raptor on a landing pad at the northern end of the base. As she emerged from the ship, she mentally pictured the proposed layout. The survey teams had determined that area would be ideal for the military base, with room for expansion if desired. Since they’d all been trapped on spaceships for so many months, the thought of wide-open spaces made everyone excited. Off to her left, the she noted the unfinished hangar bays and walked over to survey the work.

“What’s up, Russell? Building the base yourself?” She smiled at a small woman who was kneeling over a stack of metal sheets.

The woman stood abruptly and saluted. Kara grinned and threw a casual salute in return. “At ease.”

“I’m finishing up the inventory, sir. We have an aggressive schedule ahead of us. I heard there’s a tough new commander coming down to whip us all into shape.” Russell winked at Kara. The two had struck up an unlikely camaraderie while Kara was CAG; the woman had had some clever ideas about streamlining deck storage and retrieval.

Kara laughed. “You can bet your ass. Tell those slackers to get to work RFN,” she said with mock sternness. Russell was a hard worker and a good choice for coordinating the construction.

“Feels good to do my old job, Sir. After the colonies, I thought architecture would be a pipe dream. It’s not exactly the Temple of Orion, but it makes me happy.” The woman smiled nostalgically and resumed her inventory. Kara strolled off to survey the rest of the progress.

Today was just a look-see. The real preparations would happen _after _the big party. Kara walked around the base-to-be and made mental notes to review with Russell when she officially returned to the base as commander. Her stomach tightened at the thought – commander. _It was really going to happen._ She couldn’t help but grin. The fresh air and freedom made her giddy. _Yes. This would be good._  
  
:: :: ::

Lee finalized the few reports on his desk and buzzed the CIC. “Lieutenant, send the XO to my quarters.”

After a few minutes, the guards announced his presence and sent the man in. The XO walked into his office with a small smile. “Commander.” Bruner was a tall awkward man with a thin build and a pale complexion. He was known for his quick decision-making and respected among the crew because Cain had expressed faith in his abilities. Lee found the man to be less caustic than most of Cain’s other top people and they’d developed a good working relationship. Over time, Bruner had come also to respect Lee’s thoughtful, yet firm decisions. The two had had many long, somewhat personal discussions about Cain, the crew, Lee’s father, and Lee’s approach to command. He felt like those conversations paved the way for strong trust between them and made him understand his father’s relationship with Tigh a little better. 

“Greg, these are the finalized survey reports and orders for mining operations on Sparta. We need to re-think the second phase; it seems too optimistic to me. Read through my recommendations and we’ll discuss them tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir.” Bruner paused. “Are you sure you’ll be in shape to discuss business tomorrow. Tonight is the big Colonial Day party, after all.”

Lee smiled. “I’m going to do my best to act like an officer, Greg. I’m not exactly looking forward to spending the evening celebrating with Baltar.”

“Good point, sir. See you tomorrow.” Bruner accepted the reports and left the room.

Lee tilted back in his chair and remembered the last Colonial Day celebration, not long after the colonies had been destroyed. That day had been a celebration of survival and the environment had been heady. For him it had all been about Kara, dancing with her, seeing her shockingly gorgeous in that blue dress, drinking ambrosia, and much to his dismay, the unpleasant and unexpected way that event had played out the next day. He frowned as old pangs of jealousy returned. With a groan, Lee stood and walked through his office to the sleeping area to prepare himself for the celebration. He stripped off his duty blues, stepped into the shower and adjusted the water, thinking about how that evening had gone.  
   
He felt a rush of embarrassment at his startled reaction to Kara in that dress. He was sure that his mouth had hung open like a schoolboy. He’d danced with her for most of the evening, lazily running his hands along the edges of her dress, thinking that something might actually happen between them. She’d smelled so good that night, the scent of shampoo and soap filling his nose as her hair had brushed his face. They’d teased and laughed, all the while, the heat between them rising. 

He lathered his neck and chest, letting the water run down his back, remembering how she felt, firm and solid in his arms, but soft. Gods, her skin had been softer than he’d ever imagined. Unexpectedly, the memory sparked long hidden desires and he felt himself harden. He closed his eyes, gripped himself with a soapy hand, and indulged in his old fantasies about her – kissing her, tasting ambrosia and cigars, feeling her arms wrapped around him as he slid blissfully inside her inviting heat. He shivered as the desire surged through him - he’d forgotten how she affected him. He’d closed it off, kept it guarded because there was no hope for them. Even after she returned from Caprica, he’d made it an impossibility.

Lee’s mind whirled with images of her body, the corded muscles of her thighs wrapped around his hips, the fullness of her breasts in his hands, all of the things he’d dreamt of, fantasized about, flooding back to him. It had been a long, long time since he’d thought of her this way.

Maybe it was her leaving. He’d been working so hard to suppress his feelings that he thought they were gone. He stroked himself faster and faster, imagining her moans in his ear, his name on her lips, thrusting inside her, until he came, jerking hard against his own hand. He gasped and dropped his forehead against the cool tiles. His breath was uneven and he stood for a moment feeling stunned. The release of tension brought forth a profound sadness that filled him from gut to throat and his eyes began to burn. His control had faltered and all he could do was think about her. The pain coiled inside him, twisting hard and unexpectedly. _She's leaving._

:: :: ::

The feelings shadowed him as he prepared to go planetside. He gathered up his papers and organized his desk, thinking about Kara and her decision to transfer from Pegasus. He’d ignored the pangs of loss he’d felt at the time, filing them away as two friends parting after a difficult journey. He’d made himself okay with the decision and had followed his father’s advice to stay unemotional. Chagrined, Lee smiled to himself; unemotional was something he wasn’t very good at, especially when it came to Kara.

He shrugged on his jacket and fingered the buttons closed. The comm buzzed and he pressed to answer, “Adama.”

“Commander, it’s Dee.” Lee picked up the receiver, ignoring a pinch of guilt. “Hey, Dee,” he said evenly.

“Hey,” she echoed back with a smile in her voice. “Are you ready for the party, Commander?” she teased.

He forced enthusiasm into his voice. “Absolutely. I’m ready.”

“Great. Racetrack is giving me a ride and I should be there in about ninety minutes. When are you going?”

“Getting ready to depart soon, Dee. I’ll be down there in about an hour.” He felt an urgent need to get off the phone.

“Okay. I love you,” she said sweetly.

“Okay, Dee. Bye.” He hesitated, then clicked off the comm with his finger, the words she expected stuck in his throat. He swallowed uncomfortably as he dropped the receiver onto the station and shook his head in confusion. Things were getting complicated.

:: :: ::

Kara walked the two clicks to the tent city. Russell had offered her a ride, but she’d wanted to feel the planet beneath her boots. The air was crisp; not cold, but cool enough to require a light jacket. A meteorological report predicted mild weather patterns for most of the year, but highlighted the possibility of strong wind storms and freezing winters. There would be no steamy beach weather on this planet, but it was warm enough that she would be able to work and play outside most of the year.

As Kara walked away from the base towards the town, she glanced over her shoulder at the vista of mountains spread out behind her, their triple peaks rising from a dark green base to points of silver and black, capped with white. The wide plains were nice, but she imagined the rich smell of nature surounding her. She knew that months and months of work stood between her and the exploration of those mountains, but the thought of going off on her own to experience the new wilderness sent a thrill of excitement through her. It was the first glint of real excitement she’d felt since deciding to transfer. It gave her hope.

Details of the city emerged as she approached. The line of tents glimmered as the sun caught the metal of exposed tent poles, sparks of light contrasting with the pale green of the canvas. Mushari and Gribbs, two Marines from Pegasus now stationed planetside, saluted Kara and gave their congratulations on her new post. She threw them a lazy salute in return, registering surprise that word had already gotten down to the planet.

With her hands thrust deeply in her pockets, Kara walked along a wide path where the gravel had been worn down to a fine dust that twirled up into the air with each gust of wind. It was one tent after another, threatening to blend into a mass of indistinguishable green save for the personal touches of each tent’s occupants: a bit of blue cloth to cover an entrance, the jingle of chimes in the wind, bright rectangles of colored flags representing the twelve colonies. Kara smiled to herself, imagining what she might do with her own tent, small as it might be in the barracks on base.

The density of people increased as she reached the town center, a large open circle spiking into other wide paths like a spoked wheel. She looked around at the stage, bustling with Baltar’s aides, and noted a moderately-sized gazebo that she recognized from Cloud Nine – Baltar had used his connections well. As she scanned the scenery, Kara smiled wide to see officers, crew, and civilians gathering around tables near a long bar.

Coming around the side, she pushed her way to the edge of the metal surface. With no bartender in sight, she grabbed a plastic cup, filled it with liquor and turned around to watch the preparations.

“Starbuck, hello,” a female voice called out. It was Ellen Tigh, dressed in a tight pink sweater and skirt.

“Mrs. Tigh,” Kara acknowledged, raising the cup to her lips.

“So, Major, I heard that you are coming down to run the new base.” Her words were slurred and Kara gave her a sidelong glance.

“Mmmhmm. You heard right,” Kara said dryly, watching the musicians setting up their instruments near the raised gazebo.

“Leaving Pegasus? That’s a surprise,” Ellen chided.

Kara looked at her. “Why’s that?”

“Oh, you know, just rumors,” Ellen drawled, smiling provocatively and winking.

Kara pursed her lips and returned her gaze to the musicians. “And what rumors are those?”

Ellen moved closer and faced her. “Let’s just say I’m surprised that you’d give up your position as Lee Adama’s favorite.” She tilted her head and gave Kara a saccharin smile.

Kara’s eyes narrowed, she drained the rest of her cup and turned back to the bar for a refill.

“Oh, c’mon now, Kara. Don’t be like that.” She leaned close and Kara stiffened as the woman’s breath ticked her ear as she spoke. “I know _I_ wouldn’t give up the chance to, well, you know. I’ve always _loved _men in uniform.” Ellen stepped away and sighed dramatically.

“Yeah,” Kara said dismissively. “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

Ellen laughed drunkenly and patted Kara’s arm. “Don’t worry, dear, someone else will take your place. There is a long line of available women who would love to step in as Lee’s, uh, new pet.” She gave Kara another sickly sweet smile and wobbled away on high pink heels.

Kara grimaced as Dee’s face popped into her mind. She swallowed the contents of her newly filled cup in one long drink and shuddered against the bitter taste. _Fourteen days, Kara. Fourteen more days._

:: :: ::

Kara yawned widely as the groundbreaking event progressed. Senior officers and the Presidential cabinet lined the first row to watch Baltar grin and attempt to joke about his new administration. Kara rolled her eyes at the ceremonial shoveling, thinking that Baltar had probably never gotten his hands dirty in his life. As his speech droned on and on, Kara heard the familiar rumble of approaching jets. A slow smile spread across her face and she looked around to survey the unsuspecting crowd. Her grin widened as she caught Lee’s gaze and winked at him. Her smile dulled a little as Dee moved into view at his side. She turned her head away and righted her expression. The roar of jets grew louder and her grin returned.

The crowd around her was staring up now at the approaching jets until Baltar himself also needed to stop and give way to the sound. It only took two seconds, but the effect was priceless. Baltar’s mouth dropped open then slammed shut as two vipers scoured the tent city, flying unexpectedly low on Kara’s command. Kara nearly whooped in glee as the President ducked, certain that he was about to be beheaded. The brief moment of panic made the eventual dressing down well worth it. She stole a glance at Lee to see him staring at the ground, his jaw working hard to contain his amusement. Her glance lighted over the Admiral who was not containing a laugh and Kara bit down hard on her grin, stepping away from the crowd, thinking it best to disappear until the Admiral had downed a few celebratory drinks.

Kara was still smiling from the show as the crowd dispersed. She loved to see Baltar squirm, but did feel a little bit sorry for the scare her pilots might have given the crowd. It had been a long time since things felt good like this, playing pranks and walking on solid ground with actual wind and sun in her face. A warm feeling of home spread through her and she thought this transfer might have been the best idea she’d ever had.

:: :: ::

Lee watched Kara out of the corner of his eye as he greeted dignitaries and shook the hands of those who came up to him. Like his father, Lee was an object of great affection throughout the fleet. His presence next to his father, both in their dress grays, drew people to him and it was at least an hour before he could break away and get himself a drink. He noticed Kara circling the crowd, drink in hand, pausing only to chat for moments at a time. He frowned to see the content look on her face even though he tried to think about how he really did want her to be happy. Sadness must’ve shown on his face and he felt a hand on his arm.

“What is it, Lee? What are you thinking about?” Dee asked, leaning close to him.

Lee mentally shook himself and smiled back. “It’s nothing. Just thinking about how we got here, to this place, this new planet, and about everything we left behind.”

Dee smiled sympathetically. “Yeah, I know. It’s hard to just start over.” She took a drink from her glass and sighed, thinking about her family on Saggitaron.

The pair was silent for long minutes, watching the crowd sway slightly to the band’s music. Dee cleared her throat softly and spoke first. “It’s okay to start over, Lee. We’ve all been through a lot. I think it’ll be nice to relax a bit and think about a future without cylons.” She paused and looked up at him. “To think about our future.” The meaning behind her words was unmistakable.

Lee looked away. “Yeah. I guess so.” He smiled and shook his empty cup. “I guess I need a refill,” he said lightly, not quite meeting her eyes and moved to step away. 

Dee cocked her head slightly in surprise and wrinkled her brow. Lee had been acting strangely all day and she felt a bit of uncertainty nipping at her insides. “Um, okay.” She handed him her cup and he turned.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, and she watched him as he took their cups and threaded his way through the crowd back to the bar. Off to her right she caught sight of Kara watching him with a pained expression. Dee’s stomach soured and she turned away. She recognized that look because she had felt it herself, months ago when she and Lee had just begun to date, when she thought Lee still had feelings for Kara and worried every time the woman was around. Recently she’d seen nothing of Kara and her worried feelings faded, but now she realized that that had been a mistake.

Instincts put two and two together until she felt a dull pain spreading inside her. Kara’s expression echoed the look she’d seen in Lee’s eyes ever since he’d approved Kara’s transfer. Dee turned around and moved off to find a seat, thinking that nothing about this situation was going to turn out well.  
   
:: :: ::

As the sky became a darkening shade of bluish-gray, Kara leaned back in her chair and watched the party. Her head was swimming from too many cups of algae-hol, the affectionate name for the disgusting crap they all managed to choke down. Despite the bitter taste, it was strong and did its job well, sending her into a place where things hurt less and her mind was quiet.  
_  
Gods, Lee’s Picon Whiskey would taste very good right now._ Kara sat up suddenly in her chair. _Frak!_ She’d forgotten that she’d brought half a bottle of the stuff and had thrown it into her bag. She stood up, teetering slightly, and righting herself before setting off towards her raptor. Caution about walking two clicks on an unfamiliar planet flitted into her mind briefly, but she ignored it. It wasn’t that far.

As she rounded the town center, she realized that she couldn’t recognize one path from another and had no idea how to get back to the landing pad. She peered down each spoke, looking for some sign, but now in the dark, all of the tents appeared the same. _Frak_. She stood with her hands on her hips, getting her bearings and cursing herself for wasting her drinking on that green algae crap. _Gah_.

“Lost, Kara?” Lee’s voice came from behind her.

Kara whirled, surprised and almost fell over, only to be caught by Lee. She burst out laughing and leaned on him for support. “Lee Adama, just the man I was looking for.”

“Whoa, Starbuck, you are flying.” Lee took her by the arms and set her upright. “You need to sit down?”

“No, Lee, I need to get back to my raptor.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kara, you are in no shape to fly,” Lee warned.

“No, not to fly. I left something there. I need it.” She smiled up at him.

“It’s two clicks away, Kara. How in the hell were you going to get there? You’re drunk as hell.”

Kara made an exaggerated hushing sound and put her finger to her lips. “Shhh, don’t say anything or my commanding officer might hear.” With that, she started to giggle until she was doubled over and then sat abruptly on the ground, smiling drunkenly.

Lee stared down at her and rolled his eyes. “Okay, Kara, let’s get you out of here. I’ll see if I can find us a transport and you can sleep this off over at the base.” He leaned down and caught her eyes. “Don’t move. Okay. Do you hear me Starbuck? Do not move. That’s an order.”

She grinned up at him and gave him a sloppy salute. “Yesss, Sir.” She shuffled herself back and sat against a low wall.

Five minutes later, Lee returned jingling a set of keys. “Okay, Starbuck. Let’s get you up.” He reached down and pulled her to her feet. She came up too fast and fell into him, and Lee stiffened his body to support her. She laughed loudly and put her hands flat against his chest to steady herself.

His breath seemed to be stuck in his throat and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this close to her. Weeks of separation, despite working side-by-side, had left him unprepared for this moment. He let her linger there, lost in her scent, barely aware of the crowd bustling near them, before he wrapped his hands around her upper arms and helped her regain her own balance.

When he was sure she was steady, he released one arm and used the other to guide them down the correct path to a parking lot of military vehicles. Lee checked the key, found the right vehicle, helped Kara up into the seat, and closed the door. He came around the side, stepped up in and drove them the short journey to the base.

It was the first time Lee had been there, save the brief entrée today on the raptor. He had come to associate the base with Kara’s leaving and found himself uninterested in the details, so had refused the tour in favor of getting an immediate ride to the celebration. Now he was back, with her, and the thought of her leaving pressed against his heart.

Lee exited the vehicle and came around to help Kara to her feet. The ride, with the windows wide open, had seemed to sober her up a bit and she was steadier as she left the truck. Looking around to get her bearings, she pointed to the raptor pads on the other side of the barracks.

“There, Lee. I left my bag in the raptor. You coming with me or going back?”

Without thinking, he answered, “Coming with, Kara.” He motioned her forward with his arm and followed.

Kara stepped up into the raptor, steadying herself on the door panel, and entered the craft to retrieve her bag. She stepped back onto the wing and Lee heard a loud unzip as she opened the bag and jammed her hand inside.

“Ah ha!” she exclaimed, grinning widely, and producing a half-full bottle of gold alcohol.

Lee gaped at her. “What? Are you frakking kidding me? I drove you out here so you could get that? Kara, you’re already drunk off your ass. Aww, frak.” He leaned towards her with an outstretched hand as she wobbled on the edge of the wing. “The last thing you need right now is another drink.”

“Maybe. But I know someone who does need a drink right now, Apollo.” She said, giving him a pointed stare.

Lee ignored her and led them towards the empty barracks, as all of the personnel were at the town center enjoying themselves. Right now, it was just a few tents outfitted with tables and bunks, scattered amongst piles and piles of building equipment. Lee found one and he pushed Kara in the door. She slammed the bottle down on the table and plopped into a chair.

“Okay, you find the cups, I’ll open her up.”

Lee looked around the barrack and checked his watch, rationality and good sense were calling him back to the celebration and back to Dee’s side. But, frak, he didn’t want to be anywhere else at this moment, except with Kara – drunken, pain in the ass, gorgeous Kara, sitting there smiling and wiggling the bottle at him mischievously.

“Okay. One drink. That’s it. Then I’ve got to go back.” He searched around in the nearest footlocker for glasses and came up with two service-issue metal cups. They clanged as he set them on the table and took the bottle out of her hands. “I’ll pour Kara, I don’t want to waste a drop of this fine beverage.” He smiled at her for the first time, relieved that he’d made a decision, even if he hadn’t remembered making it.

He sat in the chair and filled the cups. Kara took her cup and raised it up to him. “To bright shiny futures, Lee. Yours and mine.”

Lee saw something in her eyes that he hadn’t expected, some sadness and loss that surprised him. He swallowed and gently banged his cup against hers. “To bright shiny futures.” Their gaze lingered until she broke to take the drink.

Kara put the cup back onto the table, fingering the rim absently, and stared at her boots, propped up on the metal rail at the end of a bunk. Her head wasn’t spinning as much as it had been, and she was now sure she only had two feet instead of the four she’d seen earlier. She glanced over at Lee who was staring into his cup with a serious expression.

“Anything good in there?” she asked, breaking his reverie. He didn’t give in to her joking, staying serious and pondering his next words.

“What do you want, Kara? I mean, from life, now that we’re settling down on a new planet.”

Kara looked at him out of the corner of her eye, knowing this was not a question she could answer honestly. She did the next best thing, pushing it back onto him.

“I don’t know. What about you, Lee? What do you want for your life? You gonna be stuck on the beast forever?” She took a long drink and swirled the alcohol around in her mouth.

Lee hesitated and then he knew exactly what so say. “I want you to stay on Pegasus.” He held his breath, afraid to look at her.

Kara choked on the gulp of whiskey. “What? Are you crazy?”

Lee was taken aback as Kara pulled her legs off the bunk and spun around to face him. “You just approved the papers, Lee. I’m already training Reeds.” Sudden anger sparked inside her. “You can’t jerk me around, Lee. The decision’s been made.” She dropped her cup on the table and stood up suddenly, taking several steps towards the entrance of the tent. The thought of him recalling her to Pegasus made her sick in her stomach. As she felt the roil of too much alcohol, she staggered out into the air. Taking huge gulping breaths, she did her best to calm her stomach and prevent herself from retching. 

She felt Lee’s presence before he spoke and she gestured him away with her hand before he could touch. “No, Lee. Go.”

Lee moved back, confused by her anger and concerned that she was about to be sick.

Kara stood and kept her back to him, taking long calming breaths. His presence made her feel worse and she just wanted to be away from him. “I need to take a walk, Lee. You can find your way back to the party.” She started to move away from him when he came up behind her, grabbed her arm and whirled her back to face him. She jerked out of his grasp with a curse, stumbling slightly as she made her way around the tents and into the night.

“Kara, wait,” he called out to her. She ignored him and he just stood there, wrinkling his brow, watching her go out of sight, until he realized that he couldn’t let her go by herself.

So, he followed her as she walked the length of the base and went out into the open field. Sparta shone brightly overhead and he could make her out easily enough. He stayed a hundred feet behind her but knew she sensed him when she looked back over her shoulder.

After another minute, she realized that he would just keep following her, so she stopped and sat down on the ground. He kept moving towards her and stopped ten feet away, staring at her back and the bright sheen of platinum hair that caught the moon’s light.

Time ticked by and she didn’t move. Lee waited, feeling his legs grow tired and his patience running out. Finally, he ventured some words. “Kara? What’s going on?”

Kara sat there, hearing his question, but unable to see her way to an answer. He was crazy if he thought she would come back to Pegasus. He was crazy to even tell her what he had. _Frak_. She didn’t want things to end with her anger between them. She knew they might never have the chance to talk like this again. Once she returned to Pegasus, she’d find a way to avoid him – she always did.

But now, some instinct drove her to ask him to explain his words, so she could understand and they could part as friends. “What did you mean, Lee? When you said you wanted me to stay on Pegasus?”

He didn’t speak right away, but instead moved around her and sat on the ground in front of her. She looked up at him with a guarded expression.

“I’m sorry, Kara. I didn’t know it would upset you or I wouldn’t have said anything.” He picked up a pebble and rolled it around between his fingers.

“What did you mean, Lee?” Staring hard, she pressed him for an answer.

Lee considered her expression and wondered if he was crazy for taking this risk. He’d already said it, had already outed himself to her, so what was the difference now? She could say no, not interested, and that would be the end of it. He would go off with Dee and she would come back down here to start her life.

He took a deep breath, willing himself to go on, as he inched closer and sat with their knees touching.

“Kara, I don’t want you to leave. Gods, I can’t even believe I’m saying this. After all this time and now, just when you’re about to come here and do great things, I’m coming to upset your happy little applecart. But I can’t do it. I can’t just let you leave – not now, not when we all have a chance to start over.” He pulled her hands into his. “I want to start over, too. With you.”  
   
Kara couldn’t breathe. His words weren’t making sense to her. She’d ended it in her mind and had begun to focus on moving forward without him, on starting a new life. She saw Lee and Dee together and had left her hope back on Pegasus. Tonight was about planning her life on New Caprica.

“Lee – what are you saying?”

“I’m saying – gods, Kara.” He opened his mouth to speak again but thought better of it, deciding to show her instead.  Leaning forward, he kissed her, full on the mouth, holding nothing back and speaking in a way that she would understand. She opened her mouth to him, her insides screaming out in shocked pleasure at the wetness of his tongue darting between her lips and she pushed herself up onto her knees to wrap her arms around him and pull him into a tight embrace. The flood of alcohol in her system destroyed any uncertainty and she kissed him eagerly, tipping him over backwards until they lay on the ground laughing in a heap of limbs, never stopping the kissing or the touching, nor the grabbing at clothes and skin until they were naked and he was hovering over her.

He cupped his hands around her face and looked into her eyes, slowing them down to savor the experience. She wore an expression he had never seen and he knew things were going to be okay. He saw a hard road ahead of them and the flash of Dee’s face in his mind sent a pinch of guilt feelings through him. But as he kissed Kara, he felt resolved, whole and less afraid than he’d ever felt in his life. He kissed her slowly, passionately, tasting every corner of her mouth until she was clawing at his ass and bucking her hips to capture him inside her.

He relented and settled between her legs, keeping their intense gaze until he thrust inside her and his eyes locked shut with pleasure. Sliding in and out slowly, he dotted kisses along her cheeks and hair, his mouth becoming more insistent as the pleasure gathered deep inside him. Kara moaned, arcing her hips to meet his, biting his shoulder and throwing her head back as her breath came in short bursts. His thoughts were no longer fantasies as he moved inside her, felt her writhing beneath him, pulling at his back and hair. Kara chanted his name as she crested, jolting her hips against his and crying out with pleasure into his mouth. He groaned and plunged himself deeper into her shuddering hips, jamming their bodies together, coiling the pleasure ever tighter until he jerked against her and came hard, pulsing into her with his final thrusts. She gasped as he came, spreading her legs wide and digging her nails into his ass. With his final spasms, he fell onto her, breathing heavily into her ear, saying her name.

He relaxed against her, kissed her deeply and moved off to the side, most of his body still tangled with hers. As he trailed his fingers along her side and around her breasts he felt calm, spent in the afterglow of orgasm. This time there was no sadness, no loss, no pain, as she settled against him, pulling his thigh between her legs and gripping him tightly before settling into sleep. She was here, real and alive, gods so alive, in his arms, and as he drifted off to sleep, he thought that he never wanted to let her go.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Lee awoke unable to breathe. He opened his eyes, disoriented in the dark, and found Kara sitting on top of him, grinning.

“Wake up, Apollo.”

“Gods, Kara,” he croaked, “You’re crushing me.”

Kara laughed, still a little drunk, and lifted herself up so Lee could take a deep gasping breath. She slid her hips down to settle on the taut muscles of his abdomen and planted both hands flat on his chest.

“Okay, Lee, out with it. What the frak was that?” She looked down at him with mock seriousness, the real questions flitting in the back of her head. _Why did you change your mind? What does it mean?_

“That was a frak, Kara,” Lee said with a lustful smile, trailing his palms up her arms to her shoulders, his hands covering her full breasts for a moment before he gripped her shoulders, pulling her down to his open mouth. “Like this,” he breathed. Lee was in no mood to talk. Waking up with her straddling him was more than any man could take and he pulled her down against him, kissing her hungrily.

Sliding his hands down her back, he grabbed her naked ass as she straddled him. He hardened easily, the tip of his penis just touching her skin. His fingers raked the sides of her hips, squeezing her roughly to express his need and she nudged back slightly and raised herself up to slide onto him.

“Oh, gods,” was their mutual exclamation as she began to move. She’d asked her questions with words and he’d answered with his body and mouth and hands. She couldn’t think with his fingers in her hair and his tongue grazing her lips, and now he was inside her. All thought fled as sensation overtook her.

There were no more words, just teeth and tongues and hands and the incredible heat devouring their senses. Kara rode him, sliding herself along his length as he brushed her clit with his thumb. Kara moaned sharply as orgasm spun through her, jolting against his open mouth, teeth bruising his lip as he squeezed her flesh, holding her against him as she shuddered. Her body quaked as he flipped her over onto her back and fastened his mouth on her neck, plunging into her. Her gasps and the tightness of her legs wrapped around his hips triggered spasms inside him and he thrust into her again and again until he groaned and stiffened into orgasm, his breath hot in her ear. She pulled at him, encouraging him until he slowed, covering her mouth with his for a lingering kiss.

Her fingers trailed lightly up and down his back as he buried his face into her neck and sighed, “Kara,” and she smiled into the darkness, her questions satisfyingly answered.

:: :: ::

Kara settled into Lee’s embrace until the nip of cold air made her shiver. They were naked on the plains of this new planet and she was freezing. As hot as Lee was, even his body heat could not stop the cold from seeping into her. She nudged him awake, wondering how in the frak he could sleep through this.

“Lee, I’m frakking freezing. Where are my clothes?”

Lee stirred, opening his eyes and pointed to a pile off to their right. Kara rose up and half crawled to collect their uniforms, cast off into haphazard piles. “How long have we been out here?” she asked.

Lee checked the wide-faced watch he always wore on his wrist. “Oh-two-thirty. So about three hours.” Feeling the cold, Lee jumped up and joined Kara as she dressed. Despite the chill, he interrupting her by sliding his hands up under her tanks and kissing the sensitive spot behind her ear. “I like you better with your clothes off, Major.”

Kara turned around in his arms and kissed him, laughing, then smacked him hard on his bare ass and ran away laughing as he tried to reach for her. Gods she was beautiful, laughing, teasing him with full red lips and wild hair.

With speed, Lee pulled on his pants and tanks, grabbing his jacket off the ground, thrusting his arms into the sleeves as he chased after her. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time and he ignored the usual voice in his head cautioning him.

She ran circles around him, laughing harder and harder each time he missed capturing her, until she was tripping over her own feet to get away. He caught her as she was about to fall and gave her a breathless kiss as she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him back. It was the growling sound of a raptor approaching that broke them apart, smiles still lighting their faces.

“Where’s that bunk, for gods' sake?" Kara said with a wicked expression, lacing her fingers through his and pulling him towards the lights.

They found the barracks, still empty and he followed Kara through the flap. “Wait here, I’ve got to use the head.” He kissed her soundly and went back out the opening.

:: :: ::

Dualla walked through the remnants of the party looking for Lee, becoming more anxious as minutes passed without finding him. Cups and confetti were scattered on the ground and people appeared in pairs, tangled and sleeping or passed out on the ground. She scolded herself for not noticing Lee disappearing a few hours ago when she’d became embroiled in conversation with Gaeta about the new administration. Time had passed quickly then, as more people joined the discussion and toasts were made to their bright shiny future. Now, a little less drunk, Dee couldn’t stop her growing concern about his disappearance. Off to the side, Dee spotted Cally examining a barely conscious Chief Tyrol.

Dee smiled wide. "Hey, Cally. Have you seen Lee? I've been looking all over for him."

Cally stood up from her crouched position over Chief who was sprawled on the ground mumbling. She rolled her eyes, motioning to her new husband and answered, “Lee came around a while ago looking for keys to a transport. Had to go to the base for some reason. Haven't seen him since.”

Tyrol groaned and Cally turned back. "Thanks, Cally," Dee said, frowning.

As she walked past the lines of tents toward the vehicles parked near the perimeter of the town, Dee thought of all of the reasons that Lee would suddenly disappear and go off to the base. There were reasonable explanations, she thought, but his behavior yesterday, his distance, Kara watching him - _frak._ A sharp jolt of anxiety struck her but she swallowed it away, forcing herself to think of Lee’s words of reassurance so many times before: _I don’t love Kara._ She’d forced herself to believe him, but she was never quite able to let it go. Maybe that’s why she was so sensitive to Kara watching him. Dee realized now that she’d always been watching them, watching Kara, watching Lee, waiting for the moment when her time with him would be over.

But she pressed on, determined to find him, to see for herself that things were just fine, to brush off her concerns as insecurity. Dee shook herself and took a deep breath.

Following the sound of laughter, she noticed a group of women climbing into a truck and called out to a heavyset woman, “Specialist Yarborough, hold up.”

The Specialist stopped and looked toward Dee, offering a salute. “Lieutenant.”

Dee smiled, asked the woman for a ride to the base and hopped into the truck full of drunken women, laughing and singing off-key as the truck rolled toward the base. When the truck came to a halt, Dee took another steadying breath, gave her thanks, jumped out, and looked around. She had no idea where to look for him. The base was brightly lit, but building equipment and supplies were piled everywhere.

She’d briefly considered moving down to New Caprica, thought about how nice it would be to live on a planet again after so much time in space. She’d spent an entire year on Galactica before the colonies were attacked. Even then, she’d thought about living off-ship. If she didn’t love Galactica and Admiral Adama so much, she might have seriously considered it. Now, after everything, the thought of living planetside meant giving up even more, meant giving up Lee. Her frustrations with ship life were not important enough to sacrifice what she hoped to have with him.

As Dee skirted around the mess and headed south towards the barracks, looking up briefly as the rumble of a departing raptor few overhead, taking revelers back to the fleet. She walked through the wide expanse between the gathering halls and the barracks and then she spotted him, fifty feet away, carrying his jacket towards the head. "Lee," she called out, forcing a smile. He stopped suddenly and turned, his face slack with surprise.

The smile faded from her face and fear pricked her skin. In that instant, she knew.

:: :: ::

Lee stood stock still, gripping his jacket, stunned to see Dee. He swallowed and instinct kicked in. “Hey, Dee,” he said, his voice high and sharp. He gestured at the head, “I gotta go, give me a second.” He gave her a strained smile, noting her worried face, and stepped into the small space, his nose assaulted with the acrid smell of disinfectant and sewage treatment chemicals. Bending over slightly, he started to panic. Frak frak frak.

What had he been thinking? What was he going to do? His shoulders suddenly ached and he felt a little dizzy. He had never wanted to hurt Dee and now she’d practically caught him in the arms of another woman, the woman she’d always worried about. And he’d reassured her, no, there was nothing between them, convincing himself along the way. Now he grimaced, thinking about how wrong he’d been about his feelings, pretending for Dee and for himself that he was over Kara. _Frak!_

He knew in his heart that there was only one choice, as sick as it made him. He couldn’t give up Kara. He wouldn’t. He took several calming breaths, willing himself forward to do the only honorable thing he could do. If he had to face Dee, at least he would do it like a man.

Lee stepped back into the cold night air, his face ashen and a pit in his stomach. He stepped towards her, guilt and remorse filling him, dreading what was about to occur.

Dee spoke first, neutrality feeding the last tendrils of hope. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Lee opened his mouth to speak but the words got stuck. How do you tell someone you've done something terrible, something that is going to crush them utterly? He didn't know. Unable to meet her eyes, he closed his mouth and stared at the ground, guilt and remorse pulling his mouth into a deep frown.

Dee felt a door closing inside her, slamming shut and forcing away hope and promise. All that was left was to confirm what she already knew and feared, despite his protestations and reassurances.

“You were with Kara.” It was a statement more than a question and his startled eyes, meeting hers and then dropping away, were indication enough of the painful truth.

Dee took a step back, pain lancing through her, nausea rising in her throat until she swallowed it down, the bitter acid searing her throat. She had trusted him, believed his words despite her instincts, had given him parts of herself that she’d kept in reserve, trusting the man that Lee Adama claimed to be. Now he was like the rest, dirty and defiling, betraying her in the worst way, and standing there unmoving, the stink of his lover imagined in her nose.

All of the dislike she’d felt for Kara coalesced into a fine point of rage. She should have frakking known, should have frakking expected it, should have recognized people’s apologetic looks when Lee transferred to Pegasus with Kara. But he’d frakking reassured her. Told her he didn’t have feelings. She should have listened to her gut.

The thoughts spun and spun around in her head, bile rising in her throat again and defeat rising up her back. All of the hopes she’d had for them, the thoughts of marriage, family, friendship went swirling down into a pit of blackness.

She wanted to attack him, scratch his face with her fingernails and scream at him, but she wouldn’t. She would not let him see her crumble, give him the satisfaction of her broken heart; she would walk away, holding herself up and leaving him to suffer his own punishment. As surely as she knew her own pain, she knew Lee, knew that despite his stoic response, he would suffer at his own hands, ever plagued by guilt, unable to meet her eyes. She would be the powerful one, holding him caged by remorse of his own making.

Exhaling slowly, Dee straightened her spine and pulled her shoulders back, stepping away from the source of her anguish. She put one foot in front of the other, holding herself stiff against the desire to fall into a sobbing heap on the cold ground. When she could walk no farther, she stumbled, falling against crates of supplies, sliding down roughly, sharp-digging edges unfelt until she collapsed into silent racking sobs.

:: :: ::

Lee watched her walk away, back stiff with pride, and felt the sinking feeling of self-loathing, blistering criticisms ringing in his ears. He admired her strength, as he always had, feeling smaller, less powerful than he believed himself to be, a betrayer, hurtful and unyielding, desiring nothing more than to leave her there and go back to his lover. Gods, he thought, when had he become this man, able to wound desperately and turn away, seeking comfort instead of suffering? Tears stung his eyes, unbidden but deserved and he stood there for long moments until the ache for Kara’s comfort drew him away.

He walked slowly, taking the heavy steps of a guilty man, despising and yet unable to stop nurturing the growing ripple of excitement he felt at returning to the woman he loved. As he stepped quietly into the tent, he tried to compose himself, steady his features, ready to pretend he was fine, that he hadn’t betrayed Dee, hadn’t betrayed himself, his own morals in some meaningful way, but as Kara turned around to see him enter, he knew he had failed.

Seeing the strain around his mouth and the heavy-lidded sadness in his eyes, Kara stood from her seated position and faced him, surveying his features. “You look like shit. What happened?”

“Dee. I saw her and she knows.” His meaning was unmistakable.

Kara swallowed, guilt tweaking her throat. She’d never even thought about the woman and now the reality of their actions filled the space between them. Never sure how to react, she hesitated, searching her brain for the right thing to say. When nothing came, she simply stepped forward, slid her arms around his neck, and drew him into an embrace. He gripped her fiercely, holding on to her, pulling her strength into his body and burying his face into her hair. The emotions of the last few hours overwhelmed him and he knew, without doubt, and despite the cost, that he had made the right decision.

Inevitably, the heady feelings of power and guilt and passion overtook them and Lee made love to Kara the way he’d always wanted to. Not the lustful rush of teeth and hands and fingers gripping flesh and tearing at clothing, riding fast and coming hard, half-dressed in the dirt, but something deeper, more emotionally connected, and more intense than they’d ever had. After all of the pain and rejection and misconnection, he took his time with her, exploring every expanse of skin, feeling every trembling gasp and shuddering moan, watching her body respond to his touch, and crying out in pleasure when he breathlessly declared his love. Afterward, he felt sated, sanctified by their union, and with a lingering kiss, drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

As the blissful glow receded, Kara watched him fall into sleep, connected to him in a way that was more dangerous than any dogfight or near miss, more terrifying than fighting her way out of the farm or saving herself a hundred times over. She felt like a child again, vulnerable and scared, exposed to a person who now held the power, who did something his nature would not normally allow and she was overwhelmed by his need. All of her barriers had been torn down and she’d let him see inside, leaving her raw and unprotected until she needed to run, needed to find a haven where she could rebuild her barriers and feel in control again.

Dawn lit the sky with a pale bluish glow as Kara made her way to her raptor. Mechanically, she piloted the ship out of the planet’s atmosphere, weaving between vessels, numb to the pain of leaving Lee behind, until she landed, bumping hard onto Pegasus’ deck. There would be questions later, but for now she was safe.  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who contributed (with or without knowing) to my understanding of Kara, particularly, [LJ]wisteria_, [LJ]thenyxie, [LJ]taragel, [LJ]latteaddict, [LJ]cynicalshadows, and everyone who commented about UB at [LJ]no_takebacks and my LJ. I get it now.

**Chapter 6**

The landing wasn’t her best, but she didn’t really care. Struggling to focus on her plans, Kara took a few steadying breaths, unbuckled her safety belt and slid out of the cockpit.

Captain Reeds was waiting, as instructed, and greeted Kara with a bright smile as she stepped off the raptor’s wing. Kara gave him a grimace, determination setting her features as her mission unfolded in her mind.

“Captain. Give me fifteen, then I want to see you in the briefing room.” Reeds watched with surprised eyes as she barreled past him, giving the stern order. Noticing Reed’s questioning expression, she spoke without pausing her steps. “We’re moving the schedule up – I’m transferring to the base in seven days. We have a lot of shit to take care of.”

“Sir,” Reeds said, acknowledging the order. He watched her retreating back; this was one woman he could never predict.

:: :: ::

Fifteen minutes later, Reeds walked through the door of the briefing room to find Kara amongst stacks of papers. She greeting him tersely and pointed to a chair, talking before he sat down.

“I want detailed assessments of each pilot. Strengths, weaknesses, training requirements and personal quirks that might affect their jobs. I also want the equipment inventories and ship maintenance logs verified and cross-checked. These logs are a cluster frak.” She motioned to the papers, irritation flashing in her face.

“Yes, sir,” he answered, staring at her, wondering what had lit a fire under her ass. They’d been working hard for the last week, compiling all of the information the he would need to assume CAG responsibilities; now she was double-timing the efforts without warning.

“I also want to go out with every pilot so I can make my own assessments. Schedule me for twelve hour rotations, every day for the next five days. Don’t expect to sleep a lot this week, Captain.” She eyed him, waiting for a question or a challenge, but he gave none. Reeds was a smart man with four sisters and a long military history; he knew when to keep his mouth shut.

“Good. Now let’s take a look at the maintenance logs first.” Kara sat down and began rifling through the papers, ignoring the twinge between her legs and her body’s memory of Lee’s fingers inside her.

:: :: ::

A loud snoring roused Lee from a deep sleep and he looked around the small barracks to find two Marines, sound asleep in their racks. He thanked the gods that he’d had enough good sense to put his clothes back on when Kara had gone off to the head. Turning over, he looked at the empty bunk next to him and then peered at his watch. He was surprised to see 0922 on the face as it had been dawn when Kara had stepped out. He glanced around the rest of the tent, but there was no sign of her.

Lee sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes and stretching out sore limbs. His rack on Pegasus wasn’t a real bed, but it was a far sight better than the thin swath of canvas he’d spent the night on. The Marines snored loudly and Lee had to laugh. What a picture he must’ve been, Commander Lee Adama passed out on some random Marine’s rack. He shook his head and smiled, remembering the revelations of the last few hours.

As he ducked out of the tent, Lee squinted in the bright sunlight, shading his eyes as he made his way towards the raptor pads. He threaded his way through the barracks to the head, slowing his steps unconsciously as he thought of Dee. A queasy feeling of guilt pulled at his insides as he opened the door where he’d stood, stunned, the night before, pulling himself together enough to face her. He wished that he could have said something more to Dee, explained himself, but he knew there was really nothing he could have said that would have lessened the blow. He’d hurt her terribly and it would be a long time until he would feel okay with what he had done.

Stopping at a nearby water spigot, he splashed water onto his face. It sluiced down his neck into his tanks, the startling cold jarring him from his reverie and he shivered. He took a mouthful, swirled it around his mouth, and spit hard, expelling the remnants of bad feeling, and straightened. He had something now that he’d wanted for many years and he would not let his self-flagellation get in the way this time.

Swiping a hand across his mouth, he set off to walk the half a click to the makeshift hangar. Turning a full circle, he scanned for Kara, but didn’t see her. Puzzled, Lee spotted the mess and headed towards the large tent with wide plastic windows and a long row of tables and chairs. A few soldiers, none of them Kara, dotted the tables, eating and chatting animatedly.

Grabbing a few algae bars and a bottle of water, Lee left the mess and continued towards the raptors. He scanned the ships and grimaced - her ship was gone. A dark-haired woman caught his attention as she came around the back of the closest raptor – Specialist Cambra, he thought.

“Specialist,” he called.

The woman looked over and pulled herself into a salute. “Sir.”

“At ease, Specialist. Have you seen Major Thrace this morning?”

“Yes, sir. The Major departed at 0600 in Raptor 334. She was one of the first ships out this morning, Sir. Her flight plan indicated a trip to Pegasus,” the woman said efficiently.

“Thank you, Specialist. Dismissed.”

Lee was more puzzled than alarmed, although he didn’t understand why she would have gone off so early, and without waiting for him. As Lee stood pondering her unexpected departure, he heard his father’s familiar voice.

“You’re still here, Lee?” His father’s voice held surprise.

Lee turned around and smiled, squinting again as he looked towards the sun. “Yeah. I’m getting ready to go back.”

The Admiral took in Lee’s disheveled appearance and smiled. “Looks like you had a good time.”

Lee grinned, his eyes crinkling at the flash of Kara riding him in the dirt. “Yeah. I did.”

His father seemed relaxed, munching on algae nuts. Lee grimaced a bit, unable to stand the things himself.

“I saw Kara this morning. She was on her way back to Pegasus.” The Admiral looked around as he spoke, watching the crews re-fuel the raptors. “We spoke about plans for the base. Said she had some good ideas that she wanted to go over with me. Have you spoken to her much about the Chief position? Said she had a few thoughts, but hadn’t made a decision.” Adama popped a few more nuts into his mouth.

Lee stared at his father, unable to comprehend what he was saying. “You talked to her this morning?” Lee asked, a slight tremor in his voice, hoping he’d misheard.

“A few hours ago. Said she was going to transfer ahead of schedule, that Reeds was working out fine and that she was eager to get started.” Adama paused and smiled. “I think she’s really looking forward to it, Lee. I think you made a good decision.”

:: :: ::

Numbly, Lee watched his father step into the awaiting shuttle and depart back to Galactica, his confusion turning the sounds around him into a dull roar. A dense knot of anxiety gathered beneath his sternum as he spun his father’s words around his mind, attempting to shape them into something that made sense. _What about last night?_

He stepped back unconsciously, as if moving away from the sound of his own thoughts. People were bustling around him, preparing incoming and outgoing shuttles and cleaning up after last night’s party. The smiles and passing jokes seemed odd against the growing apprehension inside his head. _Why would Kara say that? Didn’t she want to stay?_

Trailing his father’s departing raptor with his eyes, he didn’t notice Specialist Cambra walking toward him. “Sir, your raptor is ready.”

Lee gave the woman a startled glance, nodded silently, and walked on unsteady legs to the ship’s open door. With automatic motions, he stepped up inside and buckled into the co-pilot’s seat. If other crew boarded the ship, it went unnoticed, his awareness muted by the roil of emotions in his gut.

:: :: ::

As the raptor made its final approach to Pegasus, Lee’s anxiety grew. He struggled to calm the jumble of questions until he spoke to her. Maybe his father had gotten it wrong, maybe Kara just wasn’t ready to tell him, maybe she was waiting until they had a chance to talk about things.

Lee stepped off the raptor and immediately questioned Rivers about her whereabouts. The man stared in his usual nervous way at the commander, “She came in a few hours ago, sir. I believe she’s meeting with Captian Reeds, sir, but I could be wrong.”

“Where, Chief?” Lee’s tone was clipped.

“I think she said the briefing room, sir, but I – I’m not sure.” Gods, the man grated on his nerves. No wonder Kara hated him – he was insecure and nervous as hell. Lee took a breath; it was not River’s fault that Kara had ditched him. “Okay, Chief,” he smiled, “I’ll find her.” Rivers gave him a wobbly smile in return and shuffled back to his maintenance station.

:: :: ::

Kara leaned back in her chair and stretched. She’d been hunched over these papers for three hours and felt a tight stiffness from her tailbone into the base of her neck. She’d barely slept, hadn’t eaten in twelve hours and her focus was beginning to slip.

Kara pushed herself back from the table and addressed Reeds. “You’ve got this covered for now, I need to grab a shower.” Kara stood and left abruptly without waiting for the man to acknowledge her statement.

The tension eased as she walked and breathed. _Keep it together, Thrace._ She rounded the last corridor to her bunk, stepped inside briefly to grab her towel, soap and fresh fatigues, and made the short walk to the head. The heat of the water soothed her as she stretched under its powerful blast, washing away the remnants of her time with Lee. The practical act became symbolic as she soaped and re-soaped the tenderness between her legs, the bruised sensations on her breasts and the gritty dust out of her hair, removing all traces and starting fresh. She twisted off the water and scrubbed herself painfully with a towel, rubbing out the memories as the skin sloughed off under the roughness of the fabric.

Feeling refreshed and raw, she dressed and grabbed algae bars from the rec, wolfing down two as she walked back to the briefing room. Reeds was still there, studying papers and making notes. Kara felt lighter and actually smiled at the man as she entered, ignoring the pull of weighty emotions dragging behind her.

“Go grab some chow, Cam. I’ll keep working on these.”

Captain Reeds looked up and smiled faintly, pushing himself away from the table and standing. “Okay, Major. See you back here in fifteen.”

:: :: ::

“Commander,” a voice called out behind Lee and he slowed his steps to throw a look over his shoulder. Captain Reeds jogged over to him with a concerned expression.

“Captain,” Lee acknowledged, “Were you with Starbuck?”

“Yes, sir, she’s in the briefing room. We’re revising the crew evaluation schedule to accommodate the Major’s new transfer date. Seven days is tight, sir, but I think we can get it all done.”

“Seven days is certainly short, Captain.” Lee asked, forcing an even tone, barely able to comprehend that his father had been right. She’d pushed her transfer up by almost two weeks.

“Yes, sir. The Major is planning five days of twelve-hour rotations to evaluate the pilots and the rest of the time to prep the paperwork and logs. It’s a very aggressive schedule,” Reeds explained.

“Yes, very aggressive,” Lee echoed, his mouth flattening out in irritation. “That will be all, Captain.” Distracted and needing to get to Kara, he dismissed Reeds and continued towards the briefing room, head down and determined to find out what the frak was going on.

:: :: ::

Ignoring the pounding of his heart, Lee marched to the briefing room, his face tightly set. He stopped at the doorway when he saw her there, writing at the pilots duty board.

“Kara,” he said flatly.

Kara stiffened, her hand pausing briefly before she continued to write. “Lee.”

If there was strain in her voice, he could not hear it. She didn’t even look at him. His jaw tightened.

“What are you doing?” He ground out the words, holding onto the door jam, his fingers knuckling white.

“I’m writing, Lee. What does it look like?” she said steadily, ignoring his obvious question and holding her features impassive.

_What the frak?_ He felt like he was looking at a different person – not the Kara he’d spent the night with, but a colder, darker version of the same woman. Lee took five long strides toward her but stopped a few feet away – any closer and he though he might grab and shake her. _How could she just stand there like nothing had happened?_ “I mean, what the frak are you doing transferring so fast?” His voice was deadly low, hurt and strain and anger thrusting the words out between his teeth.

Kara struggled to keep her breath even. _Get through it, Kara, just get through it. Hold on._ Closing her eyes briefly, she stepped away from the board and returned to the table without meeting his eyes. Numbly, she shuffled papers, ignoring his question, willing him to go away.

Lee saw the hardness of rejection in her face and he took another step toward her. “I asked you a question, Major.” His voice rose in volume as he spit out her title, commanding her to answer. Alarm bells rang in his mind, _retreat retreat_, but he ignored them, ignored the tightness around her eyes, the twitching of her jaw, the grip wrinkling the papers in her hands. What he saw was nothing – no feeling, no love, no care for what had happened between them. The shock of it was dizzying.

Kara took the opportunity he gave her, desperate to say the words that would send him away and end this. She turned and faced him squarely, a tough expression on her face, warding off his questions. “What, Lee? What’s the big deal? It was a frak, okay?” She laced the words with disdain and dismissal. She watched the effect on him, as if disconnected from the part of herself that was screaming out to stop. But she didn’t, she couldn’t; there was no way for her to stop now. It was too much. Too many expectations, too much fear, too much hurt inside her to let him close.

Lee jolted back as if struck, his eyes widening momentarily before rage shot through him. His mouth curved into snarl and he glared at her. “Right, Kara. A frak. Just another lay.” He bit down hard, his nostrils flaring out as fought for control and he pushed his face close to hers. “You are a cold frakking woman, Kara Thrace. But I guess I already knew that.”

He gave her a withering look, spun on his heel, and left.

:: :: ::

Kara watched Lee walk away and the panic rose inside her, an intense flooding pain, squeezing her insides, tightening until she thought she might sink inside herself for the emptiness it left. _It was over. _

She stared at the papers in her hand, her eyes tracing the burst of wrinkles shooting out from her tight grip. With conscious effort, she extended her fingers, laid the papers on the table and smoothed them, each stroke soothing this thing that she’d done until they were flush with the table, pressed by force into their previous shape - flat, efficient, unfeeling.

Minutes later, Reeds returned to Kara’s grim face and narrowed eyes, unaware of the depth of turmoil behind her expression. “Did Commander Adama see you? Any changes I should know about?”

“Nothing has changed, Captain. Get to work.”

:: :: ::

For the next two days, Lee worked, pushing himself through the pain and rejection, avoiding her, hating her, desperate for her touch. It felt like a sickness, this longing that coursed through him, defying his disgust and outrage, souring his stomach and clouding his mind until he forced himself razor sharp, snapping at crew and isolating himself as much as he could. Hours at the gym exhausted his body until he fell dead tired in his rack, his last thoughts of Kara mercifully brief as sleep darkened his mind.

On the third day, he came back from the gym exhausted, wiping at the sweat dripping down his face, his muscles aching and sore. As he passed his desk he saw a box, something that had been recently delivered. Wrapping the towel loosely around his neck, he examined it, turning it over in his hands. Packages rarely arrived on the commanders’ desk, but this one had official markings, _Commander Lee Adama – Priority Clearance._ His father was not one to send priority message via courier, since the cylons had infiltrated Galactica at the beginning of the war; he’d always relied on voice-to-voice communications instead.

Lee removed the seal and opened the box, his brow furrowing at the unexpected items. He fingered the dark gray shorts and set of tanks, his mouth turning down. He removed the clothes to reveal a folded note and a small bottle of perfume. He didn’t need to read the note to understand where his things had come from; he’d searched for weeks for that particular bottle of perfume, using his connections to find something special for Dee’s birthday a few months before. In his exhausted state, he no longer had the strength to fight the sadness and regret he felt about what he’d done to Dee. He lifted the bottle to his nose and inhaled. The light sweet scent triggered a flood of feelings and memories about their time together.

Lee closed his eyes briefly, warding away the thoughts and put the bottle back in the box. He fingered the note hesitantly, then steeled himself for her words, whatever they might be.

_Lee, I thought you’d want your things back. I can’t keep the perfume. Dee._

So like Dee to keep it pleasant. If he were in her shoes, he’d be raging, hitting things, burning his clothes and pouring the perfume down the drain. Lee frowned more deeply. _He was in her place now. _He’d been rejected, mercilessly, in much the same way as he’d done to Dee. The connection, one he hadn’t made before, left a bitter taste in his mouth. He jammed everything back into the box, shoved it into a drawer and sat down heavily on his chair.

_Why had Kara done this to him?_ He hadn’t been able to figure it out, hadn’t wanted to think about it and so had pushed all feeling out of his mind, blockading his them with work and exercise, believing it didn’t mean as much as he knew it did. Now, in this moment, losing Dee, losing Kara, it was all too much. _Frak._ He still couldn’t believe this had happened. Everything was a mess and he had no one to blame but himself.

Lee turned the thoughts over and over in his mind, the images of his night with Kara, her joy and lust and the tenderness he knew he saw in her. What had changed so much? What had he done? What had he said to make her leave him? She wouldn’t tell him. Then the realization occurred to him that he had barely asked. He’d barreled into the briefing room, hurling orders and backing her into a corner. _Frak._ The last place Kara could stand to be was backed into a corner. She came out fighting, hurling insults and gods pity anyone who got in her way. And it had been him; he’d been the one pushing her into that tight spot so her only remaining option had been to fight. He had to talk to her.

:: :: ::

Later that night, Lee found her in her quarters, well on her way to being drunk, a day of CAPs and evaluations completed. Her hair sprung up in odd directions and he wondered at the dark circles under her eyes.

She growled when she saw him, her expression intense and dark. “What do you want, Lee?” She stared at the bottle, turning it over in her hands. It was half-empty and he knew she meant to drink it all.

He sat next to her at the table. “Kara, we need to talk.” He tried to even out his voice, prevent the lick of nervousness, but he failed. He’d never been able to keep it inside, swallow it. And now, he was too raw, feeling too much pain to frakking care.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Lee. Go away.” She watched the contents of the bottle, the pale brown liquor swirling around, coating the sides of the glass as she spun it in her hands. The alcohol could not dull his presence, couldn’t diminish the tension of unspoken feelings and the intense attraction that she could not suppress.

Reaching out, he grabbed the bottle from her loose grip. She flashed her eyes at him and reached for it, but he pulled it away easily, sliding back in his chair to stand. He held it out, like a taunting child, needing her attention, not caring how he got it. “Give me the frakking bottle, Lee.”

“Not until you talk to me. What the frak is going on? What happened?” He held his tone even until the last question, when his need to know overrode his control.

Kara glowered for a moment, then she stood and approached him, ready to fight, or maybe ready to just leave it; she didn’t know. She didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to answer his frakking questions. She just wanted to keep drinking, keep losing herself in the blackness.

Lee had the advantage of sobriety and when she reached out for the bottle, he captured her around the waist and pulled her against him, thick muscles ready for resistance. Her face told him she wouldn’t talk, reminded him that she never talked, never admitted her feelings, and that he could ask forever and a day and it would only piss her off and she would push him away. And he couldn’t bear her leaving, not again.

So, he did the only thing he could, something he himself wanted more than answers right now. He needed her and he didn’t care if it hurt later.

She tried to pull away, hating the intense and betraying jolt of arousal she felt. _Godsfrakking dammit,_ she cursed, and with a strangled cry, tried to bend away, pushing against him with both hands until he dropped the bottle and wrapped his other arm around her. “Let go of me, Lee,” she spat.

He pulled her closer, refusing to let her go, no matter how hard she fought him. “Kara,” he said firmly in her ear. “Stop, please. Calm down.” He held her in a vice grip until she stilled, waiting for him to relax his grip so she could flee. For a moment they were still, Kara’s body tight with coiled energy, anticipating her moment, and Lee, firm and unyielding, refusing to let her run again.

They were at a stalemate, two powerful people, pressed together, fighting a battle without words. It was Lee that made the first move, not to release her, but to move his mouth against her ear and trail his lips down her jaw to her mouth.

Kara had expected a fight and the sensation took her by surprise, jolting her insides with pleasure. Everything she feared and wanted collided, creating an irresistible attraction as the physical sensations overrode her fears and she opened her mouth to him. Their mouths surged together, desperate and wanting, and then her hands were on him, sliding through his hair, pulling at his jacket and tanks and pants until the only thought was to have him inside her. He stripped her clothes, his mouth devouring her neck and breasts until it was flesh upon naked flesh, grinding together, the intensity leaving them breathless and needful.

They sank effortlessly down to her rack, Lee hovering over her, tasting each breast, twirling each nipple with his tongue, gripping her sides as she gripped him. “Now, Lee. Oh, gods,” Kara said, opening her legs, begging him to slide inside her, to capture her arousal and build on it with hot urgent strokes. Lee slid two fingers inside her and she groaned, thrusting her hips onto his hand. His thumb raked her clit, rough and desperate before he guided himself into her, holding his breath until he was fully embedded, pelvis to pelvis, and she wrapped her legs around him, urging him ever deeper.

She dug her heels into his ass as he frakked her, hard and intense, her moans and cries joining his as they clung to each other, unspoken emotions expressed in every thrust and kiss and groan until she yelled out, peaking with orgasm, shattering around him. His orgasm shot through him and he buried his face in her hair. _Gods, Kara. Oh gods._ That one remaining bit of rationality prevented him from saying how much loved her, not then, not in that moment, he couldn’t. She shuddered beneath him, pulling at his head, sinking her tongue into his gasping mouth, heady arousal taking over, and bliss careening through her body. The shuddering continued, unbidden and she jolted with every touch and caress until she came down from the intense pleasure of it.

Lee kissed her tenderly, stroking her hair until she stirred and moved away, sitting up stiffly on the edge of the bunk. She planted two feet on the deck and breathed, readying herself for the next action. She bent, picked up her clothes and stood.

Lee watched her separate from him, watched the hardness return to her body, saw the defiant tossing of her head, as she put her clothes back on. The tender afterglow receded as the darkness of rejection forced itself into his consciousness. He knew what was coming.

She grabbed her bottle from the floor where it had fallen and took two steps to the hatch. She spun the wheel and paused to speak, her back to him, “This doesn’t change anything, Lee. I’m still going.” She walked out and closed the hatch behind her.

:: :: ::

On each of the next three nights, he came to her and they did the same dance. He’d ask his questions, she’d ignore them and they’d frak, urgently, never tender, just enough to sate the desire but never more. And each night, she left him, saying the same thing, “Nothing has changed, Lee. I’m still going.”

Those days and nights became like two different lives for him, watching her push herself along this path she had chosen to take without him, working herself and her crew until he thought he might have to intervene. No one complained, though, watching the indomitable Kara Thrace, drive herself to exhaustion. And every night he loved her more and more deeply, the two of them sharing something wondrous and intense that would end too soon, and without him ever really knowing why. So, in a rare series of events, he discarded all rational self-protective thought, taking what he could and disregarding the price he would later pay.

:: :: ::

Two nights before she was set to leave, Kara sat up, desired sated, rejecting the tenderness and closeness he craved from her. As she bent to pick up her clothes, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist, holding her in place. She paused and waited.

When he spoke, his voice was filled with sadness, “Kara, is there anything I can do to make you stay?”

She shook her head slowly. “No, Lee. I have to go.” At her words, he released her wrist and turned away from her on the small rack. He felt her rise and heard the rustle of clothes as she dressed. She didn’t say anything more.

:: :: ::

On the last night, he found her waiting for him at the hatch of his quarters, her face a mix of sadness and lust. She pulled him in, took charge of their bodies and frakked him, driving her lust and pain and desperation into his body until they came together, clinging and panting, their bodies tangled on his rack. That last night she didn’t leave, didn’t say those same words to him, and he had hope. Not that she wouldn’t go, but that maybe something had changed and some day she would come back. They fell asleep together, intertwined, sadness and loss blanketing their final night together.

In the morning, of course, she had gone. Kara Thrace, love of his life, had left him to seek her own way. He cried, letting go of his last bits of strength and resolve, loss emptying him out until he was spent and aimless, lying in his rack staring blankly at the ceiling.

After everything, he couldn’t say he understood why she left, except to say that it was something she needed to do. For once, he had stopped listening for the words that never came and accepted what she had said with her body. He knew that she loved him, knew it because of her pain, the anguish she thought he couldn’t see or feel or sense as each night together became more desperate as her leaving approached. On their last night, he felt her damp skin, knew that tears were mixing with sweat as it trickling down her face. And he never said anymore than what he’d said that night on New Caprica. He loved her wholly and completely, and even if she was not ready, he would wait.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Kara writhed in her rack, hips arching and blankets twisting around her legs. A soft moan escaped her lips and she started, eyes snapping open to see the dull green canvas of her tent, dim in the dawn light. Turning her head to the side, she gritted her teeth, wondering when this torture would end. Almost every night for the past three weeks, her sleep had been filled with visions of Lee in her bed, touching and kissing her, making her fly with his hands and mouth and body. Then she’d waken, sweating and alone, the pain of missing him at its rawest and most brutal, before her defenses clicked into place.

Kara sat up with a groan, shaking her head to clear the memories, ignoring the tight nub of desire between her legs. She never let the dreams seep into her waking life, never touched herself to relieve the intense peak of arousal in the mornings. She just kept moving forward, pushing herself as she had done since Colonial Day.

If anything, waking with sadness and longing reinforced her drive to work, to do her job as well as she could without breaking. Pain was temporary, she knew, and she counted on the fact that eventually she wouldn’t miss him, wouldn’t regret her decision to leave, wouldn’t stare at the phone, almost reaching out.

Standing up, Kara stretched and jumped around like a boxer ready to start a match. She roused her natural energy and put on her running shoes. Running was the only thing she could do to excise the feelings she opened her eyes to every morning.

Ten minutes later, she was rounding the last set of barracks at a fast pace. The rhythm of her steps soothed her, the cadence easing her mind and soul, the pain slowly receding as her muscles and chest burned with the effort. She didn’t run long, only about thirty minutes, but she pushed herself hard, welcoming the physical strain and mental clarity it brought before she returned to the base to officially start her day.

:: :: ::

Kara squeezed the water out of her hair, dressed and brushed her teeth, mentally preparing for the 0630 briefing. Today was the last of seven intense days of planning for phase two of the base construction. She was getting to know her officers better, although she had been friendly with most of them from serving on both Galactica and Pegasus.

Captain Russell, who supervised the building efforts, arrived at the mess hall shortly after Kara, greeting her with an easy smile. “Commander. How are you today?”

Kara raised her eyes from the bowl of algae “oatmeal” and grimaced. “Fine, Ilsa, but I’m damn tired of this gruel. Don’t we have anything else we can eat for breakfast? Can’t they make some algae bacon and eggs or something? This shit is horrible.” She swiped up the half-full bowl and spoon and dropped them into the dirty bin, raking a hand across her mouth.

Russell smiled, watching Kara’s actions, unaffected by the Commander’s rough tone. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I should check with the science team to see what they’re recommending. People in town are hunting and starting to farm. I imagine there are other things to eat, but no one has requisitioned anything for the base.”

“Aw, frak,” Kara groaned, siting heavily back at the table, annoyed at the endless number of details she had to keep in her head to manage the base. “Where’s Mushari? Frakker was supposed to give me ration inventories.” She made a mental note to rip the guy a new one when she saw him.

Straightening as other officers entered the mess, Kara pulled formality into her body to address the small group after they’d gathered.

“Today is the last day of planning for phase two. I want to hammer out the details for the raptor bay expansion, the new barracks and resolve any outstanding staffing issues. I’ve got a few dozen people on Pegasus and Galactica who were promised they could transfer down to be with their families.”

Nods went around the table. “As planned, tomorrow, we rest. I want every one of you to go into town and mingle with the locals. We’re integrating into the city, not staying isolated. The Admiral has made it clear we’re supposed to assist the colonists with resources and continue coordinating with city planners and President Baltar’s office.” Kara managed to keep derision out of her tone, but just barely. Coordinating with the President’s office was the most irritating part of her job. At least Jorge Ellexor had chosen to keep his position as liaison to the fleet in space.

“I want everyone’s reports on my desk by 1900 hours this evening. After that, you are on your own until the day after tomorrow at our 0700 morning briefing.” Kara distributed her agendas, pulled her papers closer and started the meeting, focusing hard and pushing herself to the end.

:: :: ::

Nine hours later, she groaned and stretched, finishing up the rest of her report. Tomorrow was her first day off in three weeks, a fact that she welcomed and dreaded at the same time. Her body and mind were exhausted, worn thin by endless discussions and problem-solving, but the thought of spending an entire day with nothing to do made her feel worse.

Shaking out stiff limbs, Kara left her office and returned to her tent. Her bottle of Picon whiskey caught her attention and she briefly considered just flattening out on her rack and getting good and drunk. She looked away, however, unable to even touch it - it had been his. _Frak._ She needed to get out of this tent, away from the base and out of her head. Tomorrow, she’d find a way to deal with it, but not tonight; she was too tired.

Soon enough, Kara found herself at Bar Ares, one of seven bars that had sprung up since the colonization. It was small and cramped, but there was liquor and music and people who could take her mind off her troubles. Four drinks later, Kara was feeling energized and she entertained the small crown with her war stories.

“So, the frakker comes over an asteroid headed right for me and, frak, if he doesn’t get creamed by another asteroid right before I fire! Debris and toaster parts hitting my ship. Godsdamned unlucky bastard cost me three pairs of socks that day. Frakking Kat nailed two, I got one. Stupid asteroid.” Kara grumbled into her drink, then grinned as the crowd raised another glass to her successes. The warm easiness of alcohol spread through her limbs, and the stress and chaos of the first week on New Caprica began to slide away. It felt good to laugh again.

Looking around as everyone chatted about life planetside, Kara surveyed the crowd and saw only a few fleet members in the bar. She’d thought about going to the Fleet Club, the local soldier bar, but she really wanted to get drunk and didn’t think drinking with her soldiers was exactly the right approach. Bar Ares suited her just fine; already her mind was pleasantly absent from the torture of the past two weeks and her boisterous laughter dominated the small group.

There was a wide mix of people in the bar, gathered from many of the different ships in the fleet. As the night progressed, people began pairing off leaving only a few dotted around her table, and Kara considered her options. Leaning back in her chair with her glass cradled on her lap, Kara studied the man currently talking to the group, Jules something-or-other who said he had been a helicopter pilot back on Gemenon and had gotten lucky enough to be on Cloud Nine when the cylons attacked. Kara didn’t really care where he came from or what he did, just that he was the best looking guy in the bar. Tonight was about forgetting and he would do just fine.

Jules caught her eye and gave her an appreciative smile. Kara winked at him, holding his gaze, and tilted her glass toward him before she took another drink. He returned the gesture and drank, his eyes clinging to her over the rim of his glass. The corner of her mouth turned up as she stared, ignoring the others, thinking that he was handsome and sexy in a way that she’d appreciated before Lee…

Kara swallowed and looked away, irritated by the ease with which Lee’s image floated into her mind. As if to banish the thought by force, she stood up suddenly, announcing that the next round would be on her. Jules nodded, agreeing to another round, but the few remaining others waved her off and soon left the bar. That left Kara and Jules.

“How about some shots? Ambrosia hammers, maybe?” She laughed, lifting her shoulders excitedly and moved out from behind the table, brushing the back of his head with her arm. Looking back at him, she grinned wickedly.

Kara returned with four shot glasses, each filled with dark sugary liquid swirled inside bright green ambrosia. Wobbling and more than a little drunk, she dropped herself in the now vacant seat next to him, spilling some of the shots on his outstretched arm. Automatically, she reached out to wipe the wetness away and he caught her fingers, holding them for a moment before releasing her.

Seeing the desire in his eyes, Kara leaned forward and laughed, too loud, as she handed him a sloppy shot glass. Counting to three, she slammed her glass down on the table then back up again, pouring it directly into her mouth. She let out a whoop, flying with alcohol, excitement and desire. It had been months since she felt this good, this free. _Frak it all,_ she thought. _Frak this moping around after Lee Adama._ She grinned wide and leaned close as Jules slid his hand over her thigh, moving perilously close to her hip.

“One more, Jules, baby, then we can ditch this dive.” Kara whooped again, slammed her glass onto the table and downed the shot. She shuddered at the intense sweetness and growled. She was on fire.

Kara stood and Jules leaned his head back to look up at her. Impulsively, she bent over and planted a kiss on his mouth, then laughed loudly again, before she turned and walked unsteadily towards the door. Jules threw a few cubits on the table and followed.

The night air was damp and puddles dotted the narrow paths around the nearby tents. Kara slid between two tents, out of the light and yanked Jules against her, sliding her arms up his chest and pulling his mouth down onto hers. She was frakking starving for this.

Jules wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss hungrily. She opened her mouth to his insistent tongue, her mind unconsciously cataloguing the strangeness of this new man: the fullness of his lips, the softness of his arms and the angle of their kiss. It all felt wrong, different and strained, but when she felt his erection, she pressed herself against him, ignoring the fact that they didn’t quite fit, that he was too tall, that they were awkward and mismatched. She made a barrier against the flickering thoughts of Lee, told herself it was just a frak, she needed to forget and this would help. She didn’t much care about tomorrow. She just needed to feel something that wasn’t painful.

Kara slid her hands under his shirt, expecting taut ridges of muscle, but finding only smoothness disappearing into a rough thatch of hair across his chest. She pushed forward, enticing the slowly coiling desire building inside her and moved her hands down to his belt. Urgently, she raced to stay ahead of the thoughts of Lee but they dogged her now, coming harder and faster as she tried to sink into physical oblivion.

Their kisses and groping became more insistent and he breathed into her ear, “My tent is close, baby. Let’s go there.” He pulled at her, moving her towards his tent but her legs were fixed to the ground, her mind refusing to budge no matter how aroused she’d let herself become. She didn’t want to wake up in some one else’s rack. With a groan, Kara stopped abruptly and pushed at Jules’ chest.

“I can’t. I – _frak._ I’m sorry.” She pushed against him again and when he released her, she stumbled away blindly, leaving him standing there open-mouthed and confused.

Kara came out of the dark and into the bright lights along the path, pulling herself together as the rain started to fall. In small ways she was grateful for the cold droplets jolting her skin until it sluiced over her, blanketing her with wetness. She told herself that what she had done didn’t matter, she wasn’t beholden to him, he was back on Pegasus and she was here. She’d made her decision and there was no going back. She walked head down along the soaked paths back to the base, aching inside, trying to convince herself that the wetness on her face was just the rain.

:: :: ::

Lee raised the weight to a silent and steady beat, pushing himself past pain, curling his bicep carefully, controlling each movement until his mind was blank except for the counting. He gritted his teeth and pushed through until his muscles were shaking, pausing only long enough to switch to his other arm to start again.

He exhaled sharply, at the sound of a voice at the door. “You’re here again? Didn’t I see you here this morning?” The ship’s XO, Greg Bruner, stepped into the gym dressed in shorts and a tank. “I expected you’d be getting rack time.”

Giving the man a tight smile, Lee spoke as he continued his workout, “Cardio this morning, Greg. Weights now.” Finishing his curls, he replaced the weight on the rack and took a long drink of water.

The two men worked out in silence. Lee sat down at the lat bar and resumed his steady counting, pulling down hard and releasing the weights with a determined smoothness. It was Bruner who spoke first, “Haven’t seen much of you since Colonial Day, been meaning to ask you about something. Captain Reeds found a few of Major Thrace’s belongings in the old rec room. Things she might want. Reeds thought you might be heading down there to see her. Do you want to take those things with you and give them to her?”

_Godsdamnit._ Lee released the lat bar, sending it recoiling upwards, the weights crashing down loudly. He answered in clipped tones, “No. I won’t be seeing her any time soon. Send them on a supply run. I don’t care.” Grabbing his towel, Lee swiped it over his face and turned away, flushed and keenly aware of his reaction. _Frak._

Bruner held the pressure on the leg press for an extra moment and stared at Lee, surprised at the harshness of his tone. “No problem, Sir. I’ll send them next week.” Bruner released the weights, watching the commander out of the corner of his eye. Lee shoved his towel and bottle in his bag and started toward the door, avoiding Bruner’s stare. “See you later, Greg.”

Lee walked out before the XO could answer.

:: :: ::

Back in his quarters, Lee threw his bag down on the floor, watching it slide and smack soundly against the bulkhead. He was godsdamned tired of being the go-to person for Kara Thrace. Five frakking days a week he heard her name, listened to yet another story or complaint or question about her transfer. He was frakking sick of it.

Three weeks after she’d left, the pain and loss had slowly transformed into a seething anger. Anger at kara for leaving; anger at himself for caring and moping and needing her. It wasn’t that she’d gone down to command the base, he could’ve handled that. But no, she had shut him out, frakked him, and left anyway. All the patience he thought he had, to wait her out, let her sort through her crap, was gone, replaced by a hard knot of resentment.

With a loud yell, Lee kicked the gym bag across the room, sending it crashing into a stack of books and papers. Gods, he hated his mind and his emotions and was desperate for anything to just make it stop. He needed to stop thinking about her, stop dreaming about her, stop frakking wanting her. Why the frak did he still want her?

:: :: ::

The next morning started as they all had, with Kara dreaming of Lee, but this time he wasn’t touching her or kissing her. Instead, he was watching her kiss and fondle someone else, some stranger that she picked up in a bar because she was a frak up, because she always made everything worse and hated herself for it.

Kara sat up abruptly, jolted from the dream. Sitting on the bed for long minutes, she breathed, calming her stomach and trying to make sense of what had happened the night before. At her feet was the still wet clothing from last night, balled into a tangled lump. With slow movements, she bent to pick up the sopping pile. _What the frak am I doing?_ Her mind was filled with confusion. _Godsfrakking damnit._

With a shout, Kara threw the sopping pile against the tent wall, making a loud splat and a wide green circle of wetness before the clothes fell on the floor. This was not the way it was supposed to go. She was supposed to come down here and work hard and eventually the pain would go away. But it just kept getting worse and she missed him more and more every day. Not just touching him and feeling his arms around her, but, frak it all, she missed her friend. She’d gone and screwed up everything. Just like she usually did. All of this effort to forget and it just wasn’t working. Why the frak did she still want him?

:: :: ::

It was late afternoon, a few hours before his shift ended and Lee stood looking at the long line of vipers spread out before him. He listened to Chief Rivers explain his plan for overhauling half of them, scrapping at least one and retiring the rest until they were needed. It had been more than six months since they’d last seen the cylons and the feverish pace of slapping vipers together with tape and prayers was ending. Like his father, reducing fighting readiness made Lee uneasy. They’d been fighting so long and with such intensity, that he felt naked and tired without the constant rush of condition one alerts and cylon attacks.

“Commander?” Rivers asked, interrupting Lee’s reverie. “What about Major Thrace’s viper, sir?” Rivers always got a little nervous when it came to her viper.

Lee swung his eyes over to her ship, more scarred and battered than the rest and he frowned, seeing her name on the side of the ship; it had been a few weeks since he’d been down to the hangar deck. The smell of exhaust and oil and tylium triggered flashes of memories of the two of them, Starbuck and Apollo, serving together, flying together, coming back alive despite the odds. Frowning deeply, he returned his attention to the Chief.

“What about it?” Lee asked a little more sharply than he’d intended.

“It flies, sir, but the fuselage needs an overhaul or she’ll start to crumble under heavy g’s. I don’t want to touch it without your signature.” He didn’t have to mention the implied threat of Kara finding out her bird had been overhauled without her permission. She wasn’t the CAG anymore, wasn’t even a pilot now, but that wouldn’t stop her from ripping Rivers apart when she found out.

As Lee’s eyes lingered on her name, scratched and blackened by debris and weapons fire, his chest tightened. “Save it to last, Chief. Then ask me about it again,” he said abruptly. Mentally, he chided his weakness, frustrated by his inability to think clearly when it came to Kara Thrace. He needed to get the hell off the deck.

“If that’s all, Chief, I’m expected elsewhere.” Lee knew the Chief had more information for him, but after an hour of standing in _her_ hangar talking about _her_ birds, he’d had enough.

Both men looked across the deck as a group of people came towards them laughing. A civilian Lee had never seen stood tall above them, leaning down flirtatiously to talk to Showboat. The woman tossed her head back and laughed.

“Yeah, that sounds like Starbuck. Where’d you see her?” Lee's eyes locked onto the man, waiting for his response to the woman's question.

“Last night at Bar Ares, on the west side of New Cap City. You should meet me down there sometime. She was fun, but I’d like to get to know you a little better, I bet you could give her a run for her cubits.” The man leaned close and Showboat blushed.

Lee just stood there, staring like an idiot, his mouth pulling into a thin line as his words sunk in. Rage surged from a place deep inside his gut, spreading out like an explosion, choking in its intensity. All this time he’d had this fantasy that Kara was suffering, thinking about him and regretting her decision to leave, but instead she’d just moved on, leaving him hurting and alone while she went and frakked someone else. He’d been so frakking wrong.

With barely contained motions, Lee carefully made his way off the deck, holding himself tightly wound and ready to snap. _Frakking bitch. _

:: :: ::

Kara made it through her first day off by taking a long run and working out in the small gym. Her body was exhausted by 2100 hours, but her mind was still flying. She grabbed another quick shower, relieving some of the muscle ache with scalding hot water. She brushed out her hair and decided she would forego her uniform again that night, opting instead for dark jeans and a modest gray t-shirt. Frowning, she thought about the low-cut top she’d worn the night before and how awful it had all turned out.

Mentally calculating the odds of seeing Jules again, Kara opted for the crappiest bar she could find, Keel’s, a dump south of the city where the booze was watered down and the music sucked. She didn’t care, but she figured that it wasn’t his type of place. Even in this small city, residents had sectioned themselves off by ship and she was sure that her Cloud Nine pretty boy wouldn’t be caught dead at Keel’s.

:: :: ::

Greg Bruner was surprised to hear someone knocking on his hatch so late in the evening. He pulled the heavy metal door towards him, surprise to see Lee. “Commander, come in.” Bruner stood as the commander paused at the hatch. “What can I do for you, sir?”

Lee spoke abruptly, without pleasantries, a hard look in his eyes, “Where are Major Thrace’s things? I’ll take them.”

Bruner gave him a slightly confused look. “I have them here, Commander.” Bruner walked over to the narrow shelves lining his bunk wall, pulled down a brown box and handed it to Lee.

The box felt light as Lee took it from the XO. He gave a quick thanks and left without another word.

:: :: ::

Lee piloted the raptor over the dark gray expanse of New Caprica just after sunset when the sky had not yet blackened. He came in low over the edge of the city, noting the bright lights dotting tents and buildings. With aching fingers from gripping the stick, he dropped down on the pad with a graceless thunk. His mind replayed that guy’s conversation with Showboat in his head over and over again. _What the frak was Kara doing down here? _This was frakking bullshit and he felt like her was going to tear her apart. Nerves mixed with fury as he flung off his safety belt and exited the raptor.

The air was thick and muggy with a recent rain as he stepped out of the ship, walking directly to a crewman, addressing him with as much civility as he could muster. “I’m here to see Commander Thrace. Where is she?”

The man looked shocked, snapped to attention and saluted the Commander. Lee returned the salute sharply and repeated his question.

“She – she’s not on base, sir.” The man swallowed hard, staring at Lee’s chin as he spoke. “She left word to find her at Keel’s, sir.”

“What’s that, Specialist?” Lee demanded.

“It’s a bar, sir, on the south end of the city.”

“I need transport, Specialist. On the double.” Lee’s tone sent the man flying into action and he returned quickly with a set of keys and a requisition. Lee signed off, took the keys and walked to the truck.

Lee took the short trip to the south end of the city, parked the truck roughly, jamming it into park and pulling out the keys. He slammed the door and scanned the area for his destination. Faint music drew his attention to the last building on the street, a pale silver metal box with two smaller boxes attached. Lee read the sign and took a deep breath. She’d better not frakking be with someone else. Jealousy filled him as he yanked open the door and stepped inside, allowing his eyes to adjust as the door eased closed behind him.

His eyes skimmed the tables, most filled with couples leaning close together talking in low tones. In the back corner he saw a flash of blonde hair and moved around a few people to get a better look. He sighed audibly when he saw that she was alone with a glass and a half-full bottle, but it did little to dampen the scene he’d made up in his head about her frakking that pilot.

Stepping close, he came up behind her, his voice bitter and low. “What the frak are you doing, Kara?”

She stiffened suddenly and turned slowly in her seat, gave him a withering look and returned to her glass.

Lee came around and stood in front of her. “I asked you a simple frakking question. What the frak are you doing down here?” He leaned down, pressing his face close to hers. “You frak me and leave me and three weeks later you’re frakking some other guy? What the frak is wrong with you?” He spat the final words, his eyes boring into her and leaned away again. He stood with his arms crossed and expected an answer.

Kara twisted her face into a matching expression of anger and stood, leaning close to him instead. “Frak you, Lee. Who the frak do you think you are? Get the frak out of my face.” She spun on her heel and stepped away.

He followed, grabbing her arm hard and pulling her to face him.

“Get your frakking hands off me.” She shook off his grip and continued storming away, half pushing, half kicking the door open.

Without pausing, Lee followed her and slammed the door behind him. Once outside, she spun to face him, her voice loud and insistent. “Who the frak do you think you are, Lee? I haven’t seen you for three weeks and this is what you frakking do?” She stared at him, clenching and unclenching her teeth, and he thought he saw a flash of hurt in her eyes.

“I saw him, Kara. I heard him say what a frakking fun time he had with you last night.” He stopped at the surprised expression on her face. _Godsdamnit, it was frakking true._ Jealousy and possessiveness surged through him, and he took two steps toward her, grabbed her arms and yanked her against him. He stared hard into her eyes and then he crushed his lips to hers.

Blinding need rushed through him, fueled by rejection and hurt and a desire to burn away everyone else except for him. She answered his kiss by twisting one arm free and grabbing his head roughly, grinding her mouth against his, filling his mouth with her tongue, and knocking their teeth together as they battled for dominance.

He released her other arm and pulled her body against his with force, pressing her hard against the small structure attached to the bar. She answered by wrapping one hand around his ass and shoving herself into him. The pressed against each other, muscle to muscle, forcing their will, neither submitting until a loud screech sent them both off balance and falling through the door of the tiny building.

Surprised, Kara looked around the darkened room, seeing crates of supplies and junk, and kicked the door back closed with her foot. It stayed shut, and Lee, who barely seemed to notice their new position, pressed her back onto a set of shelves and continued to devour her mouth and cheeks and neck with fiery kisses, his hands squeezing her breasts under her shirt.

Kara ripped at his uniform pants, yanking and pulling until his erection sprung free and she gripped him hard. He groaned into her ear and she shuddered, reveling in the stilling of his mouth and hands as she stroked him hard. Lee released her breasts and grabbed at her pants, popping open the snap and ripping down her zipper as he thrust his hand inside her panties and immediately sunk a finger inside her. Jolting against him, she moaned, and pushed herself harder onto his fingers. Needing more, she released him and gripped the sides of her jeans, pushing them down and pulling one leg out to raise her knee and open herself up to him.

He bit down on her shoulder as she wrapped her fingers around his hardness again, drawing him closer. He slid his hands down and cupped her ass as she guided him against her entrance and he thrust into her, fast and slick and sudden, over and over as she cried out, their bodies jarring the shelves, rattling glasses and scraping metal against metal as they frakked.

Each of them drove their hurt and loss and pain into the other. Kara dug her nails deep into the flesh of Lee’s ass, sending shooting sparks of pain into his groin, spurring him to frak her faster and faster until she was dizzy and moaning and keening with pleasure. Quickening cries signaled her approaching orgasm and he thrust his tongue inside her mouth, swallowing the sharp gasping breath as she came, taking it deep inside him, reveling in it, finding satisfaction that she belonged to him. He came hard, too, joining her orgasm, punished her body with his until he was spent and shaking with exertion. She clung to him, pulling her entire body against him, needing to feel every part of him touching every part of her.

He settled inside her and she wrapped herself around him, kissing his neck and face and cheeks, her orgasm releasing an onslaught of emotion that she’d kept deep inside her for these last long weeks. He squeezed her against him, breathing hard and making small sounds into her neck, sighs or moans, she didn’t know but they were tortured and sweet and needful. When they finally stilled, she slid her legs back to the ground, stepping roughly on her cast-aside shoe.

She eased her grip, rested her forehead against his neck, and breathed deeply, tasting the musk and sweat through her nose and mouth.

“I missed you,” was all she could say.

He gripped her tighter. “I missed you, too.”

The held each other, clinging to the moment and the exhaustion, releasing the anger and pain and waiting for the next moment to arrive.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_“I missed you.”_

_“I missed you, too.”_

Kara’s words triggered a deep sense of relief inside him as he held her tightly, burying his face in her hair. But gods, things were such a frakking mess, he thought, a jumble of emotions flooding through him. What she said gave him hope but her actions still hurt him and they always ended up like this, panting and clinging to each other, but never moving from this spot of pure need. He loved her so much, this volatile, amazing woman and being just a frak to her was not something he could live with. This pattern was breaking him apart, turning him into someone he couldn’t respect.

“This is insane, Kara,” he finally said, releasing her a bit and trailing his lips down her jaw, his mind dizzy with spent lust and lingering anger.

The kisses were maddening and she tilted up her head. “Just the way I like it,” she said, smiling into his mouth and flicking her tongue at his lip.

“No. Not like this. We have to do something.” His hands were on her face now and his tongue was brushing lightly against her mouth.

“Like what?” Her hand pushed under his shirt, dancing lightly on the sides of his ribs.

“I don’t know, but this is too much.” He pulled away and set her apart from him. Her body was suddenly cool as they separated and tension floated around and between them.

“What are you talking about?”

Lee stared at her in the darkness, but she only heard his words. “This, Kara. Me on Pegasus, you down here… everything…” He stepped back farther. “I can’t do it.”

Kara shook her head. Some part of her, the part that just opened up to him, couldn’t believe that he would push her away like this. Tightly, she bent over, jamming her leg back into her pants. “I don’t know what you want from me, Lee.” Kara shoved her foot half in her shoe and stepped past him, knocking into his shoulder.

His thoughts were such a tangle of emotions that he could barely speak, his breath and words were stuck deep inside his chest by the crushing fear that she was walking out forever.

_Frak._ Pulling up his pants, he zipped and turned to face her, speaking roughly. “Kara. Wait.”

The rawness in his tone called to her and she paused with her hand on the door, but didn’t turn around.

“Kara, please. I didn’t mean that. I can do it. I just don’t know how.”

She turned back and stared at him, barely able to make out his features in the darkness. Wrapping two fingers around the handle, she pulled it open slightly, allowing the street light to stream in, casting a shadow under the hard line of his jaw as she decided whether to stay or go.

They stood for a long time, not speaking, until Kara moved the door and Lee thought she might leave. The words rushed out of him. “It doesn’t matter if you are here and I am there. I just can’t go on not knowing if you want to be with me or if it’s just a frak.” There was no anger or accusation in his tone; he just sounded tired.

She watched his face, her jaw working, giving him nothing.

“Look, I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have come down here.” He swiped both hands across his cheeks and into his hair and closed his eyes, preparing for her final rejection. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.” He spread his arms briefly then dropped them loosely to his sides, defeated, and looked at her shadowed features.

Something inside her shifted and quietly, she let go of the door, letting blackness fill the room again. Slowly stepping forward, she put her hands on his chest and gave him whatever answer she could. Lee accepted it gratefully and pulled her into his arms, loving and needing her with a fierceness that surprised him. Gods, he loved this woman. He held her in a crushing embrace until she pushed him away slightly, breathed deeply, and stepped back. “Let’s go.”

Lee hesitated, assessing her face in the flood of streetlight, but followed without comment, trusting somehow that they’d figure out where to go from here. They stepped out into the damp air and began the long walk towards the base.

:: :: ::

They walked together silently, brushing shoulders, then moving apart as they traveled north through the city, past civilians walking in pairs and groups. It was still early enough that people were milling about outside their tents, talking and laughing in the moist night air. Walking through the center of town, Lee was reminded of the last time they were together, on Colonial Day, when he’d had so much hope. He didn’t know how things had gotten so frakked up.

The air cooled as the wind came down from the mountains to the east, blowing away the heavy dampness of the day’s rain. As they passed the last set of tents and set out on the open road between the base and the city, Lee wanted to touch her, to take her hand, but it felt like a risk; after all of this time together, they had touched in the most intimate of ways, but a simple act like holding her hand made him feel nervous.

He’d been so frakking furious when he’d come flying down from Pegasus, ready to tear her apart and smash everything. Feeling a flush rise up into his face, he remembered his jealous accusations and brutality. He couldn’t control himself around her – she frakked with his rationality and made him lose control, charging on the scene with venom and expectations. It was a wonder that she’d even speak to him.

The walk did much to clear his mind, and the easy laughter and chatting of the Colonists around them settled him. With a bit of forced lightness, Lee spoke, “Chief Rivers is going to make me lose my mind, Kara. That man has more niggling complaints and questions than anyone I’ve ever served with. You should have seen the list of questions he had for me – I think he’d been storing up ever since you two met, too terrified to ask you.” _That_, unfortunately, was a feeling he well knew.

“With good reason. Guy’s a frak up, if you ask me,” Kara offered with a tight smile. The tension had been slowly drained out of her chest as they walked, but her mind was still a mix of anger and disappointment. Inhaling slowly, she walled those thoughts away and focused on the moment: the cool air, the rhythm of their steps, the rumble of his voice.

They chatted, walking slowly for the next mile, talking about light subjects, laughing a little about the Chief or Ellexor or some nugget’s frak up. Passing through the guard station with easy salutes, the two commanders walked to the center of the base and stopped to face each other. Lee’s instincts told him to go west, to take the raptor and go back to Pegasus. His body wanted to go east, to follow her back to her tent and make love to her until morning. But that hadn’t worked the last time. Something between them was changing and he didn’t want to go backwards.

Lee looked down at her, uncertainty in his eyes. “Are we okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah, we’re okay.”

He smiled a little, relieved, and paused briefly before speaking; he had decided to trust his instincts. “I think I should go back to Pegasus.” He watched for her reaction, wondering if she would feel rejected, but she didn’t seem to mind. His mouth turned up at the corners and he let his gaze linger for a moment before he turned and walked away.

“Lee.” She said impulsively, biting her lip when he faced her again. “I’m off duty next weekend. I was thinking of going hiking in the mountains.” She paused, deliberating. “Do you want to come?”

He turned back to face her, pulling his lips together to keep the surprise off his face. “Yeah. I’d like that.” Their eyes met briefly and he smiled, before starting to walk away again. Under the bright lights of the base, he let himself smile widely and felt hope for the first time in weeks.

:: :: ::

Dropping into the pilot’s seat, Lee felt as if a heavy weight was beginning to lift off his shoulders. The tight knot of heartache and longing for her had begun to loosen and he was already thinking about the upcoming hike. It had been a very long time since he’d done anything other than work and sleep and eat, and the fresh air and adventure would go a long way towards making him feel whole again.

As he lifted off the pad and sailed into the night sky, he replayed the last hour in his mind. He thought about how his overwhelming jealousy had blocked out all other emotions, and how he had come so close to frakking it all up. Frowning, Lee realized that he always seemed to frak things up between them. Even before they slept together, tension would happen fast, without warning, and they’d be fighting about something, their quick tempers and pride pushing the other away. The cycle repeated itself over and over again, but now the stakes were higher. He had loved her then, before he even knew it, but now, gods, now his need to be with her was like his need to breathe and the thought of losing her forever tore away at his insides. He would do anything to keep her, even if it meant burying his jealousy and foregoing his pride. Both had gotten him into more trouble than they were worth, he thought, and maybe it was time to let them go.

The raptor broke atmosphere and Lee cruised in open space towards Pegasus, thoughts of the past and future mingling. So many times, protective and angry emotions had gotten in his way, mucking up good relationships until they became unrecognizable and he’d stand toe-to-toe with people he loved, willing to push them away to feed his rage. He’d almost lost her once in a fit of jealousy about Giaus frakking Baltar and she’d gone off on that crazy mission and he’d been sick, thinking that his last words had been filled with unreasonable anger and how would he live with himself if she never returned.

As the flight deck approached, Lee shook off those thoughts, determined that he would do whatever he could to prevent his baser instincts from ruining what they might have together. Lee eased back on the throttle and bumped down on the deck, handily bracketing the landing guides and confirming maglock. Stripping off his helmet, he exited the raptor and started off towards his quarters, determined to do whatever he could to keep Kara in his life.

:: :: ::

Two days before their hiking trip, Lee clicked open the comm and arranged a meeting with Brad Humes, the one remaining geologist who hadn’t given up his post to explore the new planet. The man had offered little in the way of information about the practical terrain of the mountains, except to say the geological formation in that area should make the trek fairly easy; the slopes tended to be smoother and less craggy than those of the actual Tauron Mountains. The comparison didn’t help much considering that Lee had never hiked on Tauron, but taking the little information the man gave him, Lee folded one of the maps and shoved it into his pocket, smiling about this new adventure.

His skin tingled with anticipation as he efficiently packed his bag, anticipating some crack remark from Kara about how he’d brought too much for a day hike in the mountains. Grinning to himself, Lee shoved another couple of algae bars into the side pocket. Lifting the bag, he tested its weight and adjusted the content, finally deciding to leave the sleeping roll behind; even he could recognize the overkill.

His sleep the night before the hike was restless and he woke an hour before his alarm. He’d requested a raptor and well before the appointed time, made his way to the hangar deck, dropping his pack beside the intended bird. Specialist Tomlin greeted him with tired eyes; obviously the woman had been on the late night shift.

“Flipper should be here any minute, sir. If you want to depart early, it shouldn’t be a problem.” The woman smiled and he nodded.

Lee walked around the hangar deck, surveying the birds, and for the first time, allowed himself to imagine that the war might be over. It was the same deck he’d been working on for the past couple of months, but there was something about the prospect of going outdoors to explore that thrilled him, made him feel like he might be living a normal life and that something other than war might be possible. It helped that his command of Pegasus was easier since colonization and that the bulk of transitions to the planet were complete. Now that something positive might happen with Kara, all of the pieces were clicking into place.

:: :: ::

Kara had no trouble sleeping and woke at dawn, eager to explore. Since she first traveled to New Caprica, she’d had her eyes on those triple mountains, filling in the details as she flew over them in her raptor, scanning the peaks and valleys and making mental notes of the best path to the tree line.

On one pass, she’d spotted a stream and a small pool of water that glistened in the sunlight. She thought the trail to get there might be difficult, but smiling to herself now, she realized it would be easier with Lee. A tiny point of happiness sparked inside her as she imagined their hike, the fresh air, the exertion and the delight of exploration. It had been a long time since she’d been in the mountains – not since Kobol when they’d slogged up the steep grade in the rain following Sharon to the Temple of Athena. The tiny spark faded as those thoughts reminded her of Baltar’s decision to abandon the search for Earth. Shaking herself, she remembered Adama’s words, _maybe someday._ For now, she put the sad thoughts aside and focused on the present.

:: :: ::

As expected, when Kara saw him, she burst out laughing. “It’s a one day hike, Lee, not a week long expedition.” Lee grinned back and made a gesture of showing off his fine packing skills, relieved that Kara was in a good mood.

The sky was mostly clear with a small tangle of clouds dotting the southern valley. They requisitioned a truck, tossed their packs in the back and set off to the foot of the mountains. Turning off the base road, Kara drove as Lee pulled out his map. She gave him a sidelong glance and smiled before training her eyes again on the plain in front of them.

“What’s that, Lee? Turn by turn instructions? We’re hiking, you know. Adventure, discovery, exploration…” she chided him.

“Some of us like to be prepared, Commander Thrace,” Lee said, smoothing out the map on his thigh and pointing to a particular spot as he spoke, “This looks like a good entry place. Humes said this might give us the best access to this open area about half a click below the tree line. I figure it will take about four hours in, rest for an hour, then back here by dusk. Humes couldn’t give me any details about the terrain under the treetops, but he indicated that the hike shouldn’t be too difficult.” Satisfied with his plan, Lee glanced over to Kara who was smiling and looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

“What?” he demanded, feigning surprise.

“You, of course,” she grinned. “You’re over-thinking it, Lee. It’s unexplored territory and I think we should pick a good spot and just hike. Put your map away and trust me. I did my own reconnaissance, you know. I’ve got a plan.” She tapped the side of her head and he rolled his eyes.

“We’ll see, Kara. Let’s wait until we get there.”

:: :: ::

A half an hour later, Lee slid down in the seat, feeling loose and calm. “Gods, this feels good. I haven’t been this relaxed in a very long time.” He grinned at Kara, who smiled back, feeling very relaxed herself.

“How’d Bruner react when he found out you were actually taking some leave time?” Kara asked.

Chuckling softly, he answered, “Yeah, he was surprised. I don’t think I’ve had an entire twenty-four hours off since, well, since I took leave when I was serving on Atlantia. That was light years ago.”

Mentioning is old post got him thinking. “Kara, did you ever meet Atlantia’s CAG, Bucky Harmon?” Kara shook her head.

“You would have hated him, I think. He was a little like Tigh, but a hell of a pilot and didn’t drink as a rule. What a tough bastard. He revoked three senior pilot’s wings in the year I served under him. This frakking nugget, shit, what was his name, Junk It, I think. Well, he and Tank – Captain Veng, that is, they got into some shouting match about cubits or women or something and Veng decked him, sending him to sickbay with a broken nose and one eye swollen shut. The next day Bucky took his Senior Wings and damn if it didn’t take him about six months of crap assignments to get them back. The man didn’t take any shit from anyone and when you frakked up, he didn’t forgive easily.”

“But you never frakked up, eh?” Kara teased.

Lee blushed, acknowledging his reputation. “No. I’m Mr. By-the-book, right? No, I never frakked up, at least not there. Not until I met a certain pilot, that is,” he teased back, hitting her lightly with his knuckles.

Yelping in mock outrage, she scolded him. “Hey, watch it. Driving over here,” she cried, then joined Lee in a burst of laughter as the truck swerved and immediately jerked them sideways as it hit a large hole. “That’s your fault, Adama.”

:: :: ::

After another ninety-minutes of bumping and jostling on the uneven ground, the truck rumbled to a stop in a small clearing under some tall trees. Emerging from the vehicle, they stepped through a light covering of knee-high grass and rocks. During their approached to the base of the mountain, the ground began to change from the flat gray plains into rockier ground dotted with greenery until they entered the actual range where the peaks and valleys continued out into small veins of rock.

Kara had her eye on a particular spot on the horizon, the one she’d identified as the best starting point to reach her lake. As she stretched her legs from the two hour drive, she smiled, eyeing the spot up and to the north of their current position. She’d brought a towel and a change of clothes along with food, water and a few odd supplies. Her bag was small compared to Lee’s and she had to wonder why he needed so much stuff. She lifted his pack out of the truck and made an exaggerated motion of heaviness, letting it bend her over and thud on the ground. Lee poked her with his finger and grabbed at the bag. She grinned at him and danced away. The small bubble of excitement she carried with her began to grow. Today was going to be a great day.

Lee slung the pack onto his shoulders and unfolded his map, spreading it on the dark green hood. “So we start here, yes?” He looked from the map to a specific spot and pointed towards the trees. Following his finger, Kara looked at the exact same spot she’d identified and smiled back at him. “Exactly what I was thinking.”

He grinned, satisfied that they didn’t have to argue the point while Kara smirked to herself, deciding not gloat that her instincts trumped a map any day.

They set out through the trees and up the slowly increasing grade. The air was still cool and the pair made good time for the first hour, with Kara in the lead and Lee trailing behind in no particular rush. Eventually, however, Kara stopped, bending over a cluster of rocks. Coming up beside her, Lee spotted the small gathering of fruit hanging low from a tree. Surprised, he watched her withdraw a plastic bag from her pocket and drop a few of the smooth orange fruits into it. He gave her a questioning look.

Kara shrugged. “I promised Mushari that I’d bring back food samples, if I found any.”

“Always working, eh? I thought this trip was about adventure?” Lee teased, jostling into her with his hips.

“Watch it, Apollo, or you’ll have an adventure of your own,” She warned provocatively.

:: :: ::

They continued up at a steady pace for another hour until hunger halted them. A wide fallen log made a great place to sit and Kara dropped down onto it. Lee put his pack between them and sat next to it, groaning with relief.

Digging around in the side pocket, Lee took out three algae rations and offered one to her. Shaking her head, she came up with another from her own supply. Kara also grabbed the bag orange fruit and stared at them, tempted. Lee noticed and shook his head, “Not a good idea.”

“Oh, c’mon, Lee. Live a little.” Pinching one of the orange balls between her fingers, she held it close to her open mouth and looked at Lee.

“Kara…,” he warned, ready to swipe it out of her hand. Grinning, she put the fruit away and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do I have moron scripted on my forehead, Apollo?” she challenged him as she bit into her algae bar.

“I don’t know, let me check.” He leaned close, peering at her scientifically. “Wait. There’s something there, maybe a faint outline?” Laughing, he leaned away when she tried to jab him with her water bottle.

With a smile on his face, he tore off half a bar and popped it into his mouth, staring through the trees at the horizon, then jerked suddenly when a stream of water hit the side of his face. “Hey!” he yelled, jumping up and facing her. His water bottle was close and he grabbed for it, but she kicked it out of the way just before his fingers reached it. Her mouth opened wide and she howled with laughter, “Too slow, Apollo,” and she squirted him again.

Ducking out of the way, he sidestepped and swiped his bottle off the ground, spinning lightly and spraying her across the chest. She yelped and raised her hands to shield her face, laughter making her weak and clumsy. “Okay, truce! We’re going to run out of water,” she said, waving him off and catching her breath. Eyeing her suspiciously, he made a wide arc around her, keeping his bottle pointed in her direction, and sat at the other end of the log.

Disliking the distance, she patted the empty space next to her. “Okay, Lee, I promise to behave.” Smiling lightly, he moved over and bumped his knee against hers intentionally. She nudged him back and they settled to finish their meal.

:: :: ::

With two bars each in their bellies, they continued up the slope, its increasing slant slowing their steps, working thighs and calves as they pushed themselves higher. By her calculations, the lake was still about an hour away, but the climbing was becoming more difficult. They’d stopped a few times, re-routing around obstacles before continuing up. The exertion dampened their clothing and sweat trickled down the side of Kara’s face as she paused, noting a clearing nearby where they found a wide flat rock.

“Let’s stop here for a break,” she said and Lee halted, dropping his pack onto the ground and sitting with a heavy exhale.

Lee stretched out his stiff shoulders and laid back on the wide surface, shielding his eyes with an arm against the bright sun now peeking through the thinning out trees. It was a wonderful feeling.

Kara put her legs out in front of her and leaned back on her elbows, surveying the scene. Much of the view was obscured by thick brush and trees, but if she leaned and squinted, she thought she could make out the sparkle of the sun glinting off of metal structures in the city.

After many minutes, Kara turned her head to see at him lying there, her eyes lingering on the thin t-shirt clinging to his moist skin and tightness of his fatigues, pausing on the bulge that she knew all too well. Biting her lip, she thought about touching him, about tracing her fingers down his chest and into his pants. Getting on her knees on this rock would hurt like hell, but she really didn’t care, as she imagined reaching out and sliding her hand under his t-shirt, skimming along the smoothness to his chest. Her fingers curled as she pictured her hand trailing back down his stomach to the buckle of his belt, gently loosening, flicking the snap on his pants and easing down the zipper. Kara fantasized about sliding one finger then two under the waistband of his briefs, her fingers skimming rough curls, and her mouth moistened, wanting her tongue to follow the path of her fingers. Twinges of desire between her legs spurred her on and she turned over onto her side to free an arm. When her movements caught his attention, he sat up, interrupting her intentions.

Raking two hands across his face, he yawned. “I think I dozed off. Slept like crap last night.”

“Yeah?” She asked absently, eyes drawn to the veins running along the insides of his biceps as he stretched.

“Yeah, but it’s nothing new. I always sleep like shit,” he said and slid down the rock to standing, shaking out stiff muscles. “I can’t remember the last time I slept more than a few hours in a row.”

“Mmmhhmm…,” she muttered, staring at the flexing of his shoulders as he lifted his bag up and onto his back, the muscles of his abdomen tensing into ripples. She cocked her head, considering him, then slid off the rock herself. Her face broke into a smile as she followed him out of the clearing, into the thick brush and up the slope, anticipating their arrival at the lake. There, she thought to herself, he’d have nowhere else to go.

:: :: ::

With their destination nearing, Kara started heading north towards a break in the trees, now getting smaller and less rich in foliage as they climbed higher. The hiking was tougher and more dangerous as the slope sharpened and rock jutted out unexpectedly around tufts of weeds. On more than one occasion, Lee had to remind himself to pay attention to the ground and stop staring at Kara’s ass.

“Lee?” Kara called out from a few yards ahead, waving him over and grinning.

Her excited smile piqued his curiosity and he stepped lightly over the distance to reach her. When he was five feet away she stopped him with an outstretched hand. “Wait. Close your eyes. I have a surprise for you.”

He raised an eyebrow and leaned away.

Stepping behind him, she insisted. “C’mon, Lee. Just cover them. You can peek out the bottom so you don’t trip and fall down the mountain.”

“Okay,” he said, mildly suspicious.

Putting his hands lightly over his eyes, he watched the ground, stepping up onto a large rock slowly as she steered him. “I’m going to break my neck, Kara,” he complained.

“Oh, shut up, Lee. Just climb.” He groaned but humored her. “This had better be good, Thrace.”

With strong fingers, she turned him and told him to open his eyes. Dropping his hands, he looked out over the trees, wondering what had made her so excited. When he looked down, a smile spread across his face and he turned to face her, seeing a matching grin lighting her features.

“Oh my gods,” he said, staring again at the dark pool of water below them. “How in the hell did you find a lake in the middle of the mountains? It’s not on the maps.” Incredulous, he shook his head, surprised yet again by the amazing Kara Thrace.

He draped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “It’s amazing, Kara. Amazing. Thank you.” Pulling her head toward him, he planted a kiss in her hair.

After a minute, he wrinkled his brow and asked, “Now, how in the hell are we going to get down there?”

She laughed and moved away from him to lean over the edge of the sheer cliff face. “I have no frakking idea, Lee, but I’m getting into that lake, even if I have to dive from here.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to [LJ]stripes13 for hashing out some problem areas in future chapters.

**Chapter 9**

“How deep do you think the water is?” Lee asked, walking up the ridge to get a better view of the oblon.

“It’s pretty dark, maybe fifteen feet? Maybe more, I don’t know.” Kara stepped down around some trees, looking for a way to get to the lake that did not involve acrobatics.

Lee climbed up a few more steps, pointed and called out to her, “It looks like we might be able to get in over there.”

Joining him, she surveyed the scene. “Yeah. Let’s go down through those trees and see if we can cross over that rift in the rock. I can’t see how wide it is.”

He agreed and they set off, carefully picking their way down the steep grade along the ridge. After a few minutes of treacherous stepping, a minor slide sent Kara onto her backside. “Frak!” she yelled, thumping hard onto the ground and immediately examining the hand that’d scraped along the rocks when she caught herself. Lee, two yards ahead, turned around, concern creasing his brow.

She waved him off. “I’m fine. Keep going.” Hesitating, he started back up the slope towards her. “Lee, no. I’m fine. It’s just a scrape from the rock.”

Giving her a dubious expression, he turned away and continued ahead, looking back a few times until she’d righted herself and started to follow. He shook his head at her stubbornness.

Pulling himself up and over two giant outcroppings, Lee stood and surveyed the rift. _Frak_.

A minute later, Kara climbed up and over the rocks to stand beside him, steadying herself on his shoulder. “Oh, shit. That’s not going to work.”

The rift was deeper and more dangerous than they’d expected and there was no way they could cross without risking serious bodily injury. The bottom edge of the lake was in clear view – a perfect spot to rest and take a swim, but there didn’t seem to be a way to cross.

Irritated, Kara sat down on the rocks, wincing as her bruised ass settled on a rough point. Lee noticed her raising a hand to her lower back. “Let me see,” he said, pushing her hands away when she protested.

Lifting her shirt, he saw a wide red scrape from the waistband of her pants to her ribs. “Doesn’t look bad. Just a scratch. You okay?”

Kara rolled her eyes at him. Pursing his lips, he unceremoniously yanked her shirt back down to her hips and leaned away. “I was going to kiss it and make it better, Kara, but not with that attitude,” he teased her.

She snorted. “Yeah? Well, get me into that lake and I’ll let you do more than kiss, Apollo.”

“Hmm. We’ll see…,” he said and she elbowed him. He nudged her back with his shoulder and they continued until Kara’s sour mood broke and she burst out laughing at their antics

She was gorgeous when she laughed and Lee grinned, turning his head slightly towards her to capture her eyes. She cocked her head and the electric current between them arced. With a raised eyebrow, Kara leaned toward him. Lee met her in the middle, touching her mouth lightly with his tongue, sliding it slowly across the smooth surface of her lip until her eyes closed and it was all sensation and the wind and the sun on their faces as they explored. The kiss was sweet and long and luxurious, holding passion suspended until Lee drew his mouth away, trailing his lips along her cheek, breathing her in, exhaling against her ear. “Gods, I want you,” he said.

He was already hard for her, almost throbbing with the desire to feel her snug and hot around him. It was so easy to fall into it, to let the overwhelming lust drive all sense away until he was coated with their sweat and fluids and their legs were tangled and sliding together. Lee thought he could take her anywhere and this precipice above a chasm seemed as good a place as any. It was raw and dangerous, like her, but it wasn’t really what he wanted. They’d had enough desperate fraks and for once he’d like to look at her, laid out in front of him in the light, to see her body respond to his and watch her face as she shattered around him. Darkness had been their enemy, never allowing real intimacy, keeping everything segmented between day and night until he thought they might not exist together in the real world. 

He spoke softly in her ear, “But if we don’t move now, we’re never getting into that lake.” Kara leaned her face against his and sighed, nodding in agreement.

She saw him bend away, his lips wet and eyes hooded with desire, and she smiled, leaning her body against his, keeping the physical connection, arm touching arm, the promise of things to come. “So, what are we going to do then?”

“I don’t know, but let’s go back up and around the other way. There are a lot of trees and rocks above the opening. Maybe we can make our way down around the other side. We have to get moving, though, it’s another four hours down.” 

:: :: ::

Both were sweating under the intensity of the noon-time sun when they stopped briefly to drink. The going was more dangerous now as the path over and above the lake was narrow and uneven. They stayed close together, within reach, in case one of them lost balance.

At last, however, they came around the final obstacle fifteen feet above their destination.

“This is it, I think. The best we’re going to do,” Kara said and Lee nodded in agreement. Staring down over the last sharp drop, she frowned. “I could probably hang off and jump. I think I’d make it.”

Lee groaned. “No way, Kara. There’s no steady place to land – at best you’ll sprain your ankle. Probably worse.” Shrugging off his pack, it thudded on the ground and he bent to zip it open. “Hold on a sec before you go cliff diving, okay?” He reached in the bag and pulled out a length of rope.

“Here,” he said to her bent over figure and tossed the rope. Her eyes opened wide and she caught it coming at her.

“Hey! You’ve been holding out on me,” she grumbled.

He grinned back. “Didn’t need it. That’s about twenty feet long. We can tie it to that tree and lower ourselves down. Getting back up will be tough – but you can give me a shove. If you’re nice, maybe I’ll even help you back up.”

“I’ll give you a shove, all right. Come over here,” she threatened playfully as she uncoiled its length, secured it around the tree and made five step knots along its length. Getting down was pretty easy, but the climb up would be a bitch without the footholds. Kara tossed the rope over the edge and surveyed her work. Lee stepped beside her and gave her an approving nod. Sitting down, she grabbed the rope and started to turn herself to slide off the edge.

“Wait, Kara.” Lee dug back into his pack and produced a gray tank. A loud tearing sound emerged as he tore the tank in half and sat next to her on the ledge. “Give me your hand,” he instructed and she watched him with a half-amused expression as wrapped each palm protectively with the pieces of tank. “That should help,” he said.

“Yeah, like my hands are so delicate anyway,” she grumbled, surprised by her own acceptance of his help, but her gaze lingered on him for a moment before she looked down to adjust the cloth. Kara flipped over onto her stomach, dropped her legs over the edge, and held onto the rope with both hands. With Lee supporting her with a strong hand under her armpit, she slid off the ledge to dangle on the tether which grew taut with her weight. Hand over hand, Kara made her way down the cliff until she jumped off a few feet above the ground. Proudly, she grinned up at him.

“Your turn, Lee,” she said, unwrapping the tanks from around her hands and tossing them up to him. He secured them around his own hands as he watched her explore the rocky area around the mouth of the lake.

“Okay, ready,” he called out to her and tossed his pack off the ledge onto the ground below.

With a slightly different technique, Lee wrapped the rope around his bicep and forearm and lowered himself  more directly over the edge until he was fully supported with his legs braced on the sheer cliff. In a few short motions, he’d scaled the face and dropped down next to Kara, reaching out to her when he bobbled on the jagged terrain.

The both grinned wide, satisfied and excited to have reached their goal. Lee scooped up his bag, found a flat area and sat with it open between his legs.

“I don’t know what you’re doing, Lee, but I’m going in.” Kara stripped quickly, tossing her clothes into a pile, and walked to the rim of the pool. He smiled and watched, eyes fixated on her naked ass. With a grin, she turned around, scrunched up her nose at him and jumped. A few seconds later, she emerged, sputtering and shivering. “Frak, it’s cold!” The pool rippled with her motions as she bobbed up and down, kicking under the water to keep herself afloat.

“C’mon, Lee. What are you waiting for?” Flattening out her palm, she skimmed it across the surface of the pool and a wide arc of water sprayed on his legs and pack. He let out a yelp and grinned, deciding it was more fun to watch her laugh and splash like a kid than it might be to get into the freezing water.

“Lee,” she called again, giving him a wicked smile. “You need to be here. Now.”

He stripped quickly, deciding in a moment of shyness to keep his boxer-briefs. When Kara saw, she grumbled at him, “Awww, come on, Lee.” He ignored her and gingerly toed the water.

Kara trawled lazily, floating on the water with her arms outspread. “Jump,” she encouraged him. Lee sat down on the edge of the pool instead and dipped his legs in. The water was frigid but Kara didn’t seem to mind.

“Lee, you are such a girl. Come on.” And with that, she swam over and tugged on his legs, wrapping both arms around his calves and giving a hard yank. He resisted and dug two fingers under her arms to tickle her away.

“All right, all right,” he said and slid into the water with a sharp inhalation of breath before the cold shocked his lungs motionless. “Oh my gods,” he mouthed, then shook his head and sunk under the water, kicking hard to reach Kara’s legs to pull her under. She fought him, nearly taking a mouthful of water as she laughed.

When they emerged, Lee was holding onto her waist from behind and wiping water out of his eyes with his free hand. Sputtering, she laughed and tried to wriggle away. He held on more tightly and rasped in her ear, “Where are you going? I need you to warm me up.”

The sound of his voice and the hot breath in her ear sent a shiver through her. She turned and slid her arms around his neck and smirked at him. “Mmmm. And just what did you have in mind?”

He answered by tasting the coolness of her lips and dipping his tongue inside to explore the contrasting warmth while their bodies moved and kicked to stay float in the middle of the pool. Between them, Lee hardened despite the chill, the motion of her legs grazing against him, teasing in their own unintentional way. He pulled her tightly to him and their kicking slowed as they kissed more intensely.

Kara held onto him, sliding her legs along his and flattening her breasts against his chest. Their mouths surged, tongues and lips and teeth smashing together, focusing pent-up desires into the moisture between them. Slowly they sank, enthralled by the sensation of the kiss and the water filling in around them until the burning in their lungs broke them apart and they kicked to the surface, gasping for air, eyes locked and slightly dizzy.

“Let’s get out,” Lee said and Kara nodded. She pulled herself out first and turned, bending over to take his hand and haul him out of the water and up against her body. Stiff nipples scraped along his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and continued the exploration of her mouth. Kara pulled at his boxers as best she could until he moved one hand to help and his erection sprung free from its wet constraint.

They kissed for long minutes, neither aware of the passing of time, reveling in the sensation of the hot sun, a light breeze and water dripping from wet hair and skin into a puddle at their feet. Lee trailed his lips along her cheek to her ear and down the soft expanse of skin to the hollow at the base of her neck. His hand cupped her breast, kneading the flesh and thumbing the hardening nipple. Dipping his head, he teased the nub with his tongue, swirling it around before taking it into his mouth and sucking gently. Kara let her head fall back and her breath caught in her throat at the grazing of his teeth over each taut peak.

Lee pulled her hips into his erection, bending her body backwards and supporting her with one arm. She groaned in pleasure or protest, he was not sure which, and he drew her upright again, releasing her nipple from his mouth. Turning his head, he spied the two towels and stepped away long enough to lay them doubled on the ground. He kneeled on the towels and pulled her to stand in front of him. His tongue traced the inside of her calf, around her knee and up the front of her thigh to the soft hair between her legs. His hands slid up her legs to caress her ass, squeezing the firm muscles and feeling the tremble as his tongue dipped into the soft folds below her blond curls. A small sound escaped her as she bent her knees and gripped his shoulders. Lee's tongue delved deeper, sliding along her clit in delicious strokes and sparks flitted on the backs of her eyelids. She did not know if they were from the brightness of the sun or the desire flooding through her.

Wrapping two hands around her thighs, Lee guided her to lie on the towels and he spread her legs, revealing the beauty he could not see during their darkened encounters. Greedily, he pushed his mouth against her center, tasting the salty clean with the tip of his tongue before flattening it out to make wide strokes along her clit. Kara moaned and tilted against his jaw, her breath quickening and her hands pulling urgently at his hair. He pushed two fingers inside her and she bucked against him, crying out at the slick friction. Lee flicked his tongue rhythmically against her clit until he felt her muscles tighten under his hand and her nails dig painfully into his shoulder. With a sharp gasp, her hips jerked up against his mouth as waves of pleasure coursed through her body. He rode her orgasm with his mouth, following her shuddering motions until she pulled him up to capture his mouth in a hungry kiss, tasting herself as her tongue plunged between his teeth.

With a growl of pleasure, she flipped him, strong arms and legs wrapped around him as she plundered his mouth, mindless of the sharpness of rocks under her knees. If it were possible to make love to someone by kissing alone, it would be through this owning of Lee’s mouth, exploring every taste and sensation she could capture. When she finally released his mouth, she trailed kisses down the flat of his stomach to lick firmly along the shaft of his cock. He groaned and threaded his fingers in her hair. Her passion burned and she did not tease or flit lightly, but instead took him wholly into her mouth, tightening around the shaft as she bobbed her head. The intensity took him by surprise and he could not hold himself back. Kara groaned in response to his hips jerking against her, swallowing what he offered, completing her owning of Lee Adama, body and soul, until he was breathless and she was lying along side of him, caressing his arms and chest lazily.

His mind registered surprise that she did not turn away, did not roll over and give him her back or move to do some minor task to separate herself from the intimacy. He didn’t understand the change but he welcomed it and drew her closer.

The sun dried their hair and skin as they dozed, moving slowly overhead until Lee opened his eyes and checked his watch. It was later than he would have liked, but he didn’t want to leave this place and let go of their closeness. The rational part of his mind, the planner, the commander, made the decision that he should wake her, gather their things and start the journey back to reality. But he ignored it and focused instead on the feel of her ass tucked against him, her head pillowed on his arm and his hand caressing her hip. Their connection was too powerful yet frustratingly tenuous to let go for practicality’s sake. He might regret it later, but for now he stayed firmly planted, squeezing her against him and breathing her scent deeply into his lungs.

The nap had restored him and he hardened against her back, threads of pleasure spreading through his limbs. She did not stir until he sunk a finger inside her and then it was only to sigh and lift her knee to welcome his touch. His fingers explored her slowly, leisurely, completely until her breath came quickly and she gripped his thigh, pressing herself hard into him. He kissed the back of her neck, tongue sliding along the curve of her shoulder and up to pull gently on her ear with his teeth.

Kara lifted her knee wider and Lee pushed inside her slowly, inch by inch until his pelvis pressed against her flesh and his arms wrapped around her completely. Kara held onto him as he moved inside her, arching her hips back to meet every thrust, moaning at the impossible friction between them. Lee’s breath was hot and irregular in her ear, sending shivers along her body as she reached up to pull his mouth into an awkward kiss. Lee slowed his hips to focus on her mouth and to cup each breast in his hands, kneading and pinching until her nipples stood erect under his palms.

“I want to see you,” he said and pulled himself out of her wet heat. Kara rolled onto her back and looked up at him as he hovered over her, his eyes intensely and more darkly blue than she remembered. It occurred to her then that she’d always made love to him in the dark, with her eyes closed against anything other than the sensation of his body and breath and hands. Now, in the bright of the sun, she couldn’t look away and in some surprising part of her, didn’t want to.

Kara spread her legs and guided him, eyes closing briefly when he was fully inside her. Lee watched her face as he thrust slowly, sliding a hand from her shoulder along her ribs and hips down to her thigh and back up to cup her face between his two palms. Her mouth opened and he kissed her in time to the motion of his hips, not rushing, sliding in and out, sometimes fully, sometimes teasing, but always reading her body and listening for the catch in her breath or small moan that told him how to move.

With utter fascination, he watched her face, the crinkling of her brow when he teased, the slack of her mouth when he slid fully inside her, her eyes flitting open and meeting his before a wave of pleasure closed them again. He was in love with her and her every motion and expression was like a confirmation that all of his pain and doubt could be tolerated if he could have this moment with her. He knew that she lost herself in this pleasure, accepting the physical onslaught of sensation more than she could accept his words or feelings. He did what he could to show her in this most base of ways, attuned to her movements, losing himself in her quick breaths and sighs and moans until he himself was lost and unable to sense anything except her legs wrapped around his hips and the exquisite friction building between them. With keening moans, Kara pulled at his back, urging him faster with a frenzied tilting of her hips and he answered her needs until she cried out, stiffening against him and shuddering with a deep gasp into his shoulder.

“Oh, gods, Kara,” he groaned and his control snapped. He began thrusting more wildly, driving himself into her, aware of her hands pulling at his hair and shoulders and hips until he crested and broke with several shuddering spasms and her name on his lips. He gathered her painfully close, burying his face in her hair, and reactively, Kara returned his strength, tightening her arms and legs around him with an intensity that was surprising.

The liquid sensation of release flowed through his limbs and he was suddenly spent, muscles and mind collapsing in a wave of exhaustion as he moved himself off her body and onto his back. So tired was his mind that he barely registered her sliding her legs over his and resting her head on his chest. His fingers brushed her hair and he smiled for a fleeting moment before sleep overtook him.

:: :: ::

Lee woke with a start, his side cool without Kara’s presence.

“It’s about time, Commander,” Kara teased.

Sitting up and twisting around, he swiped his face with his hands and grinned. “Yeah. Frak. What time is it?” He checked his watch and let out a resigned sigh. “Good thing I brought flashlights,” he mumbled.

Kara laughed and shot him a surprised look, “You really are a boy scout, aren’t you?”

Blushing slightly, Lee moved over to his pack and dug inside for a second pair of boxers. He grinned at her when his hand came out with two flashlights and the new underwear. “You betcha, Ms. Unprepared.” For that, he got a punch in the arm and he yelped in feigned injury.

“Well, Mr. Overprepared, I’ve got other talents,” she gave him a wicked smile.

With an answering grin, he leaned over to plant a hard kiss on her curving lips. “I’d have to agree with you there.”

A few minutes later, the pair had finished packing and appraised their arduous journey back up the cliff face. With tired limbs, they struggled up the rope and headed down the mountain enjoying a comfortable silence.

Six hours later, nighttime was upon them as Lee drove them the last few miles towards the base. His shoulder was stiff from having his arm wrapped around Kara as she slept against him. He had sat  unreasonably stiff at first, nervous to rouse her, thinking that she’d leave his side, but later, he relaxed into it and allowed himself to enjoy this simple giving of affection. He was not sure where things would go from here, when they re-entered the real world and left their little piece of paradise behind.

A mile outside the perimeter of the base, Lee applied the brakes and Kara stirred, grumbling, “Are we there?” She moved away and stretched, looking out the window towards the lights. “Why’d you stop?”

He smiled over at her, “Well, I figured I shouldn’t roll into base with the commander sound asleep and drooling on my arm.”

“Hey, I don’t drool,” she protested and raised a thumb to the corner of her mouth.

Then there was silence between them and he fixed her with an intense stare. “I also just wanted to say thanks. I don't know if I'll get a chance to tell you -”

A flick of nervousness hit her belly at the seriousness of his tone and she cut him off. “You're welcome, Lee.” She looked at him and then looked away, pulling herself over to the passenger side of the truck and fixing her ponytail.

Lee frowned, “Kara?”

With her ponytail secured, she glanced over at him. “That was a lot of fun,” she said lightly, “Let's keep it that way, okay?”

Shaking his head slightly, he laughed mirthlessly, “You’re tough, Kara. You know that?” He appraised her out of the corner of his eye as he released the brake and drove on.

“Yeah.” She turned her head to look at him. When he met her eyes, she looked a little sad.

Lee held her gaze for a moment, then looked back to the ground ahead of the truck. “It’s okay, Kara. I’m not going anywhere.”

:: :: ::

They drove slowly into the base and parked the truck near the raptor pads. Lee got out first and pulled his bag from the back of the truck. The base was quiet, in general, but the flight crews continued their work effectively.

“Commander,” Lee acknowledged, looking at Kara as she slung her own pack over her shoulder. “Thank you, again.”

Kara raised an eyebrow at him and nodded, “No problem, Commander.” Then she leaned close, her hot breath tickling his ear and whispered, “Your wet underwear are hanging off the side of your pack, Lee.”

A deep blush rose up his neck and into his face before is mouth contorted into a barely contained grin. With that, she gave him a mock salute, spun on her heel and walked away laughing. Lee chuckled and shook his head. Yes, this was going to be fun.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [LJ]nazkey and [LJ]kag523 for their support, [LJ]stripes13 for her cheerleading/readings and to [LJ]taragel for a resounding tire-kicking. The final beta of this draft was done by me, so please send the blame this way for typos.

**Chapter 10**

Kara’s fingers tightened around the throttle of the raptor as she lifted off towards Pegasus. Gods, it feels good to be flying, she thought – the rumble, the float, the power in her hands – all the sensations she’d missed these last six weeks since her transfer. She’d never realized how accustomed she’d grown to the rhythms of Galactica and Pegasus, and sometimes she was surprised by the stillness under her boots, the silence of the nights and the humidity of the air around her.

What she missed most was her viper and the remarkable feelings of freedom and connectedness she felt when she strapped into her bird. Sure, it was exhausting, depleting work, flying and fighting and staying alive, but it felt like heaven – thrusting hard, pulling Gs, dodging cylon raiders, and slamming it home to jump away.

Sometimes she’d wake in the mornings, with her hands gripping an imaginary stick. She’d smile, allowing herself to drift back to sleep for a few minutes longer to capture the sensation of weightlessness and the charge of intense pressure as she pushed herself into a roll or flipped end over end to come back at some metal motherfrakker and blow it out of the sky.

That’s why she was grateful for the Admiral’s orders to meet weekly on Pegasus to discuss fleet issues. The last three times they’d met, she’d had no time to take out a viper, but a plan was hatching in her mind – or at least as much of a plan as she needed, now that she was sleeping with the battlestar’s Commander. Her face broke into a grin as she careened into Pegasus’s hanger bay.

Kara landed the raptor, secured maglock, and popped the hatch. She wasn’t surprised to see Lee waiting for her, a barely suppressed smile on his face when their eyes met through the cockpit window. With a similar expression, Kara took off her helmet and slid out of the pilot’s seat, grabbing her bag as she moved into the main cabin. Dragging her flight suit down to her waist, she stepped forward to greet him. Chief Rivers, in his usual anxiety, bobbled the clipboard and gave her a crisp salute. Kara saluted back as she hopped off of the wing, then fixed her eyes on Lee.

He smiled at her, moving forward to stand close and she felt the familiar rush of excitement. Seeing him every week had done nothing to reduce her desire for him – if anything, she was more aroused than ever. Kara composed her features for the crew audience gathered round, her face belying none of the excitement she felt.

“Commander,” she said. “Has the admiral arrived?”

“He’s waiting for us in my ready room. Let’s go.” Lee turned and Kara followed him off the deck.

:: :: ::

Half an hour later, Kara and Lee were in a conference room discussing President Baltar’s recent list of complaints about the Fleet.

Once the decision to colonize had been made, Adama, Lee, President Baltar and Vice President Zarek had met with a handful of others to establish parameters for colonization. One of the principle discussions had been the division of land and resources between the Fleet and the civilians. In the end, it had been Tom Zarek and Lee who had ironed out the plan that was finally approved. The two parties had basically drawn a line from north to south along the eastern edge of New Caprica City. West of the line belonged to the civilians, east of the line was military property – roughly a 75 to 25 percent ratio of civilian to military land. This satisfied everyone until it was discovered that the military land north of the base was actually the most suitable for heavy farming. Since that discovery, Adama, Lee, and now Kara had been inundated with communications from Baltar insisting that the land be re-apportioned.

Lee started the meeting by encapsulating the most recent list of problems from the President’s office. “Baltar is adding other complaints into the pot, but it all boils down to the land usage issue. His people are insisting that the fleet’s science officers provided inaccurate data about the suitability of the western corridor for farming. It’s all bullshit, of course, since Baltar himself is a scientist and could have reviewed the findings before approving them.”

“Yeah, if he hadn’t been riding on the, uh, glory of his recent election,” Kara chided, alluding to Baltar’s widely known romantic dalliances. Lee shot her a look and she raised her eyebrows at him.

“Well,” Adama countered, ignoring Kara’s crass remark, “he’s the President now and despite his dissatisfaction, the land has already been apportioned between the military and the civilians. I am not in favor of renegotiating.”

Lee spoke, “We have the advantage now and Baltar is angry. I can’t say I’m disappointed by the way things turned out. When the President made his decree that the military would have to buy its food from the civilians, we were stuck between a rock and a hard place. Now, we have the advantage of being able to provide for our own people without the civilians. The administration should have considered the military food demands before the decision was made.”

“Baltar is going to do what he wants. And don’t be fooled into thinking Tom wasn’t heavily involved in finding a way to push the military out,” Adama offered.

“Yes, sir. I agree. I am pretty sure it’s really Zarek running the administration anyway. As far as I can tell, Tom very skillfully plays Baltar, feeding him issues until he believes they are his. Laura seems to think the same thing.”

Bill watched his son as he spoke about Zarek, surprisingly impressed by Lee’s astute political sensibilities. Laura, who was officially out of politics, had also shared her admiration for Lee’s instincts, but cautioned Bill to rein in the younger man’s idealism and to hold the line on the Vice President where he could. He intended to do just that.

“Find out what Zarek is offering in exchange, Lee. I can’t imagine we’ll want what he offers, but let’s keep the communications open.”

Lee nodded and Bill turned his attention to Kara. “How are the farming plans coming along, Kara?”

Kara slid a few papers out of a folder and handed one to each man. “Captain Mushari put this report together, sir. It details equipment, manpower, and timelines for planting, cultivation, and harvesting. I support the plan and I’ve already started allocating personnel to assist him. We’re ready to start as soon as this political issue is resolved, sir.” Kara looked at Adama and waited for him to finish reviewing the report.

“You’ve put a good team together, Kara,” Bill smiled. “I admit I haven’t been a fan of Captain Mushari’s ideas for food rationing, but this proposal seems to be well devised. Nice job.”

“Thank you, sir,” Kara responded, sliding a bland expression over her excitement at his approval.

Adama closed the meeting and they all stood. “That’s all we have for today. I’ll see you next week. It was good to see you both.” Adama smiled warmly as he gathered his papers and left the room.

With his father gone, Lee turned his attention to Kara. “Can you stay?”

The corner of her mouth turned up and she looked over at him. “What did you have in mind?”

:: :: ::

As soon as the hatch to Lee’s quarters closed, there was the usual rush of mouths and lips and hands as clothing was tossed onto the floor. Soon they were on the sofa in his office, hips locked together without foreplay, frakking intensely because neither could stand to wait. Kara came first, with her fingers digging into his shoulders and her head thrown back while Lee rode her orgasm, his face pressed into her neck, gasping her name and his body thrusting hard into her bucking hips.

When they were spent, Kara lie sprawled on top of him and started to chuckle. “Well, hello, Commander,” she said.

He grinned against her hair and squeezed her shoulders. “Hi there.”

After a moment, Lee spoke again, “This is becoming a habit, I think. Maybe you should visit more often.”

“Mmmmm,” she responded, eyes closed and body sated.

Absently, Lee mused aloud, “I wonder what dad is going to say when he finds out about us?”

“Us,” Kara asked, eyes opening again.

“Yeah, us. You know, dating.”

Kara laughed. “Dating? Is that what we’re doing? I don’t see any movie theaters around here, Lee. Dinner and a movie would be nice, but I wouldn’t call this dating.”

“Well, what would you call it,” he asked, sounding slightly defensive.

“I don’t know, but I’m not quite ready to hold hands and go see daddy,” Kara said dryly.

“I didn’t say I was going to tell him, Kara. And all I said was that we were dating,” he said, feeling the irritation rise. _She frakking jokes about everything._  
   
“Calm down. It’s not a big deal. I’m just messing with you,” she said lightly.

But he sat up anyway, jostling her off of him and pulling on his boxer-briefs. He took a breath and turned to face her where she’d settled at the other end of the long sofa, eyeing him warily. “Every time I try to talk about _us_, you dodge the question or joke or pull away. It’s like you’re purposely trying to piss me off. Fighting cylons is easier than trying to have a relationship with you.”

“Look,” she said, her mouth flattening into a thin line, “I don’t know what you want from me.” She pulled on her panties and tanks.

Lee jammed his fingers into his hair and stared at her. “I’d like for you talk to me. I’d like to know that we’re on the same page about this. Every time I think it’s going well, you get twitchy. I don’t understand it.” He dropped his arms and slumped back on the sofa and closed his eyes.

After a long silence, he heard her take a breath. “I don’t know how to explain it, Lee, but being with you fraks up my head.”

“Why?” He turned his head and looked at her, surprised at her words.

Kara hesitated, nervousness gathering in her gut. This felt too heavy, too fast, but she pushed through blindly. “Because I wasn’t expecting this. I left Pegasus. I transferred down to the planet to start over. You followed me and now we’re doing this and I don’t get it.”

It struck him that he had never explained himself either. He gave her a soft smile and spoke. “I followed you because I am in love with you. I have been in love with you since that first frakked up time we met – when you were with Zak. I’ve denied it, ignored it, have frakking hated it sometimes, but it doesn’t go away.” He stared at her intensely for a moment, then dropped his head, old guilt washing over him.

Kara listened to his words with a rush of excitement and pain. He had loved her since Zak. _Why did he have to mention Zak? _All of the fear and anxiety she’d been holding inside these past weeks threatened to burst. She didn’t want this – this was never going to work. Panic started to rise in her throat.

“I wish I had met you first, Kara.” He blew out a breath and raised his head. “Gods, this fraks with my head sometimes, too. You meeting Zak, being engaged to my little brother… and now we’re here together.” He paused, measuring his words and spoke without meeting her eyes. “If he hadn’t died, I wouldn’t be here with you.” The guilt lay like a blanket across his shoulders, but it felt good to say the words, to talk about it with the one person who actually knew how he felt.

“I’m sorry, Lee.” Kara’s voice was heavy.

He turned to look at her with a sad expression. “Kara, no. I don’t blame you. I never have.” He reached out his hand to touch her face but she pulled away and stood.

“What?” he asked, staring up at her, confused. “I said I don’t blame you. What’s the matter?”

She stood with her back to him, arms wrapped around her waist, shaking inside. _Frak_. If she hadn’t been half-naked and it hadn’t been Lee declaring his love, she would have run. She would have gone back to her raptor and would have flown away. But out of need and some blind desire to bare her soul, she succumbed to the moment.  
   
Taking a deep breath, she pushed the words past her lips and froze. “Zak and I broke up before he died.”

Shocked, he stared at her back, “What? Why?”

In the moment it took for her to answer, Lee’s mind was whirling, trying to put all of the facts together in his head. It didn’t make sense.

Her voice came out hard, “I frakked up, Lee.” Finally, she turned back to him, her face a mask of guilt and pain and anger. “Zak started putting all this pressure on me to get married and I frakked it up. I slept with someone else. He broke up with me and then he died.” She held his eyes, despite the tears stinging at the corners, ready for his recriminations and rejection.

“I’m sorry, Kara.” He didn’t know what else to say except to comfort her.

She hadn’t expected his reaction – it felt all wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be nice about it. This was his brother she was talking about. “Why aren’t you yelling at me, Lee? Why aren’t you getting dressed and telling me to frak off for what I did to him? What is wrong with you?” Her face was defiant, like a child, challenging him to punish her.

“Why are you attacking me? Hold on.” Wary and confused, he paused and watched her. “I'm not upset with you – not for his death and not for this. You have to know that! I don’t know what went on between you two back then, but I am not him. I’m not Zak.”

“What does that even mean, Lee? I know you are not him, but I am still me. I frak up. I frak up a lot and I will frak this up.” She waved her hands between them, urging him to understand her warning.

“Kara stop. Just stop would you. You’re going too fast. Nothing is going to get frakked up.”

“I already tried. Remember?”

Lee looked away – the pain of it still tweaked his gut. “Yeah, Kara. I remember. You left Pegasus. You slept with someone else. I get it. But we weren’t together.” Some part of him _did _want to yell at her, express the anger he’d vowed to forget. He stared hard at the ground.

After a pause, Kara spoke softly. “I didn’t sleep with him.”

His eyes widened and darted back to her face. “What?” He was starting to feel overwhelmed by everything she was saying. “Why didn’t you tell me?”  
   
She frowned. “Because you were a big jerk, Lee. Remember? I never got the chance.”

He blinked. “Yeah, I remember.” Looking away, he flushed at the memory of his jealousy and how it had come between them. He knew that if he did it again, she’d be gone.

Resolved, he stood, took the few steps towards her and touched her cheek. “It’s all in the past, Kara. It doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is us. Here. Now. I love you and I will do whatever it takes for this to work. After all this time, I just can’t lose you.” He pulled her into an embrace, and after a moment, she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his neck. They stayed like that for a long time until he pulled her over to sit with him again.

He looked into her red-rimmed eyes and twined his fingers around hers, holding them tightly. “I just want us to talk sometimes, okay? I want to know that we’re both working on things – that you want this as much as I do.” There was a note of desperation in his tone.

She stared at him with wide eyes. It sounded so easy, the way he put it and a part of her just wanted to give in, but she didn’t know how. “What do you want me to say?”

“Just tell me you’ll try.” He wanted more, but his instincts told him not to push.

“I’ll try,” she said, hoping that her trying would be enough.

“Okay.” Lee smiled and kissed her, softly at first, then deepening, until he leaned back and she stretched out on top of him, their arms and mouths locked together. There was a rawness to their lovemaking; a slow, almost painful ache that pushed them together, healing, questioning, soothing the pain that they both shared about Zak. Kara’s mind still spun, old guilt and fear fighting for purchase against Lee’s offerings of forgiveness. But as she twined her legs around his and threaded her fingers into his hair, she wanted to let it go, wanted to feel what it felt like to be loved by him. So she lost herself in the sensation of his body and let herself hear the words he gasped in her ear when he came. And in the fleeting moment before she was racked with her own pleasure, she thought that maybe she wouldn’t frak it all up this time.

~The End of Part One~


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Two months later, Lee watched Kara throw back the canopy of her viper and remove her helmet. She pulled herself up and grinned as she stepped out of her old bird, beaming like a kid with a new toy. Lee had to grin, too, as he saw her hop down the ladder and unzip her flightsuit, laughing and joking with Chief Rivers. The man seemed a little shocked when Kara slapped him on the back and thanked him for keeping her damaged bird running. He nodded vigorously and mumbled before speeding away from her. That made Kara laugh even harder and she looked around the flight deck for Lee who was leaning up against a bulkhead. When he smiled back, she winked and stepped towards him.

“Gods, that felt good,” she said, pulling her arms out of the suit. “I needed that.” Her face was flushed with excitement.

“Nice flying out there and thanks for not shooting anything,” he teased her, referencing his denial of her request to shoot some asteroids for fun.

Kara rolled her eyes at him as they headed off the flight deck. A few minutes later, Lee paused to speak with a crewman and waved Kara ahead. As Lee resumed his walk, a strong hand gripped his bicep and pulled him into an empty pilot’s locker.

“You know we’re five minutes from my quarters,” he said, amused, but allowing her to unbutton his jacket anyway. This was the third time in two weeks that she’d yanked him into some closet or rack, not caring if they got caught. If he questioned her, she’d laugh and drop to her knees or strip off her uniform seductively until all he cared about was getting his hands on her.

“Your quarters are _boring_, Lee. This is much more fun.” She pushed the jacket off his shoulders and kissed him thoroughly. Tugging carelessly at clothing, they undressed and she pulled him over to one of the empty racks, laughing when he grumbled again about the tight accommodations.

“You’re so spoiled, Commander. Just come down here and frak me, would you?”

She grinned and lay back on the rack, opening her legs and staring at him with hungry eyes. Dropping down, he positioned himself between her knees and took a taut nipple into his mouth. He suckled each breast slowly, ignoring the urging of her hands on his ass and the bucking of her hips against his erection. With a frustrated cry, she reached down and wrapped her fingers around him, stroking hard until he groaned and released a moist peak. Lee slashed his mouth over hers, dominating her with his tongue and teeth and then thrust himself inside with a long deep stroke. Kara gasped and tilted her hips up to meet him, moaning and gripping the sides of the rack as he pounded into her. With a sudden, sharp intake of breath, she arched her back and jerked against him, racked with orgasm. Lee squeezed her shoulders tightly, plunging harder, mind blank to everything except the coiling deep inside his balls and Kara’s nails raking down his back to dig into his ass. She matched his staccato breathing with her own until he began to thrust wildly, cresting into dizzying orgasm and shuddering against her.

Spent, Lee collapsed at her side, body jammed all the way up against the wall as she jostled her position to spoon against him. She laughed when he continued his grumbling about the tight quarters, but snuggled into him so deliciously that he soon forgot the discomfort and enjoyed the feeling of her pressed against him. Frakking in every locker and supply closet wasn’t what he’d imagined when he’d fallen in love with Kara Thrace, but he had to admit it was damn exciting. With a satisfied smile, he draped a leg over hers and drifted into a pleasant half-sleep.

:: :: ::

Later that afternoon, Lee and Kara arrived at their briefing with Adama. Like the one three days before, it was a meeting to secure a plan to deal with the escalating civilian unrest regarding the agriculture issue. Zarek and Baltar had been creating a frenzy of ill will toward the fleet since they had been unable to come to an agreement with the military about re-apportioning the farmable land. The administration’s demands for more than fifty percent of the military’s farmland had not gone over well with Adama and he’d stopped the negotiations in frustration. Since their last meeting, civilians had begun to protest and engage in equipment sabotage.

Kara gave Adama the latest details on recent clashes. “No one has been hurt, sir, but we’ve had two trucks sabotaged and I’ve had to post guards around the equipment. This morning, the protesters came again with signs. There weren’t enough of them to interfere with the work, but they are a nuisance, sir. We need to protect the land from further sabotage, sir. A fence would be ideal, but that will take months to construct. I suggest periodic air patrols, sir.”

“This is starting to sound like a ground offensive, Kara. How badly was the equipment damaged?” Adama asked.

“It’s not severe enough to be blatant sabotage sir, but it’s pretty unlikely that eight tires would go flat in one day. The vandalism may seem minor, sir, but it’s not like we can order new tires.” Kara answered and Adama nodded in agreement.

Kara looked at Lee and back to Adama before continuing, “There’s one more problem. Tom Zarek is using the Gideon incident to get people angry about the Fleet.” Her voice was tight.

Adama frowned. “Gideon? That should be in the past.”

Lee spoke, “He’s been showing the raw video footage around the city with a message that the military does not care about the civilians and using the Gideon incident as evidence. We’re getting reports of increased anger in the civilian population and I think we’d better come up with a solution now.” He paused. “I think we should consider stopping the land preparation work and begin negotiations again.”

Adama narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “We don’t negotiate with terrorists, Lee.”

Lee objected, “They’re not terrorists, sir. They are civilians who are worried about—”

Kara started to shake her head as soon as Lee began to speak, but it was Adama who interrupted. “They’ve sabotaged equipment. We’re lucky that no one was hurt. You should know better.” He didn’t bother to keep the irritation out of his tone.

Lee spoke more loudly and repeated his argument, “They are civilians who are afraid that there will not be enough food, Admiral. Their methods are unreasonable, but they have a valid complaint.” He stared hard at his father.

“This is not about food, Commander. We are negotiating land. The algae-food yields are more than adequate to feed the population until this issue is resolved. Zarek is riling up the population about a food shortage that does not exist.”

Kara nodded and addressed Adama. “Sir, we have tried negotiation. It has not worked. At this point, we should deploy more military and start farming immediately. The planting season is projected to be short and this needs to happen now. We need to show them they can’t affect us.”

Lee shook his head. “No, Kara. That puts everything at risk. Everything. If we can’t negotiate ourselves out of this morass, we’re going to have an uprising. You see the signs. So do I. We have to come to a compromise.” The force of his convictions pushed his voice higher.

“Lee…” Kara’s frustration was growing. They’d had this discussion two days ago and she was becoming more and more irritated with Lee defending the civilians.

After a moment, Adama sighed and looked at Lee. “What do you have in mind?”

Lee appraised them both and answered, “Let’s go back to negotiating basics. Let’s get Zarek and Baltar to agree to binding arbitration by a five person panel, selected and agreed upon by the heavy hitters. I think Zarek will go for that.” The pair he was addressing gave him silence. He waited.

Eventually, Adama spoke, “I’ll agree to it only if all of the protesting and sabotage stops during the arbitration. Otherwise, we will find another solution.”

Lee breathed an inward sigh of relief. “Good. I’ll contact Zarek and set it up. Who will we propose for the panel?” Lee asked and the three discussed various names and proposed specifics of the arbitration. Kara offered little, staring hard instead at the side of Lee’s face as he spoke. He ignored her annoyance and worked through the issues with his father.

As soon as Adama left the meeting, Kara spoke angrily at Lee. “Zarek is going to screw us over, you know that, right?”

Lee gave her a bland expression and cleared his papers. “Yeah, well, I don’t trust him either, but he’s the key to this. As long as he is in power – legitimate power – this is what we have to work with.”

“I don’t frakking like it, Lee. He’s up to something. I can feel it.” She jammed her own papers into her bag and yanked the zipper closed.

“I’ve dealt with him before – I know how he operates. Don’t worry about it.” He wanted to change the subject and avoid arguing about Zarek again.

“He’s a snake and we’d all be better off if he had a bullet between his eyes.” Her tone had as much venom as the snake she wanted to kill.

In frustration, Lee slapped his hands on the desk and faced her directly. “What’s going on, Kara. Why are you so pissed?” He didn’t understand why Kara’s usual irritation at the civilians’ unappreciative attitude had suddenly turned into genuine anger.

“He’s frakking with my people now. He’s ordering the sabotage and the protests. And the frakking Gideon incident? What the frak is that? Gods, it really burns me. Palladino shot himself, Lee. He was a good kid who got his head frakked up because Zarek wanted to frak with the military.” She waved her arms angrily and glared at him as she spoke.

Frowning, Lee eased himself back from the table and let out a breath before he met her eyes again. “I know all that, Kara, but that doesn’t mean we don’t negotiate. I don’t like the guy anymore than you do, but it’s better to work with him than against him.”

His words only angered her more and she thrust her chair back and stood. “Palladino was a pilot, Lee.” When he made no move to speak, she snorted at him. “Gods, Lee, you sound like a frakking politician. I can’t stand politicians.” With that she grabbed her bag, turned, and walked out.

_Frak_. So much for their peaceful, happy times. He grimaced and thought about going after her, but decided against it; they disagreed about how to handle Zarek and no amount of talking about it would change that.

:: :: ::

A few hours later, Kara pushed back from the desk in her office at the base. _I can’t concentrate on this crap._ Her papers were strewn across the surface and for the past hour she’d been aimlessly pushing them around. What she needed to do was go for a run, but it was raining – again. Some days, she’d run anyway, slogging through downpours and pushing herself to relieve the stress and frustrations of the day. Today, she just didn’t feel like it.

She left her office and dashed through the rain, arriving at her quarters half-soaked and still angry about her conversation with Lee. Looking around her drab quarters, she realized that nothing here was going to help her feel any better. The bottle of Picon whiskey she had was too special to waste on her desire to get good and frakking drunk. So, with a plan in mind, Kara changed her tanks and slid her arms into a hooded sweatshirt. She dug around for rain gear and came up with a poncho that would get her to the depot where she could requisition a truck.

Fifteen minutes later, she was at her favorite table, choking back the crap they passed off as ambrosia. It was too sweet and left the unmistakable taste of algae in the back of her throat, that thick musty sensation that she’d grown accustomed to but would never like. But the heat of the alcohol did little to distract her from her thoughts as she watched the civilians mingle and laugh. _Frakkers_, she thought. The civilians had no idea how godsdamned hard it was to wake up every day with the thought in your mind that today might be the day you get blown out of the sky. They’d gotten so used to being saved that it hardly seemed to matter to them anymore.

And frakking Tom Zarek exploited it. He showed that video and didn’t care what it had cost them. And Lee didn’t understand it, either. He’d been there – he’d seen how Zarek’s mindfrak had messed up Palladino. They all rode that edge of trying not to frak up, trying not to blow a shot or wing another viper or spin out and crash into the fleet. Palladino had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was a pilot - her pilot – and he was hit by Tom Zarek’s shrapnel and it pissed her off.

Grinding her teeth bitterly, Kara refilled her glass and tossed it back, shivering as the sickly sweet liquid burned a path down her throat and made her cough. The sounds of the other patrons started to grate at her now.

A woman’s voice rose above the din. “You know they frakking massacred innocent civilians. Adama would be damn thrilled if we’d just all starve to death.” The others in her group nodded in agreement.

_Frak, this is all I need, _Kara thought, tossing back two shots in quick succession.

“Did you hear the latest? Zarek said that Adama is going ahead with the farming anyway – even knowing that we don’t have enough land to grow our own food. Like I said, they want to keep it to themselves. We’re settling down and we don’t need them anymore – they’ve got to stay in power somehow.” Others agreed and added snippets to the conversation while drinking and laughing about the military.

Kara did her best to ignore the chatter, tried to stay locked in other thoughts, but after kicking back another few shots, her gaze settled on the loudest of the bunch – a tall brunette with a stocky build and wide stance. Kara felt the familiar sensation of rage climb up her back and down her arms to her fingers which were now clenched in anger.

The woman’s voice rose high above her companions, “We need to move now. Frankel’s got five guys lined up for action. Tonight we drink – tomorrow …” The woman lowered her head and spoke in hushed tones to her companions.

Silently, like a cat approaching its prey, Kara came up behind the woman and stood close to her back as she spoke. The woman, sensing a presence, straightened and turned around to find Kara staring at her from a few inches away.

“What the frak?” The surprised woman took a step back, but did not seem afraid. The men and women around her moved back, too, and looked from Kara to the woman and then to each other.

“You should stop running your mouth,” Kara warned.

The woman, almost a head taller and slightly wider than Kara, became immediately defensive and drew herself up. Looking like she’d been in more than a few fights herself, the woman leaned in and spoke, her breath smelling like algae and booze. “What’s your problem, Commander?” The final word slipped off her tongue coated in bile.

Kara’s head had tilted in response to the woman’s words, eyes steady and locked. She appraised the woman and breathed evenly out her nose, exalting in the feeling of adrenaline surging into her muscles. I love a good fight, she thought, clenching and unclenching her fists, holding on to the anticipation of her first blow. She leaned forward, almost touching noses with the other woman.

She sensed the bystanders giving them space and she spoke in deadly tones. “My problem is you – you and your loudmouthed friends. If it wasn’t for my people frakking risking their asses, you would have been dead a long time ago. Now you need to step back and shut the frak up.”

The woman did not flinch. For tense moments, the two women stared at each other, neither moving until a commotion by the door distracted Kara’s opponent and she glanced away. Kara’s training and skill as a pilot gave her a concentration so intense that cylons could have been marching into the bar and she would not have wavered. Taking her split-second opportunity, Kara pulled her arm back and punched the woman squarely in the jaw, sending her two steps backwards into the high table behind her. The woman righted herself and touched the tender spot on her face, eyes wide at first, then narrowing with intent.

With a dark expression, the woman dropped her shoulder and drove towards Kara’s midsection with a powerful stride. In a fighter’s stance, Kara was ready for it and she twisted sideways to deflect most of the contact, although the woman’s elbow caught her squarely on the breast, sending sharp pains up through her chest and shoulder. _Frak!_

Despite the pain, Kara grabbed the woman’s bicep and spun with her, releasing her with momentum and sending the woman off balance until she was flying into the stools nearby. The woman lost her footing then and hit her head soundly on the flat edge of the bar. Finishing the rotation on both feet, Kara drew herself up and bounced lightly on her feet, but the woman did not rise again. Stunned from the blow to the head, she mumbled and glared at Kara.

The woman’s friends came running to her aid, giving Kara wary glances as she stood over them. It appeared that the woman was fine and Kara looked around the room, suddenly aware of the onlookers. From behind the bar, the owner, Jim Keel, stepped out.

“Commander. You’re gonna have to leave. I don’t want any trouble here.” He held Kara’s gaze steadily, having thrown many a drunk fighter out of his bar on Picon. The man looked over his shoulder to the woman now sitting up against the foot of the bar. “You, too. I want you both out. You wanna fight? Take it outside.”

Kara glared at Jim for a long minute before the corner of hour mouth rose in a humorless smirk. Digging into her pocket, she dug out some cubits and tossed them onto the bar without a word. The fight was over, but she didn’t really care. Her body tingled with the adrenaline surge and by the time she left the bar, she was grinning. _Yeah, that was exactly what I needed._

:: :: ::

The next morning, Kara woke to a blazing headache and a sore breast. Lifting her tank, she inspected the purplish bruise above her right nipple. In all her years of brawling, she’d never been injured there and damned if it didn’t hurt. Raising her arm, the she felt the pull of inflamed flesh and groaned. _Frak. _

She pulled down her tank and padded to the head before going to breakfast. On her way to the mess, she encountered a few averted stares and began to wonder what the hell was going on. She spotted Captain Ilsa Russell exiting the mess.

“Captain,” she called out and the woman looked her way.

She walked over to greet Kara, a questioning expression on her face. Kara raised an eyebrow. Ilsa Russell was one of the few people on the base that would give Kara a straight answer.

“Heard there was some excitement over at Keel’s last night,” Ilsa spoke first, eyeing Kara curiously.

“What? How do you know that?” Kara’s brow wrinkled.

“It’s all over the wireless.”

“The wireless…” Kara’s eyes narrowed. _What the frak?_

“Zarek’s people are on the wireless saying that you assaulted a civilian last night. He’s making a big deal about it. Even Baltar came out of his hidey hole on Colonial One to make a statement. What the heck happened?”

Kara’s eyes darkened in anger. “It was a bar fight. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Zarek’s saying it was unprovoked. You’d better have a listen on the wireless.”

:: :: ::

By the time she returned to her office, her face was a mask of outrage. _Godsdamned Zarek._ She strode through the door and flicked on the wireless unit. Tom Zarek’s voice filled the room.  
__  
“…It’s more evidence that the military establishment does not respect the civilians. Time and time again, the Fleet has shown little regard for the needs and well-being of its people. Commander Thrace’s actions show this clearly. Ms. Linot has filed an official complaint with the President’s office and we will investigate to the best of our abilities. Ms. Linot has suffered a concussion as the result of Commander Thrace’s actions and she is receiving medical attention. Furthermore, we believe that Commander Thrace’s actions were unjustified and show a continuing abuse of power in Admiral Adama’s ranks. We are prepared—”  
  
Kara had heard enough. She hit the off button and cursed, staring blindly at the gray-green walls of her office, Zarek’s words tumbling around in her head. The woman was a threat to the Fleet and she’d be godsdamned if Zarek was going to frak her over the way she frakked up Palladino. He was messing with the wrong godsdamned person.

Kara’s angry thoughts were interrupted by a buzz on the comm.

The base operator announced Admiral Adama and connected the call.

“Base actual,” Kara answered.

“Galactica actual, what the hell happened down there, Commander?” Adama got straight to it.

“Sir,” she said neutrally. There was silence on the line.

Kara continued, “Zarek’s frakking with the fleet again, sir. He’s blowing the whole thing out of proport—”

Adama interrupted her. “I don’t give a frak about Tom Zarek. I want to know what the hell you were thinking. You are the commanding officer of the Fleet on the ground. You represent me with every action you take and I expect more from you.” His voice was heavy with disappointment and anger. “Lee is coming down there now to try to smooth things over with Zarek. You two will work this out. Do you understand, Commander?”

Kara swallowed her retort. “Yes, sir,” she said, feeling an unexpected stab of guilt.

“Adama out.” The receiver clicked off and Kara cursed, slamming the handset onto its cradle.  
_  
Godsdamnit!_ She pounded her fist on the desk and took a deep breath. Turning abruptly, she shoved the door open with force, sending the thin canvas slapping back on the outside wall of the tent.

Stepping angrily into her quarters, her eyes lit upon the Picon whiskey. _Frak it,_ she thought, and grabbed the bottle and a glass and slumped in a chair.

:: :: ::

An hour later, her mind was calmer and the whiskey had settled pleasantly in her limbs. When Lee’s familiar knock sounded at the door, she smiled, feeling a jolt of anticipation in her belly. “Come,” she announced, swallowing a giant mouthful of whiskey and standing up to get another glass.

Her smile faded when she turned back to greet him. _Frak._ His face was dark and angry.

Without a hello, he started, “What the hell happened, Kara?”

Shaking her head, she dropped the glass onto the table, grabbed the bottle and sloshed in some whiskey.

“Well, hello to you, too, Lee. Have a drink.” She shoved the glass towards him, but he ignored it, staring hard at her face.

“Zarek is going nuts and now we’ve lost our advantage. What the frak were you thinking?” He placed his palms on the table and leaned over her.

She met his eyes with a hardness of her own. “Don’t frakking bitch at me, Lee. Tom Zarek is your frakking problem – not me. The woman had it coming. I am sick and tired of people bitching about the fleet when we saved their godsdamned asses a thousand times over.” She tossed back the drink and slammed her glass on the table.

Lee straightened and stared at her. “Do you really not get this, Kara? You decked a civilian. A frakking civilian in the middle of a civilian-military dispute. What the frak?” He swiped a hand across his mouth and turned away from her.

Slumping a little lower in her chair, she stared at his back, watching the fabric of his uniform expand and contract as he breathed. _Damn._ She took another draw on her drink and shivered as it seared her throat. Watching with hooded eyes, she saw him take a deep breath and turn around.

When he faced her again, he was less angry, but did not approach. His tone was measured and slightly pleading, “What are we going to do, Kara? Dad is furious and now I have to go and talk to Zarek and try to smooth things over. How the frak am I going to do that?” Lee finally slumped in a chair and pushed his hands through his hair. Grabbing the offered glass, he raised it to his lips and took a short swallow.

After a minute or two of silence, he let out a breath. “You’re going to have to apologize, Kara. You apologize and maybe this will blow over. We’ll have to give Zarek something in return for his accepting the apology, but once we do, I think this will all go away.”

Kara stopped listening after he said the word _apologize._ Her eyes went wide then she shook her head and snorted. “There’s no way that’s going to happen, Lee. I am not apologizing. You can frakking forget it.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Non-canon character death

**Chapter 12**

_I am not apologizing. You can frakking forget it._

Kara’s words buzzed in Lee’s head for the entire walk from her quarters to meet with Tom Zarek on Colonial One. Another ten minutes of arguing hadn’t changed Kara’s mind and now Lee was off to face Zarek with nothing. Why he had thought Kara would apologize for hitting the woman in the first place, he did not understand. He’d known her for a long time and she’d apologized to him exactly once.

As Lee walked past the neat rows of green canvas tents toward the President’s ship, he got more than a few angry stares – not surprising considering the tension lately. If he hadn’t been so frakking angry, he would have remembered the truck he’d requisitioned, instead of just walking blindly towards the town. Gods, that woman frakked with his head. Getting her to do anything she didn’t want to do was frakking impossible.

And why the hell did she have to go and hit a civilian anyway? Where was her common sense? They’d just met about the Zarek problem, had come up with a reasonable solution, and the very same day, she’d popped a woman in a bar. It boggled Lee’s mind.

She was the military commander on the ground and she should have made the Fleet’s mission her priority. Kara was a miracle in command, efficient, productive, tough, but take her out of her element and put her in a negotiating role and it all fell apart. She was too quick tempered and impatient for politics and when Tom Zarek started stirring things up, she’d lost her cool altogether. Every time Lee tried to talk to her about negotiations or mediation, she’d attack him personally, until finally he’d had enough of her insults and had stormed out.

_Tom Zarek is playing you, Lee, and you are too frakking naïve to see it. _

Those were the words that had really sent him over the edge this afternoon. The more he’d tried to be reasonable with her, the angrier she’d gotten, and this time, it had been too much. His father had given him responsibility for straightening out this mess and he’d be godsdamned if he’d stand around and be insulted by the problem child herself.

As Lee approached Colonial One, he realized that he’d wasted the twenty minute walk pissed off at Kara and still had no idea how he would sidestep her refusal to apologize. He paused at the base of the stairs and took a steadying breath, feeling more than a little unprepared. _One step at a time, Lee. One step at a time._

:: :: ::

Tom Zarek’s outer office was spare, but neatly furnished. His aide, a thin woman named Thia, showed Lee to a comfortable chair and offered him water. He accepted and sat to wait for Tom, his mind reviewing options for smoothing over an already rocky relationship with the Baltar administration. He’d requested to meet with Tom alone, hoping that he could dispense with the inevitable posturing that the Vice President would need to do in front of an audience. His dealings with the man in the past had been tense, but he felt that Zarek had treated him with a respect he showed to few other people. They’d come a long way since their confrontation on the Astral Queen and, in part, Lee was responsible for Zarek’s position as Vice President as it had been Lee who’d forced President Roslin into holding elections at the end of President Adar’s term.

Now, however, Zarek had the upper hand. Recent discussions about the land dispute had yielded little more than bad blood and even Lee had grown weary of Tom’s hard line approach to negotiating. After years of tangling with his father, he was adept at holding his own with powerful men. Tom’s approach to negotiating had long been strong-arming his rivals with violence, but now, with an official position, he was left with harsh words instead of bombs.

Lee’s strategy was to reach for Tom’s bottom line, then negotiate from there. Lee had learned that a shallow offering brought scorn instead of results. Tom Zarek played hard and fast and Lee needed to be on high alert. Kara’s refusal to apologize had to be accepted and he needed to move on as if the offer of a personal apology had never been an option. He shifted his thinking and formulated an alternative that would provide an effective starting point. It was doubtful that Tom would accept his offer of an official investigation, but he would sell it as best he could and leave other more valuable offers off the table until Zarek pushed the matter to intolerable levels for the Fleet. He doubted that Tom was really interested in the Linot woman. She, like many of the people in Zarek’s plans, was just a means to get what he really wanted – the military land. That was something Lee would not be offering.

After fifteen minutes, Thia emerged from Zarek’s office.

“I’m sorry, Commander Adama. The Vice President apologizes, but he will be delayed for another twenty minutes. Can I get you another drink, sir? We also have some algae rations if you are hungry.” The woman gave him a perfunctory smile.

“No, thank you, Thia. I’m fine.” He smiled slightly and gave a mental nod to Tom and his attempt to throw Lee off his game by making him wait.

:: :: ::

The first twenty minutes were easy, but as the time rolled towards thirty-five, Lee was beginning to think that Zarek’s strategy of making him wait might be working. He’d begun to check his watch every minute or two and felt a growing anxiety in his chest. Maybe the Linot incident was more serious than he’d thought and he’d miscalculated. Lee stared hard at Zarek’s door, willing it to open and for Tom to emerge so they could start to resolve their issues.

After another ten minutes, Lee was seriously wondering if he was being played. He’d been waiting almost an hour and the idea that Kara might be right had really started to burn. The last thing he wanted to do was go back to her quarters with his tail between his legs and nothing to show for his time. _Frak._

At the sound of the door opening, Lee stood. It was Thia again.

“I’m sorry, Commander, but it appears that the Vice President will be unable to see you at all, sir. I do apologize for the inconvenience.”

Lee managed to keep his mouth from dropping open, but his irritation spiked into a full-fledged anger. He had been played. _Just like Kara said he would be._

“Well, that’s disappointing, Thia. I was looking forward to meeting with Mr. Zarek. Please send the Vice President my regards.” After many years of offering solicitude to officers he did not respect, Lee was a master at keeping his voice even and respectful.

As he turned away and stepped back through the door to the muggy air outside, he no longer bothered to hide is reaction. He was furious.

:: :: ::

By the time Lee made it back to Kara’s quarters, he was cold and soaked with rain. _Why didn’t I frakking drive? _It was a fitting end to a disastrous afternoon. He knocked on Kara’s door, hunching himself over to avoid the rain smacking against his face.

When there was no response, he knocked harder and called out, “Kara?”

Hearing a faint, “Come in,” he opened the door and stepped inside to find her waking from a nap. Rubbing at her eyes, she looked over at him, her face wrinkling as she saw his soaked uniform. “What happened to you?”

Lee pulled at the buttons on his jacket. “Frakking Zarek. That’s what happened to me.” His voice was bitter as he shrugged out of the rain-soaked garment and draped it over a chair. His tanks were wet and he stripped them off.

“What did he do?” Kara watched him cross her quarters and grab a towel.

He scrubbed it against his hair and over his face as he explained, “He blew off our meeting. I sat there for a frakking hour. An hour!”

“See? He’s an asshole. He was playing you.”

“I frakking know, all right. You don’t have to rub it in,” he snapped, roughly drying his arms and chest with the towel.

“Well, I did tell you,” she said matter-of-factly.

_She just couldn’t let it go._ This is just what he’d frakking expected. He should have just dragged his sorry ass to a raptor and gone back to Pegasus. He was so tired of arguing.

“Frak this,” he spat and turned away. Couldn’t she just frakking support him once in a while? _Godsdamnit._ He kept his back to her and took long calming breaths.

After a moment, he heard her stir, then felt her hands flat on his back and her forehead against his shoulder. “C’mon, baby. Zarek’s a jerk.”

Her fingers were warm against his cold flesh and his tone softened. “Yeah, I know. I just spent an hour finding that out. Again.”

Her hands slid up his back and she began to knead the tightness out of his shoulders, her strong fingers pressing and squeezing in just the right spots. The tension in his muscles started to ease and he dropped his head to stretch his neck.

After a few minutes of working the hard knots, Kara spoke. “Zarek’s a pro, Lee. And he plays dirty. Don’t sweat it.”

With a sigh, he leaned back against her chest, much of the fight and anger gone. “Yeah, I guess.”

She wrapped her arms around him and her breath tickled his ear as she spoke, “You want me to go hit him for you?” she teased.

“Very funny. I wish.” His lips curved into a smile for the first time since he’d come back soaking wet.

He turned in her arms, still smiling and pulled her against him, breathing in the scent of her hair and skin. “I’m sorry I stormed out earlier.”

“It’s okay. I was being a hard ass.”

“Yeah, you were.” He laughed as she tried to struggle away.

Kara laughed, too, and leaned her head back for a kiss.

:: :: ::

Two days later, Adama met Lee in Galactica’s CIC and they stepped into the Admiral’s ready room. The men sat across from each other at a large wooden table, old tensions a thing of the past. Recent events on the ground had started to forge a new relationship between the two men and they’d begun to work together to solve problems instead of against each other. Lee’s successful negotiation of the original land distribution had garnered him new respect from his father. He was grateful for the opportunity to do something intellectually stimulating as the mundane routines of commanding a battlestar had begun to wear on him.

Leaning back in his chair, Adama addressed his son, “Any updates about Zarek and the Linot woman?”

“Nothing. I’ve left word twice but I’ve gotten no invitation to meet. I still don’t know why Zarek would miss our meeting and then let the issue die. It’s not the way he operates.” Lee’s original thoughts of manipulation by Zarek had been replaced by worries about the strange silence coming from the Administration over the past few days.

“No, he keeps the pressure on until he gets what he wants. What does Kara say?” If Adama had any residual anger at Kara, Lee did not hear it.

“She says there’s nothing going on. The protesters are still coming, but without Tom’s rabble-rousing, their numbers are thinning.”

“Well, the more time that passes, the better for us. If things heat up again, we’ll move on it. For now, just keep monitoring.”

“Yes, sir.” Lee had already assigned several crewmen to monitor the wireless during their normal shifts. Any news about the incident would be reported immediately.

Unexpectedly, the comm buzzed and Adama answered. Lee watched his father’s face as he took the call, noting the thinning of his lips as he listened. Adama’s hand lingered on the receiver before he sighed and removed his glasses to pinch his fingers at the bridge of his nose. “Now we know why Tom Zarek has been absent.”

Lee leaned forward, concerned.

“President Baltar has been gravely ill for two days.” Adama replaced his glasses and gave Lee an even stare. “He died an hour ago.”

:: :: ::

The next afternoon, Lee stood formally in his dress grays watching mourners file past President Baltar’s coffin, a muted silver shell with the newly designed New Caprican flag draped over the middle, its fringed edges grazing the rough ground. His mind was still adjusting to the idea that Giaus Baltar had died, and under mysterious circumstances that Doc Cottle would not reveal. Despite his father’s rank, Major Cottle refused to give the details of the man’s medical condition, offering instead a crass suggestion about where the Admiral could stick his request for information. The official word was that Baltar had died of a reaction to medication he’d taken for an infection, but no indication had been given as to the nature of the infection and Zarek’s people were decidedly closed-mouthed about the circumstances surrounding his death.

For a long hour, Lee stood, his back aching as he watched the civilians shuffle past; he’d forgotten how difficult these formal affairs could be for officers who were expected to show perfect poise despite stiff and aching bodies. Through most of the procession, Lee’s eyes had been on Tom Zarek, now President of the Twelve Colonies, as he stood at the head of the coffin, his hair neatly cropped, mouth turned down in the proper expression of grief. Lee watched with interest as he greeted mourners, nodding and murmuring as a matter of course.

At the start of the service, Lee, Adama, and Kara, along with other dignitaries had greeted the President to offer condolences. His father had spoken to Zarek first and the two had exchanged a brief handshake, a formal acknowledgement of their changed relationship. Next in line, Lee was surprised to be received warmly by Zarek, who’d shaken his hand evenly and offered a genuine smile. Zarek had no such warmth for Kara, whom he’d acknowledged with a curt nod as she offered her formal condolences with a flat voice and bland expression. She’d grumbled her violent intentions to Lee as they walked away and he’d nudged her to be respectful.

Soon, the procession of civilians dwindled and Priestess Nivarra took her place at the head of the coffin, offering her ritual words of comfort. Formal funerals had become a rare thing in the civilian population, as overwhelming numbers of deaths immediately following the attacks had proven to be an exhausting and draining prospect. Now that they had settled on a planet, religious leaders and civilians had begun to hold small funerals at the newly created cemetery at the southern edge of the city. For the first time since the attacks, the ground was once again a final resting place for human beings.

As Lee observed the mourners leaving at the end of the funeral, he was struck by the muted grief they displayed, their faces flat with the burden of yet another death. Hope and peace had begun to take root on this gray planet, but he knew it would take much longer for colonists to feel safe. Unfortunately, Gaius Baltar had done little to promote their sense of safety and had instead allowed Tom Zarek to arouse suspicion and rancor about the military’s involvement in planetary matters. Now with Baltar deceased, Tom’s anti-military rhetoric would not require deference to the deceased President’s policies. It had been his father’s theory that despite Baltar’s lack of interest in politics, the man enjoyed the seat of power and had frequently countermanded Tom’s political maneuverings. Without Baltar as a check, Tom would be free to make policies as he saw fit.

During the journey back to Pegasus, Lee started to mentally prepare for the upcoming battles with the Zarek administration. Kara, Lee and his father a had already briefly discussed strategies for ensuring the safety of military personnel and families in the event of an actual civilian uprising, although Lee did not believe it would come to that. He had learned much from Tom Zarek, just through observation. He realized that Tom needed an enemy to fight against, but that he did not necessarily need or want to win. His identity was rolled up in his legacy as a fighter for the common people. As long as the military existed, he had a convenient enemy. It was unlikely that he would do anything to put that delicate balance at risk.

:: :: ::

A week later, Lee sat in his office, flipping through fuel consumption reports and yawning. Life had returned to normal pretty quickly after Baltar’s death. His father had continued to press Cottle and the Administration for details about the former President’s death, but no new information had come to light. Immediately following the death, the wireless had been abuzz with theories about the cause. When Zarek announced a ten day period of official mourning, the news organization had rapidly turned their attention to the potential candidates for the new Vice President.

Lee checked his watch and reached across his desk to the wall unit to flick on the wireless to catch _The Colonial Gang_ broadcast already underway. The voice of former Caprican Times reporter James McManus filled the room.

_There’s been no word from the Zarek administration about the appointment of a new Vice President. Sources close to Colonial One are saying that the frontrunner is the Virgon delegate, Marshall Bagot. You may remember Mr. Bagot as the delegate who originally nominated Tom Zarek for Vice President in the Roslin Administration. While Zarek did not win that nomination, Bagot has been a steadfast supporter of Zarek’s and many think the best choice for the position._

Sekou Hamilton’s voice broke in, _I disagree, James. Bagot is a terrible choice for Vice President. He brings no new ideas to the table and will do nothing more than parrot the President. The Administration needs to look elsewhere – to the civilian population perhaps. Jelisha Halley, for example, would be an excellent choice. As a former community activist on Gemenon, she has the experience and support to enhance Zarek’s influence. _

Lee frowned as he scribbled notes onto food rationing proposals and slid them into a neat pile at the edge of his desk. Jelisha Halley was an interesting choice. He’d met her a few times and had admired her ability to rally the civilians in peaceful demonstration. While she could be a tempering measure against Tom Zarek’s hard line, she was intensely beholden to the strict moral laws of Gemenon. Her policies tended to be non-inclusive and that might not go over well with the Taurons or Aerilons.

James McManus interrupted, _I agree with you that Halley is an excellent community organizer, Sekou, but only if you are Gemenese. Her policies are exclusionary and I cannot imagine the Aerilon citizens being too happy about her appointment._

Smiling as McManus echoed his thoughts, Lee tossed his pen on the desk and leaned back in his chair. The lively debate was a welcome break from the boredom of endless paperwork. He tucked his hands behind his head, put his feet up on the desk, and closed his eyes.

Fifteen minutes later, his enjoyment was interrupted by the buzzing comm.

“Adama,” he answered.

“Commander, this is Thia Moore, President Zarek’s assistant. The President would like to invite you to meet with him this afternoon, sir. Fifteen-hundred hours.”

Lee’s eyes widened. There had been a week of silence from Zarek’s people and all of the sudden he was requesting an urgent meeting. A jolt of anxiety tweaked his insides.

“This is very short notice, Thia. Can we reschedule for tomorrow morning?” One of the basic rules of negotiating: stall for time if unprepared.

“I’m sorry, sir, but the President has specifically requested to meet with you today.”

Lee inwardly groaned; what had happened now that he had not heard about? Surely this was not the continuation of Kara’s fight with Cheryl Linot. He believed the issue had disappeared when Baltar died.

“Can I ask about the purpose of the meeting?”

“I do not have that information, sir.” _Frak._ He hated the idea of meeting without being able to prepare.

“Have you checked with the Admiral and Commander Thrace? Are they able to attend?” He wondered if his father had agreed to meet on such short notice; it was not likely.

“I’m sorry, sir, but they will not be attending. The President has extended an invitation to you alone. Can I let him know you will attend?”

Lee felt backed into a corner. He could refuse, but common sense told him that he should not miss the first meeting with a new President. “All right, Thia. I will be there at fifteen hundred.”

:: :: ::

As soon as Lee arrived on Colonial One, he was surprised to be directed immediately into Zarek’s office. Tom gave Lee an easy smile and extended a hand in greeting. “Commander, it’s good to see you again.”

Lee grasped the man’s hand firmly and spoke in a serious tone, “My condolences once again, Mr. President. The Fleet has been mourning President Baltar’s passing.”

“Thank you, Commander. Please have a seat.” Tom directed him to an overstuffed chair and turned towards the small bar behind his desk. “Can I offer you a drink? I have Picon Whiskey and a small bottle of Archer’s Brew. Are you familiar?” He handed Lee a small blue bottle with a pale green label. “It’s was made on Saggitaron, by a small distillery near my hometown. I believe it is the last bottle in the universe.”

Lee admired the bottle and handed it back to Zarek. “That is an important bottle, Tom, and thanks for the offer, but you should save it for a special occasion. I’ll have the whiskey, thank you.” Lee smiled, curious about Tom’s light mood given the recent events.

The older man turned away and took two small glasses down from a high shelf and placed them on the table between the chairs. “Today _is _a special day, Commander.” Zarek met Lee’s eyes briefly before he poured a small amount of the bright blue liquid into each tumbler.

Lee picked up his glass and arched a questioning brow. “Why?”

Tom raised his glass to Lee and smiled. “Because today is the day you are going to agree to become my new Vice President.”


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Lee’s eyes widened and he chuckled, “Vice President? Me? I don’t think so.” He shook his head in disbelief.

Tom gave him an even stare. “I’m serious.”

Lee blinked hard and appraised him for a moment. “Why me? I’m not a politician.”

Zare’s lips curved into a smile, “But you are a politician, and a natural one at that. You think about the big issues and you stand up for what you believe in.”

With a dubious expression, Lee challenged him, “That’s not the only reason.” Zarek rarely made a move without multiple layers of motive.

Tom turned away to stare out the windows for a moment before looking again at Lee. “This may surprise you, but I’m at a crossroads right now. As President, I can continue to create division between the military and the civilians or I can heal the breach and move on.”

“A breach you created,” Lee said.

Tom smiled ruefully, “That may be true, but it does not change the fact that I have a decision to make. If the military and civilians cannot work together, it puts our future at risk. As much as I dislike the military machine, I believe the conflict is destroying us from the inside.” He faced Lee squarely.

Tom’s words surprised him. “Why now? Why does the conflict matter now when it didn’t matter before?”

“Because I wasn’t President before. As Vice President, I could pressure the military in a way that a President never would. I know that someday we will need the military and I don’t want to risk that. We are on the brink of civilian upheaval and the civilians will lose. I know your father and he will not back down.”

“Why does it have to come to that? Compromise is possible, Tom.”

“And that is exactly why you are the best person for the position. You can help us get there.”

“I’m already negotiating with the civilians on behalf of the military. Why bring me into the Administration?” Lee sensed that Tom’s real motivations were becoming clear.

“We need a military presence in the government. I realize that now. The government has been at odds with the Fleet since the Colonies were destroyed. Your father and Roslin managed to come to a working relationship, but I can never hope to find that with him. I am not naïve, Lee. Your father will never negotiate with me.” He paused. “But he will negotiate with you.”

Tilting his head, Lee snorted, “He might.” Lee recalled the numerous times that he’d gone head to head with his father, narrowly preserving their relationship.

“I believe he will. In fact, I’m counting on it," Tom said.

Appraising the older man, Lee said, “So, you want me to leave my command and negotiate against my father. Why would I do that?”

“Because you know that I am right about the risks and about your father. If he refuses to negotiate with me, that means he ignores the needs of the people. That will lead to violence. I won’t support violence, Lee, but my followers have their own ideas.”

“Is that a threat, Tom?” Lee sat forward in his chair, his face drawn tight.

“No, it’s not. It’s a fact. Your father will take the hard line against me and the civilians will lose.”

“I won’t take the position to help you undermine my father,” Lee said.

“I’m not asking you to.” Tom answered. “Think of it as a marriage between the Fleet and the civilians. With you in the administration, your father would be assured of fairness to the military and the civilians would know you serve their interests as the Vice President.”

Sitting back in his chair, Lee considered his words and saw the truth in them – his father would not budge with Zarek in power. Despite their belief that Zarek had been running the government anyway, President Baltar had always been available as a final appeal.

Lee stared hard at the tiny glass on the table in front of him. So many thoughts were spinning through his head that he could not really think.

“I’ll need some time to consider it.”

“I’ll give you three days, Lee. If you’re not interested, I need to move on.”

Lee nodded. “I understand. I’ll be in touch.” The men shook hands and Lee left Colonial One in a daze.

:: :: ::

In shock and confusion, Lee stepped up into the awaiting truck and it began to roll towards the base. Tom Zarek made a lot of valid points about the colonists and his new role as President. It was true that his father would fight harder for the military’s position against Tom Zarek and it was true that the conflict would escalate into violence. What was not so clear were Tom’s other motives for the unorthodox move of offering the Vice Presidency to a top military officer.

As the truck rumbled along, Lee tried to think through the permutations of the offer in his head, but it was swimming with anxious thoughts: his father’s reaction, Kara’s reaction, leaving the military, settling on the planet, abandoning Pegasus – it was all overwhelming. He had four days to think about it and right now he just needed to calm down.

:: :: ::

The truck dropped him at the hangar and he ordered a raptor to take him back to Pegasus. As he watched the ship being fueled, he frowned, thinking that talking to Kara right now would make him feel a lot better, but she was away for the next few days on a survey mission far south of the city.

Refusing a pilot, Lee decided to fly himself back to Pegasus, using the routine of flight checks and procedures to center himself. As he lifted off the raptor pad, he was able to replay the conversation with Zarek more clearly in his mind.

There were a lot of reasons that Tom was right: aligning the military and civilians could heal a lot of the wounds that had been created over the past few months. He worried, though, about how he would balance the military needs and the civilian needs. In his current capacity as negotiator, he was strongly footed in the military’s camp and had been negotiating to the Fleet’s advantage. In that role, he’d ignored the voice that told him his father was being as hard-nosed as Zarek about the issue. He’d been given a lot of bargaining lassitude, but he knew his father’s bottom line and had not crossed it. Taking the position of VP with Zarek would surely cross that line.

The small ship jostled him as it broke through atmosphere and he sped towards the orbiting battlestars. With both Pegasus and Galactica in sight, he had a sudden urge to speak to his father. So, despite his anxiety about the older man’s reaction, he changed his course and radioed Galactica’s flight deck for clearance.

:: :: ::

Lee strode towards his father’s quarters with his heart racing and swallowed hard as the guard waved him through. Approaching the familiar old desk, he found his father doing paperwork and greeted him. His father glanced up and offered him a seat.

“How are you, son?” Adama asked.

“I’m intrigued, Dad.” His voice was unexpectedly tight.

“Intrigued?” Adama glanced up as he flipped through a report.

After a pause, Lee took a breath and began, “I met with Tom Zarek today.” He paused, all his carefully planned words escaping him. “He made an . . . unusual offer.”

Adama laid down the report and leaned back to look at him. “What kind of offer?”

Lee smiled self-consciously, “He asked me to join the government.”

“What do you mean, son?” Adama’s eyes narrowed.

“He asked me to become his Vice President.” Lee kept his expression guarded awaiting his father’s reaction.

The older man pushed back in his chair and stood. With a curious expression, Lee watched him round the desk and pour whiskey into two glasses. He handed one to Lee and moved into the dining area to sit at the table.

Adama took a long drink. “I was wondering when this would happen.” He glanced at Lee.

“What do you mean?” Lee sat in the chair across the table took a drink.

“Tom Zarek is good at what he does. He tries to tip the scale in his favor and he’s good at identifying people who can help him.”

Lee leaned back in his chair. “And you think I’m the one he’s identified?”

Adama took another drink, “Yes. I do. Zarek’s tactics about the land aren’t working and now he’s looking to make a political alliance.”

Lee’s brow creased as he considered his father’s words. “But what if he’s on to something, Dad? What if his idea is actually a good one? A political alliance makes sense.”

His father’s eyes flashed at him. “You can’t be serious.”

“Think about it. With me in that position, I could make sure the military gets what it needs. It could be a smart move.” Lee’s mind was racing with the possibilities and he missed the hardening of his father’s features.

“Absolutely not.” He stared at his son with narrowed eyes.

Lee blinked in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s not an option. You are the commander of a battlestar, not a politician. You have duties to perform and I need you here.” Adama rose and walked back to his desk, leaving Lee staring after him.

“Listen” Lee said, rising to approach the desk. “You said I have a duty to the Fleet. Well, I do. But I also have a duty to the people of the Twelve Colonies – the people of New Caprica. Tom Zarek is the legal President of the Colonies –”

Adama’s turned on him, “Tom Zarek is a manipulator and a terrorist and I will not have you working for him. This discussion is over. Dismissed.”

Lee pressed on, not caring about the flat anger in his father’s face. “We have a godsdamned responsibility to the people on this planet and it’s a hell of a lot more important than a pissing match between you and Tom Zarek.”

“Dismissed, Commander,” his father growled. The two men faced off, long years of resentment and disagreements settling between them.

“I came here for advice, not for orders, but that’s all you ever know how to do.” Lee turned on his heel and took a few steps toward the door before pausing. “You know, for once I wish you could just talk to me like a son instead of a soldier.” With his throat squeezing painfully, he left his father staring after him.

:: :: ::

Lee strode through the corridors of Galactica nurturing a simmering rage, barely registering the faces streaming by. He questioned his common sense about expecting his father to discuss the issue like a rational man. He was bullheaded and stubborn and he was so used to being obeyed that he forgot how to calmly discuss things he didn’t agree with. He just walked around giving orders and expecting them to be followed without question. For his entire adult life, he had butted heads with his father and this would be no exception. He had been genuinely confused about Zarek’s offer and wanted to discuss it with one of the most important people in his life. He should have known better.

As he strapped into his raptor, his mind was abuzz with the confrontation and images of his last act of defiance. Seeing his father bloody and dying on that table had shaken him to his core and defiance would forever be linked to that incident. He didn’t imagine a similar fate for defying his father now, but the memory of it tinged the decision with extra worry. Lee loved his father and didn’t want to spend the rest of his life trying to heal an already damaged relationship. With a deep sigh, he hoped it would never come to that.

:: :: ::

Kara pushed the throttle forward and settled gently on the flattest spot she could find on the rocky terrain. They’d been flying for an hour doing an aerial survey of the land south of New Caprica and along the mountain range that curved east towards the poles. The ground was rough, dotted with black boulders and very little vegetation. As she turned west away from the mountains, the ground smoothed out and she could safely land the craft for the evening. The sun was starting to dip behind the horizon and her stomach was rumbling with hunger. They’d set up camp here for the night and take ground samples in the morning.

The raptor was already laden with twenty or so core samples that the scientists had taken in the first forty-eight hours. At the start of the mission, Kara had watched them with some interest, never having observed her science team in action. Now, though, she couldn’t believe that people actually found this crap interesting.

She’d bitten her tongue, however, and had provided assistance where she was needed. To amuse herself, she’d gone off for a while by herself to do some target practice. The sharp crack of the gun and the recoil between her hands had made her smile and she’d wished she could take the raptor and shoot at some of those big boulders a few clicks back.

As the team shuffled out of the raptor, she yawned wide and unstrapped her harness. She’d been so bored recently, despite the fervor over Baltar’s death, and she'd just wanted to get away. Lee was ever occupied with duties on Pegasus, so she’d jumped to leave the base for a few days and go exploring. Now, as she stepped into the chilly air, she thought she might prefer to be laid out on her rack with a bottle of ambrosia. No such luck here and she cursed herself for her poor last minute planning. The science crew was a straight laced bunch of men and women who sat around the fire talking about geological formations and old research that got abandoned when the colonies were destroyed. Only one of the crew, Captain Sana Halbert, was regular military, but the rest had volunteered when New Caprica had been first discovered and had been assisting the military ever since.

They had half a day left when Halbert started to discuss her predictions about the planet’s suitability for fostering the human race. The woman admitted to partial evidence thus far, but cautioned Kara that the results of this trip, the third such survey, were very discouraging. The woman echoed a conversation she’d had a month ago with Lee and Adama where she delivered her last report about the teams’ findings on their survey north. Adama had grimaced and ordered more flyovers and samples. He seemed determined to find some other source of viable land. Kara imagined that he wasn’t quite ready to admit that settling here might have been a mistake.

Despite their differences, she knew the old man was tired – like the rest of them – and wanted to get off the cylon roller coaster. She’d wanted that, too, at least for a while, but as the weeks turned into months and her intense work in constructing the base wound down, she was left feeling unsettled and antsy. Now that she’d come along to view the rest of the planet up close, she was even more unsettled. There was nothing here. No vegetation, no color, no frakking life and she started to wonder how in the hell they were supposed to build a civilization here.

Inevitably, her thoughts turned to Earth and the stark differences between the two planets. When these thoughts came into her head, she usually shook them off and tried to adapt to her life on New Caprica. She’d never expected much out of her life in the first place, so she’d thought she should be happy with a warm bunk, a loving partner, and good job. But she wasn’t. The thought of Earth nagged at her, especially now as she lay on her sleeping roll staring at the stars. Somewhere out there, she thought, was their real home. As she drifted off to sleep, her mind was filled with the lush greens and blues of their mother planet and a longing to find it settled deep in her gut.

:: :: ::

After a fitful night’s sleep, Lee woke with a calmer sense of purpose and less anxiety than he’d felt the day before. It had been less than twelve hours since he’d met with Tom Zarek, but the idea of leaving the service had begun to filter through his actions. Every routine thing he did took on a new meaning and he imagined how his life might be without the endless red tape of military procedures, brokering conflicts among crew, endless reports and paper work. This was the life his father loved. Lee had never intended it for himself. He had been a reservist and aside from a agreeing to a short term assignment as a test pilot, he’d intended to serve his last few years on weekend assignments before moving into the private sector. He had no idea what he would have done there, but he was sure it would have been better than this.

After a quick shower and meal, he moved to his desk and flicked on the wireless, which had become crucial in helping Lee get through his long days of paperwork. Until this moment, he had not realized just how bored he had become with his command. It was frakking endless, he thought. If he read another fuel consumption report, maintenance schedule, or personnel review, he thought his eyes might fall out of his skull. The debate and commentary on the wireless gave him something to think about when he couldn’t bear to sign another meaningless order. Lee scrubbed a hand across his face and willed himself to focus on his work. He was not out of the military yet, and it was a long shot that it would even happen.

As his day continued into evening, the argument with his father still streamed through his mind. With time and distance, however, he began to rationally consider his fathers warnings. Maybe Zarek was playing a game that he could not detect. Zarek was a complicated man with many layers of motivation that Lee could not possibly know. Bits of previous conversations with the man filtered into his mind, leaving him wondering how his perceptions of Tom could be so different from his father’s and Kara’s. He’d worked with him more closely than either of them and they had always found common ground. It was true that he did not condone some of his methods, but he realized a long time ago that they shared a common goal. Making his father see that would be close to impossible.

At the end of his long day, he finally pushed back from his desk and put thoughts of his father aside. He still had three more days to make his decision and he needed to sleep.

Finally stretching out on his rack, his mind settled, falling into a lighter, less anxious place. In the end, what bubbled to the surface were his feelings for Kara. He smiled to himself, thinking about how she’d flitted through his mind a thousand times that day, how much he missed her, and how the idea of living a few clicks from her filled him with an unexpected delight. Living closer to her was no reason to work for Zarek, but as he drifted off to sleep, the thought of having her in his arms every night made him feel calmer and more at peace than he’d felt in many, many years.

:: :: ::

Kara arrived back from the survey mission eight hours later than she’d expected. The raptor’s radio had failed and she’d spent two hours trying to fix it, only to short out one of the instrument panels. By the time she got everything repaired with a stream of curses and thrown tools, she was tired and irritated and needed to sleep. She piloted the crew back to base and chewed out her Chief for his crap maintenance. She knew it wasn’t his fault, but she didn’t really care. The man had nodded and barked orders to someone else to get to work on the bird.

Finally flopping down on her rack with a bottle of ambrosia, Kara’s body ached. She’d slept on the ground for two nights and her back was bruised from the jutting rocks. She hadn’t complained – would never complain, but her body mirrored her mind, tired, worn out, and protesting. The failure to find farmable land again had pushed her toward an irrational anger about the government’s choice to settle on this hunk of rock.

Gods, the frakking politicians and their stupid decisions, she thought, tossing back a mouthful. She’d risked so much for Roslin and the woman had gone and lost an election and all their plans for finding Earth had gone out the airlock. Kara still couldn’t believe that an election had messed up everything. Groaning, she took another long draw of ambrosia then stripped of her sweatshirt.

Sinking back against the wall, her mind spun with blame and one name kept popping to the top of the list: Tom Zarek. He was the one who caused these problems. Baltar, gods save his motherfrakking soul, hadn’t given a shit about politics – he’d told her as much. It was Zarek who wanted power, Zarek who’d pushed him to run for office and she was sure as frak it was Zarek who’d pushed him into settling on New Caprica. She’d seen the doubt in Baltar’s eyes when he gave his first campaign speech about the issue, and Zarek was right there, smooth talking the press and getting votes. Now that the stupid frak had gone and died, Zarek had all the power he wanted. Feeling slightly buzzed, Kara downed the last of the ambrosia and slid the rest of the way down the wall to stretch out on her rack. She was grateful for the quieting of her mind and fell promptly asleep.

:: :: ::

On the third and final day after Zarek’s offer, Lee sat at his desk considering his decision to accept the position of Vice President. He’d thought long and hard about their fragile society and how everything that could be done should be done to make it thrive. Trust and cooperation were critical to their survival as a race and these conflicts were tearing them apart for no reason that Lee could support. He imagined that his appointment as Vice President would raise more than a few eyebrows and his anxiety tweaked every time he thought about sitting across the table from his father as a representative of the government, but he felt like he no longer had a choice.

To that end, he’d come up with a plan to make the transition as smooth as possible and to get support where he could find it. The evening before, he’d shuttled down to the planet to meet with Laura Roslin. The former President had been gracious and attentive as he laid out his view of Zarek’s offer. Like his father, she had not been surprised that Zarek had offered him a position in the government. She’d admitted with a doubtful smile that she thought the Vice Presidency was a bit of a stretch considering Lee’s relative inexperience, but she accepted it nonetheless. Laura had responded thoughtfully in her evaluation of Zarek and his possible motives, describing her various interactions with him and sharing some of the inside information she’d had as part of President Adar’s administration. Lee had been grateful for her counsel and after much discussion, Laura had agreed that the move could be a very good one.

They’d both laughed nervously when Lee mentioned his father’s anger and Laura had offered to speak to the elder Adama on his behalf. Lee had been immensely grateful and breathed a sigh of relief as he’d left their meeting. Even now, he was still doubtful that his father would come around, but this was his best shot.

The last thing he’d done before seeing Kara was to examine the laws about military and governmental powers. He’d vaguely remembered one of his professors at the Academy indicating that the President had the power to relieve any military officer of his or her position by official decree. It had never been done in the history of the Colonies, and Lee did not relish the idea of being the first, but with some additional research, he’d found the relevant procedures and had outlined the process for himself.

With most of the details compiled, he rolled away from his desk, leaned back in his chair and thought about his father’s possible reaction to his decision. He’d put a lot of trust into Laura Roslin and hoped his father would do the same.

:: :: ::

As Kara’s arrival approached, Lee became more nervous than he’d expected. He wished that she’d been around when he first got the offer, but it hadn’t worked out that way and now she was coming in on the tail end. He knew that all of this would come as a surprise to her, but he didn’t feel right making such a huge decision without talking to her first.

He grinned when he heard the hatch wheel spin, feeling that lick of excitement and arousal he always felt when he was about to see her. She walked in looking beautiful and desirable wearing a smirk and unzipping her flightsuit before she reached him. Dropping her bag on the floor, she reached out, touched his chest and kissed him, sliding her fingers along his shoulders and into his hair. Lee wrapped his arms around her, opening his mouth to her questing tongue and pulled her close. He broke the kiss and inhaled the scent of her skin, sweat and tylium and the chalky dust of New Caprica filling his nose.

“Gods, I missed you,” he breathed into her ear. She squeezed him harder and they kissed again, long lingering kisses that spoke of need and separation and all he could think about was how he desperately wanted to do this every day of his life. With a sobering thought about his future, he pulled away gently and kissed her forehead.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

She tilted her head back. “Hmmm?”

“I met with Tom Zarek a few days ago.” Lee released her and stepped back. “He made me a crazy offer.”

Kara focused on him. “What kind of offer?” She pulled her arms out of her flightsuit and pushed it down to her waist. “He’s offering to quit?”

He smiled. “No, not that. He asked me to join the government.”

“The government? Doing what?” she asked with skepticism.

“Being his Vice President.”

Her eyes went wide. “What? Are you kidding? He wants _you _to be Vice President?”

Lee ignored her emphasis on the word _you_. “No, I’m not kidding.”

Kara shook her head against the idea and spoke, “Well, that’s just crazy. You told him to shove it up his ass, right?” She turned away from him, clearly not imagining that he might consider it, and started to rummage through her bag.

He stayed silent and waited for her to turn back. When she saw his expression, her mouth fell open a bit. “You’re not serious. He’s a godsdamned terrorist, Lee. Are you crazy?”

Raising his hands to ward her off, he spoke evenly, “I’m not crazy. Just listen for a minute.” She pressed her lips together to quiet the rush of words, but he could see her jaw working as she tumbled the idea around in her head.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking about this since he approached me a few days ago. I know he has plots within plots, but he made a good offer and I agree with the idea in principle.” Her eyes appraised him narrowly, but he continued, “We are at a stalemate between the military and the civilians and even when this issue gets resolved, there will always be tension. What we need is for the military to have a legitimate seat in the government. We need somebody on the inside who can make sure we’re covered.” He took a step towards her and spoke earnestly, “I think I can do that.”

Kara chewed on her lip, breathing in and out, waiting for her turn to speak.

Lee said, “One thing that Zarek said is very true: my father will not negotiate with him. He hates him, just like you—”

“Damn right,” Kara interjected, momentarily unable to hold back her opinion. Lee flashed her a look and continued speaking.

“Anyway. If the top of the military food chain won’t negotiate, what have we got? Nothing. We’ll dance around compromise forever, but when it comes down to it, there is no one in the government that Dad will trust. And as much as he might not like it, he will be able to trust me.” Lee shook his head and walked around as he spoke. “We have all the weapons and power and we need to use them wisely. Dad has been in charge of everyone – every man, woman, and child, since the Colonies were attacked. He told us when to jump, where to jump, and managed just barely to keep us alive. It almost fell apart once – and that was with Roslin, someone he now respects. I know that will not happen with Zarek. Dad will never yield.”

They stood in silence, Kara chewing on her thumbnail and Lee watching her inscrutable features.

“What did your father say,” she asked in low and tightly controlled voice.

“He said no way and refused to discuss it.” Lee shook his head at her. “Just like he’ll do to Zarek. We’re stuck Kara and I might be the only way out of it.” He paused and waited, eyeing her expectantly.

Her voice was strained, “You’re going to give up command?”

“Yes.”

A pause. “Just like that? You’re gonna muster out and move down to New Cap?” There was something in her voice, some tone he couldn’t identify.

“Yeah. Just like that. You know I never wanted a career in the military.” He let the words hang in the air.

She was still, like a bomb that’s been detonated but has yet to explode. Anxiety crawled up his back, and he steeled himself for what was coming.

Shaking her head hard, she started to pace and her features screwed up into anger. “I’m really trying to get my head around this, Lee. But I can’t. I really can't. Gods, Lee, he makes my blood boil. He is a mother frakker of the worst kind. He doesn’t give a shit about the conflict – he wants power. You leave, he has it. You are a pawn, Lee. Don’t you see that?”

“You act like I have no say in the matter. I will be the—”

“You will be nothing. A Vice President is nothing, Lee. It’s a figurehead, someone to bow to the President, a patsy. You will have no power. He is going to use you to get the land he wants and then he’ll dispose of you. I can’t believe you've talked yourself into this. It’s frakking unbelievable.” Her pacing stopped and she raised her hands outward in disbelief and gaped at him.

It took all of his control, but Lee managed to stay calm. He’d expected this reaction—she hated Zarek and had defended the military her whole adult life. He understood why this was hard for her.

“Kara, look. It’s not perfect. Hell, it’s far from perfect, but it’s better than what we have now. The real losers are going to be the forty-thousand people who are waiting for peace and safety. They want to move forward. They don’t want these problems. They just want to live a normal frakking life, Kara. _I _want to live a normal life.” He stepped towards her and lowered his voice, speaking earnestly, “I want a chance at that bright shiny future we laughed about. Remember? If this is my chance to have a normal and happy life, I’m gonna frakking take it.”

He watched the conflicting emotions flit across her face, the anger and frustration building. Then she snapped.

“Zarek’s not gonna give you or the people that future, Lee. Our future died when Baltar and Zarek dumped the search for Earth and left us on this crap shit planet. We’re stuck on this rock now and frankly, I don’t really give a shit what the people do. You’re a fool if you think any good kind of life is gonna happen here. I’d rather fight toasters every frakking day than live my life swallowing dust and sitting at a godsdamned desk. How can you frakking settle for this?” she shouted at him and then walked away.

Her bitterness surprised Lee and he followed her, his face wrinkling in confusion. “Where is all of this coming from, Kara? I thought you wanted to live on New Caprica – you transferred – everything else?” His words didn’t make sense and so many thoughts were smashing together in his mind. He knew she hated Zarek and she complained about New Caprica, but he’d never heard this.

When she didn’t answer, he pushed her. “Kara, what happened? Talk to me.”

Kara turned around and opened her mouth to respond but the comm’s buzzing interrupted her.

“Frak,” Lee muttered and stepped over to the comm. “Adama.” He listened for a moment and then extended the phone to Kara. “It’s for you.”

Kara took the phone and before long her face twisted into anger. “Frak. Lock it down. I’ll be there in twenty-five.”

Kara clicked off the receiver, gave Lee a hard stare, and put in a call to the flight deck. “Chief, fuel my raptor, I’ll be there in two minutes.”

She slammed down the receiver and faced him.

“What happened?”

“It’s frakking Zarek, Lee. I told you. He can’t be trusted. There was a shooting at the base gate – Sgt. Frick went down. Now tell me how the frak you’re supposed to fix that.”

“Frak.” Lee’s jaw worked as he thought immediately about the implications.

Ignoring him, Kara yanked up the arms of her flight suit and pulled hard on the zipper.

“Hold on, Kara. You don’t even know what happened. Maybe it wasn’t Zarek.”

“Yeah right.” She grabbed her bag and started to walk out.

“Kara, wait. What about the offer?”

She stopped with her hand on the hatch. “I don’t know, Lee. I don’t frakking know. It’s a godsdamned mess.” With a shake of her head, she inhaled and turned to face him. “Zarek is never gonna change, you know.”

“I know, Kara, I know. But I still have to deal with this.” His voice was strident and he raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. _Frak_. Why were things always so hard?

Something in his expression must have caught her attention because Kara doubled back, gave him a quick hard kiss on the mouth and squeezed his shoulder. “Look, we’ll figure this out, okay. I’ll call you when I know what’s going on.”

Lee frowned as he watched the hatch close behind her. Things were spiraling out of control again and he knew what had to be done. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The shooting of Sgt. Frick was the final straw. The land dispute thus far had been without injury. Now, however, with the prospect of escalating physical violence, Lee’s decision was easy. With a sharp twinge of anxiety in his gut, he breathed deeply, forming the words in his mind before he called Zarek. He was insightful enough to realize that this decision would wreak havoc with his personal life. His father might never forgive him and Kara would be forever suspicious. In so many ways, it was an untenable position, but Lee felt driven by a higher purpose now. This was something he needed to do and even with all of the rational arguments on his side, it was his gut that pushed him forward. He picked up the comm, connected to Colonial One, and changed his life forever.

Hanging up the phone with shaking fingers, he sat heavily on his chair. It was done.

For the next hour, he willed himself to be calm, shuffling papers blindly, sorting through his drawers aimlessly, and waiting for his father or Kara to come storming through his door. As one, then two hours passed, he started to feel calmer, less worried about the consequences and more comfortable with his decision. He would just have to deal with what was to come. Some things were more important than his personal feelings. Not many, he thought, but some.

As the day passed, he’d begun to prepare himself to leave Pegasus. During his brief conversation with Zarek, Lee had asked for two additional days to work out the details of terminating his military career. Tom had agreed and the two were set to meet in forty-eight hours. Lee hoped to have his father’s agreement by then and if not, well, he and Zarek would have an official order to prepare before Lee could be sworn into office.

:: :: ::

A few hours after arriving planetside, Kara paced around her office unable to sleep, impatient for more news about the shooting. Doc Cottle had said that Sergeant Frick would survive his wounds, but he probably wouldn’t regain consciousness for a while. The one witness on the scene had been tightlipped about the event and all they’d learned was that an argument had broken out between the two men and there’d been gunfire. The man in custody, Wills Archeron, was a known protester and had been caught around the military equipment in the northern farmlands at least twice.

Kara was on edge from her argument with Lee, still stunned that Zarek would pull a frakking stunt like asking Lee to be his VP. More than that, she really could not get her head around the idea that Lee was actually considering it, especially now that one of her men had been shot. Zarek needed to be stopped, not supported.

Finally, when the restlessness became too much, Kara left her office and went to her quarters to change into running clothes. A good jog would clear her head and by the time she returned, Frick might be awake.

:: :: ::

Several hours later, Lee’s confidence began to waver as the difficult details of his transition overwhelmed him. Fragments of his conversation with Kara flashed through in his mind and he was left feeling unsettled. He’d expected his decision to relieve him of his anxiety, but as time passed, his worry about Kara’s support grew. It bothered him that it mattered so much. He’d always thought of Kara as the stubborn, independent one and now here he was, worrying about how _she _would react to him. 

He kept thinking about how much everyone hated Zarek and started to wonder how he was going to manage all of the angry people in his life now that he had made the call. He’d had years of experience dealing with his father’s disapproval and despite his disappointment, Lee was prepared to suffer the blows to their relationship. But Kara’s anger and her longstanding hatred of Zarek made his chest tighten with anxiety. They’d come a long way since she left Pegasus and his worry about the damage to their relationship weighed on him. Propelled by a need to make it right, he ignored his body’s need for sleep and rose from his chair, slipped on his jacket and called down to the hangar bay to order a raptor. Fifteen minutes later, he was on his way to New Caprica.

:: :: ::

Feeling calmer and refreshed after a run and a shower, Kara made her way to the infirmary to find Sgt. Frick groggy but conscious.

“Sergeant. How’s the gut?” She gestured at the large wadding of bandages and tubes surrounding his abdomen. The bullet had gone clean through his body above the hip, nicking his kidney and perforating his intestine. He was lucky that Doc Cottle had been on base at the time, or he would have bled out.

Frick smiled weakly, “Don’t feel much right now, Sir. Just tired.”

“Don’t get too used to the morpha, Sergeant. Cottle’s gonna yank it first chance he gets,” she said.

“Yes, sir.” Frick briefly closed his eyes, then focused back on Kara.

“I have a few questions, then I’ll let you enjoy your R&amp;R. What happened out there?”

“Archeron just came at me, Sir. With no warning. I think he meant to kill me.”

“Did he say anything?”

Frick’s eye contact wavered and he hesitated. "No, Sir." Kara’s instincts sharpened.

“So he just walked towards you with a weapon? And you just stood there and got shot?” She was dubious.

The man looked at his feet.

“Frick!” Kara snapped.

His eyes snapped to hers. “Sir.”

“Report.” Kara got close to his face and growled. “I’ve got extra guards the base gate right now, ready to pop the next civilian who opens his mouth. If there is more going on, you better spill right frakking now.”

His eyes widened. “I-I slept with his wife, Sir.” At least the man had the decency to turn bright red at the admission and she almost laughed at the comedy of it.

“Right,” Kara said, keeping her face stern and leaning away to cross her arms over her chest. “Well done, Sergeant. I’ve got the whole base on lockdown because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants.” The man averted his eyes.

Kara shook her head in disbelief and walked past the bed to a comm unit and clicked open a channel to Major Pendry, her second. “Stand down, Major. The shooting wasn’t about the protest. Romeo here frakked the guy’s wife.” She barked a laugh at something on the other end, dropped the receiver on the comm and turned back to Frick.

“I hope you enjoyed the lay, Sergeant, cause the only thing you’ll be frakking anytime soon is your hand. I’ll see you in the brig.” Glaring, she snorted at him and turned away.

By the time she stepped outside, she was chuckling. The look on Frick’s face was priceless. As pissed as she was at the moron for nearly starting a civil war, the fact that it had almost started because he was frakking some guy’s wife made her laugh. It wasn’t like she hadn’t done the exact same thing with what’s-his-name back at the Academy, but at least she’d been smart enough not to get caught. Maybe some time in the brig would give the guy time to think of a better strategy.

:: :: ::

Touching down on the raptor pad, Lee pulled off his belt and left the bird to sign the post-flight checklist. The base was quiet this time of night and most of the crews were sleeping. The evenings on New Caprica were getting colder and the scientists predicted a long cool season before a potentially difficult winter. So much about the planet was unknown, despite their best science. Predicting was one thing, but actually living through snow and cold was another. He shivered a bit in anticipation.

As he walked, he heard laughter and chatter coming from a few tents along the way. Military crew had begun to adapt to the routine and security of the planet and emergency drills and panic were a thing of the past. He knew that Kara kept them on their toes, never allowing them to get too comfortable, but even she had grown more relaxed about putting the crew through their paces. He smiled, thinking of the swagger she used for new recruits, scaring the shit out of them and sending them reeling into a frenzy of efforts to please their commander.

Kara’s quarters were dimly lit and he hoped she was still awake. With a soft knock, he got a call to enter. Lee opened the door with a smile and greeting. She looked up from the table with a surprised expression.

“Lee. What are you doing here?” He felt a bit of relief when she smiled in return and stepped towards him, her earlier anger clearly gone.

He dropped a small bag onto the floor. “I couldn’t sleep. I came to finish our conversation.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You came all the way down here to finish talking?”

He smiled sheepishly, “Yeah.”

“You and your talking, Lee. Too many frakking words.” But she laughed and slid her arms around his waist and tilted her head up.

As she pressed against him, he realized that he didn’t want to talk any more. The last three days had been full of worry, and fear, and indecision, and now he just wanted to relax and forget for a while.

Sliding one hand up her back, he pressed his lips against hers, parting the way with his tongue. Gods, she tasted so good and he deepened their kiss as he pulled at her shirt buttons. His uniform jacket was mostly off by the time the buttons were undone and her bra was stripped away. The full mounds filled his hands and he squeezed, flicking the nipples with his thumbs as they kissed. Her hands were on him, around him, pulling and pressing them together.

He broke their kiss to slide his lips along her neck and she let her head fall back, sighing and accepting the wet heat of his mouth on her breasts. As they settled themselves on the rack, Kara straddled Lee’s thighs and pressed herself along his torso. She pushed her pelvis into his erection and he moaned into her shoulder. Skimming his hands along Kara’s sides, he gripped her ass beneath her trousers and ground himself against. Her breath caught as he hiked her up higher on his hips to take her nipple into his mouth hungrily. She laughed in his ear and teased him about his fascination with her breasts and pulled away to strip off their pants. His eyes devoured her and she gazed back, smirking and bending over him to draw a line down his chest with her finger before he grabbed her impatiently, and pulled her against his awaiting erection.

She was strong against his urging hands and she hovered above him, teasing the tip with her wetness until he was bucking beneath her, clenching his jaw in frustration. With a triumphant grin, she sunk down on him, making a throaty sound, part laugh part moan and closed her eyes. He watched her pleasure and they began to move together, his hands alternating between fondling her breasts and gripping her hips as she rode him. Faster and faster she moved, her breath coming in tiny gasps through her open mouth. As the pleasure coiled in his balls, his eyes slammed closed, and he focused on the sensation of his cock inside her. Her fingers gripped his ribs until she was moaning and collapsing down onto him as he thrust up inside her. Her body shook, coming hard with her hands clamped around his biceps, crying out as he frakked her. The guttural sound of her orgasm shattered him and he bucked harder, frenzied in his lust until he was groaning and digging his fingers into her ass.

When they finally stilled, he was sated, full, and happy. With all thoughts about his decision gone, he fell fast asleep.

:: :: ::

A few hours later, the light was breaking through the small window of Kara’s quarters. Lee struggled awake, blinking hard, knowing that he would soon be needed back on Pegasus. Kara was tucked into his shoulder, sleeping soundly with a leg thrown over his thighs. He brushed a hair off her face, feeling amazed still that he was here with her. He was loathe to disturb the calm, but with time pressing, he shook her awake.

She lifted her head. “What?” she grumbled and dropped her head back to his shoulder.

“We need to talk,” sleep deepened his voice and she snuggled in tighter against him.

“Talking is overrated,” she mumbled into his shoulder, her voice thick with sleep.

“Kara. I’m serious. I have to get back in an hour.”

“Maybe you should have though of that last night before you decided to frak me instead.”

He laughed despite himself and kissed her hair. “Well, maybe there are _some _things more important than talking.”

When she growled and started to slide her hand down his stomach, he captured it and held it firmly against his chest. “Nope. Talking now.”

Kara grumbled more and sat up, stretching and yawning widely. “All right, Lee. Talk.” She climbed over him and sat cross-legged facing him on the end of the bed. Lee’s eyes dropped to her bare breasts and he reached onto the floor for her shirt.

He tossed it at her and smiled, “I can’t think with those things staring at me.” Kara barked a laugh and slid the shirt up her arms and buttoned it closed.

“I love you, you know?” he asked, taken with her casual sexiness.

“Yeah, I know. Now, out with it.” She settled back against the tall locker at the end of the bed and gave him an impatient expression.

Lee propped himself up on a pillow and spoke, “Zarek.”

Kara rolled her eyes.

Lee inhaled. “I took the job.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed. He could see the energy coiling in her muscles.

With a sharp exhale, he began, “Look, I know you don’t agree. I get it. And I would have loved it if you had supported me here, but I get it.”

Kara began to speak, but he held up a hand. Like the day before, she waited. Surprise registered somewhere in his mind, and he continued speaking.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about why I need to do this and I only got to say some of it yesterday when we talked. I told you all of the political reasons but I didn’t tell you why _I_ need to do it.” He was bolstered by her eyes softening slightly.

“This whole thing is about more than the land dispute. It’s about the military being out of the loop. Aside from our weapons, the military has very little influence. No official role in the government. We don’t know what’s going on. We need a person inside to find out what’s going on and I want to be that person. I want to see what Zarek is doing and to try to change it.”

“A VP has no power, Lee.” Her eyes held suspicion.

“It’s not always about power, Kara. Sometimes is about leverage and position and being in the right place at the right time. A lot of things about this work for me. I want out, Kara. I don’t want to spend my frakking life on a battlestar. I want a normal life and I want it with you. Here. On New Caprica.”

Kara shook her head slightly and looked down to where her fingers twisted around the ends of her shirt.

“I know this is all sudden and really just frakking overwhelming, but I have to do it. I need to be part of something greater and I need to see what Zarek is doing. I have no power on Pegasus. Military power yes, a few thousand soldiers if I need them, but it’s all happening down here. What Zarek is doing will be with us for a long long time and if I can influence the decisions he makes, then I have to try. You and dad and I can talk forever about what Zarek should be doing, but that’s it. If I am Vice President, I will have a public voice. I can work to create a better government. It’s not just what Zarek does. I’ll get to have a voice, too.”

“You’ll have to support his bullshit line.”

“Yeah, I know, but I can also work behind the scenes. I have a voice and I can use it to offer people a different view. I’m not naïve, Kara, despite what you and dad seem to believe. I know that Zarek is dangerous. But what if I can temper that? What if?” He stared at her, begging her to understand.

She looked back, an odd expression on her face and he hoped she might be changing her view.

“If I stay on Pegasus, it’s just more of Zarek’s cronies and we’ve got nothing. If I’m here, in the government, at least we have someone on the inside. You have to trust me, Kara.”

After a long pause, Kara met his eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll ever like it, Lee. He’s got plans within plans and there’s got to be some other reason that we can’t see yet.”

“I know.” He stretched his hand out to her, a gesture of truce, connection, and love. He hadn’t realized how much he needed her to support him on this. “I need you with me.”

“You’re a pain in the ass, Adama,” she said, eyeing him steadily. She didn’t take his hand, but she uncoiled her legs and rose up on her knees. After a moment, she slid forward and leaned over him with her arms planted firmly at his sides. She tipped her head against his and spoke softly. “If you frak this up, I am so gonna kick your ass.”

With a shout of laughter, Lee crushed her to him. “Okay, woman. One ass kicking is authorized.” Kara grumbled something into his shoulder, but he felt her laughter vibrating against his chest.

With the final piece in place, Lee’s anxieties about his new job were lessened. He breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of Kara and the New Caprican morning. His new life was about to begin.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

By the time Lee arrived back at Pegasus, his brain had settled on the task before him. He’d briefly thought about diverting to Galactica to speak to his father again, but decided against it – he’d made his position clear and Laura Roslin had given him little hope that the two men would resolve their differences.

Before leaving New Caprica, he’d driven into town to speak to Laura. He’d interrupted her class to have a brief conversation, learning that she had spoken to his father, but that the results were not positive. She’d given him an apologetic look and when she’d mentioned his father’s concerns about losing a much needed military resource, once again Lee had felt like a piece of property rather than a son. Her remark had stayed with him through the rest of the day as he began to draft his transition plan. Despite his father’s approval or lack thereof, he was responsible for making sure that Pegasus was not left vulnerable during the transition and that meant starting with the big issues first.

Lee had no problem promoting his XO, Greg Bruner, to command Pegasus. The man would make a fine Commander, having provided a much needed hard edge to Lee’s somewhat softer approach to military leadership. He’d proven himself time and time again, particularly where crew matters were concerned, brokering conflict and ensuring that the crew were satisfied. Bruner had been on Pegasus a long time and Lee couldn’t help believing that the old guard on the Beast would breathe a sigh of relief at seeing one of their own back in charge. He wasn’t worried, though, about their old ways coming back to bite the Fleet in the ass. Bruner’s character was clear to Lee – the man was not brutal, nor reckless. His manner was brusque and efficient, and without the threat of Cain’s reprisal, he was able to be fair and compassionate with the crew. He was an excellent choice.

With a daunting amount of work ahead of him, he settled into his office for the next few hours, refusing routine calls and preparing what would be his final set of orders. In six hours he was due to meet with Greg and would lay out his plan at that time. It was with no small amount of excitement that he began his transition.

:: :: ::

Brushing a hand through her hair, Laura Roslin sighed in frustration. Adama men were always a challenge. Lee’s brief visit earlier that morning had re-ignited her worry about his relationship with Bill. And while she was still having concerns about Zarek’s offer, she had come to believe that taking the position could be a good move. When she'd tried to persuade Bill a few days earlier, however, he'd responded angrily and their discussion had ended in an argument when Bill had accused her of favoring politics over family. She shook her head at the memory. After all these months of getting close, trust was still an issue.

With the class dismissed, she slid her school papers into a brief case and thought once again about Baltar and Zarek and her lost election. For a long time, the loss had burned at her, creating anger and resentment that the populace had chosen this barren planet to settle instead of continuing the search for Earth. After all that she had shown them, it had turned out that the people wanted the hard ground under their feet instead of the possibility of a place called Earth. She knew that others had also wanted to continue the search, but like the rest, they were beholden to the masses’ wishes. Now, months later, she couldn’t say it didn’t still burn, but she tried to find some peace in the knowledge that they were safely ensconced away from the cylons. The children in her class seemed happy – or at least the younger ones did. The older children came with a hardness that was difficult to watch, a sometimes biting humor that surfaced when she spoke about the history of the colonies. After the first month of classes, it had become clear that many of the older children required extra attention and she’d asked another former teacher to assist her. Now, with many women on New Caprica getting pregnant, she knew she was building a foundation for the children to learn and grow and become valuable contributors to society. With a small smile she was struck by the irony of her previous position as Secretary of Education. Never more were her skills as a teacher and administrator better utilized.

As she walked back to her tent after classes, she thought again about her talk with Bill. She’d tried to tell him that for first time since they’d settled on New Caprica, she’d felt some hope for their future. She’d tried to explain that there was some instinct that led her to believe that Lee’s role in the government would change the balance in a profound way, but it was a gut feeling that Bill hadn’t understood and he’d snapped at her about her prophecies once again, his anger at Lee spilling over into his treatment of her. He was a hard man to deal with, she thought, but she loved him anyway. Despite his feelings, she vowed to trust her intuition and would do whatever she could to help Bill and Lee work out their differences.

:: :: ::

Two days later, Lee stood at the base of the stairs to Colonial One with a pounding heart. This was the point of no return. He was about to step into a new life, leaving one important part behind to start another. He was at once grateful for the opportunity and terrified of the outcome. After several failed attempts to reach his father to continue their discussion, Lee was feeling more certain than ever that Zarek would need to make an executive order. Swallowing hard, he accepted the choice he had made and took the steps up and through the door.

After a moment, Tom greeted him. “Lee. Congratulations and welcome,” he said, shaking Lee’s hand warmly.

Adrenaline pumped through Lee’s veins and he hoped Tom didn’t feel the subtle shaking of his hand. “It is my pleasure. I’m looking forward to making a difference.”

Tom motioned him into his office and the pair sat. Lee was filled with excitement and tried to contain his smile. “What happens now?” he asked.

“What’s the final word from your father?”

“He won’t budge,” Lee said with a frown.

“I see.” Tom took a deep breath and considered for a moment. “Your father’s refusal to allow your discharge might be a good thing.”

Lee raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve been thinking that your appointment as Vice President might raise eyebrows about the Administration favoring the military over the people. If you are seen in direct conflict with the military, it may shore up my position. People want to know we’re negotiating and making progress, but they don’t want to see the military with too much power.”

Lee interjected, “And if my father allows it, it would be seen as favorable for the military?”

Tom nodded and Lee smiled ruefully. “I can see I have a lot to learn.”

“I’ve been doing this a long time, but you’ll catch on,” Tom said.

After a pause, the older man stood and spoke, “Are you ready?”

“For?” Lee felt a jolt of trepidation at Tom’s tone.

“Your first press conference.”

:: :: ::

Admiral Adama pulled the razor across his stubbled chin, then wiped the blade clean on towel. In the background, the wireless blared with the chatter of news commentators and their endless arguments about politics. He’d never been interested in politics, with its back door deals and platitudes, but now that they’d settled on New Caprica, he gritted his teeth and waded through the bullshit to find out was happening on the ground.

Finishing his shave, he rinsed his face and shrugged on his jacket. His attention was caught by a beeping sound on the wireless.  
_  
We’re interrupting this re-broadcast of the Colonial Gang to report to you live from Colonial One. President Zarek is about to appear to address the Colony. We have it on good authority that the President will be announcing his Vice Presidential appointment. _

Bill’s jaw tightened in anger at the thought of Tom Zarek, feeling disgust at the way he pretended to be a good upstanding man, instead of the terrorist he really was, hungry for power and willing to do anything to get it. Even trying to take Adama’s son away from him. Still, it burned him, the idea that Zarek thought he could lure Lee away from the Fleet. And he was furious that Lee had even considered Zarek’s offer – his son had a lot to learn. With a frustrated sigh, he raked his hands through his hair and took one last look in the mirror before he poured himself a drink.  
_  
The President is entering, and well, look at that folks. He’s accompanied by Lee Adama, Commander of the Battleship Pegasus and son of Admiral Adama. I have to say, wireless listeners, that his reporter has never been more stunned. Okay, here we go. The President is taking the mic._

Bill froze, his hand tightening on the glass.  
_  
“Ladies and Gentleman. Today is an important day for our Colony. In recent weeks, we have all mourned the passing of our beloved President Baltar and I have struggled personally to find the best course for our community as I take the reins as President. As I deliberated, I considered our future and what we all need to thrive. In the end, I realized that we need to move on. We need to leave our anger and aggression behind us. I need to do this as much as you, the people, need to do it. For too long we have been war-minded, running from the cylons and surviving. Well, survival is not enough. We must live and thrive and become a better civilization. To that end, I could think of only one person who I wanted at my side to help make that dream a reality. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my Vice Presidential Nominee, Lee Adama.”_

“Frakker!” Bill bellowed, gripping the glass hard until the fragile material broke, sending splinters of glass into his hand and whiskey running down his arm. He ignored the pain and threw the shards to the floor, his head filling with rage.  
_  
“Thank you, Mr. President. I am humbled by your kind words. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, wireless listeners, I want to thank you. Nearly one year ago, the cylons attacked the Twelve Colonies. Since that very moment, I have dedicated myself to keeping the human race alive. First as a viper pilot and then as Commander of the Battlestar Pegasus. Now I offer myself to you as a public servant who is willing and able to dedicate myself to moving beyond survival – to give each of us a chance at the new and hopeful life we deserve. We have all suffered at the hands of the cylons and it is time to put that suffering behind us. We will face many hard challenges in the years to come and I hope we can work together, as we once did, to ensure not only our survival as a race, but to thrive as a society built on trust and cooperation. I hope you will join me to that end. Thank you.”_

Bill strode into to the bathroom, blindly wiping at the blood with a towel, a sickening feeling in his gut. Of all the stupid shit his son had done, this was the worst. He had openly defied him. He had chosen to side with Tom Zarek, scum of a murdering bastard. “Godsdamnit,” he cursed, slamming his already injured hand onto the sink, sending shooting pains through his fingers.  
_  
“Commander Adama, you are wearing a Fleet uniform. Can you explain your transition to public service?”_

_“Of course. Although a specific date has not yet been set, I will be officially stepping down from my position as Commander of Pegasus and shall be sworn in at that time.”_

_“Commander Adama, what does your father have to say about this? Is he on board with your decision?”_

_“We are ironing out the details, but I am confident that I will be sworn in as Vice President within the week.”_

_“President Zarek, have you spoken to the Admiral?”_

_“I have not yet spoken to Admiral Adama, but I look forward to continuing our discussions about our common goals. My office will provide you all with details about the swearing in ceremony within a few days. Thank you.” _

Bill gnashed his teeth and wrapped the bloodied towel tightly around his still bleeding palm. He walked across the room, flicked off the wireless, and clicked open a comm channel to the Pegasus XO, Greg Bruner. This would end now.

:: :: ::

Lee followed Zarek away from the press conference and closed the office door behind them. He took deep calming breaths, warding off a feeling of near panic. He hadn’t expected to have to talk to the media and answering the questions about his father made him want to throw up. Turning away from Tom, he made himself busy with papers from his briefcase, his mind swimming.

He pulled out his request for discharge, glancing briefly at the_ refused _notation and handed it to Zarek who took the paper and gave Lee a drink in return. After a few minutes of discussion, Zarek called in an aide and the three of them began preparing the initial Executive Order to discharge Lee from the Colonial Fleet.

:: :: ::

Kara flicked her pen on the desk, frowning and irritated. She’d been hearing shit all morning about Lee’s new position. She’d stayed mum, showing solidarity for the Fleet, but she’d been hard pressed to keep a calm face when she heard people referring to Lee as a traitor. She was stunned that any of her men, least of all those who knew him would ever consider Lee a traitor. _Frakkers._

A few months ago, she would have blown her top, probably ending up in the brig for punching a crewman. But she’d held her breath, clenching her fists and storming back to her office to throw things instead. _Frak._ She couldn’t help the part of her that held some anger at Lee. She understood his decision, she really did, but she hated it, too. He was so sincere, ridiculously so, and she couldn’t refuse his need for her support. It was like living in crazy land – she was a Commander and he was Vice President. What the frak had the cylons gotten them into? She rolled her eyes and pushed back from the desk.

As soon as her fingers touched the door, the comm buzzed. Clicking it open, she heard the familiar deep voice of the Admiral.

“Commander.”

“Sir,” Kara said. She knew he had to be furious right now, but for once it wasn’t about her and she couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Detain Commander Adama. He is _not _to return to Pegasus.” His voice was hard.

“Sir?” Kara’s mouth dropped open.

“That’s an order.”

“Yes, sir. And then –”

“Adama out.” The comm went dead.

Kara swallowed. _Oh, frak._

:: :: ::

Lee opened the door to leave Colonial One and closed it immediately. “What the frak?” He turned back to Thia, Zarek’s assistant. “There is a mob out there.”

Thia walked to the windows and looked out. “Yes, sir. I guess everyone heard the wireless.”

Lee surveyed the crowd through another window and stepped back, shaking his head. “I’m going to need to get used do this,” he said, feeling even more stunned than before.

Thia gave him a sidelong glance, “Yes, sir,” she said and went back to her desk.

“Can I use your comm, Thia?” Lee asked.

The woman gestured and he clicked open a comm to the base.

When Kara connected, Lee breathed a sigh of relief.

Keeping his voice carefully neutral, he spoke, “Commander Thrace, I need transport from Colonial One to the base. A few Marines would help, too. Since the announcement, a crowd has gathered outside the ship and I can’t get to my vehicle.”

Lee nodded and said his thanks before clicking off the comm. He wondered at the business-like tone in her voice, but he shrugged it off. Twenty minutes.

:: :: ::

Kara chewed on her bottom lip as she watched two Marines climb into the vehicle. She thought about going to Colonial One herself, but she needed to be here to manage the gate. She anticipated a throng of reporters to arrive shortly after the truck rolled in with Lee. She wanted to be on hand to make sure that nothing else happened between civilians and soldiers. Stupid Frick. Ever since that moron had gotten shot, her guards were twitchier than a dog with fleas.

:: :: ::

Thirty minutes later, the transport passed back through the gates and Lee stepped out. Kara greeted him and the two walked to her office. As soon as she closed the door behind them, Lee slumped into a chair.

“Oh, my gods, Kara.” He closed his eyes and just breathed.

Kara stood against the door watching him. She was not looking forward to this. “Lee?”

Something in her tone caught him and he opened one eye. “What?”

“I have orders.” For all her attitude, she couldn’t get the words out.

“Orders?” Lee sat forward on the chair.

“To detain you on the base. You can’t go back to Pegasus.”

Lee’s eyes widened and he groaned in frustration and flopped his head back against the wall. “Frak me.”

:: :: ::

Six hours later, Lee had been through the gamut of feelings at least twice. Outrage, anger, frustration, hurt, understanding, and then back around again. Godsdamn his father. What the hell was he supposed to do now? And frak him for putting Kara in this position. _Shit._

He paced around the empty quarters where Kara had put him temporarily, saying as much as she’d like to detain him in her quarters, she wasn’t sure it was a good time to announce their relationship. Her comment was one of the few times he’d laughed since he’d heard about his father’s orders. Several calls to Galactica had yielded no response and he’d finally given up.

Submitting to tiredness, he lay back on one of the empty racks. He’d give his father some time to cool down, then he’d try again. Exhaustion took him and he fell asleep.

Later, a heavy knocking roused him and he opened the door to find Kara holding boxes.

“These are from your father,” Kara said with a frown, glancing at him briefly for a reaction before putting the boxes on an empty rack.

Lee watched her and two other crew shuttle six large boxes into the quarters. His face darkened and he exploded when the door closed, leaving him alone with Kara.

“What the frak is this?” Outrage filled his voice as he flipped open the lids of the boxes, seeing his belongings dumped unceremoniously into the crates. “I can’t believe this.”

“And I have this, Lee.” She handed him an envelope, watching his expression as he opened it.

After a moment, Lee’s mouth went slack and he shook his head, dazed, before sitting heavily on the rack and putting his head between his hands. Kara walked over and pulled the crinkled paper out of his fingers.

She unfolded it slowly and blinked hard. “I can’t believe this.”

Lee swiped his hands down his face and looked at her wearily. “After everything I’ve done for the Fleet, I can't believe he would do this to me. I don't deserve a dishonorable discharge, Kara. Gods, if it didn’t hurt so much, I’d have to frakking laugh.” Overcome with the emotions of the day, unexpected tears stung his eyes and he looked down at the floor.

Kara stepped over to him and touched his hair. Lee leaned his head against her stomach and let himself feel the pain. Part of his life might be falling to pieces, but at least he had her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

_Dishonorable discharge. _

The words spun around in Kara’s head. The old man had gone off his nut – why in the hell would he do this to Lee? _Godsdamnit_, she thought. What kind of frakking father was that? Her expression soured at her own question – she knew damn well how a parent could be cruel and unfeeling. She’d just never thought Bill Adama would go that far. Throw him into the brig, demote him – something else, but not this. She was frakking furious.

She stood in front of Lee for long moments, absently stroking his hair while she tried to make sense of things. Lee stirred and skimmed his hands up the sides of her legs to the edge of her tanks and under to touch her bare skin. When he pulled up her shirt to rest his face on her stomach, she leaned into him, instinctively sliding her hands down over his neck and shoulders, grateful for the rush of sensation. His breath on her skin sent a shiver along her spine and she jolted when his mouth opened against her flesh. Threading her fingers into his hair, she pulled his head back and bent over to kiss him. Not a gentle kiss of comfort, but a kiss to blot out the pain he was feeling. Kara had no idea how to console him the way someone else might do it. She couldn’t let him cry on her shoulder. He was Lee and she was Kara and things just didn’t work that way.

With force, she pushed him down on the rack and plundered his mouth with her tongue. She felt him resist, barely responding until she pressed her pelvis into his groin and he started to kiss her back with fervor. Now hungry, he pushed his hands up under her tanks and bra and shoved them off in one strong motion that scraped her dog tags across her neck before he threw the clothes on the floor. He was stiff against her and jutting his hips up, pressing hard between her legs. She knew what it felt like, to lose yourself in frakking until the only thing that mattered was heat and skin and sliding against someone.

But this was Lee, measured and stable and in-control Lee who needed it the way she usually did. He pulled at her, squeezing her flesh in his strong hands as she wrenched their clothing off. He made it difficult, refusing to release her, pressing them together until she used her brute strength to shove their pants off. He groaned at her, yanking her on top of him before she could get his pants farther than his knees. “I don’t care,” he grated, “I just need to be inside you.” His fingers dug into her thighs when she straddled him, pulling at her, his cock pressing at her insistently. She planted her hands on his chest and jammed herself onto him, deeply and fiercely and all at once, crying out and staring down at his closed eyes and open mouth, reveling in the bliss on his face. She healed him this way, let him pour himself out into her, giving him her body in exchange for the other things she couldn’t give him. She frakked him. Pummeled him with her hips and thighs, fingers digging painfully into his chest for leverage. He met every thrust, his hands bruising her ass as he filled her time and time again.

Orgasm spun through her, jolting her body hard as he thrust through it, mindless and breathing heavily, eyes still tightly closed. Gripping her arms, he pulled her down against him and twisted his hands into her hair. Lee slashed his mouth against hers, making small sounds that sent her pleasure past the brink again and she shuddered, moaning and gasping into his mouth. He came with a sharp inhale and a frenzied scrabbling against her back and ass and arms, groaning and bucking hard inside her. And suddenly, he was holding on to her, clutching her against him like a man clutches to the rope as he was about to fall. She knew this need, this release and desperation to feel everything and nothing. She gripped him back, covering every inch of him with her body until he stilled.

When he finally relaxed a little, she slid along side him, still holding on, wondering somewhere in the back of her mind why she wasn’t running or moving away because it all frakking scared the shit out of her. But she held on, despite the pricking fear and she stayed. _This is Lee. Remember, Kara. It’s Lee. _

They lay together for a long time, settling bit by bit as the noises of the base quieted around them. She was almost asleep when he spoke.

“He’s teaching me a lesson, Kara.” His voice sounded tired, but somehow stronger. “All my life, I’ve felt like he’s been trying to teach me some lesson that I never needed to know. I don’t need to know how to be hard and unforgiving. I don’t need to leave the people I love for some frakking battlestar command. I don’t need to punish people for doing what they frakking need to do. He doesn’t get me. He never has and I don’t think there’s a frakking thing I can do about it.”

He paused, shifting his position, then continued. “I love my father, Kara, but I hate him sometimes too. Frak, I don’t even know what I feel right now. I’m just so frakking tired.”

“You don’t have to know. Parents are frakked up, Lee. Mine. Yours. Half the frakking people I’ve ever met have jerks for parents. Do what you need to do, Lee. Frak ‘em.”

She smiled, feeling his chest rumble with amusement. “Yeah. Frak ‘em.” He laughed again and kissed her hair. “We’ve got each other, right?”

“Yeah, Lee. You and me. Frak ups ‘til the end," she said, surprised that the words came out so easily.

“Yeah,” he agreed, as she snuggled in closer to his chest. “Until the end.”

:: :: ::

It took Kara a long time to fall asleep, and even then it was only for a few hours. She woke up at the first light of dawn with an angry pit in her stomach. Seeing Lee upset, watching him be so hurt by his father’s actions made her feel fiercely protective. She couldn’t sit by and watch; she’d stayed out of it long enough. She said she’d have his back with Zarek and she meant it. As much as it pissed her off, she’d stick to her word. His father had made his choice and now she would make hers.

Determined and angry, Kara slipped off the bed, shoved her legs back into her pants and dressed. She paused to give Lee a quick kiss, pushed the door open and left.

:: :: ::

A few hours later, Lee woke, blinking hard and feeling the dampness of the rainy morning. He remembered Kara leaving sometime around dawn, but he’d slept afterwards, exhausted and drained from the night before. He blushed a little, remembering his abandon with her, the intensity of it and he wondered how she was feeling now. They always frakked hard, but there’d been something raw about her reactions to him last night that had left him reeling. Even now, just thinking about hit, he hardened. She was so frakking sexy and he wanted to find her and frak her again. Maybe frak her all godsdamned day.

With a shiver, he roused himself from his rack and made a quick dash to the head and back, swiping the rain off his face with a hand. He had a ton of stuff to deal with now that he was out of a job and temporarily out of a place to live. He knew he could stay in these quarters for a few days, but beyond that, he’d need to move into town to be closer to the governmental center. As much as he’d love to move in with Kara, he knew that she wasn’t ready for that, so he didn’t even bring it up. He promised himself he’d be patient, so that’s what he was going to do. And anyway, he didn’t think it would be good to start off his Vice Presidency moving in with the Military Commander on New Caprica.

The first task on his list for the day was to sort through his boxes and make some kind of order of the disheveled mess the crew had created when they’d dumped his things into the boxes. They were in such disarray, he wouldn’t have been surprised to find that his father had done it himself in a fit of anger. He paused and frowned, thinking of one particular incident during his childhood when he’d overheard his mother and father had engaged in a brutal argument. He remembered peeking through the door and seeing his father jamming clothing and books into boxes, growling all the while and hurling insults at his mother. How conveniently his father had forgotton about those arguments, probably thinking Lee was too young to remember. He did frakking remember and it still pissed him off.

As he rifled through his own boxes of clothes and books, he thought about his father’s decision, wondering at the mettle it took to hurt a son the way he did. All the strides they’d made were for naught. He’d been a damned fool to think he could work with Tom Zarek and go over his father’s head. What the hell had he been thinking?

Well, he realized with a snort, he’d been thinking that his father would forgive him again. He’d mutinied by putting a gun to the XO’s head, had disobeyed direct orders more than once, and had made an alliance with Laura Roslin that caused him to leave his father unconscious in a hospital bed. And every time, his father had forgiven him. Maybe not in words, but he’d been promoted to the frakking commander of a battlestar. Lee gritted his teeth. Why was this so frakking different?

But deep down he knew why. It was because he had betrayed his father with Tom Zarek, a man whom he despised. His father hated him with a fiery passion that Lee could not comprehend. Something about their relationship was unclear to him. His father spoke about Zarek with a personal hatred that he’d always found troubling. He’d never asked his father, but sometimes he thought they must have crossed paths before. Once he had Tom’s ear, he would ask him about it, feeling sure that Zarek would be more willing to discuss it than his father.

With his boxes sorted and his clothes laid out in front of him, his frustration grew. His entire life’s possessions fit into six boxes. Most of it wasn’t even his – it had been borrowed, traded, found until he’d managed to scrabble together some things that made his life feel more normal: books, clothes, even photocopied pictures from his father’s office. But as he surveyed his few outfits, he realized that he rarely wore anything other than his uniform or work out clothes. He certainly didn’t have much that was suitable for Vice Presidential attire.

:: :: ::

An hour later, Lee managed to cobble together a decent outfit of half-wrinkled khakis and a white button-down shirt. He did his best to prepare to meet Tom Zarek, but frankly, he felt naked out of uniform and less confident than he would have liked considering what he was about to become. Having no choice, he shrugged and set out to town nonetheless.

As he stood in front of Colonial One, Lee felt conspicuously out of place. He had no identity right now: he was no longer an officer and not yet Vice President. And it wasn’t only the soldiers on the base who didn’t know how to address him. It had been so many years since he’d been called Mr. Adama that it sounded funny even to his ears.

When he entered the President’s outer office, Thia looked him over and gave a brusque “Sir,” before paging Zarek.

Squaring his shoulders and gripping his briefcase, Lee walked into Tom’s office and extended a hand.

“Lee. You are out of uniform. Something I should know about?” Tom raised an eyebrow and gave him a strangely satisfied smile.

“Well, we’ve gotten our discharge. Just not in the way I had hoped.” Lee popped open his briefcase and handed Tom his discharge papers.

After a moment, Tom met his eyes. “I see. I can’t say I am surprised. Your father was very angry when I spoke to him yesterday.”

Lee’s eyes narrowed. “You spoke to him yesterday? After our meeting?”

Tom leaned back against the edge of his desk and crossed his arms. “I called your father to give him one last chance to approve your discharge.” His lips curled slightly, a hint of a smirk as he held up the papers. “From this, I'm guessing he did.”

Lee’s stomach soured, but kept his eyes trained on Zarek. “Yes, he did.”

The two men stared for a moment as Tom Zarek’s actions suddenly clicked into place. He’d manipulated the whole thing. Lee’s eyes widened and the muscle in his jaw twitched as he stared at Zarek.

“Don’t look so surprised, Lee. You and I both knew your father wouldn’t budge. You were ready to help me issue an Executive Order removing you from the service.”

“There was still time for me to talk to my father. To change his mind.”

Tom snorted and moved around his desk to ease himself into his chair to survey Lee with a hard expression. “You’re naïve, Lee. You put too much faith in your father’s affection. He needs to be in charge – of you, of me, of the colony. He needed a push and he got it. I’m sorry if you don’t like it.”

Lee considered a moment before answering in a steely tone. “I don’t like it, but it tells me a lot about how our relationship’s going to work. You’ll lead and I’ll follow.” He smiled ruefully. “For a while, Tom. You are the President. I’ve made my decision to be your second and I will uphold my duty. You can be sure of that. But don’t make the mistake of underestimating me. I love my father more than I’ll ever love this position, but I still defied him. I’m here to do a job, Tom. One that is very important to me and very important to the survival of our race. And don’t think for one minute that I won’t do whatever I have to do to get that job done.” His eyes bored into Zarek’s.

Zarek held his gaze steadily, seemingly unaffected by Lee’s words. “That’s what I’m counting on, Lee.”

:: :: ::

It took Lee a considerable effort to remain civil with Tom Zarek as they discussed his swearing in ceremony and his duties immediately thereafter. His mind kept returning to Zarek’s phone call to his father. It explained a lot. He was sure that Tom had threatened his father with the Executive Order. It was a clever move that pushed his father into a corner, forcing him to take drastic action.

It was a relief in some ways, to know that his father did not hate him, although he was clearly enraged at both of them. He’d warned Lee on more than one occasion to be wary of Tom Zarek. He had always kept that in mind, but now he’d gotten a real taste of Zarek’s willingness to manipulate him. He’d kept himself calm and they’d agreed to times and places and events to follow in the next week. Unless his father made it public, the Administration would indicate that Lee had been discharged from the service – without mentioning the type of discharge. Lee disagreed with the approach, but he deferred to Tom’s decision as President. At that point in the meeting, Lee was feeling outplayed and too low on energy to argue.

Before Lee left the President’s office, Zarek had given him the keys to his new home – a small structure just east of Colonial One where Tom had lived while he was Vice President. He wasn’t officially able to move in, but he did take the time to look around. Tom had left it sparsely furnished with items he’d cobbled from the lower decks of the large ship. It would be comfortable enough, Lee thought as he walked around the three small rooms. It had been a long time since he’d had a place with a kitchen and he smiled, thinking about how far the colonists had come in setting up the normalcy of life.

Engineers had constructed a system that could supply cooking and heating fuel from the tanks of Colonial One to a dozen or so buildings surrounding the large ship. For convenience, many of the Quorum members had elected to live near the seat of government, part in deference to their work, and more so, Lee thought, to take advantage of the new infrastructure and prioritized building. Lee had been vaguely aware of the infrastructure projects, but now he considered it with a keen interest. He’d forgotten how much he loved to cook and this small burner had brightened his mood considerably. Smiling at himself, he wondered if he even remembered how to cook.

Water, he discovered, had not yet made it to his new home, and Tom had explained that the Captains of some of the ships were reticent about engineers stripping their ships’ water pipes for use on the ground. Engineers had no problem cobbling together fuel lines, but the water supply had to be protected and required separate clean water and dirty water lines for each building. For now, he’d been invited to use one of the private showers on Colonial One. He sighed, at least he didn’t have to use the communal showers half a click away.

Having nowhere in particular to go, Lee settled onto a wide chair and laid his head back to think. As weariness settled into his muscles, he thought about how his expectation of doing great things for the people seemed like a pipe dream now that he had come face to face with Tom’s power. It would take a long time, Lee thought, for him to understand the machinations of the Administration. Until that time, he’d have to listen and learn. Tom had already showed his dominance and Lee would bide his time as best he could.

As he rested and thought about his next move, he realized for the first time since the position of Vice President had been offered to him, that he might have made a terrible mistake.

:: :: ::

It was a while later when Lee started back to the base. The rain had ended, so he walked slowly through the town, speaking to those who stopped him along the way. His earlier concerns about feeling out of place had begun to fade when he’d started talking to the colonists. They reminded him of his job – the same job he’d always had, ever since he joined the Academy, although he hadn’t really known it at the time. His job was to protect these people. He listened, laughed, shook hands, and practiced his sincere responses to the more demanding people he encountered. He realized for himself that despite his concerns about Zarek and his father, all he needed to do was walk through this makeshift tent city and he would know his place; he would know what he had to do to survive.

It was humbling, really, seeing the still numb faces of the survivors, and he realized that he did have an opportunity to help the people who’d landed on this gray rock. He felt heartened by this, surer now than he had been, even at the time of his decision, that he was meant to do this. His journey was no longer with the Fleet as an officer he never cared to be. It was here, on New Caprica, doing everything he could to make sure the human race could survive without destroying itself.

He had no idea how he would deal with Tom Zarek or his father when he saw him again, but at least his sense of purpose had been restored to some degree. He wanted the conflicts to be over. He wanted what he thought these people wanted – the same things he’d said during is press conference – to live the peaceful life they all deserved.

:: :: ::

When he finally made it to the base, he walked towards Kara’s office, feeling a lot better than when he’d left that morning. He was eager to talk to her about Zarek’s phone call to his father and to get her help in strategizing an approach. He smiled thinking that a bullet between the eyes would be her solution, but he was confident that she’d have other ideas that would help him, too.

He pushed open the door quietly and peaked inside, but the office was empty. Her quarters were empty, too and when he asked her second in command, Major Pendry, where to find her, his stomach dropped at the answer.

She’d gone to Galactica to meet with the Admiral.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

A couple of hours later, Kara was finally en route to Galactica. A frakload of problems had needed her attention before she could go and she’d been ready to beat her Chief to within an inch of his life for delaying her ship with his “scheduled” maintenance. She was already pissed enough – if she didn’t say what she needed to say to Adama right now, she was going to frakking kill someone.

She pushed the raptor harder than she needed to, pulling Gs and reveling in the sensation in her body. Gods, if she had her viper, she’d be on fire. _Frak._ She was damned tired of these clunky raptors and today was one of the days she cursed ever having left the Pegasus.

Without grace, she bumped down on Galactica and flipped off her belt. With curt acknowledgments to the deck crew, she strode through the corridors towards the Admiral’s quarters.

:: :: ::

In a rush, Kara came to Adama’s door and the Marine guard stepped in front of the door to stop her. “The Admiral is in a meeting, Commander.”

“With who?” she demanded, hands on hips and bearing down on the lone Marine.

“He can’t be disturbed, Sir.” The Marine gave her a steady stare, refusing to give her the information.

“I need to see him, Corporal. How long?”

“Don’t know, Sir.”

Kara repressed the urge to shove past the guard and barge into the Admiral’s office. _Frak._ She took a breath. “Tell him I am here to see him. I’ll be in the pilots’ rec.” Her fists clenched and she spun away, storming down the corridor.

The rec room was empty, and that was a good thing, she thought as she paced around it, bouncing on the balls of her feet like a boxer. The frustrations of her day, the attitude of the Marine, and her rage at Adama tightened into a fine knot of rage in her belly.

Her pacing lasted only a few minutes before she heard a voice coming from the hatchway. “Is that the famous Starbuck? Scourge of the cylon raiders?” Helo took one look at her expression when she turned to face him and stopped short. “Hey. What’s going on?” His tone held concern.

“What’s going on is that I have to frakking wait. That’s what’s going on.” She bit out the words, and resumed her pacing, distracted by her internal thoughts.

“Waiting for?” Helo asked, nonplussed.

She was across the room when she answered loudly, “The Admiral. I need to see him _right now._”

“I see.” He stepped into the room and walked towards her. “What happened?”

She stopped moving and turned to face him, anger clenching her jaw. “It’s Lee, Helo. It’s frakking insane. My gods!” Her mind continued spinning with things that she wanted to say to the Admiral and she started to pace again. _Godsdamn_ the Admiral and his stupid meetings, she thought. She needed to see him right frakking now and she couldn’t believe she’d let some Corporal get in her way. Anger surged through her body and she ground her teeth together. “He’s got no frakking right, Helo. It’s so godsdamned unfair.” She was violently angry now and needed to hit someone or something.

Helo’s tone was calm and he tilted his head questioning, “Kara? What’s unfair? Lee going to work for Zarek? It is pretty crazy.”

She stopped pacing and glared at him. “What? No. I mean, yes. It’s crazy. But that’s not it.”

Helo wrinkled his brow, confused. “Then what is it?”

“Gods, you don’t know?” Her tone was incredulous. She couldn’t believe that it wasn’t all over the universe by now. Her frustration surged and she kicked a chair, sending it cracking against the wall violently.

“Godsdamnit, Helo, his discharge. The Admiral gave his own frakking son a dishonorable discharge.” She waited for his reaction and when his jaw dropped, she felt validated. “Right? I know. It’s frakking nuts.” She started pacing again.

“Why?” Helo asked.

Kara looked at him. “Frak if I know. That’s what I’m here to find out.” She balled and unballed her fists.

“Not like that you’re not,” Helo said dryly.

“What?” Kara stopped short.

Helo explained, “You’re not going to get any answers by storming into his office. You know that, right?”

Kara stared at him, glowering, not wanting to let go of the anger before she hit her target. _Frak. _

“Calm down, Kara. You go in like this and you’ll be spending the night in the brig, if not worse.”

“I don’t even frakking care, Helo. I am so sick of this.” Even to her ears, her protest sounded less angry; Helo’s words had started to get through.

He leaned over and pulled out a chair with a scrape. With easy motions, Helo eased himself down onto it and waited. Kara was across the room, arms crossed over her chest like a defiant teenager, working her bottom lip with her teeth.

“Shit, Helo. What the frak am I gonna do?” Her tone was a mix of frustration and irritation.

“What do you want from the Admiral, Kara? Cause if you just want to bitch at him, you’re not going to get very far.”

_Damnit._ “I want him to take it back.” Her voice sounded tired and she sat heavily in the chair across from Helo, regarding him for a moment before speaking, “Lee didn’t deserve it. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know that.” Helo gave her a sympathetic look.

She sat for a while, arms still crossed over her chest, chewing on her thumbnail, considering, calming herself, and trying to find away to change the Admiral’s mind.

Helo ventured a question, “How’d Lee take it?”

Kara glanced at him quickly, then went back to staring at the table between them. It hurt her to remember Lee’s reaction, the pain and shock of his parent betraying him. She recognized that feeling, and it had sparked too many old memories and too much anger to even think straight.

“Bad,” was all she could say.

“Yeah,” Helo said.

“What am I going to do?” All of her out-of-the-box thinking had fled. She wanted to change things, to defend Lee to his father and tell him what a frakked up move it was. _Gods, why did this shit have to happen?_

“I don’t know, Kara. Just talk to him. Maybe he’ll listen to you.”

Kara snorted.

Helo smiled faintly, checked his watch and moved to stand. “Listen, I have to go. I hope it works out, okay?”

Kara thanked him and watched him leave the room. For the next few minutes, Kara calmed herself more, trying to think of a rational way to talk Adama into changing his order. Some part of her knew it was futile, that he and Lee had years’ worth of problems and that neither Adama man changed his mind easily. But she’d promised to support Lee and this was something she needed to try. She just hoped she didn’t end up in the brig.

:: :: ::

Ten minutes later, a Marine guard came to the rec room and with a deep breath, she followed him to Adama’s quarters. The hatch swung shut behind her and she stepped into the office.

“Sir,” she said with a salute.

“Commander,” he said, assessing her. “Have a seat.”

“I’ll stand, Sir, thank you,” she said formally, surprised at the effort it took to push the words out past the tightness in her throat.

Bill stared at her evenly, then leaned back in his chair. “I’m surprised it took you so long to get here.”

“Sir?” Kara asked, settling back on her heels.

“I assume you are here about Lee’s discharge.” He gave her a pointed look. “I’ve made my decision, Kara.” His tone warned her against arguing.

“It’s not fair, Sir.” She said, keeping her voice respectful. Adama looked at her, his mouth drawn down, but she continued, “Former Commander Adama served this Fleet with distinction, sir. He does not deserve a dishonorable discharge.” She struggled to stay calm, to heed Helo’s words, and to appeal to the Admiral professionally.

“He defied a direct order, Commander.”

“And so have I, Sir. Yet here I am.” She raised her chin defiantly, feeling her anger notch higher.

“For now,” Bill grated through clenched teeth.

“Or I’ll face the same thing, Sir?” Kara struggled to keep an even tone. What she really wanted to do was rage at him, tell him what a frakked up asshole he was for hurting his son, but she stopped herself, holding onto whatever self-control she still had. Helo’s warnings echoed in her mind.

The Admiral stood up abruptly. “You don’t know all the facts, Commander.”

Kara stood her ground, rationality beginning to falter. “What are the facts, sir?” There was an edge to her voice.

“That my _son _was colluding with Tom Zarek.” Kara’s eyes widened. “Did he tell you that he and _President_ Zarek drafted an Executive Order to discharge him from the military? That they were going over my head? Is that what an honorable man does?” He snorted.

Her lips thinned, but she said nothing. _Godsdamnit. Lee had never told her that._

Despite her irritation at Lee, Kara’s need to defend him rose up. “You refused to discharge him, sir.”

“Damn right I did. To work for a terrorist?” Bill shook his head bitterly.

“And this is better?” she challenged. _Godsdamned _Adama men, always fighting each other instead of the enemy.

Bill drew himself up. “My son brought this on himself and I do not have to explain myself to you. You are dismissed.”

“Admiral, sir.” She raised her chin a fraction higher, determined to stay put. She knew this argument was about to be over and she would not leave without saying what she came here to say.

Bill’s voice dropped to a rough whisper. “Kara. You need to let this go. Now.”

“I can’t, sir.” Her eyes held his steadily. There was no backing down now, she’d laid her course and no amount of reason would help her now.

“You are dismissed, Commander.”

“No.” Her tone and her eyes were hard as she defied him in a way she had never done before. She’d disobeyed orders before, but from far away, in a cylon raider over a comm channel, but never like this. Never to his face. He’d been too powerful, eliciting both professional and personal adherence to his orders. But not this time. She couldn’t let it go. Before it had been about Kobol or the arrow or Adama’s lie about Earth. Now it was about Lee and it was personal.

Bill’s voice lowered to a menacing whisper. “Don’t push this. What I do with my command and my son is none of your godsdamned business. You are an officer of this fleet and you should be _defending_ us against people like Tom Zarek, not helping him. I thought you were smarter than that, Commander.” His voice was full of derision. “You have a job to do on that planet and you will do it as I order you to do it. You are dismissed, Commander.” His voice boomed at the end, pushing Kara into a place of defiant anger that she’d rarely experienced with Bill Adama.

Kara spoke through clenched teeth, barely contained rage behind her words, “I don’t frakking care about Tom Zarek. I care about Lee, and you frakking hurt him. You didn’t see what I saw, to have his own frakking father shit on him after he served this Fleet and saved our asses a thousand frakking times. You were his commanding officer, you trusted him, you gave him a motherfrakking battlestar to command. After everything he did for you and for this Fleet, you still you did this to him. What is your frakking problem?” She was pushed past the point of reason as her body was seized with anger. All that mattered now was Lee.

Bill’s face broke into a full rage with teeth bared and pupils wide. With fists clenched tightly at his sides, he bellowed, “GET OUT!”

Kara did not flinch, just stared at him, years of practiced defiance like second nature to her. Slowly she leaned away, never breaking eye contact. “You were wrong, _Sir_.” She took a step back, fired off an angry salute and turned away, leaving a rageful Bill Adama behind her.

:: :: ::

By the time Kara passed the bewildered Marine guard, she was shaking. All of her training and common sense and rationality had disappeared and in that moment she had been sure that Bill Adama was going to hit her. And she’d been ready. She had been willing to risk everything in that moment because she’d been sure about it. What Bill Adama had done was wrong and cruel and made her continue to boil with rage.

She breathed as she walked, trying to calm herself with each step towards her ship, mind scanning for Marines who might pounce on her at any minute and toss her into the brig. She’d ignored Helo’s advice, unable to stop her outrage from spilling over, and some part of her felt strong and powerful.

As she stepped into the raptor and sat in the pilots seat, other thoughts started to emerge as well. As her actions began to settle in her mind, the magnitude of her defiance started to prick at her skin. Anything could happen now, she’d shifted things with the Admiral in a way that might not be recoverable. Whatever bond they’d shared could now well be broken. She swallowed against an emerging fear.

Lifting off the pad, the power in her hands surged as she eased out of the hangar deck and then punched it for home. She was Kara Thrace, frakking Starbuck, and she wasn’t afraid of anything. _Frak it._ It was done now and she wasn’t looking back.

:: :: ::

After two hours of waiting, Lee finally received word that Kara’s raptor had touched down. As much as he had tried to put it out of his mind, he hadn’t been able to stop worrying that his father would do the same thing to her that he’d done to him. Sometimes Kara was like a ticking time bomb, and he never quite knew when she’d explode. His initial irritation that she’d gone off to see his father had eventually given way to worry and now relief that she’d returned.

Lee grabbed a jacket and started across the base to greet her. When he finally arrived, she was stepping out of the raptor, her face tired but lit with a smile. Strange, he thought, considering the circumstances.

“Kara?” He asked cautiously, wary of her odd expression. “You okay? Pendry told me you went to see my father.”

“Lee,” she countered, an amused glint in her eye. “Thought I’d get tossed in the brig, didn’t you?”

Lee nearly choked, then smiled sheepishly. “Well, yeah. That thought did cross my mind.”

He matched her stride across the base to her quarters, “I may yet, Lee. It wasn’t pretty.”

When they reached the quarters, Kara yanked off her flight suit as Lee watched. “So, what happened? Why’d you go up there? I thought you were going to leave it alone?” His tone held mild accusation.

“I never said that, Lee,” she said, giving him a pointed stare and shrugging on a sweatshirt and shorts before pulling a bottle and two glasses off a shelf. “I need a drink. It’s not every day that a girl gets to tell off her commanding officer and live to tell about it. And for all I know, there’s an armed detail on its way to take my ass back to Galactica to face charges. I don’t even frakking know.”

Lee frowned, “Are you winding me up here? Cause it’s not funny.” He was starting to get angry at her cavalier attitude. “What did you say to him?”

Kara tossed back a shot and handed Lee a full glass. “C’mon. Stop worrying.”

Lee took the glass and held it without drinking. “Kara, I’m serious.”

“Lee…” she chided. He stared at her with a determined expression and she let out an exasperated sigh. “I told him what I thought of his decision and he kicked me out of his office. That was it.” She tossed back another shot and gave him a satisfied smile. “I’m two up on you, Apollo. Get a move on.” She poured another drink and raised it in toast towards him. “Frak ups ‘til the end, remember?”

Lee watched her narrowly, feeling completely confused and more than a little worried. This was Starbuck, arrogant, bold, taunting – a side of her he hadn’t seen in a while. She’d get like this after a dogfight with the cylons, a near miss that would have left any other pilot shaken, or in the moments before she got tossed in the brig. And then he understood it, like a frakking lightbulb moment now that he’d actually stopped to think about it. All of her bravado and big talk was just a smokescreen. She was terrified.

Whatever had happened with his father had scared her. He knew she’d never admit it, that she’d just laugh in his face if he ever suggested it, but after all these years of knowing her, being utterly confused by her, he felt like a huge piece of the puzzle had fallen into place. The rawness of it, the beauty of watching her say frak you to the universe enthralled him now – as it always had and he sat down with a thump in his chair, watching her grin and drink like a hero returned from a great battle. More than that, he thought with wonder, was that she’d gone to battle for him. It shook him, really, that she had gone head to head with his father, probably in a way that he would never dare and that she had done it for him. He swallowed hard, a knot in his throat and raised his glass to drink past it. He coughed, as much as a deflection as a reaction to the searing sensation from the alcohol.

He lowered his glass and she filled it again, powerful energy radiating from her body as she slammed the bottle back on the table and tossed back her drink with a shake of her head.

_Gods, he loved this woman. _

Lee pushed his glass across the table and reached for her, grabbing her arm and pulling her into his lap to kiss her hard. Laughing into his open mouth, Kara slid her arms loosely around his neck and kissed him back, teasing him, chuckling, and leaning away from him when he tried to draw her close. In mock frustration, he groaned at her and pushed off his chair, carrying her and dropping her down unceremoniously onto her rack before he stripped off his clothes and fell down on top of her. When she tried to undress, he grabbed her hands and pinned them to the bed beside her head. She grinned up at him, and swiped her lips with her tongue, inviting him to try to resist her. He lifted the corner of his mouth, responding to her challenge, and slowly peeled the clothing from her body. When she tried to pull at him, he slapped her hands away, shaking his head at her, and she just smiled, playfully accepting his game.

He teased as long as he could, trailing his tongue along her curves and against the most sensitive parts of her body until she was pulling at him and saying his name breathlessly. The alcohol had made her hazy, soft and after the bravado left her, she let him make love to her, slowly and gently at first until their usual passionate abandon struck and they were panting and clawing and cresting into orgasm.

As Lee pulled her into a sleepy embrace, his mind wandered back to what she had done for him. He had no idea what she had said, but the fact that that she had done it, that she had turned all that strength and power against her father for him gave him a deep sense of satisfaction. He hadn’t expected it, really. With her hatred of Zarek, he’d expected more arguments about his alliance and a lukewarm reception of his new position. He’d never expected her to go full tilt against his father. A small part of him felt nervous for the outcome, but in a rueful twist, he realized that his father would probably do nothing to Kara. That instead, his father would save the worst for his own son. That thought rang more true than he would have liked. With a heavy breath, he pulled Kara closer, drawing sustenance from her presence, relying on her strength to face the future.

Sleepily, she slid her leg between his and nestled into the curve of his shoulder. It was hard to believe sometimes in this small luxury, to lie with her for the night and hold her without fear that she would run away or that a cylon attack or an emergency would separate them. Nothing was certain, he knew, and they didn’t talk about their relationship or the future very much. And as much as he liked to plan, he just let this one go, knowing instinctively that planning for Kara Thrace would only get him into trouble. He’d just have to see where she took them.

With determination born out of necessity, he wound himself down, counting backwards until his mind was able to settle into sleep. Tomorrow he would be sworn in as Vice President. Tonight, he needed to rest.

:: :: ::

The next morning, Lee woke first, an unusual event because Kara normally woke and left him before the morning shift started. It had been their habit for a few weeks, although it was only the second time he’d spent the night in her quarters. It made him smile now, thinking that his crisis with his father had created a shift in their relationship – that maybe since she’d fought for him, she’d be more open about it with everyone else. It wasn’t exactly a secret, he knew, but he didn’t press her. Them having an open relationship was something important to him – keeping the façade of professionalism and friendship was exhausting.

He slid out of the rack quietly and dressed. As he turned to leave, she said his name sleepily. When he turned back she was rubbing her eyes and yawning.

“Where are you going? Got some important job to go to or something?” she teased.

He shrugged playfully, “I don’t know. Thought I might get sworn in today or something minor like that.” He moved away from the door and sat next to her on the rack, pushing stray hairs off her face.

“Yeah. Sounds important, Mr. VP. I guess I’ll just have to take care of myself this morning.” She gave him a wicked smile and stretched against him. He laughed and kissed her hard and fast on the mouth.

“You’re insatiable. If it weren’t oh-seven-hundred already, I’d be staying. I have to be in town at nine hundred to prep for the ceremony,” he said, then he frowned. “Aw, frak. What in the hell am I going to wear? I’ll have to go earlier and see if they can fit me into something.” With that thought in mind, he kissed her again and stood.

She rolled over and mumbled something about him missing all the fun and then he left with a smile on his face.

:: :: ::

Having showered, shaved and eaten, Lee walked into town to shake off some of the anxiety growing since this morning. He really would have liked more time to mentally prepare for the swearing in, but as he had said to Tom when they had met the day before, there was really no reason to delay. He needed a place to live and he needed to start working.

The sun shone in his eyes as he looked up the stairs to Colonial One’s hatch. The unusually sunny day eased his mood as he took the steps two at a time. Upon entering and greeting Thia, they got to work immediately on finding something suitable for Lee to wear to the swearing in. Tom would arrive in an hour or so. Until then, Thia told him he could start organizing his new office.

She led him through the outer conference room and down a flight of stairs to an office on the lower decks aft. He smiled to himself thinking that the Vice President’s office had been shoved into a corner, some would say just like the position it embodied. He didn’t mind it, really, because it offered him more privacy than the President. He was used to living on a battlestar, living day in and day out with other crew and never a window in sight. At least he could look outside from his desk. That was a plus.

With thanks, he appraised his new office, noting in particular a beautiful old wooden desk with carved scrollwork on the front panels. As he ran his fingers along the edge of the smooth surface, he wondered where they’d found it. Probably the Prometheus, he thought bitterly; Tom had connections to the Black Market, Lee should not have been surprised.

He pushed that thought out of his mind and continued the visual inventory. The rest of the office was neatly furnished with a file cabinet and a bookcase. He frowned, thinking that his few history books would seem meager alone on those shelves. He imagined that by the end of his first few weeks, he would be able to fill it with paperwork. The few stacks of papers on his desk, he ignored, thinking that he had not yet been sworn in and it seemed inappropriate for him to be privy to their content. Instead he sat in the dark cloth chair behind the desk and began finalizing his speech.

:: :: ::

Kara woke to a buzzing comm across the room. _Frak._ Only emergency calls were routed to her private quarters.

She cleared her throat and pushed the hair out of her face. “Base actual.”

“Commander Thrace.” It was the Admiral.

Kara blinked and straightened her back. “Yes, Sir.” Her tone was tight.

“You will report to Colonial One at oh-nine-hundred this morning to represent the Fleet during the Vice President’s swearing in ceremony.” His tone was clipped and efficient.

Yes, Sir,” Kara said.

“Adama out.” The comm clicked silent.

Her stomach lurched once and then she breathed. _Looks like I still have a job._ With a sharp exhale, she dropped the receiver down onto the unit and sat back down on her rack, relief flooding through her. She hadn’t even realized she’d been so worried. The events of the day prior came flooding back, no longer pushed away by alcohol and Lee’s touch. She shivered slightly and pulled her sweatshirt over her head. _This planet is frakking freezing, _she thought to herself and stood, pushing into boots and grabbing her towel to grab a quick shower.

The hot water felt good and she was reminded of the luxury of taking long showers. Even if the food situation was still unsettled, there was plenty of water for the daily ritual. She thought she might never tire of standing under the steaming water until she couldn’t take the burn anymore. It was a silly marker of normal life, she thought, and then laughed at herself for being so sentimental.

Soap, on the other hand, was not in such ready supply and she measured out just enough to get herself clean, realizing that she didn’t really get dirty enough to need much. She smiled at the tenderness between her legs, thinking about their night together and how Lee knew all the right places to touch and how she was always mindless and lost when he was inside her. Even afterwards, nestled into his arms, she sometimes wondered how it had become that way, that she trusted him a little. She still had the urge to jump out of the rack and get to a safe distance, but he was always there, holding onto her, acting like she was the most important thing in the world. _Gods, it’s frakking unbelievable. _

Her mind whirred a bit, trying to reject the thing that they’d obviously become, in some part without her knowing it—a couple. She’d avoided thinking about it, just taking their encounters for what they were, never really considering that it was building up to something more. Even now as she rubbed the rough towel over her skin, the thought of that “something more” made her tense up. How could she do it, what would she do when he realized that she couldn’t be what he wanted? When he started to be disappointed and back away because she was a frak up through and through?

With a shake of her head, she tried to push those thoughts away. She couldn’t do anything about it. She’d warned him, told him she would frak it up and he stayed anyway. She had no frakking idea why, but he stayed. Other thoughts flitted on the edge of her awareness, other reasons why she should end it, stop this farce before one of them regretted it. But the idea of separating from him made her throat constrict – she couldn’t do it now, it was too frakking late. She wasn’t strong anymore. He’d gotten in, gotten past her no matter how hard she tried to keep him away. The power of it made her weak and terrified, small and powerless when she needed to be strong. _Oh, Gods_.

Sliding her still damp legs into her fatigues, she pulled on the rest of her clothes and rubbed the towel again through her hair. She avoided the mirror, couldn’t look at the one who would end up hurting him, end up being alone again. Swallowing against the lump in her throat, she pulled her hair into a ponytail and left the head.

:: :: ::

Thia had done an admirable job of finding Lee two suits he might wear to the ceremony. The first, a dark gray woolen suit fit him well-enough, but was too snug across his shoulders. When he emerged from his office to get Thia’s opinion of it, he was gifted with a rare smile.

“I think you’ll pop your buttons, Mr. Adama.” She met his eyes briefly and he laughed a little, trying not to move too quickly.

“I’ll try the other one,” he said and retreated back into his office and closed the door, thinking that maybe she might actually like him a little.

The other suit, dark blue, made of a fine silk and wool blend with thin pinstripes, was clearly a bit big for him, but with a little tailoring, it would work out well. Thia nodded approval when he emerged again.

“It’s a little big, but we’re all used to ill-fitting clothing by now. There is a tailor in town and I’m sure he could alter it a bit. But it will have to do for now.” She nodded curtly. So much for liking him, he thought, as she resumed her professional posture and retreated to her office.

With an hour to go, Lee did his best become comfortable in the suit, laughing to himself that he must look like a fool for practicing sitting and standing and walking. Looking down at his feet, he groaned – combat boots. Well, it was the least of his worries now, and he grabbed his papers from his desk and began to rehearse his speech.

:: :: ::

Tom arrived a few minutes before the start of the ceremony.

“How are you Mr. Vice President?” Tom offered him a warm handshake and smile.

Lee did his best to be relaxed, but the weight of the upcoming event pulled his features into tightness. “Nervous,” he answered honestly.

“I understand. It should be a quick affair. We’ve invited a few press and the Quorum, of course, who love to attend these things and will be swarming you either in person or by comm right after the swearing in to begin promoting their bills.”

Lee chuckled, “Yeah, I suppose so.” Getting used to public life would take some time.

“And I received a communication from Galactica.” Tom paused and Lee met his gaze with trepidation, not knowing if he wanted this father to attend or decline. “Your father has declined an invitation to attend.” Tom gave a sympathetic smile, and for a moment, Lee almost believed it sincere.

“Right.” Lee glanced away and arranged the papers in his hand. With a quick inhale, he settled the matter in his mind and gave Tom his full attention. “I’m ready. Let’s do it.”

The two men walked out of Lee’s office and up the stairs to the conference room.

:: :: ::

A “small” affair turned out to be a room crowded with press, Quorum members, and a few unfamiliar faces. Lee had to admit that he felt like a baby seal in a roomful of sharks, but he breathed through it. Like a good dogfight, the fear pushed him into focus and he smiled brightly.

Deferentially, he stood a few feet behind and to the left of the President as the final preparations were completed. He scanned the room, counting off the Quorum members, nodding to those of whom he’d already spoken, and doing his best to appear confident. It wasn’t that hard, he realized, since he’d had plenty of practice bullshitting a roomful of snarky pilots when he was just about as clueless as the lot of them. He’d made it through becoming the youngest CAG ever recorded in the Fleet, and he would get through this. He thought briefly that it turned out to be easier without his father present, although he did have to acknowledge a twinge of sadness that he was taking this important step alone.

The crowd settled into their seats as Corbel Arem, a noted scholar and historian, stood from a chair in the first row and approached the podium. Lee glanced at Tom who winked at him. Zarek knew how to add weight to an already serious affair.

Lee swallowed and watched the small man fumble with the microphone, feeling some kinship to his nervousness. As Mr. Arem began to speak, introducing himself and providing his historical view of the articles and the importance of the Vice Presidential position, Lee’s eyes caught movement at the back of the room.

:: :: ::

Kara rushed around as usual, barking orders at her driver to hurry the frak up and checking her watch as she pulled at the neckline of her dress grays. Gods, she’d always hated this uniform. Two minutes late. _Frak._ She could only hope that they’d be running behind.

She bounded up the steps and past the guard at the entrance. Taking a second for a calming breath, she straightened her jacket, smoothed her hair, and slipped silently into the ceremony, grateful to see that it had just begun. All the seats were full and a few other stragglers were standing against the back wall, listening to a small man speak about the history of the colonies. She groaned inwardly and wished she’d been a few minutes later to miss the boring parts.

Shuffling past a few people, she found a place against the bulkhead and looked towards Lee. Doing her best to keep an “official” presence, she gave him a small smile when his eyes met hers, winking when he showed the smallest bit of surprise. _Did he really not expect her to attend? _

Ignoring the speaker, she appraised the situation, her military senses cataloging the participants and remembering their relationships to Tom Zarek. Dom Giaco, sitting far to her left was a bit of a surprise. He usually stayed housed securely on the Prometheus and she had to wonder why he’d be present at this ceremony. She made a mental note to check his recent comings and goings. With satisfaction, she though about the advantages of controlling the airspace on New Caprica. Her knowledge would be useful to Lee as he negotiated the waters of this new enterprise.

Kara clapped appropriately when the small man finished speaking, catching Lee’s eyes only once and resisting temptation to make him smile. Even she could realize the gravity of this event, unlike the other official ceremonies they’d attended together, both in uniform, when she’d cracked jokes because she loved breaking his good-boy military façade. And he had always laughed, despite himself, covering with a cough, while she grinned full tilt. She hadn’t given a frak what the others thought.

Now, though, it was different. They were separated by a room of civilians and Lee wasn’t wearing a uniform. He looked good in that suit, she had to admit, although it looked strange after all this time of him in military garb. Now, though she stared at him openly, seeing him as the others must, a young man with a sharp jaw and high cheekbones. He was gorgeous, she guessed, always having just seen him as Lee, her friend and now her lover, and she supposed, like she’d thought before, something else.

Shifting from one foot to the other, she realized that standing in this moment didn’t feel like she thought it would when she’d imagined it this morning. Being here was a little surreal, like someone had poofed her out of existence and had dropped someone else into her place. She wasn’t here just as a military liaison, as everyone might assume. To herself, she had to admit that she was here because she wanted to be. The fluttering in her belly wasn’t because she was caught up in the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony, it was because of Lee. Watching him and really just frakking loving him so damn much. _Gods. _

And there it was again, that feeling of terror spiking up inside her. She felt her legs twitch and fingers tightening tension. Fight or flight, she thought, that was how it was really said. She’d always twisted it in her head, fight or frak, and that was what she had done with Lee when fleeing stopped working. But at some point she’d realized that she couldn’t run from him. He’d always followed her, always forced her hand, refusing to frak or fight and insisting that they talk. _Frak me_, she thought. Where had she gone? Where was frak or fight Starbuck? How in the hell was she supposed to do this? It was too big, too frakking terrifying. What the hell was she? Kara Thrace, the VPs girlfriend? What the frak was that?

The urge to run was intense, so much that she barely even noticed that Tom Zarek had begun to speak. _Oh gods, I’m losing my shit, _and she tried to breathe. She caught Lee’s eyes and when he gave her a funny expression, she realized that her face had tightened into a grimace and so she softened her features into neutrality and relaxed her body, stretching her neck a bit and shuffling where she stood. She forced herself to focus on Zarek’s words and pushed the other thoughts out of her mind.

When Zarek finished speaking, Priestess Nivarra approached Lee with the holy tome and he raised his right hand, repeating the words she spoke to him.

_I, Leland Joseph Adama…_

Kara watched him as he spoke, hearing the small tremor in his voice, the rest of the room disappearing from her senses and she felt utterly connected to him in that moment. It was stupid, really, she thought, that she should get so emotional about this. These new feelings of intense loyalty and protectiveness about Lee surprised her, turning her thoughts in a way she hadn’t expected.

_…do confirm and avow…_

Her mind split and she heard Lee’s faithful words as they intermixed with the fierce words she’d said to his father just the day before. They spun together until her words took precedence, rising to the top and sitting firmly in her heart.

_…that I take the office of the Vice President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol… _

She let herself open up to it, embrace the feelings and the terror and the overwhelming need she had for this man and his crazy devotion to this planet and these people and to her.

_…without any moral reservation or mental evasion._

When he finished taking the oath and the round of applause sounded, it was her eyes that he caught, holding them over the heads of every other bystander, and she knew without doubt, that she would never leave. She had no idea how she would do it, but she just would. She loved him and that would have to be enough.  



	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

As the round of applause faded, the audience members rushed the podium to congratulate Lee on this new position as Vice President. Leaning against the bulkhead at the back of the room, Kara watched him as he smiled and blushed and was perfectly charming to this roomful of political sharks. Politics was not her strong suit, but she did understand power, and as she observed the room, she made mental notes about those who were aligned to Zarek and those who might be open to Lee. She could see that he was too overwhelmed, too excited and flushed by the swearing in to pay attention to those details, so she did it for him, cataloguing the small groups forming about the room, noting the glances between Zarek and other guests, trusting her instincts about those who could be dangerous to his administration or to himself personally. She didn’t trust half of the people in this room and with some pride, she took it on as her job to watch his back. She couldn’t blast a raider out of the sky as it barreled down on his viper, but she’d be damned sure that he was protected.

Once the audience filed out, Kara approached Lee and the President. She’d made a deal with herself that she’d be polite until she couldn’t, and this time was no exception.

“Commander Thrace,” Tom said, dipping his head deferentially. “Glad you could make it.”

“My pleasure Mr. President. The Fleet is honored to be here.” Kara was impressed with her own bullshit and gave him a smile that did not quite reach her eyes.

Glancing at Lee, Tom said, “We are disappointed that Admiral Adama could not attend. Everything on Galactica is fine, I hope.” Tom’s voice had a silken edge to it that made Kara want to punch him in the gut.

“The Admiral sends his regrets, Sir,” Kara said politely, then turned to face Lee with a warm expression, putting out her hand to shake his. “Congratulations, Mr. Vice President,” she said, keeping her tone formal, knowing that Tom’s eyes were on them.

Lee grinned as he grasped her hand warmly, only signs of their affection his thumb caressing her skin and the brief lingering of their hands together. “Thank you, Commander.”

The three of them turned when Thia appeared at the door and called out to the President. Tom said his goodbyes and left Kara and Lee alone together. After a moment, their smiles grew wide before Kara leaned in and spoke in a throaty tone, “So, Mr. Vice President, you got an office, or am I gonna have to kiss you right here?” Lee was so caught off guard that he actually blushed.

Kara laughed as he answered, “Yes, as a matter of fact, Commander, I do have an office. Would you like a tour?” He smiled and led the way down the tight staircase.

She looked around as they shuttled through the narrow corridor. “Crap, where’d they put you, the engine room?”

“Just about,” he said, amusement in his voice.

When they arrived at the office, Lee opened the door and made a grand gesture with his arms to show her the small space. Kara grinned and nodded, glancing around at the sparse furniture and running her fingers along the old wood of the desk. “It’s no fancy modern Pegasus office, but I like it.” She turned to face him, her expression heady. “I like you better.”

Lee raised an eyebrow at her and leaned casually against his desk as she approached. Kara walked slowly, their eyes locked and she put two hands flat on his chest.

“I think you deserve a proper congratulatory kiss, Sir,” she said, pressing her mouth to his, kissing him slowly and deliberately, letting him taste her and offering herself openly. It was a kiss about connection and support, and for once, it wasn’t about frakking.

A buzz on the comm sounded and the two reluctantly broke their kiss. Lee bent away slightly, one hand still twined in her hair, the other reaching for the comm. The sound ceased abruptly as he was about to connect, and he turned back to her with a shrug.

“I guess I’ve got to get to work,” he said with disappointment and kissed her one more time.

When he drew his head back, he gave her a soft, loving expression and brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. “Thank you for coming for me today. I didn’t know how much I needed it until I saw you.” He smiled and she felt pride and love welling up inside her, overwhelming and frightening and everything she’d felt a half an hour before. She could only smile, feeling a trembling vulnerability that she’d fought so hard against for all these years.

He must have seen her struggle, the emotion on her face and he leaned forward to kiss her forehead and pull her into an embrace. She fell into it and held on, drawing from his strength to keep herself from crumbling. She’d needed to be there for him, needed to give him support even when it was so hard for her.

After a moment Kara was calmer, more settled and they separated. She smoothed his tie and jacket, eyes darting briefly to his face before stepping back to say, “I’ve gotta go.” She walked towards the door and as she put her hand on the doorknob to leave, she stopped to turn around.

“Really, though, congratulations,” she said.

“Thanks.” His expression a happy satisfied one.

“I’ll see you later.” Their eyes lingered a moment more and she opened the door and left, feeling a small shudder of emotion pass through her as she walked back through the narrow corridor. Instead of running away from the feelings, charging up the steps and out into the crisp air, she paused, waited, and let herself feel.

:: :: ::

As the light outside his window darkened, Lee pulled his papers together and snapped his briefcase shut. He'd made it through his first day behind him and wore a smile on his face as he anticipated his evening with Kara. They’d arranged to meet at his new house and she’d offered to bring his boxes over and help him get settled. When he said he’d cook, she’d teased him, telling him that she’d bring rations just in case it didn’t work out. They’d laughed on the phone and he’d felt satisfied and happy all day.

Now, as he flicked off the light to his office and closed the door behind him, his new life felt like it was starting to click into place. Most of Colonial One was empty, although Zarek’s door was closed and he heard faint voices. He knew that Tom stayed late nearly every night unless he was meeting offsite or attending an official function. For whatever problems he had with the man, Lee had to admit that he was a hard worker. Lee just hoped that his work ended in good things for the people of New Caprica. With some pride, he realized that he could now help to ensure that it happened.

He nodded to the guard posted at the entrance and suppressed the pique of annoyance that the man had not saluted. This non-military life was going to take some getting used to. More than once during the day, his automatic military training had popped into place and he found that he forgot to say simple things like “please” and “thank you” or the other necessary niceties of civilian life. It wasn’t that he was rude or unpleasant, he’d just forget and then he’d get a surprised expression. With a wry smile and a little self-effacing humor about his military background, people would soften. He realized kind of quickly that the military part of him was strong, ingrained to a degree that he had never thought possible. It was the war, he supposed, that forged the military into his bones and it was not easily forgotten. The “sirs” were now honorary and any “orders” he might give were commuted to requests. He wondered how anything ever got done in politics. He frowned a bit, thinking that he would soon find out.

:: :: ::

Lee arrived at his new home to find Kara already there, sprawled out, half-asleep on the sofa with a stack of boxes near the door and a bottle of ambrosia next to her.

“Hey, you’re early. What’s up?” he said as he dumped his briefcase onto the floor and removed his tie and jacket, hanging them neatly over the back of a chair. He walked over to her and sat on the sofa next to her, brushing hairs off her face as she looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

“Hey,” she said and stretched a bit before sliding her hand up his back. When he leaned over and kissed her, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. The kiss was a continuation of their earlier encounter. It was delicious, the privacy, the freedom they had to just be together without a thousand crises about to occur. She sighed into his mouth as he laid down next to her, his growing erection pressing into her flesh. The sofa was narrow and they struggled with clothing and elbows until Kara pulled away, laughing.

“This is ridiculous. C’mon.” She sat up and led them towards the bed. It was wider than they were used to and as close to a real bed as she’d found since the war began. Kara put a knee down on the mattress and turned to face him and started to unbutton her shirt, watching him with hooded eyes. “I think we have something to finish,” she said, shrugging off her top to reveal her bra. When his eyes drifted to the swell of her breasts, she reached up to bunch his t-shirt into her fist and pull him down onto her.

Before they hit the bed, they were a mess of limbs and hands touching and pulling at clothing. Kara took the lead, pulling at his shirt and unbuttoning his trousers to access the ridged line of his hips to his cock. Pushing his pants down enough to gain access, she wrapped her fingers around it lightly, feeling the smooth skin against her palm. He groaned into her mouth and pushed his hips into her hand. “Gods, I’ve wanted this all day,” he said, breaking their kiss to yank off her bra to pull a nipple into his mouth. Kara arched her back in response and tightened her grip around him, sliding one leg seductively along his body.

He released her breast from his mouth and kissed a line to her waist, forcing her to release him. He yanked down his pants and pulled at her fatigues. “Too many damn clothes,” he grumbled and tossed the clothes across the room onto the sofa. “I want skin,” he said and planted his palms against her thighs and spread them open to reveal the soft pink and blond thatch between her legs. He met her eyes and she watched him extend his tongue and flick her clit. It elicited a grin and he did it again. She blinked once, and her eyes darkened, smoldering between them. It was a game, to see who could tease and who could hold out, who would give in to the sensation first. Ducking his head, Lee flattened his tongue and licked deep into her folds, drawing his mouth up and ending with a sharp suck on her clit. She gasped and he smiled before gripping her thighs to lift her hips higher against his lapping tongue. Her eyes were closed now and she fisted the sheets, breaths coming in shallow bursts as he flitted faster, lighter then harder until he felt her body tense and her finger were into his hair. “Oh, gods, Lee.” Her words were guttural, ripped from her throat, and she came hard against his mouth, shuddering and pulling at his shoulders. “Frak,” she said in a throaty whisper as he came up along side her, sliding strong hands along her body.

She gripped his head in her hands and pulled him in for a kiss. His face was wet and she tasted the salt combined with the heady taste of Lee. Pushing him over, she straddled his hips and kissed him more, holding her rising arousal at bay to brush her thighs and ass against his cock, to draw her breasts along his chest and up to his mouth for the briefest of licks at her nipples. She was in control, teasing, then offering, then teasing again until his hands were clenched around her ass and he was pushing himself up against her. “Gods, Kara, now.” But he waited, letting her tease him and stroke him for a few more minutes before he reached between her legs to dip his fingers inside. She bobbed on his fingers as he brushed her still-sensitive clit with this thumb. Finally, she groaned in frustration, having enough of her own teasing and settled herself over his erection.

Planting two hands firmly on his chest, she slid down onto him, trying to hold his eyes as he filled her, but he was lost, mouth open and fingers intertwining with hers. She moved then, gripping his fingers tightly, rising and falling onto him, using her powerful thighs to go faster and faster until her breathing was ragged and her body clenched. She stared down at him through slitted eyelids, watching his pleasure, the wrinkle in his forehead, the sweat beading along his temple, the muscle in his jaw twitching with the effort to stay in control and she needed him to come. But more, she needed him respond to her, to look at her with that intense expression of his, to make her know what he felt with just his eyes. And so she slowed her movements. On the brink of frakking insanity, she slowed, lowering herself to lay on him, his cock hard inside her as she moved shallowly. His arms came automatically around her and he opened his eyes, intensely blue and bright with passion. He cupped her face and kissed her. Kissed her eyelids and her mouth and her cheeks, breathing into her ear, making small sounds that were impossibly sexy and made her shudder with need.

She was overwhelmed in this moment, nearly pulling herself back up to ride him hard, to return to the frak and retreat into the physical pleasure that sustained her and kept her connected to him in the only way she knew how. She couldn’t look at him anymore, but she stayed, wrapped in his embrace, letting him kiss her face and push up inside her with faster strokes. He chanted her name against her cheek, smashed her body so tightly against him that she was nearly breathless. The sensation was astonishing, his body and the friction and her frakking love for him pouring out of her flesh like sweat. The words hovered on her lips, breath caught behind them, orgasm cresting inside her and the fleeting thought _I can’t say it_ dashing through her mind. But it didn’t matter. She knew and that was enough for now. As he panted in her ear and all of his muscles clenched around her body, locking into orgasm, she buried her face into his neck, breathing it silently, as if pushing it into his skin so he would know it to be true. He shuddered and her own grip around his shoulders became tighter until he stilled and she could relax.

She settled down beside him and closed her eyes, listening to the even rhythm of his heartbeat. She felt wonderful and satisfied. Not in the usual way, the intensity of orgasm obliterating her mind, but the connection that had always been there with him, strengthened into something strong and reliable. And godsdamned surprising. She tried not to think about what it meant, but just embraced him and what he offered to her right now. She would take it.

:: :: ::

Half an hour later, Lee’s stomach growled loudly and they roused themselves for dinner. Lee pulled on his boxer shorts and stepped across the room to flip open box lids until he found one with clothing. “Thanks for bringing these,” he said as he carried the box over to the bed and emptied it before slipping into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

“I’m going to get started on dinner,” he said and gave her quick kiss as she snuggled down into the blankets.

He carried another box to the makeshift kitchen and dropped it onto a small counter with shelving underneath that contained pots and pans, some dishes, glasses and a small set of silverware. By the looks of it, Lee guessed that Tom hadn’t had much cause for dinner parties while he’d lived there.

Hearing the banging of pots, Kara sat up and pulled on her fatigues and shirt. “So are you really cooking? Cause I’m starving.” She grabbed her half-full bottle of ambrosia and took a drink.

“Well, let’s just say I’m gonna try. I don’t have a lot to work with, so it might just be noodles again. But at least I made them.”

“Are you saying you’re proud of your highly sought-after boiling technique, Lee? Even I could do that," she said, walking over to him with a cocky grin. She slid her arms around his waist and squeezed.

He glanced over his shoulder as he poured water into a pot. “You can boil water? I’ll believe it when I see it.” He put the pot on the single burner and lit it to a high flame and then turned to clamp his arms around her. “I though all you could do was boil tempers, babe.” She chuckled and kissed him, nipping at his lip with her teeth and then pushed him away playfully.

He grinned at her and turned to opened a package of noodles. When they bumped together as he reached for a spoon, he chided her, “You wanna help or get in the way?”

“I think you can boil water by yourself, Commander.” Her laugh was cut short by the realization of what she had said.

Lee turned and winked at her. “It’s okay. I forget sometimes, too. I still expect my staff to salute me. It’s a hard habit to break.” He pulled out two plates and put them on the table with two forks.

Kara walked back to the sofa and stretched out to face him, drinking while he prepared the food. She watched him with an odd feeling, thinking it was so strange to see Lee Adama, Commander and CAG and now Vice President, doing something as mundane as serving dinner. It struck her how weird their lives had become since the cylons attacked. It wasn’t like she’d been cooking on Galactica before the war started, but at least it civilian life had been a possibility when her couple of years’ services were up. Even Kara, who loved the military hadn’t necessarily expected to do it forever.

After a few minutes, he sat down at her feet, pulling them into his lap as he looked around the place. “Not half bad, right? It’s not exactly luxurious, but seems like home.”

She glanced around. “It’s better than a tent, I can tell you that.”

“Weird to think this is where I’ll be living for the next couple of years.” He shrugged. “It’s gonna take some getting used to.”

Kara watched him talk, seeing the thoughtful expression on his face and wondered if he was thinking about his dad or the war or his new job. Before she could ask, a hissing sound from the stove interrupted her thoughts and Lee jumped up. Kara’s braying laughter rang through the room. “Nice one, Adama. I see boiling noodles is your specialty.”

“Shut up over there or you won’t get any,” he teased back as he turned down the burner and stirred the contents. “Frak. They’re all stuck together.”

“Who cares, Lee? At least it’s not frakking rations. I’m sick of base food. And it’s hot.” She stood up and walked over to the table where he was dishing out sticky noodles onto plates.

The noodles were pasty and almost too hot to eat, but she grinned at Lee with a mouthful anyway. After a minute, she said, “Wait, we forgot something.” She crossed the room and grabbed the ambrosia and two glasses before she sat down again. “We need to toast.” She raised one of the now generously filled glasses and met his eyes. “To home cooking.”

Lee smiled, “To home cooking for a beautiful woman.”

“Yeah right,” she said and took along drink as he watched her.

They finished their noodles with amused agreement that his technique might need work and they poured more ambrosia into their glasses and chatted about Lee’s new job. They drank and joked about a hundred different things and Kara felt herself relax for the first time in weeks. When they were ready to leave the table, Kara pretended to help Lee clean the dishes by using every opportunity to splash him with water. They giggled like kids and by the end of it, both were fairly soaked.

“Kara, c’mon, I’ve got like three shirts,” he complained, but grinned as he stripped off the wet garment and crossed back to the clothes on the bed.

“I’m gonna hang up these clothes, you wanna help me unpack the rest?”

Kara approached him and rolled her eyes. “You need to be lazier, Lee.” She sat down on the bed leaned against the wall to watch him as he hung his shirts on hangers and hooked them over the bar that represented his closet. “I’m not doing anything. I had a whole war of running around doing crap. I’m just gonna sit here and watch.”

“Okay,” he said, giving her a quick kiss. “You deserve it.”

Ten minutes later though, she grumbled and told him to bring her a box and she’d see what she could do. “Thanks,” he said and dropped one at her feet.

She pulled books and papers out and flipped through them casually, tossing them into piles. “Gods, Lee, these are the most boring books I’ve ever seen. _History of the Twelve Colonies? Markel’s Guide to Interplanetary Bodies_….and the people who love them,” she added, amused at her own cleverness.

“Ha ha, very funny,” he said, tossing an empty box into a corner.

She flipped absently through the pages of another half-interesting book on the history of flying and a few squares of paper fell out.

She froze.

Staring back up at her were black and white copies of the pictures of Zak and Lee and their parents that she’d seen a hundred times in Adama’s office. She swallowed hard, sliding her fingers over a young Zak Adama’s face. _Oh gods, Zak._ Her stomach clenched at the realization that she hadn’t thought about him in days.

In the photo, he was so young and beautiful and his face was filled with the promise of everything life had to offer. Sometimes she hated these pictures, the sudden reminder of his life in the midst of chaotic meetings and rushed briefings. But sometimes she loved them, too, more even than the picture of the two of them on the field with Lee. Her throat ached at the thought of him, still happy, beaming alongside his father, his idol, the man he wanted to impress by flying a viper just like his. Even after everything, she still missed him.

“Are there any socks in that box?” Lee asked suddenly, breaking her reverie, and she shoved the pictures back into the book and tossed it onto the stack.

“Um, no. Just books.” Shifting off the bed, she grabbed the stack and carried it to the small bookcase along the wall, dumping them onto a shelf carelessly, eyeing the book that contained the photos, its red spine somehow brighter than the rest, a warning signal of something she should not touch. Turning away, she closed her fists, clenching her teeth as sadness welled up inside her, pulling along with it shame and guilt and the memories of what had happened between them.

Her eyes found a half-drunk bottle of ambrosia and she walked over to it, taking it down in one long gulp, holding her breath until every drop had been consumed, then breathing air in a rush into her lungs. She dropped the empty bottle into the box in the corner and went to the kitchen for another. Two more. She popped the top and leaned against the counter to drink, the liquid not pouring fast enough into her mouth.

Lee grumbled in the background about missing socks and where in the hell he’d left his hand mirror. It all faded to a low-pitched noise as Kara made her way back to the bed. Her damp shirt was cold and clung to her stomach and she peeled it and her pants off before sliding under the blankets. She propped herself up on the pillows and stared at the wall, keeping the bottle close to her lips as she drank, mind filled with thoughts of Zak and Lee and wondering why she should be here with Lee instead of his brother. Why she’d gotten to live and he’d had to die. A thousand times she’d asked herself these questions and a thousand times more the answer was that she had frakked up. She’d messed up, lied, cheated, hurt him in the most horrible of ways and then, almost exactly three years ago to the day, he had died. She had never gotten to say she was sorry, had never had the chance to make it right or to at least try. And now she had to live through another day of remembrance and grief and do it all with Lee by her side. It was choking, the thought of trying to pretend it would be okay to watch Lee remember and to know what he knew. And what he didn’t know.

The ambrosia finally began to seep into her consciousness, easing the worst of the anguish and when Lee shrugged on pants and a jacket to go to the head, she was able to just grin and tell him not to get eaten by wolves. As soon as he was out the door, she downed the rest of the sweet liquid and got the last bottle. It would be just enough, enough to blot it out, to ease her into sleep, to make it okay to spend the night in the arms of her dead lover’s brother.


	19. Chapter 19

The morning sun filtered through the small plexi windows in Lee’s house, casting a bluish hue into the room. Kara moved carefully, head throbbing slightly and lips dry from the drinking the night before. She felt the heat of Lee’s back against hers and heard his even breathing as he slept. She eased out of the bed and gathered her clothes quietly, slipping them on and pushing her feet into her boots. Her mouth felt thick with too much ambrosia and she poured water from a jug into a cup. Taking a mouthful, she glanced around the room, seeing that Lee had cleaned up after she’d passed out. Her eyes skimmed the shelf, the red line of the book taunting her, reminding her of the pictures she’d found and the sudden realization of the anniversary of Zak’s death. She swallowed hard. Gods, she didn’t want to remember any of this, she wanted next week to come and for everyone to forget what she had done. With a pained expression, she dropped the cup onto the counter, grabbed her jacket and left.

:: :: ::

Lee woke soon after, surprised to see Kara already gone, but roused himself and set off to Colonial One for a shower, ready to start his day. Around noon, he sat back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. There was so much to read and he didn’t have enough time. Tom had scheduled him to conduct his first community meeting in a few days, so Lee had cleared his calendar to focus on reports from scientists, surveyors, and engineers about the progress on New Caprica. There were piles of complaints about everything from the safety of the food supply to the spacing between the tents in the southern district. Quorum members seemed delighted to bring him into their folds and had already inundated him with requests for special consideration. He listened to his instincts about people when he met them, but the sheer number of faceless requests were harder to manage.

Lee frowned as he perused the stack of reports about sustainable food production on New Caprica – the very issue that had led him to accept this position in the first place. He was slated to meet with Tom tomorrow about moving towards a resolution, but Lee was less than hopeful that a speedy solution could be achieved. They still needed his father’s approval to utilize military land and given the state of their personal relationship, it was unlikely to come. Pushing the papers aside, he felt the weight of their separation – Lee hadn’t spoken to his father since he’d been discharged. He knew their first meeting would be hard.

:: :: ::

Kara slogged through her day as best she could, hungover, cranky, and more than happy to call it quits around 1600 hours. With a sour expression, she walked back to her quarters, acknowledging crew briefly as they passed, half-seeing the tents and activity around her as thoughts of Lee and Zak filtered through her mind. The dull ache inside her grew, guilt and pain tweaking at her gut as she flopped down on her rack with a bottle. It hurt so frakking much and, gods, she relished that first taste of sweetness on her tongue as she swallowed down the ambrosia. She let go of the tight control she had held over her thoughts, knowing that whatever painful things came now wouldn’t last for long.

She remembered that day more than three years ago when Zak had burst into her quarters after he’d received his passing marks, grabbing her up and twirling her around, laughing like an idiot while she’d pretended along with him. She’d laughed and kissed him, blotting out the lie with her body until all she’d been able to think about was how he felt inside her. Later, drenched with sweat, she’d answered his questions, assuring him that he’d passed on his own merit and then she’d kissed him again, pushing away his doubts and the truth until they had fallen asleep tangled together on her rack.

Her attention snapped back to the present as she swallowed the last drops of ambrosia from the bottle. She cracked open a second, drinking deeply, half-formed images of Zak bragging about his flying and how he was going to kick some cylon ass if they ever returned. He’d been so excited and she thanked the gods that she hadn’t been there when he’d called Lee, hadn’t been party to the joyful reaction to his older brother’s pride. And when he’d talked about it later, she’d been drunk and she’d just squeezed his arm and let herself pretend that everything would be fine.

She swallowed down that second bottle of ambrosia as fast as her body would allow. It burned, liquid running down her throat until she pulled the bottle away and gasped for air. With her mind still too aware, images too sharp, she started to dig around her locker for a third. Clothes and papers and shoes dotted the floor around to the storage unit, but there was no more to be found. _Frak. _

Kara grabbed her jacket, flicked off the light and headed to Keel’s bar.

:: :: ::

It had taken Lee all day to organize his papers and he was loathe to spend another minute hunched over at his desk. Too much inactivity had made his back stiff and he needed to take a run. Anticipating a late night of more reading at home, he shoved a stack of reports into his briefcase and shut down his office.

It was still light enough that the lamps along the path to his house had not been lit. He examined his new residence as he approached, still startled that he lived there instead of in a quarters on a battlestar. He thought absently that cold gray metal of the exterior needed something to make it feel more like home.

He changed out of his suit and into sweats and a t-shirt, smiling as he looked at the disheveled sheets on the bed. He missed Kara, missed how he’d come home to her lying on his sofa yesterday, sound asleep, beautiful as ever. He wanted that every day. He knew she wasn’t ready, but that didn’t stop him from wanting it.

Ten minutes later, Lee’s feet hit the graveled path at a steady pace, the cool air washing over him as he ran. He used the run as an excuse to tour the city, taking in more of the details from his new perspective as Vice President; it seemed important for him to see how everyone lived. As he jogged through the rows of tents and makeshift buildings, he saw the shifting loyalties of colony flags, some hung alongside the New Caprican flag that Baltar had given so much importance. Lee smiled a little, thinking that the man had had a few good ideas, even if they never had amounted to much.

He rounded the western edge of the town, running along the river, watching the last bits of yellowish gray light shine and then fade on the surface of the water. By the time he finished his run, the sky was black and he glanced up at the still-unfamiliar spattering of stars twinkling in space. He loped into this quarters, grabbed fresh clothes and headed to Colonial One to take a shower.

As he walked through the dimly lit outer office, he was surprised to see Tom emerge with Dom Giaco. Lee was coated in sweat and in no condition to play Vice President to the man who ran the Prometheus’s black market, so he nodded politely and continued his journey down the steps to the shower. He’d just seen him at the swearing in ceremony and meeting him again so soon was cause for concern. While Lee hadn’t forgotten Zarek’s role in the black market after Phelan’s death, he couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment rising up inside him as he considered the possibility that Tom hadn’t left that part of his life behind when he took the position of President.

:: :: ::

Freshly showered and re-invigorated, Lee worked late into the night, sprawled out on his sofa with papers scattered onto the coffee table and the floor and onto his lap. Throughout the evening he’d glanced at the door, hoping that Kara would come around, but not quite expecting it. He smiled, thinking about their evening together, laughing with her over his stupid jokes and eating pasty noodles while they had talked. Around twenty-three hundred, he dozed off, the details of Gemenese complaints finally wearing him out.

Well after midnight, when the activities of the town had quieted, Lee heard a noise at his door and startled awake, papers falling to the floor as he sat upright. In the dim light, he saw the flash of blond hair and heard a “frak” as Kara stumbled in. He scraped a hand over his face and waited, lips curving in amusement as she made her way clumsily through the door, grumbling to herself.

“Kara,” he said.

“You need better security, Lee,” she warned.

“You mean so clumsy burglars can’t steal my paperwork?” he teased with a sleepy tone.

She flicked on a lamp and her eyes found him sitting on the sofa blinking at her.

Lee watched stance waver, she was obviously drunk. “Where have you been?”

“Keel’s. Good stuff there.” She slurred her words and came to him on the sofa, sitting heavily at his side.

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her middle. “Looks like someone had fun.” He was too sleepy to wonder why she’d been out getting drunk in the middle of the week.

She grinned at him and dipped her head for a kiss. “Mmmhmm,” she said into his mouth as their lips touched.

Lee chuckled and kissed her back, feeling happy and content that she’d found her way to him after all.

:: :: ::

As dawn broke, Lee rose, glancing back at Kara, half covered by the blanket and remembered their brief and passionate lovemaking before she’d fallen asleep nestled into his arms. Stepping away from the bed, Lee washed his face, brushed his teeth in the sink and dressed in a red button-down shirt and dark pants. With no meetings scheduled, he didn’t bother with a suit.

When he was ready to leave, he sat down on the bed next to Kara, rubbing her back to wake her. He loved this time with her, quiet and peaceful, so different from the brash woman he saw in the full light of day. He loved them both, but her vulnerable sleepiness touched him in particular because of the ease and comfort they shared.

When she roused, however, his fantasy of a pleasant Kara Thrace was broken. She groaned deeply, “Agh. I feel like shit. Let me sleep. Gods, what the frak time is it?” She said irritably before rolling over and snuggling down into the blankets.

He smiled nonetheless, admitting that he loved this cranky side of her, too. “I’m going, Kara. I’ll see you tonight?” He spoke close to her ear.

“Okay, yeah,” she mumbled, falling back asleep quickly. He kissed her temple and stood to leave.

:: :: ::

An hour later, Kara woke again, mouth dry and head feeling thick with hangover. _Frak._ Her mind was fuzzy with the details of the night before. She knew that she’d started drinking in the afternoon and had gone to Keel’s when she’d run out of ambrosia. As she pulled on her pants, she felt the weight of cubits in her pockets and flashes of memories spun across her mind, losing four straight, then coming out on top until the other players were pissed off or cleaned out. After the triad games, she couldn’t remember much, except that she’d stumbled out into the freezing air and had ended up at Lee’s.

She pulled on the rest of her clothes and went to the kitchen to splash some water onto her face. As the fog of sleepiness cleared, the memories of Zak came creeping back, dancing at the edges of her awareness until they could not be ignored. She hated the way her hands shook as she reached for a towel and scrubbed too hard at her face. _Two more days._ She could make it.

With a sharp tug on her hair, she pulled it back into a ponytail, shrugged on her jacket and headed back to the base.

:: :: ::

Later in the day, Lee was called into Tom’s office upstairs. The two men had barely seen each other since the swearing in with Tom always holed away behind closed doors or out speaking to constituents. Lee realized that Tom was giving him the scut work, matters that required a lot of time outside the public view. The community meeting would be Lee’s first real opportunity to deal with the public.

Lee knocked on Tom’s door and the man waved him in, offering him a seat.

Tom gave him an even stare. “I’m sure you are wondering about Dom Giaco’s visit to my office last night.”

Lee acknowledged him with a nod and sat back in his chair, appraising the older man, respecting his forthright way of getting to the heart of the matter.

“Well, I’ve known Dom for a lot of years, Lee. We served time back on Saggitaron and we have a history.”

Lee's eyes narrowed. “A history with the black market, you mean?”

Tom smiled ruefully. “Yes, Lee. As you probably already know, Dom is active in the affairs on the Prometheus.”

Any pretense of politeness fled as Lee responded with a warning tone. “I mean what I said to Phelan’s crew a few months ago. If I hear about children being harmed, I can and I will do something.”

Tom raised his hands to ward off Lee’s sharp tone. “That’s been stopped. And that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Raising a questioning eyebrow, Lee asked, “Then what is it about?”

Zarek continued to explain, “Dom wants to come planetside, to leave the market, but his operations are preventing it. We’ve been talking about way to keep the Prometheus under control if he leaves.”

“The government should not be involved,” Lee said exasperated and suspicious.

“The government is not involved, Lee. It has political permutations, of course, but it’s mostly a personal issue.”

“And what do you want me to do?” His voice held a mild challenge.

“Nothing,” he said flatly. “It’s a personal matter and I’d like you to stay out of it. I know you are suspicious, but can promise you that I am not personally involved in those activities any more. I want the activities on the Prometheus to say there, not to come to New Caprica. That’s what this is about.”

Lee frowned. “I don’t want the activities on the Prometheus to continue at all, Tom.”

The older man smiled pointedly. “You didn’t think so a few months ago, Lee. Don’t sit on your high horse and pretend that you didn’t support it. Shevon is still there. And so is her child. Unharmed.”

The words made Lee’s stomach tighten and his lips pressed into thin line. Yes, he remembered and it was not something he was proud of. He’d done things then that seemed so unlike the man he was now, things filled with self-loathing and depression. But it was no excuse, he told himself. He had to live to a higher standard now, and whatever indiscretions he pursued before, they couldn't matter any more.

In a tight voice, Lee replied, “We all make mistakes, Tom. That does not mean that I support it now.”

“I understand that.” Tom stood then, signifying an end to their conversation and Lee stood as well. “But it’s not going away, Lee. Don’t be naïve. But I will ask you again to stay out of my affairs with Dom. As a personal favor to me.”

Something in Lee’s gut warned him to push it, to deny the request, but he ignored it. He’d been Vice President for all of few days and he wasn’t ready to take on Tom Zarek quite yet.

“All right, Tom. I’ll stay out of it. For now.” The threat in Lee’s voice was unmistakable.

Tom nodded, smiling slightly, but he knew that Tom had suffered a small loss in asking for his cooperation. The political game was heating up and Lee had just scored a point.

:: :: ::

Despite perceiving a small victory with Tom, however, the man’s words sat with Lee all day, distracting him from the reports and information he needed to prepare himself for the community meeting. It was hard to forget what he had done, how he had pretended that a prostitute would become a kind of substitute for what he had lost. Shevon had been right and he had been too frakked in the head to realize it. He’d made so many mistakes with Gianne and with Dee and with Kara, it was a wonder that he had a relationship now at all.

He threw down his reports, angry at himself for even allowing these distracting thoughts. Tom Zarek was good at keeping Lee off-kilter. Even when Tom’s actions were the suspicious ones, he’d been able to plant doubt into Lee’s mind and to bring unsavory memories resurfacing when he least wanted them.

For all the difficulties he had with the illegal activities on the Prometheus, he was not ready to tackle that issue. He had so much else to do that the black market needed to wait. With effort, he did his best to re-focus.

:: :: ::

By the time his day ended, Lee was tired and weary and called it quits. He headed back to his house, but after two hours of trying to focus, he felt no better. His tired mind couldn’t keep his troubling thoughts away and after two failed attempts to reach Kara on the comm, he realized that she probably wasn’t coming over. He didn’t want to be disappointed – he knew she was busy and they hadn’t made any firm plans to see each other, but he felt lonely. He was used to the hustle and bustle of Pegasus, he realized, where he could always find someone to talk to or something to do. Now it was him and a stack of papers and Kara was nowhere to be found. With a resigned sigh, he readied himself for bed and crawled under the chilled blankets and closed his eyes. His great new life wasn’t going as well as he would have liked.

:: :: ::

Kara stumbled out of the bar well after 0100 hours, laughing with another patron before they parted ways. The ground in front of her wobbled a bit and she focused on putting one foot in front of the other without falling down. She directed herself towards the base, but wasn’t really surprised when she ended up at Lee’s house – she couldn’t stay away. She had intended to avoid him, didn’t want to face Zak’s anniversary with him, but for the second night in a row, she needed him nonetheless. She hated that it was so frakking hard. She wanted to disappear, dissolve, change into a person that didn’t cheat and hurt everyone she loved.

With concentrated effort, she pushed through the door carefully trying not to wake him. A small lamp in the corner of the kitchen cast a pale yellow light through the room and she saw Lee sleeping soundly. Like a magnet, her eyes were drawn to the bookcase, to the forbidden pictures and the memories she wanted to avoid, but couldn’t. It was here. Now after midnight, the day had arrived – it had been exactly three years since Zak’s death. Images washed over her mind, the alcohol a weaker barrier than she’d hoped. She had to face it. With or without Lee, she had to remember and go down that path because that’s what she’d promised to do. She wasn’t _allowed _to forget.

Standing slightly unsteady in front of the bookcase, she pulled out the red-spined book and opened it. The pictures fell out and scattered onto the floor. She picked them up, nearly toppling over and stared at each in turn, seeing the young boys smiling with their father in one and their mother in another. Kara’s eyes blurred with tears, guilt and sadness and loss permeating through her.

“Kara?” Lee’s voice was thick with sleep.

Kara shoved the pictures back into the book and pulled it against her chest, hiding her actions in the dim light. She swallowed and brushed the tears from her face. “Yeah,” she said, voice rough with emotion. At the rustle of blankets, she glanced over her shoulder to see him looking in her direction.

“Are you okay?” Even half-asleep, he always seemed to know.

With forced casualness, she answered, “Yep. Everything’s fine. Go back to sleep. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Haphazardly, she pushed the book back onto the shelf, not noticing the fluttering of a paper onto the floor. Crossing the room, she flicked off the small light, nearly tripping over the coffee table as she padded over to the bed. She stripped off her clothes and climbed in beside him, ignoring the feelings of betrayal because she had to. Somehow she had to get through this without hurting Lee, too.

He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck. “I’m happy you’re here. I missed you.”

With tears in her eyes, she hugged his arms. “Me, too,” she whispered.

:: :: ::

A throbbing in her head woke Kara while it was still mostly dark, thoughts of Zak starting as soon as she opened her eyes. She climbed out of bed slowly, carefully, needing to leave before Lee woke, unable to face him on this day. She gathered her clothes and walked towards the door, dressing as she moved. She hunted around for her boots, discarded carelessly the night before and she slipped them on. Her body ached from lack of sleep and too much alcohol for two days straight. She’d managed to do some official work over the past forty-eight hours, but all she could really think about was Zak.

Today, she wasn’t even going to bother. She’d scheduled the day off because she didn't want to see anyone, least of all Lee. She wanted to be alone, in her rack, shutting out the world. As she passed by the bed on her way to the door, however, a hand snaked out and captured her wrist.

“Hey. Where are you going?” Lee looked up at her sleep-eyed, but his fingers were tight when she tried to pull away.

She didn’t look at him. “I have things to do. I’ve gotta go.”

“It’s not even dawn. Come back to bed.” He pulled at her arm, dragging her down towards him.

“Lee…” She tried to resist, wanted to leave, had hoped to escape before he could catch her. She just didn’t think she could hide it today.

But he was stronger than she was, physically and emotionally and she let herself be pulled onto the bed. She sat stiffly, still trying to convince herself to leave. Bile was rising in her throat and the pressure of Lee wanting to be with Lee and the crush of painful feelings about Zak was tearing her in two.

She couldn’t really breathe.

“What’s going on?” Lee’s voice was alert now.

“Nothing. I –” She couldn’t even answer.

“Kara?” She heard concern in his voice. _Frak._ A simple escape. That was all she had needed because maybe he wouldn’t remember. She could have gotten through it.

She stared at the floor, getting lost again in the guilt she felt for even being alive. It should have been her. It should have been Zak alive and fighting alongside his brother.

Lee shifted positions to sit up and pulled at her, but she was unyielding, locked in her indecision and fear.

“Kara. What is going on with you? For two days now you’ve been coming in the middle of the night drunk and you’ve barely spoken three words to me. I left you messages and I never heard back.” The hurt sound in his voice made her heart ache more. _I always hurt him. _

She stood up suddenly. “I really have to go.” She practically sprinted to the door and shoved it open.

:: :: ::

Lee bolted out of bed. “Kara, wait,” he said, but she was already gone. _What in the hell was going on with her?_ He walked to the door and looked out, catching sight of her under the street lamps, head down barreling towards the base, her blond hair whipping out behind her in a strong wind. Clothed only in boxer shorts, he shivered in the icy air and closed the door.

Pulling a shirt over his head, he turned on the lights and looked around the house, a creeping feeling rising along his spine. He knew what it felt like when something was going on, when she needed to avoid him, and this was it. She’d been strange the night before, her voice unsteady, and when she’d slid into bed next to him, her hair had smelled like cigars and the bar, just like the night before that. Two nights in a row she’d come to him drunk, acting strangely, barely speaking. And this morning, she’d seemed so sad and tired. He sighed, confusion and worry edging out other thoughts. He didn’t know what to do. Chase her, leave her – she never made it easy.

Resigned to be patient, Lee made himself breakfast, heating coffee and digging out a breakfast bar from a box. He would work, he would wait and leave her alone and then they could talk. He began to gather his clothes, planning to shower and dress on Colonial One. As he was about to leave he pulled his papers into his briefcase and remembered to grab his volume of _The History of the Twelve Colonies _to help him prepare for his big meeting. His memory was good, but he had a lot to learn about the history of the people he was governing. As he reached for the book he spotted a small square of white paper on the rug and bent over to retrieve it. He flipped it over; it was the picture of Zak with him and his father. After a moment, the rush of memory hit him. This explained everything: barely seeing Kara, the drunken visits, the weird distance. _Frak! _

Lee dropped his bag, grabbed his jacket and headed out the door after Kara. How could he have frakking forgotten his own brother’s anniversary? _Godsdamnit._

:: :: ::

He half-ran to the base with his insides roiling with guilt and concern and hard-etched feelings of stupidity that he had been so careless to have forgotten about Zak. He was supposed to remember these things. He was supposed to take care of Kara and make sure she was okay. He’d been so busy he hadn’t really noticed that she’d been upset. Where was his frakking head? When he reached her door, he took a few calming breaths.

He knocked softly and went inside, not surprised to find her on her rack with a bottle of ambrosia tucked between her knees. “Kara?”

“What do you want, Lee? I told you I have things to do.” Her voice was flat.

He hesitated a moment, then approached her. “I know what today is, Kara.”

She didn’t respond, just raised the bottle to her lips and drank.

“I can’t believe I forgot.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m such an idiot. Gods, why didn’t you say something?”

“What was I gonna say, Lee? Hey, look, it’s the anniversary of the day I killed your brother. That would’ve been a fun time.” Her voice was deeply sardonic and she drank again, never turning her face towards him.

He sat on the edge of her rack. “Hey. Don’t be like that.” Raising a hand, he tried to touch her face, but she jerked away. He blinked and let his hand drop, hurt by her rejection. “What?”

“I wanna be alone, Lee.” She took another, longer drink and avoided his eyes.

He searched her face then dropped his gaze, feeling sad and hurt and confused. They’d talked about Zak and he’d stupidly thought they would get through this together when the time came. And then he’d forgotten. _Frak._

“I’m sorry I forgot. I should have remembered.” His own guilt rose up and painful thoughts of his brother came into his mind. “Gods, I miss him.”

If she heard him, she gave no sign. The bottle was wrapped tightly in her fingers.

Her eyes were empty, staring blindly ahead as he spoke. “I don’t blame you, Kara. You know that, right?” He’d talk to her, even if she didn’t talk to him. He couldn’t stand seeing her like this, not knowing what was going on inside her head; he just knew it was bad. “I know what happened. I know you passed him, I know he died. You made a mistake – and I’m sorry for it. I loved my brother, Kara, but I love you, too.

His words had no effect. It galled him, hurt him, made him feel frakking invisible and useless. _Godsdamnit._

He stood up abruptly and started to pace a little. “Frakking damn it, Kara. Talk to me.” His rational brain told him to just leave before his frustration and anxiety pushed him to do something stupid, but he ignored it.

“Why do you have to make everything so frakking hard? I’m here. I’m talking, I’m trying and you’re not doing anything. I thought we were in this together. You told me you’d try. I thought you meant it. Now you’re just shutting me out and godsdamnit….”

She was like a frakking immovable object, ignoring him, caught up in her own personal torment and he was the outsider, like she’d always made him, pushing him away time and time again. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to just let her suffer, but he felt stuck. On impulse, he reached out and grabbed the bottle, snatching it away from her before she could realize what he was doing.

That got a reaction. She jumped off the bed, growling. “Give me the frakking bottle, Lee.” He held it up in the air where she couldn’t reach it and she shoved herself against him, straining her arm along his.

Her face twisted up in anger. “Don’t you get it? I don’t frakking want you here. I don’t want to talk. Get out!” She was practically screaming at him now, desperate, clawing at his arm.

“No!” Lee’s voice boomed and he let the bottle fall from his grip, hitting the floor with a thud as he grabbed her shoulders and shook her, his face twisted into anger and frustration. “Kara. Stop it. Stop.” She fought at him, hitting him wildly until he grabbed her into a vice grip, pinning her arms between them with brute force.

“Let go of me.” Her voice was desperate. She kicked at him, her feet jabbing painfully into his shins.

“Why? So you can frakking hit me? So you can keep drinking and pretend like I don’t even frakking exist?”

“You don’t get it, Lee. You’ll never frakking get it.” She squirmed in his arms.

“Then tell me. I’m standing right here. Tell me what the frak is going on?” His words came out through clenched teeth as she fought him. He was desperate now, too, feeling like everything they had built was teetering again on her history with Zak. She didn’t care that he had let it go, that he accepted it. The self-loathing was coming off of her in waves. He softened his voice as much as he could and spoke close to her ear, “Just tell me, Kara. Please.”

She finally stilled, then gave a ragged sigh. When her arms finally went slack, he released her. She bent over to pick up what was left of her ambrosia and sat heavily on her rack, the bottle dangling between her knees as she stared at the floor.

After a minute, Kara spoke, voice distant, and told him everything that had happened. “He should have failed. He busted three of the maneuvers and he should have failed. But I loved him. And I couldn’t do it.” She took a drink and Lee quietly sank to the floor in front of her. He knew all this.

“For almost a month, he bragged about getting his wings, how he was going to show off to his dad and to you.” She looked at him, eyes glassy. “He loved you so much, Lee.” Lee’s eyes stung with his own tears.

Looking away again, she continued, “Every time he got into a viper, I was terrified. I tried to tell myself that I was overreacting, that it would be fine. Maybe it was nerves, maybe he was no good in the sims.” Kara’s face was full of anguish when she met Lee’s eyes again. “Then I went out to watch him. I could tell he was trying so hard, wanting to impress me, but I saw the bobbles. I knew.”

Kara swallowed and looked away and took another long drink, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “There was nothing I could do. I’d passed him. It was my fault.”

Lee interjected, wanting to save her from the pain. “And then he died.” He knew it was a hard truth, but he also knew he’d learned to live with it. And he would continue to live with it. He just had to help Kara be okay with it, too.

“No. Not yet.” she answered and Lee frowned. “You don't understand. I couldn’t handle it. I ran. He showed up at my apartment and I was gone. He left me messages, got angry, said he didn’t know what he’d done wrong. But I couldn’t face him any more. I knew…” She swallowed a large gulp of ambrosia. Her words were beginning to slur. “Oh gods, I knew he was going to die in that viper.” She started to cry in earnest now, her body shaking from sobs.

He wanted to touch her, but he sense that there was more. She needed to do this. He pressed her. “What happened, Kara?”

She looked at him, appraising him, measuring in some way before she swiped her eyes roughly with a sleeve and took another drink. When she spoke, her voice was flat again, emotion drained from her words. “I knew he was coming to see me. I even left the door unlocked.” One more look at Lee, then she told the rest of the story.

“I picked up some guy at a bar. I brought him back to my place and I frakked him. I knew Zak would come and then it would be over and I wouldn’t have to face him any more.” The flatness of her words cracked and she doubled over, letting the bottle fall to the floor, holding herself around her middle.

“Oh, gods, Lee. Oh, gods. I killed him. The next day. It was my fault. He shouldn’t have flown. He was upset and angry and hurt…oh my gods. Lee….” The words were torn out of her, harsh and gutting and she rocked herself like a child. He stared, pain crushing around his heart and he rose on his knees to embrace her.

He held her, cradling her head, whispering in her hair, telling her it was okay. And he was crying, too, tears falling into her hair, horrified at the pain she had caused his brother, deep in anguish at what Kara must have suffered when he died. So much hurt and loss and pain for all of them.

“Kara, it’s okay. I swear. It’s okay. It’s over. It’s over.” He rocked with her as she sobbed and he was sure she had never told another soul what she had done. She was crumpled in his embrace, smaller and more broken than he had ever seen her and he had no idea what this would do to her now.

After a few minutes she settled, breathing softly with her face tucked into his neck. He didn’t think he’d ever loved her more than in this moment where she trusted him and bared her soul to him in a terrible and painful way. He ached for her and all he wanted to do was make it right.

Lee leaned back and tipped up her tear-ravaged face to look at him. “Okay, listen to me. I don’t care.” His voice was calm and comforting. In a split second he’d made his decision about everything that had happened with Zak. “We have all been through some crazy, crazy shit. I don’t care what happened. I know you loved my brother and you made a mistake. Don’t care.”

He smiled a little. “You can beat yourself up from now until forever, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here. You’re here. I’m Lee and you’re Kara. And the rest of it isn’t worth a damn.” Her eyes widened, uncomprehending.

He touched her face, his expression filled with love and forgiveness. “This is all that matters.”

Tears flowed again from her eyes and he hugged her tight. It really was all that mattered.


	20. Chapter 20

Lee kept his arms around Kara, pulling her back with him to spoon alongside her on the bed. His own mind was spinning with everything that he’d just learned. He didn’t understand why Kara would hurt Zak the way she had – why she’d sever their relationship so brutally. There were so many more questions he wanted to ask, but he knew that she was already wrung out. And some part of him was relieved not to have to talk about it any more. He wanted to leave it in the past. It was too painful for both of them. In his mind, he’d already made the decision to accept it and he had told her as much. Now, after everything, it didn’t really matter. But it did hurt.

They’d lost so many people in combat, in the flash of an explosion or later, injured or dying of illness. He’d almost become numb to death and these renewed feelings of grief were overwhelming. He’d allowed himself to feel what had happened to the human race – how they’d all been destroyed, nearly wiped from existence but now it threatened to hit him hard again, sparked by the terrible grief about his brother’s death. But as he always did, Lee pushed the grief away. This was not the time. He felt his own loss, but Kara had been holding onto her secret for so long – a terrible secret that must have eaten away at her every single day since Zak had died. She needed him now.

With slow motions, he rubbed her back, touching her hair and trailing his hand down her sides to caress the skin on her arm. She turned towards him, threading her leg through his and pulling him close. He kissed her forehead and her temples, caressing her cheek with his fingers. She wouldn’t look at him and he knew she must be feeling overwhelmed and uncertain, despite the reassurances he’d given to her. His heart ached as he dipped his head to kiss her, tentatively, a kiss of warmth and love and without expectation. She kissed him back softly, darting out her tongue, tasting him cautiously.

They pressed themselves together, exploring, every sense heightened by the intimacy they’d found in their shared grief about Zak. As Lee slid his hands under her shirt to caress her breasts, he thought that they needed this, to be together on the anniversary of the day that had stood between them for so long. Maybe together they could get past it.

:: :: ::

Lee woke an hour later and sat up, remembering that he’d been on his way to work at Colonial One when he realized that today was the anniversary. He’d flown out of his house without calling Thia to let her know he’d be delayed. Now, he decided, he would not be going in at all. This was a day to be together with Kara. It was a luxury, but he didn’t care. He’d earned it.

As he moved across the room to the comm, he thought about what he could do to make it a different kind of day. Not one filled with sadness and regret, but something they could remember that was positive.

Thia’s efficient voice answered and put Lee through to Tom. Given Tom’s recent request for a favor, it was pretty clear that Tom would not raise any issue with Lee’s absence. He told the older man that he’d explain when he saw him tomorrow.

Kara was still sound asleep when Lee slipped out the door.

:: :: ::

Bill Adama sat on the wide leather sofa, drinking whiskey and staring at photos of his sons with Carolanne. Today was one of the hardest days he faced. As selfish as it sounded, the destruction of the colonies paled in comparison to the loss of his son. That loss was sharp and gutting, twisting and filling him with pain unlike any he’d ever experienced. He’d lost his father and mother and his marriage had ended in divorce, but losing Zak was an utter and complete shock that had shaken him to his core. He could barely remember how he'd gotten through that day, those weeks afterward.

He knew he'd acted the stern military official at the funeral, coping as best he could under the mantle of his position. He used it as a cloak of protection and had worried more about Kara than he had about himself. He grieved in private, never wavering in the public eye. With his frown deepening, Bill started to understand why Lee was so resentful of him, holding on to his anger because Bill had expressed so little to him at the funeral and afterward. It had been too painful to face his son on that day, knowing that Lee blamed him for Zak's death.

As he drank and stroked the edge of the wooden frame, he reflected on his very worst character flaw: he was not and had never been a very good father. Like his father before him, he had spent too much time on his career and had relied on Carolanne to handle everything. He’d expected his boys to be like soldiers and rejected their desires when they did not match his own.

All of this had been weighing heavily on his mind since the day he’d signed the order to discharge Lee. Bill’s brow creased deeply and he drank, thinking of that decision, all of his usual careful actions rejected in one stroke of a pen. As much as he told himself he did not regret it, that there were justifiable reasons for what he had done, it just didn’t matter when he was staring at a photo of his two sons. One dead. One alive. He’d made a choice that had pushed his only living son out of his grasp. Laura had railed at him about it, straining her voice calling him every name in the book and he’d just sat there, stone-faced, righteous in his decision. He had called her soft and had insulted her. And she’d given it right back, storming out of his office and ignoring his calls for three days. They’d agreed on a truce, but nothing had felt right since Lee had left the service. And today, as he thought about his two sons and all that he had lost, he realized that something had to change.

With a resigned expression, Bill eased himself out of the sofa and put Zak’s picture back on his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out a piece of paper. He sat and began to write.

:: :: ::

Lee pulled his jacket around himself as he walked across the base, leaving Kara sleeping soundly in her quarters. He found Captain Russell and asked her to help him prepare to leave the base for the day. Without his rank, Lee’s requests were favors through the Captain, but she was more than willing to help. She and Kara had developed a friendship over the past few months and Lee was just getting to know this woman who’d somehow gained Kara’s respect. Within a half an hour, he had a truck and enough provisions for the day. They had laughed when she saluted him despite his civilian status, joking about old habits dying hard.

With some speed, Lee drove back into town and pulled around behind his house. Inside, he changed into boots and old military fatigues, gathering his sweatshirt and backpack and personal supplies. Despite the heaviness in his heart, he felt some enthusiasm about his idea. They were going to the mountains.

:: :: ::

Kara woke to the sound of Lee rustling around her quarters. “What’s all the noise? People are trying to sleep over here.”

“Time to wake up, soldier. We’ve got plans for today.” His tone was casual.

“Ugh. Let me sleep. I just want to sleep.” She pulled the covers over her head.

“C’mon, Kara. Can’t sleep all day. We have things to do, places to go.”

She ignored him until he yanked the blanket off of her head. “Commander, Thrace. Get up, go shower, meet me back here in ten minutes.”

“Frak off,” she said into her pillow.

“Let’s go, soldier. I’m the Vice President of the Colonies and you can consider this a direct order. Go!” Lee used his best CAG voice and considered briefly that he might get punched for his efforts.

Kara groaned and sat up, tossing the blankets aside and shivering. Lee handed her clothes and she dressed quickly, only glancing at him briefly. He realized that it might take a while to shake her loose from this morning’s events.

Lee tossed a towel at her. “Here you go. Hit the head. I’ll be waiting.”

Kara wrapped her fingers around the towel and paused, finally looking at him. “What are you doing, Lee?” Her voice sounded more tired than he expected.

“We need to get out of here, Kara. Get away. Do something that’s not painful. I know what today is, but I can’t give my life over to it. Our life. Get up, go shower. C’mon.” He waited anxiously, licking his lips and watching her face. This was the moment that she might just tell him to really frak off and they’d be fighting again.

Lee relaxed when she sighed and shrugged, rising from the rack to head towards the door. As she brushed past him, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into an embrace. “I love you, Kara. Don’t forget that.”

She hugged him back halfheartedly, then dipped her head and pushed away from him gently. Lee watched her walk out the door and hoped that he wasn’t making a mistake.

:: :: ::

Kara’s head was thick with tiredness and confusion as she flicked on the water to shower. Why was he being so nice to her? He confused her to no end. After everything she’d told him, he wanted to go away with her, said he loved her, acted like she was just Kara and he was just Lee. Gods, it frakked with her mind.

The water slowly heated and she stepped under the stream, tilting her face to try to wash away the memories of that morning. Lathering the soap in her hands, she rubbed at her eyes and down her cheeks to her neck. She’d never intended to tell anyone what she had done to Zak and now she’d told the last person on earth who should know. The water did nothing to wash away the guilt that weighed on her shoulders, the shame of her actions and the embarrassment that she could have been so careless and mean to someone she loved. It was hateful, what she had done, and it reminded her of her mother. She’d learned that trait from the woman who had, on many occasions, deliberately locked her out of their apartment, ignoring her knocks, leaving her to rot until late into the night when she’d finally opened the door to find her sleeping in the dirty hallway, school papers scattered on the floor, because what else did she have to do.

Kara shook her head, twisting up the heat on the water to burn the thoughts away by nearly scalding the skin on her back. It was blistering hot for a moment before she spun it off and shocked herself with cold. She shivered deeply, bumps rising on her skin as she held herself stiff, enduring the sensation until her mind was clear. She had to go on from here.

Kara rubbed herself hard with a towel and changed into tanks, fatigues and a sweatshirt. Pulling her hair back into a tight ponytail, she steeled herself to spend the day with Lee. The heaviness in her chest had eased a bit with the shower and with a self-deprecating a roll of her eyes, she grabbed her towel and walked into the bright sunlight. She plastered a smile on her face, the same one she’d used in high school when the teachers started asking too many questions. She could fake it with the best of them.

She strutted into the tent, giving Lee her best Starbuck grin. “What’s the sitrep, Mr. VP? Are we going on a political retreat? Gonna bore me to death reciting the Articles?”

Lee grinned at her. “How did you know?”

Kara sat down on her rack and glanced up at him as she tied the laces on her boots. “So, what’s up, Adama?”

“The mountains, Kara. We are taking a trip.” He zipped up a duffel and slung it over his shoulders. “I packed supplies for the day, but you should get whatever else you need and meet me at the truck depot in ten. I have one more thing to grab before we go.”

“Yes, sir,” Kara answered crisply. “See you in ten.”

As soon as Lee walked out the door, her shoulders slumped a little, letting the weight of the anniversary settle inside her again. This was going to be a long damn day. She glanced over to her rack, fingering the bottle of ambrosia as she was dropping it into her backpack. It was a struggle not to climb back into that bed. After what she had done, what she had said, she wasn’t sure how she was going to spend the entire day with Lee without losing her shit. With a groan, she shoved a few more items in her pack and left the quarters anyway.

:: :: ::

Twenty minutes later, they drove through the outer perimeter of the base and headed towards the mountains. They were quiet for a long time, Lee driving and each lost in their own thoughts. As he drove, one of Lee’s hands was always touching her, squeezing her own hand, holding onto her leg, or tucking his fingers under her thigh, as if breaking their connection would be physically painful for him.

She let him touch her, held his hand in return, rubbing her thumb along his, holding on to these moments of comfort because deep in her gut she knew it could not last. What she had done was unforgivable and no matter what he had said this morning, it had been his brother and some day it _would _matter.

After three days of drinking and crappy rack time, the rhythm of the truck lulled Kara into a sleepy state. Lying down on the seat, she tucked her head against the side of Lee’s thigh and he stroked her hair until she drifted off to a restless sleep, her last thoughts of Zak and Lee and everything painful in between.

:: :: ::

Ninety minutes later, they arrived at the base of the mountains and Lee pulled the truck into a flat area covered by weeds and low brush. They’d arrived at the northern end of the Tauron Peaks which loomed overhead, their snow covered tips out of view, blocked by trees and smaller outcroppings of rocks.

Lee stopped the truck and turned off the engine. He shifted slightly and rubbed Kara’s arm to wake her. She sat up, yawned and stretched, looking curiously out the truck window. “This isn’t were we came last time.”

“I looked at the maps after our last trip to see if there was an easier way to get to the lake. I think I found one. There’s a lot of growth along the way, but it seems like we can come up on the northern side of the lake and then we don’t have to rappel down the cliff face. I brought rope just in case, but this looks promising.” He pointed to a trail north of their former path.

Kara nodded, forcing herself to fake enthusiasm. “Okay, Mr. VP. You’re in charge. Let’s go.” She pushed open the truck door and jumped down onto the gravely surface, surveying the landscape. In the brightness of the day, it didn’t look as dismal as she’d seen in her treks to the southern parts of the planet. Scrubgrass and weeds sprung up in clusters around the scattered boulders, giving the gray land a little more life. Kara walked along the edge of the truck to the back where Lee was already pulling apart the contents of his pack.

“Let’s split the supplies. I packed everything I though we’d need, but the pack is very heavy. Here take these.” He slid a stack of rations, water and a blanket towards Kara who slid them into her smaller pack. She wondered about his mood – he seemed like the old CAG she knew, issuing orders and staying to himself, caught up in what he was doing without looking at her. Part of her admired his ability to block things out, to get on with business, but another part couldn’t help but feel like he just didn’t want to talk to her about any of it. The familiar guilt crawled back into her belly and she yanked her pack on and started off towards the mountain.

Lee caught up with her a moment later and steered them a few yards north to an opening between the rocks. The climb was steeper here, but map indicated a flatter plateau at the top where they could walk south to gain easy access to the lake.

“Looks like the first part of the hike will be the hardest,” he said, surveying the steep trail, a mix of hard-packed dirt, rocks, trees, and vines. He glanced over at Kara, taking in her tired eyes and pulled her into a quick hug. “You ready?”

She nodded into his shoulder, “Yeah.”

He released her and led them through rocks and trees and up into the mountain.

:: :: ::

Kara followed about ten feet behind Lee, taking her time, muscles still stiff from her nap and her mind still focused on Zak. They’d gone hiking a few times on Caprica, just short easy trips that usually ended in some one-on-one pyramid or a quick frak in the woods. This planet and this mountain was nothing like the one on Caprica had been, but this day and those memories assailed her as she reached hand over hand, holding on to trees and vines and rocks to help her up the steep slope.

Pushing up with her good knee, Kara grabbed onto a tree to get herself over a thick set of roots that jutted out of the side of the mountain. As she raised her other leg up, her shin caught on a sharp branch. “Frak,” she cried and stopped, wincing in pain. Her fingers tightened on the tree and she yanked herself up hard.

She turned around and sat on the root ledge, pulling up her pant leg to see the damage. Her shin was already bleeding and she knew it would swell. What a great addition to a terrible frakking day.

“Kara, you okay?” Lee’s voice came from above, and she startled, the distant echo sounding more like Zak than Lee. Her stomach lurched and she swallowed against nausea as Zak’s face flashed in her mind. Gods, it was all still too raw, like he had just been with her and now he was gone.

She shook her head to try to clear the images and then answered. “I’m fine,” she called back without turning around. “Go ahead, I’m coming.”

She yanked her pant leg down and rose to her feet, holding onto the tree for balance. She struggled to focus on the climb and to keep Zak’s voice and face out of her mind.

With every branch and vine and rock that shredded her hands, she cursed herself and Lee and the gods for bringing her to this godforsaken planet when she should have died a long time ago. She didn’t want to be alive and breathing and pretending that she was frakking fine. She wanted to rage and hide and run away from everything that she had done. Lee had dragged her up here on the day she was supposed to save for Zak. Every year since his death, she stayed by herself, in her rack, making damned sure she didn’t forget. Now, here was Lee, wanting her to forget, pushing her to do something different on the day he should have just left her alone. Today was supposed to be for Zak not for them.

As her hands and limbs began to burn more sharply, she felt real anger rising inside her. This had been a stupid frakking idea, she thought and cursed loudly as a tree branch scraped across her cheek. She was starting not to care that Lee meant well; her heart was aching as much as the pain in her body and she was ready to just say frak it all.

:: :: ::

Lee heard Kara’s curses and looked back, seeing her sour expression and watching her struggle. She looked pissed and he felt doubt and anxiety rising inside him. He still felt like things were tenuous, were never quite solid between them no matter how good they were sometimes. It seemed like any uncomfortable moment could rip them apart. He loved her so much, needed to be with her until it made him ache, and he hated feeling strung out, vulnerable, always afraid to make the wrong move – always waiting for her run. Now that everything had come out about Zak, it felt even shakier than before. He began to question his motives for bringing her on the hike. Some part of him thought maybe it had just been for him, as a way to get away from her pain. It was frakking confusing and this whole thing was probably going to make it worse.

When he finally reached the top, Lee’s hands were throbbing and he was completely out of breath. He scanned the flattened plateau, found a wide fallen log and dropped his pack onto the ground, sitting heavily. He pulled a bottle out of his pack and took a long draw of water.

Kara came soon after, panting and bending over to catch her breath. “What the hell, Lee? I thought you said this trail would be better,” she said through gasps of breath. “Frak.”

She slumped down onto the log next to him, jolting his end and sending water spilling down Lee’s shirt. “Hey, watch it,” he scolded.

Kara just glared and pulled water out of her pack. “That was frakking ridiculous,” she said irritably.

She drank deeply then re-sealed the bottle and dropped it onto the ground. She looked at her hands which were filthy and marked with lines of red where she’d scraped them. Rubbing her hands together to no avail, she poured a portion of her water over them and rubbed more fiercely, examining the tears in her skin. She frowned, seeing the relative smoothness of her palms now that her pilot’s calluses had begun to disappear – it had been too long since she’d been flying. Now she had the hands of a civvie, soft and weak and she’d let herself sit on her ass and manage people like a frakking scout troop leader.

Lee reached over to touch her hands and she pulled away. “I’m fine.” Her tone was terse and part of her felt bad, but mostly she didn’t care. She was tired and wrung out and didn’t really feel like being comforted. She took another long drink, shoved the water into her pack and stood to shrug it back on. She needed to keep walking before she started a fight.

“Let’s go.” She adjusted her pack and set off into the trees.

:: :: ::

Lee watched her stomp off and pulled his pack back on in jerking motions. He struggled with his conflicting thoughts as he watched her march away, pissed off as usual. It had been stupid of him to think that he could just bring them here and she would miraculously be fine, that somehow she would forget and feel better and they could get on with their lives. The events of this morning weighed on him and her anger just made him feel sick. For the first time in their relationship, he felt a deep sense a sense of tiredness about being the one who always tried to fix things. He tried and she fought him. Every frakking step of the way.

Up ahead, Kara stopped, hands planted firmly on her hips staring at the dense wall of trees and underbrush ahead of them. They’d been walking for thirty minutes and the woods had become thicker, obstacles in all shapes and sizes blocking their path, making their journey more and more strenuous.

Lee moved to stand next to her, surveying the land in front of them. “Frak,” he said, taking in the tangled mass of dead trees, fallen branches and scattered boulders that made a nearly impassable wall ahead of them. He scanned left and upwards, seeing a ridge gradually deepening up the mountain towards the top. At some point, there had been a rock slide and they were looking at the resulting chaos that blocked their way.

Lee turned around and looked behind them, considering their options. “Damnit,” he cursed again and swung his pack around to reach for his map.

“Look at this.” He pointed at their location on the paper. “We’re not that far from the lake.” He traced his finger along their trail, seeing that they were less than a click from their destination. “We can’t go back – it’ll take too long.”

“But how in the frak are we supposed to get through that?” She gestured towards the barrier then looked around, assessing the options for herself. “Gods, what a frakking mess.”

“Look, either we go through or we go back. What do you want to do?” Lee was impatient and irritated that she was bitching instead of helping. His back was already aching from the pack and his “brilliant” idea was quickly turning to shit.

“I don’t frakking know,” she answered sharply, “This was your genius plan.” Kara turned away from him, walking towards the fallen trees and stood with her arms crossed in front of her.

Watching her, he took several long, deep breaths. needed to fix this and he had no idea how. He’d lead them into an impasse – a difficult choice to go back or go forward. He knew which way he wanted to go. He wasn’t sure that she’d agree.

“Look, I’m sorry. I had no way of knowing it would be this way. Can you just ease up and help me figure this out?”

Her answer was to glare at him with a face full of bile that meant more than just frustration with the climb.

Lee curled the map in his hands. _Gods, she was frakking difficult._ She was pushing him to that familiar place – to the edge of a fight he didn’t want to have. After everything that had happened this morning, she was pissed_ at him!_ He couldn’t deal anymore.

_Frak this,_ he thought. _I’ve had enough. _

“I’m going to the lake. You can do whatever you want.” He shoved the map into his pocket and pulled the shoulder straps on his pack tighter. He cinched the waist belt and walked past her directly into the middle of the thicket.

:: :: ::

Kara watched him climb over the first few logs, his pack bouncing along as he dodged and stepped over fallen rocks and branches. She didn't want to frakking be here! What the frak was he thinking anyway? He should have just left her alone – let her suffer in her rack the way she had planned the day before. Didn’t he know that today was not supposed to be about them? It was about Zak and her and not about Lee. Today was a day she wanted to frakking forget as soon as it was over. She didn’t want to be here to live inside it, sober and angry and fighting with Zak's brother.

_Frak. _ It all felt so wrong.

She waited, tapping her foot and chewing on her lip, trying to decide what to do. Why was she so frakking stuck? Since when did she frakking think about shit? If she wanted to leave – she should just frakking leave. Frustration surged inside her. She could just go back down that hill. Frak all of this. Frak Lee and frak Zak and godsdamnit, this was pissing her off.

With a loud yell, she kicked a rock across the ground, stomping like a child, torn between her old ways and this new desire to stick it through. She watched Lee grow smaller and smaller as the storm of indecision raged inside her head. Follow or leave?

:: :: ::

Lee pushed forward, driven by his anger and frustration, blindly moving his arms and legs, lost in thought. He’d tried everything he could to make her feel better, give her some frakking peace and she had just barked at him. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered. He’d forgiven her for Zak’s death, held her when she’d cried, told here he didn’t even frakking care. None of it mattered, however, when Kara frakking Thrace decided she was going to push him away and treat him like shit. He gritted his teeth so hard that his jaw was beginning to ache.

His legs were burning with the effort to raise them time and time again to climb over the logs and rocks the blocked his path. It was nearly impassable and it was only his determination fueled by anger that pushed him through. His breathing came in gasps now and the impossibility of this journey began to weigh on him. What in the frak had he been thinking? He really just wanted to quit.

:: :: ::

Kara stood locked still, conflicting emotions flooding her. She didn’t want to have to work so hard for this. She didn’t understand why she cared and why she couldn’t just walk the frak away. Part of her wanted to scream and part of her wanted to cry. She hated this feeling and she hated being pushed. She didn’t owe him anything. She could leave any time she wanted.

Part of her mind believed that crap, but that other voice, the one that was Zak’s older brother forgiving her, shot deep inside her gut. It turned her inside out and she didn’t frakking deserve it. Lee didn’t deserve to have a frakked up bitch of a girlfriend. It was too much pressure and she couldn’t do it. There was no way she could be what he wanted. She couldn’t make the past go away and Zak would never come back. _Oh, gods. _The memories of this morning came flashing back, her sobbing and breaking down and Lee holding her, acting like she was the damaged one, the one who needed comforting. She was so frakking selfish it made her sick.

With a dark pit in her stomach, she yanked off her pack and threw it on the ground. She crouched down, dug inside and pulled out a bottle of ambrosia. Ignoring the sharp pain in her hands, she twisted off the cap and took a long drink. It tasted so godsdamn good.

She dropped down onto her ass and drank for a while, staring at the sky and out at the flat plain to the west towards the base. She didn’t want to go back there. She wanted to stay here, in the mountains and forget about everything – the military, the cylons, Zak, Lee, all of it. She just wanted to be free.

As the haze of alcohol flooded her mind, she realized that Lee would never understand. No matter how hard he tried and how much he told her he loved her, he would just never get it. He was a good boy, he did the right things, he made a difference. All she frakking did was drink and swear and frak and hurt people she loved. Her life had become a useless set of days strung together by shifts and routine and nothing, not this trip, not Lee, not even the military could save her from the misery she’d made for herself.

She stared into the thicket where Lee had disappeared, seeing only trees and rocks and brush. She was alone now and she could do whatever she wanted.

Problem was, it didn’t make her feel any freer.

:: :: ::

Twenty minutes into the deadfall and Lee could not take another step. He was stuck, exhausted, worn down by climbing, the argument, and, as he slumped onto the ground against a tree, he was overwhelmed by the pain over Zak’s death. Leaving Kara behind had been a mistake, he realized, and now he was alone again, terrified of losing himself in that dark place. He needed her here so he could be strong. Every year he’d grieved alone and this time he thought it would be different.

Now the grief flooded him, pushing hot tears down his face until he was sobbing. He missed his brother so frakking much – they had been everything to each other once. Everything until Lee had gone away and had left him behind. He’d had to do it and Zak had understood. But he’d left him unprotected, never quite grasping that he was a man who could make his own decisions. Gods, if he had been there, if he had trained him, maybe he would have seen what was happening and could have stopped it. Maybe if – maybe if a thousand things had gone differently, Zak would still be here. It hurt so frakking much, grief spiking up into his jaw, his throat so painfully tight that he could not breathe.

Nothing could ease the ache he felt, deep sorrow consuming him as he sat curled over himself, alone in the middle of nowhere on a planet so far from home. He had been wrong to think he could fix it, to push his will onto Kara, to force her to deal with Zak’s death the way he dealt with it. Arrogance, he thought, wiping tears angrily off his cheeks. Always thinking he knew the right way, the better way, ignoring what other people needed. She’d just wanted to be alone. He could have done that for her.

After long minutes, he just rested, tears spent, leaning tiredly against a tree as he breathed. The worst had passed, he thought, as he stared blindly at the mass of rock and dead trees surrounding him. Finally he roused himself and pulled water from his pack and drank. After a while, his mind began to settle and he started to figure out a plan.

:: :: ::

The slow burn of alcohol eased the pain in Kara’s hands and leg as she leaned back to lie on the ground, staring up at the pale sky. _Gods, today was so frakking hard._ Why did it have to be like this? Why did the gods torture her and make her pay over and over again? A cancer, her mother had called her, an evil child who brought only heartache. For so long she had believed her, that woman who smoked cigarette after cigarette, filling her lungs with smoke and stamping out each cinder like she was determined it would be her last until she lit up again five minutes later. The hatred she felt from that woman still burned inside her, polluting her like the acrid air she’d inhaled all her life. It had poisoned her and she was powerless over it.

As Kara stared at the passing clouds, she breathed, realizing that it was clean and fresh air that filled her lungs on this day. Not the choking smoke of her childhood, but the crisp sweetness of something pure. Even the sky seemed brighter, bluer than its normally grayish hue, and she imagined the gods noticing her, recognizing her suffering and taking pity on her soul. They’d sent her here to this place – they had put Lee into her life, despite what she had done.

It had to be a sign, she thought, and maybe with the gods’ help, she could do things differently, maybe somehow she could get past everything, try to focus on her work and Lee and try to make something she’d never had. All the pieces were there for her. She just needed to figure out how to put them together. Lee would help her. She could let him. Gods, she believed him when he said he loved her. He’d stayed – stayed longer than anyone, no matter how hard she pushed, he stayed, and he’d shaken her, pushed her, made her stay with him, too.

As she pulled herself up off the ground, she remembered her vow, the one she’d made to herself just a few days earlier, before her mind had been overwhelmed by Zak. She’d said she would try. She had told herself she would not run. This was running away, too, she realized and despite all of the fear and grief over Zak, she needed to put him in the past. Nothing would ever change what she had done. There was nothing she nor the gods could do to bring him back. He was gone forever, but she was here. Lee was here. And she needed him.

:: :: ::

Lee pulled out his map, trying to judge the distance to the lake. The surroundings were so dense that no landmark could be seen. He knew his general direction, of course, and if he turned around and headed down the grade, he could get back to Kara. The lake was close, but it seemed impossible to get there. And what was the point if he had to do it alone.

He stood on shaky legs and made his decision. He was going back.

Moving slower now, he pushed himself over the same logs, stepping carefully, keeping his muscles relaxed and his breathing easy. After fifteen minutes of hiking back, though, he heard the familiar sound of Kara’s voice, cursing and talking to herself as she traversed the difficult path. His heart started to beat faster at her stream of expletives and he smiled. She had come after all.

:: :: ::

Kara’s energy was flagging and she thought maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to drink so much ambrosia before she tackled this trek. She pushed on, nonetheless, eager to find Lee and make things right again.

Groaning and cursing, she raised herself up and over an enormous fallen tree. _Frakking nature._ Kara jumped down and stumbled slightly. She looked up startled when Lee reached out an arm to grab her.

“Whoa. You okay?” he said. This time she didn’t shake is hand off.

“Yeah, I’m good.” His fingers were warm around her bicep and she turned to face him, noticing his red rimmed eyes and feeling a twinge of guilt in her belly.

She looked at him for a long minute before stepping against him and putting her arms around his waist. He gripped her back so tightly that she could barely breathe.

“I’m sorry, Kara.” He said into her hair. “I shouldn’t have dragged you up here. I thought I could make it better, but you have your own way of dealing with things.” He pulled back slightly and looked at her with uncertain eyes.

His expression made her heart ache. “My way of dealing with things sucks, Lee,” she said ruefully, wishing it weren’t true.

After a moment, Lee brushed a hair off her forehead. “What happened back there, Kara?” he asked, still holding onto her with one strong arm.

She looked away, feeling the lurch of fear in her gut and the impulse to make a joke or run away. She pressed forward, though, breathing in the clean air and trusting the gods to help her.

Her voice shook as she spoke, “It’s so frakking hard, Lee, and sometimes I just don’t think I can do this…” She stared at her fingers clutching the straps of his backpack, holding on to him for strength.

“Why? Because of Zak?” His voice was tender.

_Oh, gods, Zak. _

She nodded. “And a lot of other things.” Tears filled her eyes when she looked up at him. “I didn’t want to admit how much I needed you, needed anyone.”

“Yeah,” Lee said, putting his palms on her face.

“I love you, Lee Adama,” she said, wide-eyed, terrified at how deep those feelings really went.

“I love you, too.”

Kara pulled him into a kiss, soft at first, then fierce, owning his mouth and shoving his pack to the ground to put her arms around him completely. _Gods, she loved him so frakking much. _She wanted to take him right there, show him everything else she couldn’t say with words, but he pulled his mouth away, kissing her cheeks and forehead before stepping away and gesturing around them.

“We need to get out of here, Kara… Do we go forward or do we go back?”

She felt lighter and stronger and full of renewed energy. “We go forward, Lee. No going back.” She gripped his hand tightly for a moment and then set off towards the lake.

:: :: ::

Six and a half hours later, exhausted but happy, they drove back towards the New Caprican base, fingers held tightly together while Kara drove. They hadn’t said much else at the lake, but they had made love, sharing tenderness and laughter, both finally in the same place after all the months of struggling.

When they arrived at Lee’s house in the late evening, they found a large box waiting just inside the door. Kara dropped her backpack to the floor and read the routing slip.

“It’s from your father,” she said.

Lee looked at her dubiously as he dropped his own pack onto the sofa and unzipped his jacket.

“Is it ticking?” he asked as he walked towards it.

He leaned down and picked up the unexpectedly heavy box and dropped it onto the kitchen table. He pulled off the tape and opened it, a waft of must assailing his nose. He reached inside and pulled out a dusty hardbound book. The inscription inside said, _Property of Joseph Adama._ Lee caught Kara’s curious gaze.

“These are my grandfather’s old law books,” he said, incredulous. He flipped through them, stunned to receive these from his father and completely confused about what it might mean. “What the hell…”

“There’s this, too,” Kara said, handing him an envelope.

With shaking fingers, Lee tore it open and unfolded the paper. “Oh, my gods.” His eyes were wide as he thrust the paper at Kara to read.

She smiled and shook her head. “The old man never stops surprising me, Lee. Congratulations.”

Lee took the paper back from Kara and scanned it again, unable to believe his eyes.

_Honorable Discharge. _

For some reason he could not explain, his father, who never apologized, and rarely changed his mind, had given him his honor back. The old man had revised his discharge papers.

He pulled Kara into a tight embrace, grinning as the words on the page danced around inside his head. For a joyous moment, he felt like the entire world had become right again.


	21. Chapter 21

Lee kept his arms around Kara, pulling her back with him to spoon alongside her on the bed. His own mind was spinning with everything that he’d just learned. He didn’t understand why Kara would hurt Zak the way she had – why she’d sever their relationship so brutally. There were so many more questions he wanted to ask, but he knew that she was already wrung out. And some part of him was relieved not to have to talk about it any more. He wanted to leave it in the past. It was too painful for both of them. In his mind, he’d already made the decision to accept it and he had told her as much. Now, after everything, it didn’t really matter. But it did hurt.

They’d lost so many people in combat, in the flash of an explosion or later, injured or dying of illness. He’d almost become numb to death and these renewed feelings of grief were overwhelming. He’d allowed himself to feel what had happened to the human race – how they’d all been destroyed, nearly wiped from existence but now it threatened to hit him hard again, sparked by the terrible grief about his brother’s death. But as he always did, Lee pushed the grief away. This was not the time. He felt his own loss, but Kara had been holding onto her secret for so long – a terrible secret that must have eaten away at her every single day since Zak had died. She needed him now.

With slow motions, he rubbed her back, touching her hair and trailing his hand down her sides to caress the skin on her arm. She turned towards him, threading her leg through his and pulling him close. He kissed her forehead and her temples, caressing her cheek with his fingers. She wouldn’t look at him and he knew she must be feeling overwhelmed and uncertain, despite the reassurances he’d given to her. His heart ached as he dipped his head to kiss her, tentatively, a kiss of warmth and love and without expectation. She kissed him back softly, darting out her tongue, tasting him cautiously.

They pressed themselves together, exploring, every sense heightened by the intimacy they’d found in their shared grief about Zak. As Lee slid his hands under her shirt to caress her breasts, he thought that they needed this, to be together on the anniversary of the day that had stood between them for so long. Maybe together they could get past it.

:: :: ::

Lee woke an hour later and sat up, remembering that he’d been on his way to work at Colonial One when he realized that today was the anniversary. He’d flown out of his house without calling Thia to let her know he’d be delayed. Now, he decided, he would not be going in at all. This was a day to be together with Kara. It was a luxury, but he didn’t care. He’d earned it.

As he moved across the room to the comm, he thought about what he could do to make it a different kind of day. Not one filled with sadness and regret, but something they could remember that was positive.

Thia’s efficient voice answered and put Lee through to Tom. Given Tom’s recent request for a favor, it was pretty clear that Tom would not raise any issue with Lee’s absence. He told the older man that he’d explain when he saw him tomorrow.

Kara was still sound asleep when Lee slipped out the door.

:: :: ::

Bill Adama sat on the wide leather sofa, drinking whiskey and staring at photos of his sons with Carolanne. Today was one of the hardest days he faced. As selfish as it sounded, the destruction of the colonies paled in comparison to the loss of his son. That loss was sharp and gutting, twisting and filling him with pain unlike any he’d ever experienced. He’d lost his father and mother and his marriage had ended in divorce, but losing Zak was an utter and complete shock that had shaken him to his core. He could barely remember how he'd gotten through that day, those weeks afterward.

He knew he'd acted the stern military official at the funeral, coping as best he could under the mantle of his position. He used it as a cloak of protection and had worried more about Kara than he had about himself. He grieved in private, never wavering in the public eye. With his frown deepening, Bill started to understand why Lee was so resentful of him, holding on to his anger because Bill had expressed so little to him at the funeral and afterward. It had been too painful to face his son on that day, knowing that Lee blamed him for Zak's death.

As he drank and stroked the edge of the wooden frame, he reflected on his very worst character flaw: he was not and had never been a very good father. Like his father before him, he had spent too much time on his career and had relied on Carolanne to handle everything. He’d expected his boys to be like soldiers and rejected their desires when they did not match his own.

All of this had been weighing heavily on his mind since the day he’d signed the order to discharge Lee. Bill’s brow creased deeply and he drank, thinking of that decision, all of his usual careful actions rejected in one stroke of a pen. As much as he told himself he did not regret it, that there were justifiable reasons for what he had done, it just didn’t matter when he was staring at a photo of his two sons. One dead. One alive. He’d made a choice that had pushed his only living son out of his grasp. Laura had railed at him about it, straining her voice calling him every name in the book and he’d just sat there, stone-faced, righteous in his decision. He had called her soft and had insulted her. And she’d given it right back, storming out of his office and ignoring his calls for three days. They’d agreed on a truce, but nothing had felt right since Lee had left the service. And today, as he thought about his two sons and all that he had lost, he realized that something had to change.

With a resigned expression, Bill eased himself out of the sofa and put Zak’s picture back on his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out a piece of paper. He sat and began to write.

:: :: ::

Lee pulled his jacket around himself as he walked across the base, leaving Kara sleeping soundly in her quarters. He found Captain Russell and asked her to help him prepare to leave the base for the day. Without his rank, Lee’s requests were favors through the Captain, but she was more than willing to help. She and Kara had developed a friendship over the past few months and Lee was just getting to know this woman who’d somehow gained Kara’s respect. Within a half an hour, he had a truck and enough provisions for the day. They had laughed when she saluted him despite his civilian status, joking about old habits dying hard.

With some speed, Lee drove back into town and pulled around behind his house. Inside, he changed into boots and old military fatigues, gathering his sweatshirt and backpack and personal supplies. Despite the heaviness in his heart, he felt some enthusiasm about his idea. They were going to the mountains.

:: :: ::

Kara woke to the sound of Lee rustling around her quarters. “What’s all the noise? People are trying to sleep over here.”

“Time to wake up, soldier. We’ve got plans for today.” His tone was casual.

“Ugh. Let me sleep. I just want to sleep.” She pulled the covers over her head.

“C’mon, Kara. Can’t sleep all day. We have things to do, places to go.”

She ignored him until he yanked the blanket off of her head. “Commander, Thrace. Get up, go shower, meet me back here in ten minutes.”

“Frak off,” she said into her pillow.

“Let’s go, soldier. I’m the Vice President of the Colonies and you can consider this a direct order. Go!” Lee used his best CAG voice and considered briefly that he might get punched for his efforts.

Kara groaned and sat up, tossing the blankets aside and shivering. Lee handed her clothes and she dressed quickly, only glancing at him briefly. He realized that it might take a while to shake her loose from this morning’s events.

Lee tossed a towel at her. “Here you go. Hit the head. I’ll be waiting.”

Kara wrapped her fingers around the towel and paused, finally looking at him. “What are you doing, Lee?” Her voice sounded more tired than he expected.

“We need to get out of here, Kara. Get away. Do something that’s not painful. I know what today is, but I can’t give my life over to it. Our life. Get up, go shower. C’mon.” He waited anxiously, licking his lips and watching her face. This was the moment that she might just tell him to really frak off and they’d be fighting again.

Lee relaxed when she sighed and shrugged, rising from the rack to head towards the door. As she brushed past him, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into an embrace. “I love you, Kara. Don’t forget that.”

She hugged him back halfheartedly, then dipped her head and pushed away from him gently. Lee watched her walk out the door and hoped that he wasn’t making a mistake.

:: :: ::

Kara’s head was thick with tiredness and confusion as she flicked on the water to shower. Why was he being so nice to her? He confused her to no end. After everything she’d told him, he wanted to go away with her, said he loved her, acted like she was just Kara and he was just Lee. Gods, it frakked with her mind.

The water slowly heated and she stepped under the stream, tilting her face to try to wash away the memories of that morning. Lathering the soap in her hands, she rubbed at her eyes and down her cheeks to her neck. She’d never intended to tell anyone what she had done to Zak and now she’d told the last person on earth who should know. The water did nothing to wash away the guilt that weighed on her shoulders, the shame of her actions and the embarrassment that she could have been so careless and mean to someone she loved. It was hateful, what she had done, and it reminded her of her mother. She’d learned that trait from the woman who had, on many occasions, deliberately locked her out of their apartment, ignoring her knocks, leaving her to rot until late into the night when she’d finally opened the door to find her sleeping in the dirty hallway, school papers scattered on the floor, because what else did she have to do.

Kara shook her head, twisting up the heat on the water to burn the thoughts away by nearly scalding the skin on her back. It was blistering hot for a moment before she spun it off and shocked herself with cold. She shivered deeply, bumps rising on her skin as she held herself stiff, enduring the sensation until her mind was clear. She had to go on from here.

Kara rubbed herself hard with a towel and changed into tanks, fatigues and a sweatshirt. Pulling her hair back into a tight ponytail, she steeled herself to spend the day with Lee. The heaviness in her chest had eased a bit with the shower and with a self-deprecating a roll of her eyes, she grabbed her towel and walked into the bright sunlight. She plastered a smile on her face, the same one she’d used in high school when the teachers started asking too many questions. She could fake it with the best of them.

She strutted into the tent, giving Lee her best Starbuck grin. “What’s the sitrep, Mr. VP? Are we going on a political retreat? Gonna bore me to death reciting the Articles?”

Lee grinned at her. “How did you know?”

Kara sat down on her rack and glanced up at him as she tied the laces on her boots. “So, what’s up, Adama?”

“The mountains, Kara. We are taking a trip.” He zipped up a duffel and slung it over his shoulders. “I packed supplies for the day, but you should get whatever else you need and meet me at the truck depot in ten. I have one more thing to grab before we go.”

“Yes, sir,” Kara answered crisply. “See you in ten.”

As soon as Lee walked out the door, her shoulders slumped a little, letting the weight of the anniversary settle inside her again. This was going to be a long damn day. She glanced over to her rack, fingering the bottle of ambrosia as she was dropping it into her backpack. It was a struggle not to climb back into that bed. After what she had done, what she had said, she wasn’t sure how she was going to spend the entire day with Lee without losing her shit. With a groan, she shoved a few more items in her pack and left the quarters anyway.

:: :: ::

Twenty minutes later, they drove through the outer perimeter of the base and headed towards the mountains. They were quiet for a long time, Lee driving and each lost in their own thoughts. As he drove, one of Lee’s hands was always touching her, squeezing her own hand, holding onto her leg, or tucking his fingers under her thigh, as if breaking their connection would be physically painful for him.

She let him touch her, held his hand in return, rubbing her thumb along his, holding on to these moments of comfort because deep in her gut she knew it could not last. What she had done was unforgivable and no matter what he had said this morning, it had been his brother and some day it _would _matter.

After three days of drinking and crappy rack time, the rhythm of the truck lulled Kara into a sleepy state. Lying down on the seat, she tucked her head against the side of Lee’s thigh and he stroked her hair until she drifted off to a restless sleep, her last thoughts of Zak and Lee and everything painful in between.

:: :: ::

Ninety minutes later, they arrived at the base of the mountains and Lee pulled the truck into a flat area covered by weeds and low brush. They’d arrived at the northern end of the Tauron Peaks which loomed overhead, their snow covered tips out of view, blocked by trees and smaller outcroppings of rocks.

Lee stopped the truck and turned off the engine. He shifted slightly and rubbed Kara’s arm to wake her. She sat up, yawned and stretched, looking curiously out the truck window. “This isn’t were we came last time.”

“I looked at the maps after our last trip to see if there was an easier way to get to the lake. I think I found one. There’s a lot of growth along the way, but it seems like we can come up on the northern side of the lake and then we don’t have to rappel down the cliff face. I brought rope just in case, but this looks promising.” He pointed to a trail north of their former path.

Kara nodded, forcing herself to fake enthusiasm. “Okay, Mr. VP. You’re in charge. Let’s go.” She pushed open the truck door and jumped down onto the gravely surface, surveying the landscape. In the brightness of the day, it didn’t look as dismal as she’d seen in her treks to the southern parts of the planet. Scrubgrass and weeds sprung up in clusters around the scattered boulders, giving the gray land a little more life. Kara walked along the edge of the truck to the back where Lee was already pulling apart the contents of his pack.

“Let’s split the supplies. I packed everything I though we’d need, but the pack is very heavy. Here take these.” He slid a stack of rations, water and a blanket towards Kara who slid them into her smaller pack. She wondered about his mood – he seemed like the old CAG she knew, issuing orders and staying to himself, caught up in what he was doing without looking at her. Part of her admired his ability to block things out, to get on with business, but another part couldn’t help but feel like he just didn’t want to talk to her about any of it. The familiar guilt crawled back into her belly and she yanked her pack on and started off towards the mountain.

Lee caught up with her a moment later and steered them a few yards north to an opening between the rocks. The climb was steeper here, but map indicated a flatter plateau at the top where they could walk south to gain easy access to the lake.

“Looks like the first part of the hike will be the hardest,” he said, surveying the steep trail, a mix of hard-packed dirt, rocks, trees, and vines. He glanced over at Kara, taking in her tired eyes and pulled her into a quick hug. “You ready?”

She nodded into his shoulder, “Yeah.”

He released her and led them through rocks and trees and up into the mountain.

:: :: ::

Kara followed about ten feet behind Lee, taking her time, muscles still stiff from her nap and her mind still focused on Zak. They’d gone hiking a few times on Caprica, just short easy trips that usually ended in some one-on-one pyramid or a quick frak in the woods. This planet and this mountain was nothing like the one on Caprica had been, but this day and those memories assailed her as she reached hand over hand, holding on to trees and vines and rocks to help her up the steep slope.

Pushing up with her good knee, Kara grabbed onto a tree to get herself over a thick set of roots that jutted out of the side of the mountain. As she raised her other leg up, her shin caught on a sharp branch. “Frak,” she cried and stopped, wincing in pain. Her fingers tightened on the tree and she yanked herself up hard.

She turned around and sat on the root ledge, pulling up her pant leg to see the damage. Her shin was already bleeding and she knew it would swell. What a great addition to a terrible frakking day.

“Kara, you okay?” Lee’s voice came from above, and she startled, the distant echo sounding more like Zak than Lee. Her stomach lurched and she swallowed against nausea as Zak’s face flashed in her mind. Gods, it was all still too raw, like he had just been with her and now he was gone.

She shook her head to try to clear the images and then answered. “I’m fine,” she called back without turning around. “Go ahead, I’m coming.”

She yanked her pant leg down and rose to her feet, holding onto the tree for balance. She struggled to focus on the climb and to keep Zak’s voice and face out of her mind.

With every branch and vine and rock that shredded her hands, she cursed herself and Lee and the gods for bringing her to this godforsaken planet when she should have died a long time ago. She didn’t want to be alive and breathing and pretending that she was frakking fine. She wanted to rage and hide and run away from everything that she had done. Lee had dragged her up here on the day she was supposed to save for Zak. Every year since his death, she stayed by herself, in her rack, making damned sure she didn’t forget. Now, here was Lee, wanting her to forget, pushing her to do something different on the day he should have just left her alone. Today was supposed to be for Zak not for them.

As her hands and limbs began to burn more sharply, she felt real anger rising inside her. This had been a stupid frakking idea, she thought and cursed loudly as a tree branch scraped across her cheek. She was starting not to care that Lee meant well; her heart was aching as much as the pain in her body and she was ready to just say frak it all.

:: :: ::

Lee heard Kara’s curses and looked back, seeing her sour expression and watching her struggle. She looked pissed and he felt doubt and anxiety rising inside him. He still felt like things were tenuous, were never quite solid between them no matter how good they were sometimes. It seemed like any uncomfortable moment could rip them apart. He loved her so much, needed to be with her until it made him ache, and he hated feeling strung out, vulnerable, always afraid to make the wrong move – always waiting for her run. Now that everything had come out about Zak, it felt even shakier than before. He began to question his motives for bringing her on the hike. Some part of him thought maybe it had just been for him, as a way to get away from her pain. It was frakking confusing and this whole thing was probably going to make it worse.

When he finally reached the top, Lee’s hands were throbbing and he was completely out of breath. He scanned the flattened plateau, found a wide fallen log and dropped his pack onto the ground, sitting heavily. He pulled a bottle out of his pack and took a long draw of water.

Kara came soon after, panting and bending over to catch her breath. “What the hell, Lee? I thought you said this trail would be better,” she said through gasps of breath. “Frak.”

She slumped down onto the log next to him, jolting his end and sending water spilling down Lee’s shirt. “Hey, watch it,” he scolded.

Kara just glared and pulled water out of her pack. “That was frakking ridiculous,” she said irritably.

She drank deeply then re-sealed the bottle and dropped it onto the ground. She looked at her hands which were filthy and marked with lines of red where she’d scraped them. Rubbing her hands together to no avail, she poured a portion of her water over them and rubbed more fiercely, examining the tears in her skin. She frowned, seeing the relative smoothness of her palms now that her pilot’s calluses had begun to disappear – it had been too long since she’d been flying. Now she had the hands of a civvie, soft and weak and she’d let herself sit on her ass and manage people like a frakking scout troop leader.

Lee reached over to touch her hands and she pulled away. “I’m fine.” Her tone was terse and part of her felt bad, but mostly she didn’t care. She was tired and wrung out and didn’t really feel like being comforted. She took another long drink, shoved the water into her pack and stood to shrug it back on. She needed to keep walking before she started a fight.

“Let’s go.” She adjusted her pack and set off into the trees.

:: :: ::

Lee watched her stomp off and pulled his pack back on in jerking motions. He struggled with his conflicting thoughts as he watched her march away, pissed off as usual. It had been stupid of him to think that he could just bring them here and she would miraculously be fine, that somehow she would forget and feel better and they could get on with their lives. The events of this morning weighed on him and her anger just made him feel sick. For the first time in their relationship, he felt a deep sense a sense of tiredness about being the one who always tried to fix things. He tried and she fought him. Every frakking step of the way.

Up ahead, Kara stopped, hands planted firmly on her hips staring at the dense wall of trees and underbrush ahead of them. They’d been walking for thirty minutes and the woods had become thicker, obstacles in all shapes and sizes blocking their path, making their journey more and more strenuous.

Lee moved to stand next to her, surveying the land in front of them. “Frak,” he said, taking in the tangled mass of dead trees, fallen branches and scattered boulders that made a nearly impassable wall ahead of them. He scanned left and upwards, seeing a ridge gradually deepening up the mountain towards the top. At some point, there had been a rock slide and they were looking at the resulting chaos that blocked their way.

Lee turned around and looked behind them, considering their options. “Damnit,” he cursed again and swung his pack around to reach for his map.

“Look at this.” He pointed at their location on the paper. “We’re not that far from the lake.” He traced his finger along their trail, seeing that they were less than a click from their destination. “We can’t go back – it’ll take too long.”

“But how in the frak are we supposed to get through that?” She gestured towards the barrier then looked around, assessing the options for herself. “Gods, what a frakking mess.”

“Look, either we go through or we go back. What do you want to do?” Lee was impatient and irritated that she was bitching instead of helping. His back was already aching from the pack and his “brilliant” idea was quickly turning to shit.

“I don’t frakking know,” she answered sharply, “This was your genius plan.” Kara turned away from him, walking towards the fallen trees and stood with her arms crossed in front of her.

Watching her, he took several long, deep breaths. needed to fix this and he had no idea how. He’d lead them into an impasse – a difficult choice to go back or go forward. He knew which way he wanted to go. He wasn’t sure that she’d agree.

“Look, I’m sorry. I had no way of knowing it would be this way. Can you just ease up and help me figure this out?”

Her answer was to glare at him with a face full of bile that meant more than just frustration with the climb.

Lee curled the map in his hands. _Gods, she was frakking difficult._ She was pushing him to that familiar place – to the edge of a fight he didn’t want to have. After everything that had happened this morning, she was pissed_ at him!_ He couldn’t deal anymore.

_Frak this,_ he thought. _I’ve had enough. _

“I’m going to the lake. You can do whatever you want.” He shoved the map into his pocket and pulled the shoulder straps on his pack tighter. He cinched the waist belt and walked past her directly into the middle of the thicket.

:: :: ::

Kara watched him climb over the first few logs, his pack bouncing along as he dodged and stepped over fallen rocks and branches. She didn't want to frakking be here! What the frak was he thinking anyway? He should have just left her alone – let her suffer in her rack the way she had planned the day before. Didn’t he know that today was not supposed to be about them? It was about Zak and her and not about Lee. Today was a day she wanted to frakking forget as soon as it was over. She didn’t want to be here to live inside it, sober and angry and fighting with Zak's brother.

_Frak. _ It all felt so wrong.

She waited, tapping her foot and chewing on her lip, trying to decide what to do. Why was she so frakking stuck? Since when did she frakking think about shit? If she wanted to leave – she should just frakking leave. Frustration surged inside her. She could just go back down that hill. Frak all of this. Frak Lee and frak Zak and godsdamnit, this was pissing her off.

With a loud yell, she kicked a rock across the ground, stomping like a child, torn between her old ways and this new desire to stick it through. She watched Lee grow smaller and smaller as the storm of indecision raged inside her head. Follow or leave?

:: :: ::

Lee pushed forward, driven by his anger and frustration, blindly moving his arms and legs, lost in thought. He’d tried everything he could to make her feel better, give her some frakking peace and she had just barked at him. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered. He’d forgiven her for Zak’s death, held her when she’d cried, told here he didn’t even frakking care. None of it mattered, however, when Kara frakking Thrace decided she was going to push him away and treat him like shit. He gritted his teeth so hard that his jaw was beginning to ache.

His legs were burning with the effort to raise them time and time again to climb over the logs and rocks the blocked his path. It was nearly impassable and it was only his determination fueled by anger that pushed him through. His breathing came in gasps now and the impossibility of this journey began to weigh on him. What in the frak had he been thinking? He really just wanted to quit.

:: :: ::

Kara stood locked still, conflicting emotions flooding her. She didn’t want to have to work so hard for this. She didn’t understand why she cared and why she couldn’t just walk the frak away. Part of her wanted to scream and part of her wanted to cry. She hated this feeling and she hated being pushed. She didn’t owe him anything. She could leave any time she wanted.

Part of her mind believed that crap, but that other voice, the one that was Zak’s older brother forgiving her, shot deep inside her gut. It turned her inside out and she didn’t frakking deserve it. Lee didn’t deserve to have a frakked up bitch of a girlfriend. It was too much pressure and she couldn’t do it. There was no way she could be what he wanted. She couldn’t make the past go away and Zak would never come back. _Oh, gods. _The memories of this morning came flashing back, her sobbing and breaking down and Lee holding her, acting like she was the damaged one, the one who needed comforting. She was so frakking selfish it made her sick.

With a dark pit in her stomach, she yanked off her pack and threw it on the ground. She crouched down, dug inside and pulled out a bottle of ambrosia. Ignoring the sharp pain in her hands, she twisted off the cap and took a long drink. It tasted so godsdamn good.

She dropped down onto her ass and drank for a while, staring at the sky and out at the flat plain to the west towards the base. She didn’t want to go back there. She wanted to stay here, in the mountains and forget about everything – the military, the cylons, Zak, Lee, all of it. She just wanted to be free.

As the haze of alcohol flooded her mind, she realized that Lee would never understand. No matter how hard he tried and how much he told her he loved her, he would just never get it. He was a good boy, he did the right things, he made a difference. All she frakking did was drink and swear and frak and hurt people she loved. Her life had become a useless set of days strung together by shifts and routine and nothing, not this trip, not Lee, not even the military could save her from the misery she’d made for herself.

She stared into the thicket where Lee had disappeared, seeing only trees and rocks and brush. She was alone now and she could do whatever she wanted.

Problem was, it didn’t make her feel any freer.

:: :: ::

Twenty minutes into the deadfall and Lee could not take another step. He was stuck, exhausted, worn down by climbing, the argument, and, as he slumped onto the ground against a tree, he was overwhelmed by the pain over Zak’s death. Leaving Kara behind had been a mistake, he realized, and now he was alone again, terrified of losing himself in that dark place. He needed her here so he could be strong. Every year he’d grieved alone and this time he thought it would be different.

Now the grief flooded him, pushing hot tears down his face until he was sobbing. He missed his brother so frakking much – they had been everything to each other once. Everything until Lee had gone away and had left him behind. He’d had to do it and Zak had understood. But he’d left him unprotected, never quite grasping that he was a man who could make his own decisions. Gods, if he had been there, if he had trained him, maybe he would have seen what was happening and could have stopped it. Maybe if – maybe if a thousand things had gone differently, Zak would still be here. It hurt so frakking much, grief spiking up into his jaw, his throat so painfully tight that he could not breathe.

Nothing could ease the ache he felt, deep sorrow consuming him as he sat curled over himself, alone in the middle of nowhere on a planet so far from home. He had been wrong to think he could fix it, to push his will onto Kara, to force her to deal with Zak’s death the way he dealt with it. Arrogance, he thought, wiping tears angrily off his cheeks. Always thinking he knew the right way, the better way, ignoring what other people needed. She’d just wanted to be alone. He could have done that for her.

After long minutes, he just rested, tears spent, leaning tiredly against a tree as he breathed. The worst had passed, he thought, as he stared blindly at the mass of rock and dead trees surrounding him. Finally he roused himself and pulled water from his pack and drank. After a while, his mind began to settle and he started to figure out a plan.

:: :: ::

The slow burn of alcohol eased the pain in Kara’s hands and leg as she leaned back to lie on the ground, staring up at the pale sky. _Gods, today was so frakking hard._ Why did it have to be like this? Why did the gods torture her and make her pay over and over again? A cancer, her mother had called her, an evil child who brought only heartache. For so long she had believed her, that woman who smoked cigarette after cigarette, filling her lungs with smoke and stamping out each cinder like she was determined it would be her last until she lit up again five minutes later. The hatred she felt from that woman still burned inside her, polluting her like the acrid air she’d inhaled all her life. It had poisoned her and she was powerless over it.

As Kara stared at the passing clouds, she breathed, realizing that it was clean and fresh air that filled her lungs on this day. Not the choking smoke of her childhood, but the crisp sweetness of something pure. Even the sky seemed brighter, bluer than its normally grayish hue, and she imagined the gods noticing her, recognizing her suffering and taking pity on her soul. They’d sent her here to this place – they had put Lee into her life, despite what she had done.

It had to be a sign, she thought, and maybe with the gods’ help, she could do things differently, maybe somehow she could get past everything, try to focus on her work and Lee and try to make something she’d never had. All the pieces were there for her. She just needed to figure out how to put them together. Lee would help her. She could let him. Gods, she believed him when he said he loved her. He’d stayed – stayed longer than anyone, no matter how hard she pushed, he stayed, and he’d shaken her, pushed her, made her stay with him, too.

As she pulled herself up off the ground, she remembered her vow, the one she’d made to herself just a few days earlier, before her mind had been overwhelmed by Zak. She’d said she would try. She had told herself she would not run. This was running away, too, she realized and despite all of the fear and grief over Zak, she needed to put him in the past. Nothing would ever change what she had done. There was nothing she nor the gods could do to bring him back. He was gone forever, but she was here. Lee was here. And she needed him.

:: :: ::

Lee pulled out his map, trying to judge the distance to the lake. The surroundings were so dense that no landmark could be seen. He knew his general direction, of course, and if he turned around and headed down the grade, he could get back to Kara. The lake was close, but it seemed impossible to get there. And what was the point if he had to do it alone.

He stood on shaky legs and made his decision. He was going back.

Moving slower now, he pushed himself over the same logs, stepping carefully, keeping his muscles relaxed and his breathing easy. After fifteen minutes of hiking back, though, he heard the familiar sound of Kara’s voice, cursing and talking to herself as she traversed the difficult path. His heart started to beat faster at her stream of expletives and he smiled. She had come after all.

:: :: ::

Kara’s energy was flagging and she thought maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to drink so much ambrosia before she tackled this trek. She pushed on, nonetheless, eager to find Lee and make things right again.

Groaning and cursing, she raised herself up and over an enormous fallen tree. _Frakking nature._ Kara jumped down and stumbled slightly. She looked up startled when Lee reached out an arm to grab her.

“Whoa. You okay?” he said. This time she didn’t shake is hand off.

“Yeah, I’m good.” His fingers were warm around her bicep and she turned to face him, noticing his red rimmed eyes and feeling a twinge of guilt in her belly.

She looked at him for a long minute before stepping against him and putting her arms around his waist. He gripped her back so tightly that she could barely breathe.

“I’m sorry, Kara.” He said into her hair. “I shouldn’t have dragged you up here. I thought I could make it better, but you have your own way of dealing with things.” He pulled back slightly and looked at her with uncertain eyes.

His expression made her heart ache. “My way of dealing with things sucks, Lee,” she said ruefully, wishing it weren’t true.

After a moment, Lee brushed a hair off her forehead. “What happened back there, Kara?” he asked, still holding onto her with one strong arm.

She looked away, feeling the lurch of fear in her gut and the impulse to make a joke or run away. She pressed forward, though, breathing in the clean air and trusting the gods to help her.

Her voice shook as she spoke, “It’s so frakking hard, Lee, and sometimes I just don’t think I can do this…” She stared at her fingers clutching the straps of his backpack, holding on to him for strength.

“Why? Because of Zak?” His voice was tender.

_Oh, gods, Zak. _

She nodded. “And a lot of other things.” Tears filled her eyes when she looked up at him. “I didn’t want to admit how much I needed you, needed anyone.”

“Yeah,” Lee said, putting his palms on her face.

“I love you, Lee Adama,” she said, wide-eyed, terrified at how deep those feelings really went.

“I love you, too.”

Kara pulled him into a kiss, soft at first, then fierce, owning his mouth and shoving his pack to the ground to put her arms around him completely. _Gods, she loved him so frakking much. _She wanted to take him right there, show him everything else she couldn’t say with words, but he pulled his mouth away, kissing her cheeks and forehead before stepping away and gesturing around them.

“We need to get out of here, Kara… Do we go forward or do we go back?”

She felt lighter and stronger and full of renewed energy. “We go forward, Lee. No going back.” She gripped his hand tightly for a moment and then set of towards the lake.

:: :: ::

Six and a half hours later, exhausted but happy, they drove back towards the New Caprican base, fingers held tightly together while Kara drove. They hadn’t said much else at the lake, but they had made love, sharing tenderness and laughter, both finally in the same place after all the months of struggling.

When they arrived at Lee’s house in the late evening, they found a large box waiting just inside the door. Kara dropped her backpack to the floor and read the routing slip.

“It’s from your father,” she said.

Lee looked at her dubiously as he dropped his own pack onto the sofa and unzipped his jacket.

“Is it ticking?” he asked as he walked towards it.

He leaned down and picked up the unexpectedly heavy box and dropped it onto the kitchen table. He pulled off the tape and opened it, a waft of must assailing his nose. He reached inside and pulled out a dusty hardbound book. The inscription inside said, _Property of Joseph Adama._ Lee caught Kara’s curious gaze.

“These are my grandfather’s old law books,” he said, incredulous. He flipped through them, stunned to receive these from his father and completely confused about what it might mean. “What the hell…”

“There’s this, too,” Kara said, handing him an envelope.

With shaking fingers, Lee tore it open and unfolded the paper. “Oh, my gods.” His eyes were wide as he thrust the paper at Kara to read.

She smiled and shook her head. “The old man never stops surprising me, Lee. Congratulations.”

Lee took the paper back from Kara and scanned it again, unable to believe his eyes.

_Honorable Discharge. _

For some reason he could not explain, his father, who never apologized, and rarely changed his mind, had given him his honor back. The old man had revised his discharge papers.

He pulled Kara into a tight embrace, grinning as the words on the page danced around inside his head. For a joyous moment, he felt like the entire world had become right again.


	22. Chapter 22

“I need those three other reports now, not in thirty minutes,” Kara barked into the comm and waited for the response on the other end of the line. The morning had been chaotic, the Admiral was due for the inspection in less than an hour and she felt less prepared than she wanted to be. “I don’t care. Send Hensdale over with them. You’ve got ten minutes.” She slammed the receiver down and cursed.

Captain Ilsa Russell gave her a bland expression and continued organizing the stacks of recon photos by sector. “Is the Admiral taking all of this back to Galactica to review it?”

“I don’t know. I think he’ll be here all day today and tomorrow. I think he wants to spend more time getting to know how we really run things. I just hope Mushari’s data is good. The guy doesn’t seem to understand the phrase right frakking now.” Kara’s brow knitted together as she sorted through her own stack of papers, excluding the old crop data and leaving room for Mushari’s new projections.

“Why the hell we can’t just all farm together and get over this pissing battle is beyond me.” Kara checked the time and scribbled notes into her logs. She arranged the piles on her desk and shrugged her jacket on, buttoning it as she spoke. “I’m going over to the Hangar Deck to get ready to greet the Old Man. Can you finish up here?”

Captain Russell nodded. “Yes, Sir. I’ll take care of it. Do you want me to wait here for you and Admiral Adama, or should I come for the troop inspection.”

“Stay here. I’ll be back later with the Admiral.”

Kara left her office, trusting Ilsa to make it more presentable in the next hour. She was grateful for the woman who had become one of her friends – she was reliable and didn’t take any more shit from her than she needed to. It was refreshing among a bunch of wimpy landlubbers.

Striding quickly, Kara approached the hangar deck, barking orders to soldiers passing by. They were all as nervous as children and she didn’t care much that she might be making it worse. People were getting soft, and a good inspection was just what they needed. Her heart was pounding with adrenaline – a great feeling after so much time bored out of her mind.

“Commander Thrace,” a voice called out from behind her. She turned around to see an ensign waving an envelope at her.

“Commander, Sir,” the woman said breathlessly. “This package arrived for you. It’s marked urgent.”

Kara nodded and took the package, ready to jam a finger under the flap to open it. Kara’s eyes narrowed as she read the return address on the envelope: _Laura Roslin_. Frak.

She shoved the package back at the ensign. “Take this to my office. I don’t need this crap right now.”

The woman gave her a startled look as she turned on her heel. For two days, she’d been pushing Laura Roslin and Earth out of her mind. She’d decided she didn’t give a frak about destiny – she had real life things to take care of and she’d be damned if she was going to get caught in Laura’s visions again. A good night’s sleep and determination had allowed her to let it go – to hell with Laura Roslin and frak her bitch of a mother. She’d been through enough shit to last a lifetime – she didn’t need to go looking for it again.

Kara squared her shoulders and continued striding towards the mess tent, intent on getting a quick breakfast and giving one final review to the troops. The next hour passed in a flurry of activity until she called the troops into formation as the Admiral’s raptor came into view. For as much as she’d always hated formation, she loved the idea that these were her troops and she was going to make damn sure they’d do her proud. With an eye for detail, Kara passed by the tight lines of men and women in their dress grays, calling attention to posture and fixing frak ups as she saw them.

A few moments later, Kara stood at the head of the formation as Adama exited the raptor, her posture sharp and eyes level as she threw a salute.

“Commander,” Adama said, returning the gesture. “It’s good to see you.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Kara responded, maintaining her posture and formality. She might have reputation for playing fast and loose with the regs when she was a pilot, but this was different. She had a command and she took it seriously.

Kara walked next to Adama as he made his way down the rows of soldiers, acknowledging them each by name as he inspected their uniforms. When he finished, he turned back to Kara. "They look good, Commander. Well done."

“Thank you, Sir,” she said, feeling a burst of pride in her chest.

The Admiral turned away and stepped towards a small podium for his welcoming address. He cleared his throat and spoke, “Many of you might be wondering why you are here. Why Commander Thrace is pushing you so hard. The answer is simple: we are at war. Maybe it doesn’t look like it. Maybe you haven’t seen a cylon for months. Maybe our pilots aren't risking their lives every day to protect the Fleet. But you can be assured that we are at war. We have found a planet for the human race to live, but we have no assurance of safety. The politicians will tell you not to worry. That the cylons cannot find us. And so far we have remained hidden. But let me remind each and everyone of you of a simple fact. The cylons have found us before and they could very well find us again.”

Kara watched the old man as he gave his speech, taking in the tired lines around his eyes. She missed the old frakker, she realized. Their last meeting had been them arguing heatedly about Lee, and despite the Admiral's pleasant greeting, she knew that her relationship with him was tangled up with Zak and Lee and something could always be brewing under the surface.

Adama continued, “Every day you serve, you should remember what you are here to do. Hold yourselves to a high standard. Do your best. Don’t forget your purpose. “

Kara observed her soldiers as the Admiral finished his speech, admiration and fear mixing on their faces. The Admiral’s speech was familiar, reminiscent to ones he used to give a long time ago, before the war started. But it had an edge she hadn't expected. Her gut told her something was up.

Adama stepped down, dismissed the formation and approached Kara.

“We’ll be meeting in my office, Sir. The Senior staff will be joining us at 0930 hours.”

Kara and Adama walked silently for a few moments and then Kara spoke. “Boss, can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“Your speech, Sir. Do you really think the cylons will find us?”

The Admiral hesitated before answering. “That’s always a possibility.” Kara knew him well enough to hear he left something unsaid.

“Did something happen, Sir?”

Adama stopped walking and turned to face her, his lips pressed into a concerned line. “One of our raptors didn’t return from a routine recon mission. The raptor was expected back at 0600 yesterday.”

Kara’s brow furrowed. “Equipment problems?”

“Possibly. I’ve sent Flocker and Rebound to their coordinates and they are expected back in eighteen hours.”

The weight of possibility hung between them as they began walking again. An unexpected fluttering in her stomach reminded Kara of the excitement of the war. She’d hated it and loved it at the same time.

“What can I do, Sir?”

“Nothing, Starbuck. Your job is on the planet – you make sure these soldiers are ready if we need to bug out.”

They arrived at their destination and the Admiral stepped in, taking a seat at the end of the long rectangular table in Kara’s outer office.

Kara sat across from him and met his eyes as he leaned forward in his chair, continuing their conversation. “We’ve lost focus. Been distracted by the land dispute with the civilians. Using our resources to support food production. That is going to change – today.

“Sir?” Kara blinked in surprise, although lords knew it was about time.

“I’m meeting with Tom Zarek tomorrow morning. We'll negotiate an agreement for the fleet to provide support for the civilians. But that's all.”

His turnaround stunned her. “What changed, Admiral?”

Bill held her eyes in a steady gaze. “This missing raptor is not the first to disappear.”

:: :: ::

Lee slid the one of of his grandfather’s hardbound law books onto the shelf in his office, his finger lingering on the roughened blue spine. Over the past few weeks, Lee had thought a lot about why his father had changed his discharge. Kara had suggested that it was linked to Zak and the anniversary, insisting that the Old Man loved him, even if their relationship had become strained. Some part of Lee recognized that it was true and it gave him hope, but not quite enough to take a risk and reach out to his father.

A knock at the door drew his attention and Tom Zarek entered. Lee walked back to his desk and motioned Tom to sit.

"Well, it appears that the Admiral has decided it is time to speak to the civilians again. He’s called to arrange a meeting for tomorrow, but he declined to comment about the purpose. Have you spoken to him, Lee? Do you know what it’s about?"

Irritated at Tom's accusatory tone, Lee managed to keep an even expression. "No, I haven't spoken to him. What did he say?"

"He asked to meet with me privately.” Tom let the unspoken content linger.

Lee smiled wryly. Of course the Admiral did, shutting Lee out of the process to show how insignificant his position was. Just like his father to do that.

"I see." Lee busied himself with papers on his desk. "Well, give the Admiral my regards." He couldn’t keep the bristle out of his tone. It was always one step forward and two steps back with this dad.

Lee felt the man's stare and ignored it.

"I take no satisfaction in this, Lee,” Tom said. “My own father and I never got along. I never had a chance to repair that relationship because of my choices. And then the cylons came. Opportunities were lost."

Lee chafed at his story. "So, we're just alike then, you and me?"

Tom smiled grimly. "Not exactly." He stood and looked down at Lee. "I'll give your father your regards."

Lee gave him a tight smile and watched him leave his office. He guessed he wouldn’t be seeing his father after all.

:: :: ::

For the rest of the day, Kara and Bill reviewed the status of the base expansion, troop deployments, and tidied the details about the current food production. Throughout the day, a thousand questions were on Kara’s mind, but the Admiral deflected any attempts to ask, telling her that they would have to wait to see if the raptor returned tomorrow. She held her tongue, but the thought of the cylons returning filled her with a sense of dread and worry that pushed her mind into clear focus.

Around dinner time, Bill ended the long string of meetings, declaring that he would be visiting Laura Roslin for dinner and they would resume work in the morning. Kara blinked at the comment, surprised the Old Man kept in contact with her. It also brought to mind the issue she’d been dodging all day – the search for Earth. With the prospect of the cylons returning, the need for a safe place sharpened, and with it, her possible role in the search. The grim thought darkened her mood, and she worked in her office until late into the night, her eyes repeatedly drawn to the unopened envelope from Laura. _Not yet._

Late in the night, Kara retreated to her quarters, too tired to do anything except sleep. After spending every night with Lee for nearly three weeks, her rack felt lonely and cold.

:: :: ::

In the morning, the Admiral was expected to arrive at Kara's office to gather the necessary information to give to Tom Zarek. Kara didn’t want the hassle of dealing with the food issues, but handing the whole thing over to a man she disliked so much turned her stomach.

When the Admiral arrived, his face was grim. “I talked to Colonel Tigh this morning. The second raptor has not returned.”

“Sir?” Kara’s heart beat faster.

The Admiral deflected her inquiry and picked up a file from her desk, sliding smoothly into the plan for the day.  “My meeting with Zarek won't take long, Commander. Get these files over to Zarek and when I return, we'll discuss the action plan.”

Kara nodded then spoke as the Admiral glanced through the file she'd prepared. “Sir, it could still be equipment problems or maybe the coordinates were bad and the raptors hit a meteor shower or landed in the heart of a star.” She desperately wanted to hope the cylons were not involved.

“That may be true. But I’m not taking any chances. We’re not evacuating, but the Fleet is the people’s only hope for rescue if the cylons return.”

“Aye, Sir.” Kara chewed on her lip as the Admiral left her office and fear began to pool in her belly. She sat heavily at her desk, pushing papers around mindlessly.

Her eyes caught sight of the package from Laura Roslin, thoughts of Earth and the hope it embodied springing to mind. Pulling the envelope out of a stack of reports, she slid her fingers along the edges, still resisting the pull of her role and the implications that the search would mean for her life. But thoughts of cylon raiders breaking the surface of New Caprica and the real possibility of her soldiers, and friends, _and Lee,_ dying in an attack, made her meager resistance, _her_ desires and wants, insignificant.

Kara opened the envelope.

:: :: ::

Lee woke early, acutely aware of the empty spot next to him, and got out of bed with a resigned sigh. Today, his father would be on Colonial One for his _private_ meeting with Tom and he'd made no effort to contact him. It bothered him more than he wanted to admit.

Walking to his office, he dropped some papers on his desk before heading to the showers. He was tired of trudging half-asleep to another ship for his morning routine. He wasn’t in favor of using his political power to get upgraded facilities for himself while others needed housing, but on a day like this, he wished he could bend his own rules once in a while.

Twenty minutes later, Lee sat at his desk, trying to concentrate on a second round of revisions to the settlement expansion plan. Movement at the door caught his attention and he was shocked to see his father standing at the narrow entrance to his office.

Lee stood immediately, shrugging on his jacket along with the years of the formality that existed between them. This was the feeling he hated with his father, the one that held them apart, filled with distrust, anger and old resentments. It had started to crumble, being replaced by warm regard and respect until Lee's decision to accept the Vice President position had fortified the barrier as strong as it had ever been.

"How are you son?” The older Adama gave him soft expression.

“Fine, Sir. Busy." He looked away for a moment, his heart pounding as the past settled between them, the way it always did.

"As you probably know, I'm meeting with Tom Zarek in a few minutes to talk about the Fleet's position on the land problem. I'm ending the land dispute and Fleet's turning over the farming business to the civilians.”

Lee gave him a startled expression. "Why? What happened?" Lee knew his father and his gut told him something significant must have occurred for his father to withdraw so abruptly.

Adama sighed heavily before answering. "We've had two recon missions go missing, Lee."

Lee's mind jumped to the worst conclusion. “Do you think it’s the cylons? Did you tell the President?"

Snorting derisively, his father answered, "No. We don’t have any hard evidence and there’s nothing to share with the government at this time.”

Lee shook his head in frustration. "Then why tell me?" And so there it hung between them, the moment of distance or trust. Lee held his breath, uncertain which way it would proceed.

"If the cylons come, I want you to be ready." He left the rest open, a statement of caring, so loosely stated that anyone observing would not understand the weight of it.

Lee’s brow furrowed and Bill continued, "Have a plan in place, Lee. Kara knows."

"Dad?" Lee hoped for more, but his father offered nothing.

"I have to get to the meeting. I'll keep Kara informed."

Lee nodded and his father gave him a tight smile, not without warmth, and turned to leave. He reached the threshold and Lee spoke.

"Dad..."

The old man paused and turned slightly, not quite facing his son.

"Thanks for what you did—with the discharge."

Adama nodded slightly and caught Lee’s eyes for a moment. “I’ll see you soon, son. Remember what I said.” He turned away and walked out the door, leaving Lee stunned and filled with dread.

:: :: ::

With trepidation, Kara pulled a thin stack of papers out of the envelope and read Laura’s handwritten note.

_These are pages from my journal. Maybe they will help you understand why I am so driven to find Earth. I await your answer._

Tightness gathered in her chest. The possibility of the cylons bearing down on them, the life she didn’t want to chance, and her godsdamned destiny all warred inside her head. She turned the pages face-down and took a long breath. After a moment, she righted them again and read.

_After only two days using chamalla, my visions have returned. I was washing my face this morning and it hit me so suddenly that I nearly stumbled as I reached for a towel. Bright flashes of light, of green trees and blue sky and water, a large flowing river, sparkling in the bright sunlight. Flashes of rich brown dirt, animals…so much life I was breathless._

_I knew the visions might return, but they were so sharp, vivid and breathtaking in their beauty that I am yearning for more. They are like a tease, showing me glimpses of a place I so much want to be instead of this colorless planet with a cancer-filled body. _

She swallowed at the mention of Laura’s cancer, the one thing Kara could not brush away. The woman was dying, and she felt a familiar tug in her gut pulling her further towards the search. Another entry followed.

_I had the most vivid dream this morning and woke up feeling shaken. Yesterday was terrible, with searing headaches that left me unable to teach. I feel weak even as I write this. I could use a strong cup of tea, but I don’t have the energy to get it. In times like these, I miss Billy so much… _

_But my dream, it was filled with rain. A shimmering wall of water as far as I could see. The vision was richer than the last – not just images, but I felt the dampness on my skin. It was so real that I wanted to run and play and soak myself in the freshness of it. But I was just observing, held in place by the dream. It is safe and welcoming there, I can just tell. _

The more she read the more drawn into the visions Kara became. The threat of the cylons returning added a new twist in her fate and despite what it would mean for her life, ideas were already tumbling around in her head. The part of her that resisted, the one who thought happiness might be found on New Caprica had begun to grow smaller.

Sliding the papers into the envelope, Kara pushed them across her desk and leaned way back in her chair, chewing on a thumbnail. With a rising sense of purpose, she began to formulate a plan.  



	23. Chapter 23

Admiral Adama returned to the New Caprica Base just before lunch. His meeting with Tom Zarek had gone as expected, with the President pressing him for information about his sudden position change. He’d stalled Zarek, citing the other numerous reasons that the Fleet’s involvement in land production was draining resources and tying up his personnel; he didn’t elaborate. The man could rot for all he cared. If he hadn’t been on New Caprica for the inspection, he’d have just as well told Zarek over the comm.

As Bill made his way toward Kara’s office, he continued to think about a plan of action that would keep the Fleet prepared without setting off a panic in the civilian population.

He stepped through the office door to find Kara sitting at her desk deep in thought..

“Whaddya hear, Starbuck?” he said.

:: :: ::

Kara looked up and smiled, continuing their familiar refrain, an affectionate banter that had begun so many years ago when times were calmer. Her heart pinched a little when she thought of those days. It always reminder her of Zak.

“Let’s start getting the Fleet back into shape, Commander,” Bill said as he eased himself into a seat across from her. He looked tired.

“What do you have in mind, Sir?”

“If we’re going to be ready to evacuate people off the planet, we’ll need to have the transport vessels on the ground instead of inside the bays of the ships in orbit.”

“Evacuation, Sir?” Her heart pounded and she shifted in her seat. This was becoming too real too fast. Earlier today it had been just missing raptors, now the Admiral was discussing a full-blown evacuation plan.

“It may seem extreme, but that is what we have to do. We have to be ready. The missing raptors are a wake up call we can’t ignore.”

“There are thirty thousand people, Sir. How are we going to evacuate them if the cylons come? It’ll take days…” Kara said, raising her eyebrows sharply. There was no way they’d get people off planet in time; no matter how well they planned, thousands of civilians would probably to die.

“We’re going to make the best plan we can, Commander. We’ll start with military personnel and then work our way to the civilian sector later. For now, we focus on the troops.”

“So, the civilians don’t know?”

“There are too many questions and I don’t want to set off a panic. We'll include them when it's time."

“What about Lee? He’s a civilian.” Kara wasn’t about to keep this from Lee, no matter how he answered.

“I told him this morning.”

Kara blinked. “You saw him?” She bet Lee had been just as surprised as she was.

“I saw him briefly before my meeting. I told him about the missing raptors and I told him to be ready…. He looked good. How is he anyway?”

“He seems good, Sir.” Kara swallowed, suddenly anxious. The Admiral had no clue about her relationship with Lee and this didn’t seem to be the time to mention it. There was something about the Admiral that made it hard for her to speak, especially about her involvement with his two sons. He triggered all of the guilt she had about Zak, and no matter how much she wanted to tell the Old Man about her and Lee, the words got stuck in her throat. Lee was going to have to handle this one.

“That’s good to hear,” he said. Kara was grateful when the Old Man turned the subject back to the evacuation and his plan to plan to begin repairs and station raptors and a heavy transporter at the base, ready to evacuate soldiers. “We’ll expand the hanger bay to house them all. When the time comes to include the civilians, we’ll place other transports around the city in strategic places.”

He flipped through Kara’s reports. “These five raptors are due for inspection. Send two to Galactica and three to Pegasus. I’ll send five replacements and the others back when they’re finished.” Bill sighed. “Damn. I wish I hadn’t let Tyrol and Cally muster out.”

Kara glanced at him through her lashes and continued taking notes. A lot of things were changing.

:: :: ::

Lee didn’t know what to make of his father’s visit or the news that the cylons might be on their doorstep. Everything was rushing back, the destruction of the colonies, the horror of their surprise attack, the sickening feeling that they might not survive. Now it hit him harder than he expected, right after his father left, pushing adrenaline into his veins and making his heart pound faster. _Have a plan, Lee_, his father had said. He didn’t have a frakking plan for this.

Over the past few months, he’d pushed it out of his mind, had learned to forget the horrors of the war and had embraced the idea of settling down. The last thing he wanted to think about was the possibility of cylons showing up and finishing what they’d started.

Pacing around his office did little to burn off the extra anxiety his father’s words had created, but he paced anyway, his mind alternating between rational and irrational thoughts. He believed that all of this was behind him, the panic attacks and the ever-present threat of dying. Today, it had returned with full force and it left him shaken. After a few minutes of pacing, he started to relax again, the dampness under his shirt drying as his body calmed. The anxiety remained, though, taking up its usual position as a tightening in his chest and the familiar tang of adrenaline in his mouth.

He should have never gotten used to the idea of a bright shiny future anyway.

:: :: ::

A few hours after his meeting with Tom Zarek, the Admiral got back on a raptor and left the base. Kara watched his ship grow smaller and smaller until it was out of sight. Her thoughts went immediately to the idea that their next encounter could very well be bugging out. She frowned and turned back towards her office. She had so much to do. The initial readiness plans were laid out before her: assessing equipment, shuffling crew, expanding the hangar decks, drills, trainings – a frakload of things that would keep her busy for the next four months. Except that the Admiral wanted it done in one month. Frak. There was no time to waste.

Kara headed to her office to work on the plans for the rest of the day, doing her best to shove away the anxious feelings and do what she had to do. When the rumblings of her stomach drew her mind to dinner, she stopped in the mess for a quick bite, grabbed a few things from her quarters and headed off to Lee’s.

The light was on and she pushed open the door. Lee looked up from his papers and smiled.

“Hey,” he said, and stood up as she walked towards him, tossing her jacket onto a chair. The sight of him lit the familiar spark of arousal, a welcome respite from the racing thoughts coursing through her head all day.

“Hey, yourself,” she said, sliding her arms around his neck and kissing him. He pulled her into an embrace, squeezing her tightly against his chest. After all the time they’d been separated since they’d known each other, two days apart shouldn’t matter, but they did.

Lee's mouth was hot and wet against hers and his hands gripped her ass, pulling her up against him. Their kissing was fraught with unspoken thoughts about everything changing, the cylons, and their small bit of peace being threatened. His tongue slid over hers, tangling and teasing, as his hands found the skin under her tanks. There was urgency in him, matching her own as they pulled at clothes hungrily, creating a shield between them and the outside word. Everything was right here, she thought, exactly where she needed to be.

In moments, they were on the bed and she was lowering herself onto him, losing herself in the sensation of skin on skin and the taste of his mouth on hers. He felt so good inside her, his hands roaming her body, touching and gripping her flesh as they moved together, her breaths shortening as pleasure coursed through her body. Their mouths came together and apart, tongues and lips needing to find purchase as their movements became frenzied, each reaching for release, holding back, and reaching again until Kara was crying out, thrusting herself harder and faster as orgasm whipped inside her, crackling with fiery intensity. Lee clutched her back as she moved, pulling her hard against his chest and gasping her name as he shuddered inside her.

Kara slid off to his side, draping a leg over his thighs, pressing the dampness of her hair into his shoulder until their breathing calmed. He stroked her hair and she closed her eyes, feeling satisfied and content in his arms.

:: :: ::

In the pre-dawn hours, Lee tossed and turned restlessly, waking Kara, who rolled away from him. “Lee, can you stop moving around?” she grumbled.

“Sorry. I can’t sleep.” He sighed and turned on his back, making an effort to keep his body still.

“What’s the matter?” she asked sleepily. When he didn’t answer, she turned back and tucked her head into his shoulder and put an arm around him.

After a few long minutes, Lee shifted and spoke. “I thought they weren’t going to find us.” He snorted bitterly. “Stupid, right?”

“No. Just…inevitable, I guess.” She sounded so calm about it while his own mind was racing.

“So, you’re prepared for this?” He raked a hand over his face, anxiety already a tightened lump in his chest. “I can’t take more fighting. I just want to live a life without cylons. I should have known it was too good to be true.” He sat up and put his feet on the floor; he needed to move.

“Lee, c’mon. Come back to bed.” She frowned and pulled at the covers.

“I can’t.” He stood up and looked around aimlessly.

With a sigh, Kara sat up, too, and peered at him in the dark, his face partially lit by light from the street outside. “What’s going on? We don’t need to freak out.”

“Well, I am freaked out, okay? I just gave up my military command and now I’m planning for a future that might not even happen.”

“We’re at war, Lee. What did you expect? That they were just going to forget about us?”

“I’ve looked at the astronav charts, Kara. They shouldn’t be able to see us – unless they’re very lucky or much smarter than we thought.”

“Maybe they have tech we don’t know about. Maybe they got lucky. Or maybe it’s nothing, Lee. We’ve done this before – we’ll make a plan so we’re ready if they come.”

Her words made sense logically, but the feelings of anger and dread rose up inside him anyway. Lee struggled for composure.

“I need to run. You coming?” With sharp motions, he pulled on sweats and a jacket.

“What? It’s oh four hundred. It's not even light yet.”

“So, don’t come then,” he snapped and he sat on the edge of sofa to push his feet into running shoes.

“Frak, Lee. Calm down. I’ll come. I need to keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t go picking a fight with someone else.”

“I wasn’t picking a fight, Kara, and I don’t need you looking after me.”

“Gods, you’re in a mood. Whatever, Lee. I’m coming anyway.” She threw her legs over the side of the bed, grumbling to herself and dug around in her bag for sweats, finding  none. It really was about time she left some things here. She pulled on a pair of Lee’s shorts. It’d be freezing, but she’d just have to deal.

:: :: ::

Running did little to relieve the racing thoughts in his head. Kara jogged beside him as Lee directing them north along the road that encircled the town. The tents were smaller here, nestled close together with Tauron flags whipping in the wind. Lee thought absently about his grandfather, a man who’d spoken to him many times about the Taurons and their struggles for recognition and equality. Now when he he tried to focus on the current issues facing the people of New Caprica, his mind went to the impending threat. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been able to put it behind him until it all came rushing back.

“Do you think they’re really coming?” He asked her breathlessly, his feet pounding a steady rhythm on the ground.

“No idea. I hope not.” Kara’s voice was strong. They were both in excellent shape, despite being out of the gym for so many months.

“What’s the plan so far?” Lee asked, leading them south through the lines of tents towards the town center.

She spoke in short sentences as they ran. “Raptors and civilian transports first. Then equipment surveys and repairs. Stationing them planetside.”

“And pilots?”

“Enough to get military personnel off the planet and onto battlestars.”

“What about the civilians?” It was just like his father to skip that part of the plan.

“Lee. I don’t know yet. It’s preliminary.” Her tone was clipped.

He didn’t answer, his own mind fumbling around ideas for a civilian evacuation. “I want to meet with Dad about this. The government should be involved.”

“Is it time for that? No proof of cylons, yet.” Kara started to slow her pace a bit. “Can we talk about this later?” She asked giving him an irritated look.

“Sure,” he answered, his mind on the planning. He’d make a call to his father this afternoon, pushing him to talk to the government about what he suspected. Leaving the civilians in the dark was not going to fly.

:: :: ::

By the end of their run, Kara had cajoled Lee into a more pleasant mood, but the intensity of his words was not lost on her. Lee’s anxiety had raised her own an extra notch and blood pounded in her veins despite the run. The sensation brought back a flood of feelings and memories, all the risks and near death experiences that she’d been pushing away since she came planetside. The move to New Caprica was like a cleaver, splitting her life in two, her balls to the wall approach to everything – flying, drinking, gambling – tempered at first by a calm daily routine, and then because of Lee.

It was funny, she thought, that she’d always seen Lee and Zak so differently. Zak, the little boy turned soldier who never belonged in a cockpit, with easy laughter and a cheerful nature, and Lee, serious and opinionated, competing with everyone to be the best. Now, they merged a bit, as a lighter and happier side of Lee Adama emerged. Sometimes when he’d laugh or they’d joke, she’s see their similarities so brightly that it made her chest ache. It had never occurred to her that she might be having a little bit of Zak with Lee. It felt right.

More than anything, it was that feeling, the one that made the past guilt and anger seem less intense, that made her want to fight. She wanted this frakking life and the threat of cylons coming back made her sick to her stomach. That was why she needed to make a move. _She_ had a frakking destiny and if meant she could keep a little bit of this life, she’d do what she needed to do.

Kara thought about it all as she walked through the base as the sun rose, stopping at the mess before heading to the hanger bay to  requisitioned one of the raptors returning to Pegasus. Tomorrow she planned to fly it there herself. Part of her own readiness plan was going to be getting back in the cockpit. If the cylons came, she wanted to be prepared. More than four months planetside had made her sloppy. She doubted that the Admiral would approve of her spending time training for combat instead of coordinating efforts for evacuation, but it was something she needed to do.

By the time she reached her office, she was ready. Kara reached for the comm, a tingle of adrenaline making her heart pound just a little faster than usual. Kara asked the base operator to get Laura Roslin on the line.

“Commander Thrace. I’m so happy to hear from you.” Her voice was tired but hopeful.

Kara cleared her throat. “Madame President,” she said.

“Hold on a second, Commander. We were just starting class, let me step away for a moment.”

Kara heard muffled speaking and then Laura came back on the line. “Commander. Good morning. I assume that you received my package?”

“Yes, I did.”

“And…have you made a decision?”

Kara paused, holding onto one more second of her own fate, then released a breath. “Yes. I’ve decided to help you find Earth. It’s a long shot, but I’ll try.” She was so tempted to tell Laura about the cylon threat. She clamped her mouth closed. Not yet.

“That’s excellent news, Commander…Kara. Thank you.” After a beat. “Can we meet?”

“Let me look into some things, first. I’ll call you in a few days.”

“Oh, Kara, I’m so relieved. I thought you were going to say no and then I wasn’t sure what I would do. Thank you, Commander. Thank you.” Kara heard the relief in her voice.

“No problem. I have to go. Goodbye, Madame President.”

“Goodbye, Commander.”

Kara dropped the receiver back onto the comm unit and let out a breath. It was done.

:: :: ::

Lee arrived at his office early in the morning, well before anyone else, cleared off his desk and closed the door. His mind was too cluttered to think about the regular activities of his position. For the next two hours, he poured over maps and tried to recall the layout of the star system around them. He’d commanded Pegasus for the first six months of their occupation of New Caprica and most of the details were committed to memory. He’d have to contact the new Pegasus CO and ask him to send down star charts. The guy owed him some favors.

With a thousand questions in mind, Lee added to the notes he’d prepared the day before, creating plans within plans in his head. After all their time devising battle strategies, he’d gotten good at thinking on his feet.

Two hours later the comm buzzed.

“Adama,” he answered, untangling the comm cord from his papers.

Thia’s voice rang over the line. “You have a call, Sir. It’s a reporter from the Caprica Times. She wants to set up an interview. Would you like to speak to her or should I just consult your schedule?”

Lee blinked, shifting his mind to the present responsibilities of his job. “Hmm. I’ll take the call.”

The line clicked and he greeted the reporter.

“Vice President Adama, this is Corin Gruschek, a reporter with the Caprica Times, now working on the New Caprica social beat. I’d like to do a background piece on you, Sir. Get some of your history, maybe some personal information, if you are so willing. The people of New Caprica are eager to get to know you. Can we set up a time this week?”

Lee swallowed. Interviews were not his strong suit. “I’d be happy to do an interview, Ms. Gruschek. Send a list of questions to my assistant and I’ll have her contact you to set up an time.”

“A list of questions? Does it really need to be that formal, Sir? I was hoping for a casual interview – a “get to know you piece” as it were. Surely I don’t need to submit a list of questions to ask you about your favorite flavor of ice cream.”

Lee smiled despite himself, surprised at the woman's good-natured insistence. “No, of course not,” he laughed. “But no interview with a government official is ever not political, right? Send a list of questions and you have your interview.” Lee wasn’t budging. He hadn’t gotten so used to the press that he could field uncomfortable questions, particularly if they were about his father.

“I can hear that you are not going to change your mind, Sir. I’ll send the list over today and I’ll call your secretary tomorrow. Is that enough time?”

Lee found himself smiling again. Something about this woman reminded him of another pushy woman he knew all too well. “Sure, Ms. Gruschek, that would be fine. I look forward to the interview.”

“Thank you, Mr. Adama.”

Shaking his head, Lee disconnected the call and opened a line to Thia, explaining the interview parameters. Lee also told her to hold all of his non-essential calls and he got back to work.

:: :: ::

That night, after a long day of strategy meetings with her senior staff, she grabbed a few things and went to Lee’s. Her head was swimming with a hundred different ideas about the evac plans, cylons, Laura Roslin, and the search for Earth.

Grateful to be done for the day, she plopped down on the bed, kicked off her boots, and tucked her feet under the blankets.  She leaned back against the pillows and sighed.

“What are you working on?” she asked, yawning.

“Something I’d rather not have to plan for.” He still had that slightly irritated tone in his voice.

“Cylons?” she asked. She didn't want to have to plan for it either.

“Yeah.” He glanced up at her. “What did the Old Man say about the raptors?”

She turned on her side to face him and propped her head on her hand. She recounted the story of the two missing raptors and the third recon that had failed to report two days ago.

Lee frowned. “Equipment problems?”

“Three raptors?” She shook her head. “No. Something else is going on.”

“Where were they when they disappeared?” he asked.

“He didn’t say, just that they were on routine scouting missions, the same kind that they’ve been running for months. Well, you know, you helped set them up on Pegasus.”

“Yeah. We established a grid and sent raptors to each sector using three-jump pattern out and back. All pre-programmed except for the last jump back to New Caprica. The pilots memorized the coordinates and would not jump back until they were sure that the cylons weren't tracking them.”

Kara raised an eyebrow. “You think we shouldn’t have stuck our noses out?”

Lee leaned back against the back of the sofa. “Maybe. But three? They shouldn’t have followed the same coordinates, so unless there was some problem with the calculations...” Lee sighed. “I’m sure the Admiral has gone through all of this. I’m not going to think of anything that his crew hasn’t already thought of. I can’t second guess him. I just have to trust his instincts and if he feels like there’s a risk of the cylons returning, then I have to act on that.” He leaned forward and pulled out a map from beneath a stack of papers. “Take a look at this.”

“That the city map?” Kara asked, rising off the bed and moving over to the sofa to sit next to him.

“Yeah,” he said. “I have to say that the city planners didn’t plan very well for emergency evacuation. The town is organized well for people to use common facilities and for water and electrical distribution, but there’s a bottleneck here and here.” He pointed to various several spots on the map.

Kara nodded. “The Admiral mentioned stationing heavy transports around the city in strategic locations, but he didn’t say where. I see how it would work in the northern sector, but the southern sector is a problem. There’s no bridge and all of these buildings are right up against the water.” Looking at the map brought back the overwhelming feeling that this was all pointless. There were too many people and not enough time to evacuate anyone.

They both stared at the map for long minutes without speaking.

“How are we going to do this, Lee?” She glanced over at his face, his brown knit tight with concentration.

“I don’t know. Gods, I don’t even know.” He sat back heavily and closed his eyes.

“And let’s say we get off the planet. What happens after we bug out? It’ll be chaos for weeks. No one will be ready. All of our supplies will be planetside. We’ll be in worse shape now than we were when the colonies fell. What do we do then?”

He opened his eyes. “What do you mean? We’ll just have to make do. We’ll run just like we did before. We’ll have to get ahead of them and hope we can find another, better place to live. I don’t know how we’re going make it.” With a frustrated noise, he tossed his pen on the coffee table and the tablet after it. “Gods, I can’t believe we’re in this position again.” He raked a hand through his hair.

Kara felt her own rising frustration. In her mind, though, she had hope for something else – a crazy and unlikely plan to save them all. “We could find another planet, Lee. There’s always Earth…”

Lee blinked hard at her, his face wrinkling dubiously. “Earth? You’ve got to be kidding.” He stood abruptly, shaking his head and moved towards the kitchen. Kara frowned and watched him walk away.

“Earth is a myth,” he called out over his shoulder as he poured water into a cup. “We have to live in the real world here. We’ve got to find a way off this planet with as many people as possible. We can’t waste our time chasing fairy tales.”

“It’s not a fairy tale, Lee. You were there. On Kobol. That was real.” Her tone was insistent as he came back towards her.

“I don’t know what that was, Kara and it doesn’t matter now anyway. We have to get our plans together for New Caprica. We should probably be sending raptors out to find other planets, not just to scout for cylons.” He sat back down and became absorbed in his notes again.

Kara shook her head slightly, irritated at being dismissed. “I’m tired, Lee. I’m going to bed.”

Lee glanced at her. “Okay. I’ll be there soon,” he said absently.

Kara padded to the kitchen and poured some ambrosia into a cup. She shot it back, swallowing hard, her mind alternating between irritation, disappointment, and anxiety. She should have expected this. Lee didn't believe in the gods and she should have known he wasn't going to support her.

With a deep breath and another shot, she resolved herself to do it without him anyway; what he didn't know wouldn't kill him. She'd do it herself, just like she'd been doing for most of her life. _Frak it and him, _she thought. This was her destiny and it didn't have anything to do with Mr. Lee Adama.

  



	24. Chapter 24

Kara woke well after dawn to the banging of pots in the makeshift kitchen in Lee’s quarters. She groaned loudly, “Can’t you keep it down?”

She heard mumbling from Lee and her irritation grew. _Earth is a myth._ Frak that. Earth was not a myth and he was full of it. The old anger from the night before was still fresh in her mind.

With irritated motions, she threw her legs over the side of the bed, shrugged on a jacket and shoved her feet into boots. “I’m going to the head,” she said, voice rough with sleep. She pushed open the door and stepped into the frigid air. A shock of cold wind blew open her unbuttoned coat and she pulled it tightly around her. She hated this frakking planet.

The head was filthy and the only spigot, attached to a salvaged ship’s basin, spit brown water. With a scowl, she burst back through Lee's door, walking past him into the tiny kitchen to pour clean water over her hands. “Someone better fix that frakking head. How to they expect people to live under these conditions?”

Shaking the excess water, she dried her hands on her jacket and turned around to face Lee who was setting the table. “I’ll make sure someone fixes it today,” he said as he scraped grayish grain-meal out of a pot into bowls. Kara groaned.

“And the food. This is prison food, Lee.” She sat down and shoved her spoon into the gruel.

Lee sat across from her, watching her through narrowed eyes. “You’re in a good mood this morning. What’s your problem today?” he asked and spooned the mixture into his mouth. He looked at her as he chewed.

She ignored his words and shoveled food into her mouth.

“Kara?” He could never let anything go.

“What?” she snapped.

He just looked at her with raised eyebrows, waiting.

“You. You’re my frakking problem.” She dropped her spoon on the table, bits of wet meal flying off and crossed her arms over her chest.

His brow wrinkled and the spoon stopped halfway to his mouth. “Me? What did I do?”

“Some of us believe in Earth, you know. And I really don’t need you telling me it’s bullshit, all right?” She said her piece and glowered at him.

Lee sat back, stunned. “What? Where’s all this coming from? When did I say that?”

“Are you stupid, Lee? Last night, sitting over there.” She pointed at the sofa. “You told me that Earth was a myth and you weren’t going to spend time chasing fairy tales.”

Lee blanched. “No. I mean…” He stumbled over his words. “Look, I just meant that we should focus on keeping New Cap safe. That’s all. I wasn't trying to piss you off.”

She barreled ahead. “And now you don’t believe in Earth? I thought you did.” She let some of the disappointment seep into her voice.

He raked a hand across his face. “Gods, Kara. I don’t know. I don’t think about it. We’re on New Caprica now, trying to make a new life and thinking about Earth doesn’t make sense to me.”

Kara leaned forward. “But what if that’s where we’re supposed to be, Lee? What if New Caprica is just pit stop. What are we going to do if the cylons decide to finish the job?” Her voice was low and earnest and she felt in some part of her that this was going to make or break something between them.

“I – I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out. And I guess I don't really think it's realistic? Do you? Why all the interest in Earth all of the sudden?” Lee looked like he wanted to continue but he clamped his mouth closed and gave her questioning expression.

Kara looked away, chewing on her lip, suddenly uncomfortable telling him more; he had too many doubts. She pushed back her chair and stood, picking up her half-eaten breakfast and carrying it to the small counter. Behind her, she heard the scrape of Lee’s chair. She felt his hands on her biceps and he spoke low in her ear.

“What’s going on, Kara? I know you’re upset. I’m sorry about what I said. I wasn’t thinking.”

She stared at the wall, willing herself to speak, but the words didn’t come. She turned around and put her arms around him.

He hugged her tightly. “Hey, if you want to talk about Earth, we will. Just let me know.” She squeezed him tighter, some bit of amazement flooding through her at his words. The idea that she might not have to do this alone blossomed inside her for a quick moment until old fears pushed it aside.

Kara leaned back and gave him a half smile, returning the conversation to lighter topics. “We really need something else to eat, Lee.” She winked. “Or maybe we need a new chef.”

He gave a relieved laugh and caught her lips in a kiss. “I do have _one_ other breakfast idea,” he said and fastened his mouth on her neck. Kara tipped her head back and let out a throaty chuckle. _Much better than fighting._

:: :: ::

After Kara left, Lee grabbed his gear and headed to Colonial One for a shower. Stowing his briefcase in his office, he pushed the thoughts away and headed to the shower, washing quickly, and returning to find Tom Zarek waiting for him. He blinked in surprise.

“You’re here early, Tom. Everything okay?” Lee pulled on his jacket, his hair still wet from the shower.

“I heard you are giving an interview to Corin Gruschek.”

“Yes, that’s true. They want to do a fluff piece on the new Vice President.” Lee said matter-of-factly.

“Ms. Gruschek is known for being ruthless. Be careful.”

“Okay. I will…” Lee eyed him. “Is there something in particular you are worried about?”

“I received a call from Ms. Linot today wanting to know about the investigation into that altercation with Commander Thrace. She’s stirring the pot on something that I frankly would like to go away.”

Lee frowned. “Really? I thought you were using that situation as leverage against the Fleet.”

Tom blinked and laughed a little. “I was, but not anymore. The government and the Fleet are cooperating – that’s what I wanted before.”

“You mean you wanted me here on New Caprica in office to smooth the way.” Lee sat down at his desk, leaning back into the soft leather, his eyes trained on Tom.

“Yes, except that now she’s drawing attention to something that could risk what we’re building.” Tom’s voice became serious.

“What’s that?” Lee leaned forward now, his elbows resting lightly on the desk, a curious and slightly suspicious expression on his face.

“Your romantic relationship with Commander Thrace.”

:: :: ::

Later that morning, Kara sat in Laura Roslin’s quarters reading the woman’s journal and sharing her frustrations about the enormity of the task ahead of them. All day the argument with Lee played in her mind. Determined she focused on the task at hand.

“These journals aren’t helping me pinpoint a location. I need constellations, star patterns, something I can go on to point us in the right direction. These are pretty, but no good to me.” Kara dropped the journal onto the coffee table and leaned back on the chair.

“Keep going, Kara. I believe the gods will give us a sign when it is time. We already know that we are meant to leave the planet. It is too dangerous here”

Kara gave her questioning look. “Why? What do you know?”

Laura considered for a moment, and then spoke. “Admiral Adama told me about the raptors. He said that he was seriously considering the possibility that the cylons might return.”

Kara nodded and leaned forward.

Laura continued meeting Kara’s eyes with an intense stare, “This is why it is more important than ever that we focus on our task. I am giving you the information that I have about the Earth. I know it’s not much to go on, but stay focused, Kara. It will happen.”

“I don’t know how you can be so sure. I think you and I are the only ones who believe.” Kara screwed up her face into a grimace and flopped back onto the cushions.

“Are you talking about Lee?” Laura asked.

“He doesn’t believe in Earth or the gods like I do. Or at all.” Kara’s tone was filled with disappointment and irritation.

Laura sighed and smiled ruefully. “I’ve had this exact conversation with Bill. He doesn’t believe the way I do – the way we do, Kara. He and Lee are good men, but they live in the practical world and I think they are both willing to treat Kobol like it was a dream and ignore it.”

She sat back in her chair and picked up her cup of tea. “I’ve tried to explain it, but it comes down to faith. Bill doesn’t believe, nor does Lee and we can’t do anything about that. You and I have something we need to do and their lack of faith is something that cannot dissuade us.”

Kara nodded, rapt in her attention on Laura, whose voice had a lilting quality that so reminded her of the priestesses in the temples in Delphi.

Laura smiled then, breaking her soothing tone. “You know, Bill still denies that we saw Earth in the Tomb of Athena. His explanation is that the cylons planted a device in the Tomb of Athena that would create those visions. In part, he blames Sharon Agathon, which I still find strange considering that he’s reinstated her commission.”

Kara gave her a quizzical look and Laura shook her head. “I don’t believe that, of course. What I believe in is Earth and the gods and I know that the gods will show us the way.”

Kara chewed on her lip and leaned slowly back into the chair. “I hope you’re right.”

:: :: ::

Lee continued his evacuation planning for the rest of the morning and through lunch. Tom’s comments about Kara kept filtering into the spaces between maps and resources and headcounts.

_“There were already questions about your ability to support the civilians over the military and now the press is going to go to town about your relationship with Thrace.”_

_“My relationships shouldn’t be any of their business.” Lee countered._

_Tom dug his hands into his pockets and rocked on his feet. “That’s naïve. The thing about politics is that the people think they own you. Try to hide something and they dig harder.”_

A buzz on the comm broke Lee’s reverie and he answered Thia’s page.

“Sir, Corin Gruschek is here for the interview. She’s early.”

Lee frowned and answered. “Ask her to wait. I have things to finish up and I’ll see her at the scheduled time. Can you put her in the Quorum Chamber? Is it free?”

“I’ll check, sir.” Thia hung up and Lee let out a breath. He couldn’t help but wonder if Tom’s earlier visit was designed to destabilize him or if he meant to help. With a resigned feeling, he believed the latter was unlikely.

Twenty minutes later, Lee emerged from his office and took the steps two at a time, his body hyped on adrenaline. It felt much like suiting up for a dogfight and he nearly grinned as he made his way through Colonial One to the Quorum Chamber.

Lee entered the room to find Corin Gruschek and he extended his hand in greeting. The small dark-haired woman stood and offered Lee an engaging smile. Her features were perfectly symmetrical and her eyes, a deep chocolate brown, were alive with humor and welcome. Tom’s earlier cautions seemed out of place at his first impression.

“Ms. Gruschek, it’s nice to meet you. Did Thia offer you a beverage?” Lee smiled officiously and settled into the chair at the head of the Quorum table.

“Yes, Mr. Vice President. And please call me Corin,” she said, resuming her seated position behind a notebook and a small recording device.

“Thank you, Corin. I will.” Lee nodded. “So where do we begin?”

“Well, sir, my listeners are interested in the life of their new Vice President. I have a few questions of my own and a few from some of my listeners. Shall we begin?” She opened her notebook and at Lee’s nod, she pressed a button on the small device.

“First a listener question: One of our listeners wants to know what was it like to be a viper pilot?” Corin lifted her pen and prepared to write.

Lee gave a small smile. “Well, it was dangerous and exciting, but also very exhausting. The viper cockpit is quite small and sitting in it for hours at a time can be uncomfortable. I’m happy that I had the opportunity to protect the Fleet as a pilot and now as Vice President.”

“A follow up question from me, Mr. Vice President: You were also the Commander of the Pegasus, your role at the time you stepped down to join the President’s administration. How did you make that decision?”

Shifting in his seat, Lee cleared his throat. No information had been made public about his dishonorable discharge and he was careful to answer. “When Tom approached me about joining his Administration, I was hesitant to leave Pegasus. She had become my home and I had a great crew. Unfortunately, the growing unrest on New Caprica, as well as the division between the military and the civilians made it clear to me that I needed to do more than orbit the planet. I wanted to act as a bridge between the military and the civilians. So far, I believe I have succeeded and I am grateful to Tom for his faith in me.”

Corin scribbled notes on her pad and spoke again. “Another listener question: How does your father feel about you serving as a politician instead of an officer in the Fleet?”

Lee hesitated briefly and answered, “My father is supportive. I think it was hard for him to imagine me as anything other than an officer at first. We have been through a lot together and leaving the Fleet was a difficult decision for me. William Adama is a great man and I love and respect him. My only regret is that I don’t see him as often as I used to.” Lee’s small smile held more emotion than he expected. Saying that last line was really true: he did miss his father.

“And a follow up question: it is well known that President Zarek and Admiral Adama do not see eye-to-eye on many issues. Some even call them bitter rivals and enemies. Can you shed some light on how you manage these relationships?”

Lee laughed. “With great difficulty!”

Corin gave a small laugh and wrote more notes as Lee resumed speaking, “Tom Zarek and my father are both leaders with enormous responsibilities. I believe that each man does his best to represent the interests of those they serve. Often they do not see eye-to-eye, as you say, but they are both principled men and I respect them both. I am fortunate to act as a liaison between them. It has enabled better communication and I think all of the residents of New Caprica are better off now that cooperation has been restored.”

Corin nodded and straightened her jacket and asked a few more questions about the food distribution network and the farming lands to the north. Lee started to relax a bit and answered with as much clarity as he could. Providing the details of the land deal and the farming were subjects that he’d personally overseen and it gave him a feeling of pride to speak about them.

After a few minutes more, Corin wrapped up the food questions and changed topics. “One last listener question: are you single and available?”

Lee blinked and blushed to his hairline before giving an uncomfortable smile. “…I am attached, but I prefer not to discuss my personal life during interviews.” Tom’s words of warning were emblazoned in his mind once again.

Corin smiled. “Well, I am sure the ladies of New Caprica will be disappointed.”

Lee shifted in his seat and straightened his tie and laughed a little. The errant thought passed through his mind that he had no idea how to describe his relationship with Kara.

“And one last follow up question, Mr. Vice President: When you say you are attached, am I to presume you mean to Commander Kara Thrace? The same woman who was involved in an altercation with the civilian Cheryl Linot?”

Lee’s eyes widened momentarily before he forced calm onto his face. “I’m sorry, but my personal life is off limits for this interview.” He kept his eyes on Corin and pushed back his chair but did not rise.

“Mr. Vice President, how can Ms. Linot be assured of a fair hearing if the Vice President is romantically involved with the woman accused of hospitalizing her? I am sure that my listeners want to understand how that is possible.” _So, Tom’s advice about Corin had been warranted in the end._

Lee struggled to keep an even tone. “I can assure you and your listeners that the President is very sensitive to any issues of partiality or bias. As Commander Thrace’s former Commander in the Fleet, it would be imprudent for me to be involved in the hearings or the investigation into the altercation. I suggest you contact the President or his special counsel to share your concerns. I am not involved in that particular issue.” Lee stood and buttoned his jacket, his heart pounding.

Corin stood as well and asked another question. “And certainly it would be imprudent considering the other nature of your relationship, isn’t that true, Mr. Adama?”

The muscle in Lee’s jaw twitched. “Thank you for the interview, Ms. Gruschek. I look forward to hearing the report on the wireless. Please thank your listeners for their support.” He extended his hand.

The woman ignored Lee’s hand and spoke stridently. “This is an important conflict of interest, sir, and the people have a right to know if you are biased.”

With a frown, Lee dropped his hand stepped away. “Good day, Ms. Gruschek. Thia will show you out.” He turned sharply and left through the same door he entered. His face twisted into an angry grimace as he turned the corner and rushed down the steps to his office.

_Frak!_

:: :: ::

Two hours later, Kara was on her way to Galactica to begin examining the records and star charts associated with the Tomb of Athena and Earth. Galactica cleared her approach and she emerged from the cockpit and stepped onto the decks.

A new Chief, Cosgrove, greeted her. “Commander, the Admiral has requested your presence in his quarters, sir.”   
Kara’s footsteps echoed loudly as she walked through the halls of the ship towards Adama’s office. A few crewmen passed, but nothing like the bustling action they’d seen before New Caprica. An unexpected twinge of longing struck her and she shook it off as she knocked on the Admiral’s hatch, noting absently that a guard was no longer posted.

“Come,” Bill’s voice sounded from deep within the quarters.

Kara stepped through the hatch and smoothed her hair. She felt rough and unkempt, her green fatigues needing a wash. She straightened her tanks and moved towards the Admiral’s desk.

“Commander, come in. How are you?” Bill looked up from his paperwork, his tone cool and official.

“Fine, sir. You wanted to see me?” Kara watched his pen scribbling notes into a log.

“Have a seat, Kara.” He finished his entry with a flourish of signature and snapped the folder closed, stacking it neatly on a pile at the edge of his desk.

“I didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow, but your timing is as good as any. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Sir?” A tickle of anxiety made Kara’s heart flutter. “Is it cylons?”

Bill smiled grimly as he leaned back in his chair to appraise her. “No, Commander. It’s about your relationship with my son.”


	25. Chapter 25

_It’s about your relationship with my son._

Kara’s stomach dropped. “Sir?”

Bill sighed and stood up, pushing his chair back towards the wall. “I listen to the wireless, Commander. The press obviously knows and I want to know, from you, what the hell is going on?” He leaned on the desk, palms flat against the smooth wooden surface, his eyes narrowed.

“The press? What are you talking about, sir?” She shifted from one foot to the other, her hands clasped tightly behind her back.

“Corin Gruschek, loudmouth that she is, just aired a report damning Lee’s involvement with you, citing it as a significant conflict of interest because of that woman you assaulted. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t Lee?”

“You’ll have to ask him, sir,” Kara said, tilting her chin defiantly, her mind suddenly flooded with the very sudden fact that her relationship with Lee was common knowledge.

“I’m asking you, Kara. You’re in a relationship with my son.”

“With all due respect, Admiral, it’s none of your business. Lee’s out of the military.”

“It’s my business because the press is having a field day. What were you thinking, Commander?” Bill pushed away from the desk, his face angry. He moved to the bar and clanged the decanter on the edge of the glass as he poured himself a drink.

Kara’s heart thudded in her chest, a feeling of déjà vu overtaking her senses. Her stomach felt suddenly hollow.

“Fix this, Kara,” he grated, staring at the wall behind the bar, his back unyielding. “I don’t care what you have to do. It’s one thing to make the Fleet look bad...”

Kara swallowed hard, envisioning Lee fielding questions about _her_ frak up.

“Yes, sir.” Kara nodded as she spoke, a sinking feeling in her gut.

“Dismissed,” Bill said and raised his glass to drink again.

“Sir.” Kara drew herself up and fired of a crisp salute, spun on her heel and left.

:: :: ::

The lights in the astrolab flickered as Kara sat staring at the star charts spread out in front of her, searching out something that might lead them to Earth. When the stars began to merge, she rubbed her eyes roughly, leaned back in the chair and threw her pencil onto the table, watching as it skittered across piles of charts and onto the floor.

As they had for the past three hours, her eyes were drawn to the wireless unit on the wall, tempting her to listen to the report about Lee. She clenched her teeth and tapped her foot against the table leg.

“Frak,” she cursed and lurched out of the chair, putting her hand across the top of the unit. Her finger hovered for a long second over the power switch and then she flicked it on.

Lee’s laughter was the first thing she heard. _“…With great difficulty.” _More laughter made her smile._ “Tom Zarek and my father are both leaders with enormous responsibilities. I believe that each man does his best…”_

She listened intently as he spoke, imagining his face and suddenly feeling pride that he was doing so well in his new job. She’d ignored politics for the most part, but Lee had somehow managed to become good at this, right under her nose.

Her breath stopped at the reporter’s last question. _“When you say you are attached, am I to presume you mean to Commander Kara Thrace? The same woman who was involved in an altercation with the civilian Cheryl Linot?” _

She was surprised at Lee’s smooth response and she leaned closer to the unit. By the end of the interview, her mouth was set into a hard line. _Frak._

The interview concluded and Gruschek’s voice cut in smoothly. “The Vice President declined further comment, but we have several sources that have confirmed that Mr. Adama is having a personal relationship with Commander Thrace. This reporter has significant doubts about the Administration’s ability to conduct an adequate investigation with this serious conflict of interest. When I spoke with the victim, Cheryl Linot, shortly after the interview, she had the following comment.

_“Commander Thrace is a menace and a bully and now she has the Vice President in her bed. It’s disgusting. I want someone to do something about it.” _The woman’s words shot through Kara and she clenched her fists, jaw working old anger. _Motherfrakker._

Kara jabbed off the wireless and paced the room, an angry heat rising into her face. Adama’s words echoed in her brain as she tried to calm herself. _Fix it, Commander. _

_She’d frakking fix this all right._

:: :: ::

An hour later, Kara was in the rec room halfway through a bottle of ambrosia, her leg still bouncing anxiously. The alcohol filtered through her system, but had yet to calm her racing thoughts. In her head, Adama’s words had grown louder, and his disappointment brought the bottle to her lips once more.

“Well, hey, if it isn’t the Vice President’s girlfriend,” a familiar voice sounded from the hatch.

Kara’s eyes swung to the door, her face ready for a fight. “Frak off, Narcho,” she bit off, glowering.

He strutted into the room and leaned against the counter, cracking open a bottle of rotgut. “Always did think those rumors about you two were true. Must be nice to be in the Adama inner circle. One brother wasn’t enough, eh?”

Kara’s eyes grew wide then narrowed sharply, and she eased slowly forward in her chair, heart pounding in her ears. _Frakking gossips._

“Watch it, Noel…” Her tone was deadly.

“Or what? You gonna hit someone else? Didn’t get your fill beating up that civilian? Go back to the dirtball, Commander.” She saw the nervous tick in his lips despite the tough tone. It was only Adama’s presence in her mind that kept her from smashing the pilot’s face into the decking.

Narcho spun on his heel and left the room before Kara had a chance make more of it.

She slugged back the rest of the ambrosia and found more. Minutes spread into hours and six bottles of booze later, Helo was dragging her sorry ass into an empty rack.

A minute later, she was blissfully asleep.

:: :: ::

Kara woke to the sound of a male voice and a strong hand shaking her awake. “Lee?” she asked, blinking her eyes open. Before she could focus, she felt the subtle rumble of Galactica’s engines and the stale smell of a pilots’ locker. _Frak._ The night before came flooding back – or at least some of it.

Her eyes found Helo’s face. “You okay Starbuck?” he said, releasing her arm and leaning back on his heels. “You’ve had a half a dozen calls from the planet this morning. It’s already oh-nine-hundred.” Helo checked his watch as Kara shifted on the rack, her head pounding, mouth tasting like ash. _How many frakking cigars had she smoked?_ She coughed hard and groaned, flipping onto her back.

“Thanks, Helo,” she grated, voice rasping, throat raw.

“Heard about you and Lee on the wireless. Taking some flak, eh?”

Kara groaned again and sat upright, a sharp pain in spreading from the top of her head down her neck. “Don’t remind me.” With a heaving breath, she stood, wavering as Karl reached out a hand to steady her.

“No frakking privacy anymore,” she said, clearing her throat and stepping away from Karl’s arm.

“Kinda hard with the Vice President and all. You know how politics go…” Karl handed Kara a water bottle and she took it, drinking deeply.

Scrubbing a hand over her face, she snapped the lid back on the bottle and moved past Karl and toward the hatch. “See you later.” She left without another glance, hitting the head to splash water on her face before flying back home.

:: :: ::

Lee shrugged on his jacket and with a final glance at the empty bed, and left his quarters to go to the town center for a meeting. He’d expected Kara sometime in the night and was surprised to learn that she’d gone to Galactica instead. He breathed a sigh and shook his head. _Glad he was not the first to get an earful from his father. _

Ducking his head against a light rain, Lee dashed to Colonial One, briefcase in hand, to get his rain gear. He slid the military-issue poncho over his head and headed back out the ship’s hatch, walking briskly towards the wide and flat building used for everything from weddings to parties to political rallies.   
Lee stepped in to find Galen Tyrol and a small group of men and woman waiting to meet with him about job distribution on New Caprica. He ignored the pessimistic part of his brain that said this would all be a waste of time if the cylons returned.

With a clearing breath, Lee slid out of his poncho and hung it over a chair to dry. He greeted each person and sat in a metal chair, notebook in hand and ready to listen. Galen, fresh off of Galactica, acted as the group’s leader, introducing their complaints and possible solutions to the issues of worker equality. Taking notes and offering no promises, Lee agreed with their concerns, sharing only the most basic necessity to build infrastructure before they could address workers’ needs. With their help, he sketched out a two year roll-over plan that would enforce job rotation for all except the most highly skilled people, like medical professionals, engineers and scientists. Those people, whose jobs were secure, would be required to train and teach as part of their roles in the community.

Lee felt confident that this measure would meet with Tom’s approval, but he warned the panel that the Quorum might not be so eager to pass such a proposal. He suggested patience and ended the meeting. Galen lingered with a tall, slightly-too-thin woman with dark hair and close set blue eyes. She smiled nervously and checked the door while Lee greeted the old Chief.

“How’s Cally? Only a month or two left, right?” Lee smiled, thinking of Cally’s swelling belly, and tucked his notebook and pen into his briefcase and snapped it closed.

“Yeah…she’s getting big, but don’t tell her I said that.” Galen winked and glanced at his companion. Clearing his throat, he gestured to the woman. “Lee, this is Cameri Garshon. She’s asked me to help her with a personal matter, and when I heard her story, I thought you should know about it.”   
Lee shook the woman’s hand and offered a smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Sir. It’s about the Prometheus.” The woman’s eyed darted nervously. “I would have come to your office, but … Mr. Zarek…” The woman cleared her throat and met Lee’s eyes again.

She had his full attention now. “What about the Prometheus?” He shot a glance at Galen who was watching them with a slightly troubled expression.

“It’s my cousin, sir. I didn’t even know that she was alive, but then when I came down to New Caprica, a new friend of mine said he’d met a woman on the Prometheus that I believe is my cousin. I’ve tried to get in touch with her, sir. I’ve sent messages and I’ve even tried to get transport to the Prometheus, but I can’t reach her.” The woman glanced at Galen. “It might be my family, sir. I need to know.” Tears welled in her eyes.

Galen spoke, “Lee, I asked Lt. Gaeta to put in a communique to the Prometheus about Cameri’s cousin, but they’re stalling. I’ve only been on New Cap for a few weeks, but I think there’s something going on up there. It seems like very few of the colonists are from the Prometheus. That ship has a couple thousand souls on board.”

Lee’s brow furrowed as he considered what Galen was telling him. “What are you saying?” A tight feeling spread across his chest as he remembered his brief conversation with Tom about Giaco and his difficulty in getting him off the Prometheus. Lee had thought it was about some inner politics in the Black Market, but now he was suspicious and concerned.

Galen and Cameri looked at each other and Galen spoke, “I don’t know, Lee. I’m not sure, but I’ve been talking to people around New Cap and I haven’t met anyone from the Prometheus. Every other ship in the Fleet, but no one from that ship. It’s weird.”

Bowing his head, Lee briefly considered the implications of Galen’s words. Was it possible that no one had come planetside from the Prometheus? A deep feeling of dread settled in his stomach.

“All right. I’ll look into it. Galen, why don’t you stop by my office tomorrow, if you don’t mind.” At Galen’s nod, he turned his attention to the woman and gave an empathetic smile. “Ms. Garshon, it was a pleasure meeting you. I’ll have Mr. Tyrol contact you with information.” Lee held back from making any promises. He had a feeling that this was just the tip of something much larger and possibly more complicated than he could have ever imagined.

:: :: ::

Kara rubbed at her forehead, leaning over the papers spread out on the table in her office.

“This isn’t going to work. Take it back to Mushari and have him redo it. How much do I have to pay to get some decent help around here?” Kara slid the papers together and rolled them, handing them to Lieutenant Carver before dismissing her and turning away to sit behind her desk. Her head continued to throb and her temper was shorter than the sunshine on New Caprica.

An hour later, she stood and stretched, glancing out the window to see the darkening hue of evening. Grabbing her jacket, she slid it on, hit the lights and headed towards Laura Roslin’s quarters.

Kara walked, mindless of the light rain that fell onto her ponytailed hair. She tightened her jacket around her stomach and knocked on Laura’s door.

The woman answered, her pale skin illuminated by the light from the walkway, and invited Kara inside. She’d spent more time with the former President in the last few days than she had during the whole war. Kara smiled softly; their daily meetings were a welcome respite to the boredom and annoyances of her day job.

Once they settled themselves, Laura, with her customary cup of tea, began her questioning about Kara’s findings. She frowned at the lack of progress. “I know it’s only been a few days, but I’d imagined that the Lords would show us more. I guess that’s not the case,” she said.

Kara shook her head and thought for a long moment before asking, “You really believe the gods are going to show us the way, don’t you?”

Laura stared at Kara and smiled, nodding gently. “I really do. It took me a long time to accept it, but I do.” Laura leaned back in the chair and sighed, snapping closed the religious tome on her lap before she spoke.

“When I was sixteen, my mother took me to a temple near our home on Caprica. I remember listening to the priestess and not believing a single word. I questioned it all and dismissed it, hearing my father’s practical voice in my mind. _‘Why do you insist on exposing the girl to that claptrap?’_ I loved my father and I thought he must know something.”

“My mother just waved him off, but he'ss the one who planted the doubts in my mind about the gods and I guess it stuck.” She adjusted her glasses and continued. “It wasn’t until Kobol, until you came back with that arrow that I believed the Lords might really exist. I mean, I’d had the visions – the ones of that male cylon, the one with the snakes that I told you about when we first met, all of it. But when you returned, it all snapped into place. You and I, Kara. We have to believe.”

Kara watched Laura’s thin lips as she spoke, thinking of her own religious studies. Unexpectedly, she spoke without meeting Laura’s eyes. “My mother took me to temple every week on Picon. Her message wasn’t about the gods, though, it was about penance. She said that we had sinned and that we had to pay for our sins with reverence and faithfulness.” She looked up, finally meeting Laura’s calm eyes. “She said I had a special destiny – something that I would understand one day. Said she was preparing me for it.”

Laura nodded, her mouth turning down. “Your mother, Kara. Maybe she knew…”

Kara snorted and dropped her teacup on the table. “My mother was a crazy woman who spouted religion when it suited her.”

Abruptly standing and wiping her hands on her pants, Kara began to pace. “I had an idea when I was on Galactica. All of the charts and logs I looked at were cosigned by Lieutenant Gaeta. Baltar and Gaeta were studying charts when we found New Caprica, right? They were searching for the other signposts to Earth.” Kara paused and turned to face Laura. “I think we should bring Gaeta into the search.”

Leaning forward, Laura clasped her hands. “I don’t know Lieutenant Gaeta very well, Kara. Let me think about it.”

Kara nodded and sat back down, some of the tension easing out of her back as she leaned into the soft cushions, her mind awash with possibilities for finding their home. She felt Laura’s eyes on her and absently picked at her nails, hesitant to leave.

“Is there something else, Kara?”

She breathed a laugh and glanced at the older woman. “I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned the wireless interview with Lee.”

Laura laughed. “Did you think I would be surprised?”

Raising the corner of her mouth, Kara caught Laura’s eyes. “Guess not. Admiral was, though.”

“Ha! Bill Adama sees what he wants to see, Kara. I think he was so hung up on you and Zak that he couldn't see what was right in front of him.” Laura’s eyes crinkled with amusement.

Kara frowned, the mention of Zak stinging as it always did. “He was a good man, Zak.”

Laura shifted in her seat, leaning back once more against the cushions. “I’m sure he was, if Lee and Bill are any indication. Like I mentioned before, Kara, they’re good men, if not a little stubborn.”

Kara rolled her eyes and drank the last of her tea before standing. “I should go. Thanks for the tea. Think about Gaeta – maybe he has some notes or knows something not in the files.”

Laura rose and walked towards the door, pushing it open and pulling her sweater around her. “I will, Kara. Good night.”

:: :: ::

Thick clouds obscured Lee’s view of the stars as he walked back to Colonial One for an evening meeting with Tom. He’d been out all day and his feet were sore from the now muddied dress shoes he’d worn with his suit. Kicking off the gray mud, he took the steps into Colonial One and knocked on Tom’s door. No answer. Thia, their assistant, was gone for the day and Lee went to his office instead to look for a message.

The lights sputtered to life as he dropped his briefcase on the chair next to the door and scanned his desk for a note. With a relieved sigh, he recognized Thia’s handwriting letting him know that Tom would reschedule their meeting. A growling stomach seconded his relief.

Picking up his case again, Lee stopped at the ringing of his private line. _Kara._ He grinned.

“Adama,” he said, his fingers gripping the phone.

“Lee?” His face fell slightly and his posture straightened.

“Admiral.” _Damn._

“How are you, son?” His father’s voice held its usual neutral tone.

“Fine, dad. What can I do for you?” The hairs on Lee’s neck prickled.

“One of our missing raptors has returned.”

Lee gaped, his body taut with surprise. “What? When?”

“A few hours ago. The pilot and the ECO are in rough shape, but they’ll survive.” His father’s voice was grave, a tone he’d heard all too often since the beginning of the war.

“What happened to them?”

“Snicker reports that they jumped into a magnetic storm. Somehow they had enough momentum to drift out of it and when electrical power was restored, they jumped back. They drifted for five days. Another thirty-six hours and their oxygen would have been gone.”

“Any sign of the other two ships?” Lee sat heavily on his desk chair, the implications of this news just beginning to filter into his mind.

“None. We can’t afford to send anyone else out there to check. We have to assume the storm took the other raptors.”

Lee let out a breath, his voice almost catching as he asked, “So, no cylons then?”

“Looks that way, but we need to get those evacuation plans worked out anyway.”

The pounding of Lee’s heart sounded in his ears. _No cylon threat._ He could barely speak for the excitement and relief flooding his body.

“That’s good news, dad. Really good news.” He eased back into the chair, tipping it back as far as it would go and grinned.

“For now.” His father paused. “And a good thing because it looks like you have other problems on your hands, son...”

Easing the chair forward, Lee switched the handset to the other ear. “Dad?”

“I talked to Kara yesterday. You should have told me about the two of you.”

:: :: ::

Kara sat on her rack with a log book propped up on her lap. Rubbing against the ache in her neck, she let out a long sigh, tossed the book and pencil to the foot of the bed and slouched down deeper into the cot. Without looking, she pulled the bottle from the ground next to her and drank, her mind soft from the half she’d already finished.

Closing her eyes against the single lamp, she relaxed, letting her worries drift away…her talk with the Admiral, the impossibility of find Earth, the cylon threat ever hanging overhead. The alcohol seeped into her limbs, easing restless muscles and she drifted off, mind filled with star charts and coordinates.

The buzzing of the comm penetrated her sleeping brain and she rolled, glaring at the unit before grabbing it. “Thrace,” she said, pulling herself upright.

“It’s me,” Lee’s voice sounded on the line and she let out a breath.

“Hey,” she said, blinking hard.

“I’ve been trying to reach you.” She heard rustling in the background.

“Sorry, fell asleep. Are you still working?” She yawned wide, brushing hair off her face.

“No, just got home. Wondering if you want to go out tonight? To celebrate.”

Kara’s brow furrowed. “Celebrate? Celebrate what?”

Lee chuckled. “I’ll tell you when I see you. Meet me at Bar Themis. Fifteen minutes?”

She released long breath, feeling oddly relieved at his happy tone. “Okay. Bar Themis, fifteen.”

She ended the call and stood, wiping her hands on her pants. _Bar Themis_, the local politicians’ favorite watering hole and a place she’d never been. Smoothing her hair, she looked down at her wrinkled fatigues and sniffed an armpit. Wrinkling her nose, she paused, then grabbed a towel and headed to the showers.

Fifteen minutes later, Kara parked a transport and walked a few minutes to the bar. Unlike her usual hangouts, no loud music blared from the thin walls of the tent. Instead, she heard lilting laughter and the clinking of glasses and dishes. Straightening her uniform jacket, she pulled the door open, the smell of cinnamon assailing her nose. She blinked, eyes adjusting to the dimness of the space, taking in the smattering of small covered tables and searched for Lee. It wasn’t a bar at all. Somehow, they’d managed to transport an entire restaurant to New Caprica.

Her eyes found him, standing next to a bar that was much too nice to show up on the gray dirtball of New Caprica. Swallowing, she stepped forward and moved towards him.

Finally seeing her, Lee’s face broke out into a wide smile and he moved in her direction. The crinkles around his eyes deepened as they came together.

“Hi,” he said simply, his arm snaking around her waist, giving it an affectionate squeeze. Kara blinked and answered back, her eyes darting around the room, steeling herself against what she imagined would be all eyes focused on the two of them. To her surprise, no one was looking.

He handed her a drink and leaned close. “You’re beautiful,” he said against her ear.

Her brow knit together and she pulled back to give him a bewildered stare. “Are you drunk already, Lee?” She pulled the glass into her hands and took a sip, tasting sweetness. _A hell of a lot better than her rotgut._ She breathed and watched him laugh and touch her shoulder.

“What? I can’t tell my girlfriend how gorgeous she looks?” He turned away from her and motioned to a nicely dressed woman who led them to a small table tucked into the corner, partially obscured by a large artificial plant. _Were they kidding with this place?_

Kara sat, eyes still taking in the tablecloths and silver and diners wearing nice clothes. Kara sat, fingers grazing over the fancy napkin and sets of forks and spoons spread out before her. She raised an eyebrow at Lee. “So, this is where you hang out when I’m not around? Keeping secrets, Lee?”

He laughed and spread his napkin onto his lap. “It’s a nice place to pretend nothing’s wrong. And tonight, we need to pretend a little less.”

“All right, Adama, spill.” She toyed with the gold napkin ring, spinning it around the crisp white cloth.

Lee leaned closer, putting his hand over hers. “One of the raptors returned.” Her eyes grew wide. “No cylons, Kara. It wasn’t them.” He squeezed her hand and leaned back.

“What do you mean returned? When?” _Why hadn’t the Admiral told her?_ “What happened?”

“It was a magnetic storm. Snicker told the Admiral that they drifted for a couple of days and were down to the wire when their electrical systems became operational again. Close call, Kara. A very close call.” With a satisfied breath, Lee drank, ice clinking against the glass as he set it down with a thud.

“I’m so relieved,” he continued. “We’ll still plan for evacuation, but not with the cylons breathing down our necks. We’ll be able to come up with something that will really work.” He smiled, an expression full of relief and hope.

“Is he sure?” Kara asked, her mind twisting around this new development, absently wondering why she wasn’t as excited as Lee. Instead she felt…disappointed. With a shake of her head, she smiled brightly and raised her glass. “To a life without cylons,” she said and held out her glass.

He raised his glass and tapped it against hers, oblivious to her inner turmoil. He drained the drink and waved the waiter over to get another. “Two more, please.”

Kara swirled the dark amber liquid around in her glass, annoyed at being out of the loop with the Admiral. When the waiter returned with their next round of drinks, she tipped her half-full one back and finished it before taking the new one.

“Excuse me, Mr. Vice President?” A woman’s voice captured their attention and she looked up to see a tall waif of a blonde, hair pulled back into a sleek pony tail, her jewel-laden hand resting on her another woman’s arm.

Lee turned his head and smiled, standing and extending his hand to the blonde. “Claudia, how are you?” She shook Lee’s hand and gestured to the woman to her right. “Lee, this is my partner Felicia Amarone. Since we’ll be working together on the children’s fund, I thought I’d take this opportunity to introduce you two.”

The shorter woman, curvaceous with brown curly hair and close-set blue eyes, stepped forward to shake Lee’s hand. When they released, Lee looked directly at Kara, gesturing. “Felicia, Claudia, have you met Commander Thrace?” Kara smiled and stood, extending her hand to the two women and meeting their eyes as she greeted them.

“Commander Thrace, it’s a pleasure. We’ve heard so many good things about you.” The woman’s voice pitched high, a lilting fakeness that grated against Kara’s ears.

With a smirk, Kara responded, “Well, don’t believe everything you hear.” She glanced at Lee who was watching her.

The taller one, Claudia, gave a small, high-pitched laugh and Kara fingered her drink again, eager for the show to be over so she could sit.

Lee ended the greeting, “If you’ll excuse us, we were about to order.” He smiled, that gorgeous and effective grin of his, and the women departed, smiling and whispering between themselves as they walked back to their table across the room.

“How can you stand that, Lee? Those women…” she groused, raising her glass to her mouth once more.

Lee blinked. “They’re fine. It’s politics, Kara. Everyone is your friend, even your enemies. Those two were aboard Cloud Nine when the Colonies were attacked. Used to come from money, now they’re destitute, just like the rest of us, trying to cobble together something that looks like their old lives.”

“Then why the frak are they acting like high society? It’s ridiculous.” Kara snorted and sat back in her seat, surveying the room with disgust. “We’re on a frakking mudball of a planet, Lee. I can’t pretend like my life is the same as it used to be. It’s not.” Her temper flared unexpectedly, something about the encounter, this whole place, didn’t sit right with her.

“Kara, relax. It’s just part of the job. They’re not my favorite people, but they have a lot of supporters and I need them.” When Kara rolled her eyes, he sighed and continued, “I’ve told you this before, but people just want to have a normal life. If they have to pretend their high heels aren’t digging into the dirt, then far be it from me to tell them otherwise.”

“It’s not a normal life, Lee.” She snapped and Lee fell silent.

“What happened to taking what you can, Kara? Remember that?”

“Yeah, I remember, Lee. And you remember where that got us? Me passed out in the film room and you with a hard-on and a slap in the face.”

Lee blanched and then his face turned dark. “What’s up with you? I thought you’d like something different and that you’d be happy about the raptor coming back.”

Kara tapped her finger against her glass, fully aware that her dark mood had nothing to do with Lee and everything to do with the feeling that she was completely out of place.

“Can we leave, Lee? Get out of here and go back to your house?” She softened her expression, once again wishing he could just read her mind.

Lee frowned, his brow wrinkling and then pushed back his chair. “Sure. We can go.”

Kara threw back the rest of her drink and stood, plopping her glass back onto the white tablecloth. She plastered a pleasant expression on her face and followed him out the door, tipping her head to the two women who smiled brightly and waved. _Frakking pieces of work._

Emerging from the tented restaurant, she dropped the façade and directed them towards her truck, heaving a sigh of relief when she finally got behind the wheel and drove away. Lee sat beside her, head leaning back against the headrest, his face unreadable.

:: :: ::

Kara parked the truck and Lee hopped out, pulling his coat closed as he walked to the house. The wind had picked up and the flags along the narrow lane whipped violently. Pushing open the door, he shivered and flicked on a light. The room illuminated and he walked to his small closet and began to undress. Behind him, he heard glasses clinking in the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Kara was sprawled out on the bed in her tanks and underwear, uniform draped carelessly over a chair. She let out a sigh, “This is so much better, Lee. I know you dig that place, but it’s not for me.” She took a drink and coughed. “Although, I could use some of that booze. Better than this crap. Can you get some? You know, with your presidential powers and all?” She winked at him, but her mirth didn’t reach through his consternation.

Without a response, he stepped sideways to pull her uniform off of the chair and hang it in his closet. He could feel her eyes on him. “You don’t have to clean up after me, Lee. That uniform has seen much worse.” He ignored her and continued to move around the house, tidying things after his morning rush.

“What’s the children’s fund anyway?” She asked and he turned towards her, his eyebrows raised in mild surprise.

“It’s the name for an old Tauron group that used to find homes for abandoned children. They’ve been operating in the Fleet since the early days of the war. While we were fighting cylons, women like Claudia were making sure that parentless kids weren’t in danger. I heard about the group through Laura during her Presidency. They helped to find homes for the kids from the Prometheus.”

Lee’s movements suddenly stilled and he looked at Kara. "Oh, frak."

She gave him a concerned look. "What?"

Lee shook his head and reached for the drink Kara had left for him. "Something I heard today from one of the Chief's friends. Woman said that her cousin, and maybe others, are being held on the Prometheus and can't come planetside." His mouth turned down and sat near her on the bed. "Would they do that? Prevent people from living on the planet, just to keep the Black Market going?"

"Do you really need to ask me that? What about Zarek? Is he still involved?"

Lee shifted his position and lay down on his stomach with his head near hers on the bed. "Don't know. Gods, I hope not. It could get ugly, Kara."

"I have your back, Lee. You know that, right?" She eyed him intently.

"Yeah...I know." He scooted up towards her and kissed her, then bumped their foreheads together. "You done being cranky now?"

She snorted and swatted him. "Maybe. Or maybe I need more convincing."

Lee chuckled, too, and put his drink and hers on the table by the bed, before returning to capture her mouth in kiss. He could still taste the sweetness of the alcohol from the restaurant as he swiped his tongue into her mouth, fingers finding her cheek and then her hair. He breathed her in, feeling better than he had in two days, reveling in the feel of her body as he slid his legs over hers.

“I missed you last night,” he said, mouth moving along the line of her neck.

Kara tilted her head back, sighing as his mouth found the sensitive spot along her collarbone. “I don’t like it when you’re gone…” Pushing up her tanks, he uncovered a nipple and pulled it into his mouth, his hand kneading the soft flesh as he swirled his tongue around the hardening peak.

He felt her fingers in his hair and down his back, skimming the waistband of his pants before palming his growing erection. He pushed against her hand, his mouth moving to her other breast, tugging on the nipple with his teeth. He smiled when she arched her back, breath catching, her hand now gripping him through his shorts.

Lifting up slightly, she nudged his head away from her chest to kiss him again, her mouth now more frenzied, tongue lashing against his teeth as his hands roamed lower, skimming the curve of her hips and dipping into her panties. Before he could touch her center, her arms slid around him and she pulled him on top of her to grind his erection into her flesh. She wrapped her legs tightly around his hips, clothing still separating them and rocked, her mouth and tongue still dueling with his.

Urgently, he tried to push their clothing off, but Kara flipped them over, sitting upright on top of him, her face flushed and lips red and swollen. She ground against him again, fingers teasing his abdomen and chest, eyes locked onto his, daring him to do more. He gripped her breasts in his palms, squeezing the delicate flesh, gently at first and then harder as she rocked.

“Gods, Kara. You’re killing me,” he breathed, his voice low and raspy, fingers digging into her thighs now. He reached towards her panties again, shoving a hand inside despite her body pressed against his. She jerked at the contact, moving slightly to allow him to touch her, her eyes closing as his fingers stroked the nub of nerves between her legs.

He watched her face, as aroused by her pleasure as her heat against him. Pushing his hand farther down, he found entrance and slid two fingers inside. She gasped and rocked onto his hand, raising up slightly to slide against them. A low moan from the back of her throat made his breath catch and he swallowed. He wanted to be inside her so frakking much, but he couldn’t bear to move, could watch her all godsdamned night.

Kara’s nipples were taut with arousal, just peeking out below her pushed-up tanks, her chest flushed into her neck as she rode his fingers. Finally, she leaned over him, kissing him violently, her hands gripping the sides of his head as she explored his mouth. With his hand free to move, he pumped inside her faster and her hips matched his rhythm until she was gasping into his mouth.

Needing more, Lee tipped Kara onto her back and loomed over her, nipping at her mouth and chin and neck, his hand pulling her panties down as his tongue and teeth blazed a path directly to the curls a the V between her legs. He covered her clit with his mouth, suckling, then flicking his tongue over the engorged nub. She moaned long and deep and pushed her fingers into his hair. In a few fast strokes, he felt her body tense, saw her fisting the sheets as she jerked against him, a gasping shudder and a harsh moan signaling her orgasm.

Panting and flushed, she pulled at him, grating his name as he rose over her, sliding his boxers down to his knees and pushing inside. Her slick heat enveloped him, releasing a groan from deep inside his chest. He didn’t tease or move slowly; he needed her, had to feel her around him again and again, the delicious friction obliterating any thought except the sensation of her hands and mouth and body.

He moved fast, her hips meeting his every thrust until sweat slid down his brow and his breathing came in gasps. Kara’s fingernails scraped lines down his back and dug into his ass and he drove into her faster, his face buried in her neck until orgasm swept through him and he sunk in deep, once and twice, shuddering and groaning against her hair. “Kara, oh gods,” he grated, gasping air as he came inside her, stilling for a moment to catch his breath.

Soaked with sweat, he rolled off her, panting in the cool air. Her breathing came fast, too, and they lay for a long time, each with a hand on the other, until their bodies cooled and she curled into him. He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her hair. “I love you.”

With a sleepy yawn, Kara tightened her arms around him and released. “Love you, too.”

He lay there for a while, lids heavy, listening to the wind whip the tents nearby. A shiver ran through him as he imagined the winter months, predicted to come soon, and how the daily rains turning into snow threatened to push many land dwellers back onto the ships for warmth. He, like everyone else, would struggle through, but it didn’t ease his worry.

Kara mumbled in her sleep, sighing and shifting closer to him. Using his foot, he slid the blankets closer, tugging them over their bodies, shielding them from the night air. He pulled her close, the warmth of her body creating a cocoon that made him feel safe and warm and exactly where he wanted to be.

“Kara?” He nudged her gently and she grumbled. “Kara—I need to talk to you.”

She moved a little. “Can’t it wait?” she asked, voice thick with sleep.

“Kara?”

She shifted and opened her eyes, looking up at him. “What is it?”

Lee turned onto his side and faced her, stroking her cheek until she woke fully, both eyes opening, waiting expectantly. He licked his lips. “Kara…” His words got caught in his throat and he swallowed hard, watching her eyelids beginning to droop as she waited.

“Lee, I’m tired…”

He took a deep breath and spoke, “I love you, right? You love me … and I think we should make it official.” Kara’s eyes opened wide and he tilted his head back to focus fully on her face.

“I want you to move in with me.”


	26. Chapter 26

_I want you to move in with me._

Kara stared at Lee, the last remnants of sleepiness vanishing before she blinked hard, her mouth suddenly dry. “What do you mean?”

“I mean move in with me. Here. Leave the base and live here full-time.” Lee smiled, eyes lit with excitement.

Panic filled her chest and she froze. “Just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that. You request a housing disposition and you move in.” He kissed her and pulled back grinning.

She shook her head vaguely, a thousand thoughts and emotions hitting her at once. “I don’t know…”

“C’mon, Kara. Bright shiny futures, right? The cylons aren’t coming. We can get on with our lives – stop living like we’re going to die any second.”

She stared at him, heart thudding painfully inside her ribcage. All of the fear and worry she’d been carrying came down to this moment, move on or don’t. Either way someone was going to get hurt. A shiver ran through her.

“What about your dad? What if he doesn’t approve it?” She looked at him through lowered lids.

“He will. He might complain, but he loves you – wants you to be happy. You’re happy, right?”

She nodded, afraid to say the words out loud, to tempt the gods to take it away. Her fingers found his hand under the sheet and she squeezed.

Lee’s eyes were glued to hers, expectation and hope glittering in the dim light from the street.

For a long moment she felt the edge of the precipice, something so sharp and vivid that she wanted to pull back, pretend the chasm below wouldn’t swallow them, that her frak-ups wouldn’t make her regret what her heart wanted.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” One more question, one more doubt.

“Yeah, Kara, this is what I want. What I’ve wanted for a long time.” He touched her face, eyes soft and trusting.

His expression, the Lee she loved and believed in that moment, pulled her out of the past and into the now, reminding her of the promise she’d made to him and to the gods. _She would try._

“You’re nuts, you know that, right?” Her lips curved into a smile, her breath still caught in her throat.

“So I’ve been told…” he said, his face still expectant.

“Okay…” She said with a rush of nervous laughter and rolled her eyes to ward off the emotion filling them. “But don’t bitch at me if I leave a mess or frak with your nice orderly life, Lee…”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he teased and leaned in to kiss her softly.

With a shaky smile, she slid her arms around his neck. “Love you.”

“I love you, too, baby. Love you, too.”

Kara squeezed him tightly, face nuzzled into the warmth of his neck, allowing hope and joy to spread through her, supplanting thoughts of Zak and Bill and the thousand other things she’d done wrong.

_She wouldn’t frak it up this time. _

:: :: ::

The next morning, Lee scooped the oatmeal into his mouth, gaze trained on Kara rubbing her eyes and yawning wide. A smile ghosted his lips as he thought of the night before, how they made love again and fell asleep late, only to wake a few hours later when his watch alarm beeped insistently. He yawned, too, and shook his head against the sleepiness fogging his brain. Three hours of sleep would make the day endless, but it had been worth it.

“So what do you think your dad will say?” she asked, reaching across the table to finger a discarded scrap of paper.

“Who knows, Kara. I’m sure he’ll have _something_ to say about it.” He made a face and turned to clean his bowl.

“Yeah…he did that already,” she said, her voice sounding wary.

“Oh, right. What did he say? You didn’t tell me,” he said over his shoulder.

“He was pissed that we hadn’t told him about us. I think he was angry that he heard it from the wireless first.” Kara shrugged and wadded up the paper, throwing it to hit Lee squarely in the back of the head.

Reacting, he laughed and flicked her with the water from his fingers. “Well, when isn’t he pissed off at one of us?”

“Yeah…” she chuckled and stood, moving towards him as he dried his hands on a towel. “He’ll come around, right?”

Lee flipped the towel behind her neck and pulled her close. “Yeah, he will.” He kissed her lightly and slid away to walk towards the bedroom as he continued to talk.

“What’s he going to do, Kara? He’s not my boss. He’s got nothing to say about it.” Lee pulled his white shirt from the closet, brushing off lint and taking it off the hanger.

“That’s what I told him, but he still wasn’t happy.” Kara flopped down onto the bed to watch him.

Lee shrugged his shoulders and pulled on his shirt. “He rarely is, Kara. In all the years I’ve known him, he’s never been happy.”

Kara frowned and chewed on her thumbnail. “You ever think about him and Laura Roslin? They seemed pretty close.”

“Laura? I don’t know. Why?” Lee pulled his pants off the hanger and stepped into them.

“No reason, just something I was thinking about.”

“I never thought about it, but I guess it’s possible. They are close.” Lee draped his tie around his neck and looped the ends to knot it.

Kara stretched, groaning and then stood. “All right, Mr. Vice Prez, I should get back.” She slid her hands along his chest and up to his tie which she tightened before kissing him.

With a contented sigh, Lee kissed her back, wrapping his arms lightly around her shoulders and then pulling back. “So, you’re going to ask him today?”

Kara nodded and stepped back to reach for his jacket. “You’d better go, Mr. VP. I’m sure your constituents are eager for your words of wisdom.”

Lee rolled his eyes and took the jacket, sliding it on before kissed her again and strode away to gather his briefcase. “I’ll see you later,” he said, eyes lingering on hers for a long moment before he walked outside into the bright light of day.

:: :: ::

Lee bounded up the steps of Colonial One, nodding to the guard at the door and bursting through into Thia’s office. She looked up, startled, and smiled. “Good Morning, Mr. Adama.”

“Morning, Thia. How are you?” Lee stepped towards her desk. “Anything for me?”

She nodded and handed him a few files. “Notes are attached. You’re lunch meeting was canceled and the one after that will be an hour later. It’s all in your schedule there on the top… And sir…?”

He looked up from the papers, eyebrows raised and Thia gestured behind him. “You have a visitor.”

“Oh,” Lee spun around to find Galen Tyrol standing to greet him.

“Sir,” Galen said, his mouth turning up into a smile.

“Chief… I mean, Galen, how are you?” The men shook hands, still awkward as they negotiated their new non-military relationship.

“Good. You have a minute? You said to stop over, but maybe I should have made an appointment.” Galen flicked his eyes to Thia.

“No, of course you don’t need an appointment. Come on, we’ll go down to my office.” He motioned Galen after him and they took the narrow stairs to his door.

“Have a seat. How have you been?” Lee sat across from Galen at a small table near his desk.

“Adjusting, sir. Still strange to be on solid ground. I keep expecting to feel the ground move under my feet sometimes. I miss the old girl.”

Lee sighed and leaned back in the padded chair. “Yeah…I miss it, too. But this is good.”

“And you, how are things with you? Nice digs, by the way.” Galen looked pointedly around the small room and Lee chuckled, a little bit of his morning happiness seeping through.

“Things are good.” Lee’s smile brightened into a grin.

Galen cocked his head in question. “What’s going on?”

“Getting a new roommate soon…” Lee said, watching for his reaction.

“Kara? You two getting married?” Galen’s eyes were wide with surprise.

Lee laughed and shook his head, shifting in his seat. “No, not married, just moving in.”

“Not ready for that, eh?”

“No, I’m ready. I’m sure Kara’s not.” His face sobered and he took a breath to clear the thoughts flitting at the edges of his mind.

Galen didn’t press, just kept his light tone. “That’s great news, man. Glad you two are happy.”

Lee relaxed. “Yeah, we are.”

Galen shook his head then, chuckling, and Lee raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing. Just remembering some of your drag out arguments on the deck. Hard to believe she didn’t give you a black eye on more than one occasion.

Lee’s eyes gleamed with humor. “Yeah. She still might.”

They enjoyed the moment of humor and after a pause, Lee turned the conversation to serious matters. He leaned forward, one elbow on the desk. “So tell me what you found out about the Prometheus.”

Galen breathed a sigh. “Not much. Everyone’s tight-lipped about the Prometheus or they don’t know anything. Still haven’t met a soul from that ship. It’s damn strange, Lee.”

“It is strange – has me worried.” Lee rubbed his face.

“What about Tom Zarek?” Galen asked, his voice dropping as his eyes darted towards the door.

“I don’t know. Tom never goes up there, but Giaco, one of the Black Market bosses has been down to the planet a few times. Kara’s been marking the logs and keeping an eye on him because the Fleet controls the airport. He hasn’t been down in a few weeks.”

“Do you think he’s involved?”

“I have no idea. I do know that I have to move quietly. I don’t want to believe it could be true. I’ll start with a simple request from the Vice President’s office and then we’ll see where it goes.” Lee picked up a pen and tapped it on a sheet of paper. “What’s the cousin’s name?”

Galen pulled a paper out of his pocket and looked at it. “Cameri says the last name is Waldren, Shevon Waldren.”

:: :: ::

With a curse, Kara dug in her file cabinet, sorting through papers looking for the housing disposition forms. She’d had a hundred and now they’d suddenly gone missing. Since their deployment on New Caprica, a load of service men and women had finally found the time and opportunity to meet civilians in the Fleet. Within the first three months of settling, there had been a bunch of engagements and weddings and even more people wanting a tent and a bed without military issue sheets. Kara never quite thought it would happen for her.

“Damn,” she cursed and slammed the drawer closed. With her hands on her hips, she glanced around the room and spotted a pile of papers. She rifled through them, giving a satisfied hoot when she came up with the right stack.

She pulled one and sat at her desk, pen in hand, writing in her sloppy scrawl, skipping over the useless crap and checking off the necessary boxes that requested off-base living quarters. She completed the form in two minutes and added her signature with a flourish.

Digging through her desk, she pulled out an envelope and without a second glance, shoved it inside and scratched her name off the front to add the Admiral’s instead. Tucking it under her arm, she left her office and headed to the raptor pads, purposefully ignoring her heart thudding in her throat.

A few minutes later, she passed the mess hall and moved towards the raptor pads, her attention drawn unexpectedly to Laura Roslin who was approaching from the west.

“Laura?” Kara called and the woman turned, surprise and then a smile lit her face.

“Commander. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Can I help you with something?” She stepped closer, sliding the envelope around in her hands.

“Oh, no, Commander. I’m just headed to Galactica to see Doc Cottle. It’s routine.” She smiled but Kara saw the strain, her face ashen in the sunshine of midday. The lines on her around her eyes and the hollows of her cheeks were more pronounced now that they were not in the dim light of her quarters.

Kara simply nodded and checked her watch. “I’ll make sure these knuckledraggers don’t keep you waiting.”

“Thank you, Commander,” Laura said and Kara walked towards the LSO, Captain Grainger.

“When’s this bird scheduled to leave?”

The woman checked her note pad. “About twenty minutes, sir.”

“Finish up the checks and make it ten. And make sure this gets to Admiral Adama.” She shoved the envelope towards Grainger.

“Commander, I’m going to be seeing the Admiral,” Laura’s voice sounded from behind her. “I can hand deliver it, if it’s important.”

Kara swallowed, looking down at the envelope, the enormity of its contents suddenly registering. _No turning back._ “No, it’s…uh…” She glanced away, her brow wrinkling.

“No, really, if it’s important, he should see it.” Laura stepped forward and pulled the envelope away from the LSO who glanced nervously at Kara.

“Thanks,” Kara said, letting out a breath and giving Grainger a nod.

“My pleasure, Commander. And thank you for hurrying things along.” Laura smile calmly and tucked the delivery into the book she was carrying.

“No problem, Madame President.” Kara smiled, suddenly relieved, and gave Laura a small salute. With a grin on her face, she spun around and headed to the mess hall for lunch. _Things were looking up._

:: :: ::

Laura waited patiently for the pilot to lift off, her eyes staring ahead without really seeing, mind focused on the upcoming appointment with Doc Cottle. It’d been a few weeks since she’d stopped the Doloxan, relying on the Chamalla instead to help ease her symptoms and extend her life. Now, however, the tiredness and deep aching in her bones had become too much to bear.

With a sigh, she shifted in her seat, feeling the sensation of lift-off and released a breath. Cottle, for all of his gruffness, had been genuinely worried on the phone when she’d called. Bill’s anger at her treatment refusal had finally faded into acceptance, although he continued to ask after her health. He was a good man with a good heart and she sometimes wondered how much longer she’d keep this distance between them. _Long enough to find Earth,_ she reminded herself.

As the raptor settled down on the decks of Galactica, Laura stepped out, her stomach slightly queasy from the flight. Soon, she thought, she might be living on Galactica because the flying would be impossible. Her mind, ever used to avoiding the emotional depths, reviewed the practicalities of packing her things to resume treatment off-planet.

“Laura.” Bill’s deeply rumbling voice greeted her, his smile warm and welcoming.

“Hello, Bill. You didn’t have to meet me.” She squeezed his arm. It was good to see him. “I see you still haven’t shaved the moustache, Admiral,” she teased.

He smiled back, his gaze lingering for a long moment. “No,” he chuckled, “not yet.” Bill stepped back and waved for her to walk as he continued behind her towards sick bay.

They chatted as they walked, Bill asking politely about the planet and Laura answering, carefully sidestepping her reason for coming until they reached Doc Cottle’s office.

“I guess this is where I get off,” Laura said, putting a boundary firmly between them. “Thank you for walking with me, Bill.”

“You’re welcome, Laura. It’s good to see you.” He smiled again, concern crinkling the edges of his eyes, nodding slightly before he turned to leave.

“Oh, Admiral, I have something for you.” She handed Bill the envelope. “From Commander Thrace. She seemed quite anxious for you to have it.”

Bill’s eyebrows raised and he opened the envelope to pull out the single sheet of paper. Scanning it, he frowned and slid it back inside.

“Everything okay?” Laura asked, watching him.

Sighing, Bill smiled sadly. “Kara and Lee are together now. Romantically. Did you know that?”

Laura laughed. “The whole Fleet knows that, Bill.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess they do.” He tapped the envelope against his palm. “This is a request from Kara. She wants a housing disposition to move off base. I can only assume to be with my son.” His mouth twisted into a concerned frown.

“And you’re worried?” Laura fixed him with a sharp gaze.

Bill shook his head, deep in thought, but not speaking for a long moment. “Kara and my son. Hard to get my head around.”

“Because of your other son, Zak? I know Kara used to be involved with him.”

A sadness and pain washed over Bill’s face, but just for a moment before he clamped it down. “Thank you, Laura. Good luck with your appointment. I hope you get some good news.” He turned to leave.

“Admiral…” He stopped and half-turned. “Give it a chance. I think Lee’s good for her.”

Bill snorted and met her eyes. “That’s not who I’m worried about.”

:: :: ::

Halfway through the afternoon, Lee rubbed his face as a wave of tiredness forced a deep yawn. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes for a long moment. A few minutes later he jumped, startled by a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he called, scrubbing a hand over his face.

The door opened and Tom stepped in. “Have a minute, Lee?”

“Sure, Tom, have a seat.”

“Haven’t seen you since the interview. You handled it well.” He gave a small smile.

“Thank you. I was well-prepared. I appreciate that you warned me about Corin's line of questioning.”

“The Press has its own agenda, Lee. Sometimes it works for us, sometimes it doesn’t. Mostly, like us, it wants to survive and be a player on New Caprica. Corin Gruschek is ambitious and smart. She’s spun the story and a few Quorum members have approached me with questions.” Tom’s his eyes were intent on Lee.

“Which members? Aerilon, I’m sure. Cheryl Linot is a citizen of Aerilon and she went to Asiel right away.”

“Yes, Aerilon, and recently, Gemenon.”

Lee’s eyes widened in surprise. “Gemenon? Why?”

“Because the Gemenese want to shape New Caprica. Sarah Porter is pushing to limit the production and sale of alcohol planetwide.”

“And she’s using Kara’s fight as a banner for how alcohol is a problem. Damn.” Lee banged lightly on the desk with his fist.

“I thought the issue was dead, but Sarah had a bill defeated in chambers last week, so she called her old friend Corin Gruschek. Sarah's a skilled politician Lee, one of the few in the Quorum who could move Laura Roslin to action. Don’t underestimate what she’ll say and do behind the scenes to keep the Gemenese social agenda forefront.”

“So what do we do?” Lee leaned forward, fingers knit together on the desk.

“Keep a low profile on this Lee. The press wants something to talk about. The more they think about Kara Thrace and the Vice President, the more we have a problem.”

Lee took a deep breath, thinking about Kara moving into his quarters in just a few days.

“Well, Tom, I guess we’re going to have a problem.”  



	27. Chapter 27

Three weeks later, Laura Roslin rested on a gurney in Galactica’s sickbay, an IV tethered to her arm, watching the drip-drip of the pale Doloxan liquid as it flowed through the clear tube and into her blood stream. She was tired, the aching in her bones replaced with a deep weariness that has settled into her chest and limbs, as if her muscles protested this invasion of chemicals into her body. Closing her eyes, she fingered the edges of her book, the words long since blurred together into a meaningless jumble.

Bill had gone back on duty, the deep timbre of his voice still sounding in her ears, his gentle laughter as she’d attempted a feeble joke. _He is a good man_, she let herself think and then heaved a sigh, replacing that thought with another, _but not for a dying woman._

Her eyes blinked open at the sound of approaching feet and she saw the grim expression of Major Cottle, his lips curled around an unlit cigarette. He raised an eyebrow as he approached and pulled the cigarette out of his mouth.

“I checked the stores three times, Laura. This is it. The last Doloxan treatment.” His tone was gruff, eyes glancing up at the medicine bag hung above her head.

Laura swallowed, unsurprised, her death clicking into her mind as an inevitable fact. “How much time does this buy me?” Her fingers wrapped tightly around the edges of the book.

“Two months, maybe three. Hard to say.” He scribbled something on her chart, and slapped the pen against it. “If you hadn’t stopped your treatment to chase those visions of yours, you might have had a few more.” His brows were heavy over his eyes as he frowned.

“It was my decision and I don’t regret it. I will do whatever I have to do for this Fleet.” Her tone was hard, fueled by frustration and not a small amount of fear that had begun to grow as she glanced at the dwindling supply of her lifesaving medicine.

“Damn fool,” he grated, clamping his lips together as he replaced the chart at the foot of her bed. “I’ll have Ishay schedule you for a follow-up in a week. You should be monitored. I don’t want some poor kid finding your dead body in a classroom. When you’re too sick, you come here. Got that?”

Laura frowned, eyes narrowing defiantly. “I’ll start on stronger doses of the Chamalla. That will help.”

Cottle gave a rough laugh. “Well, it’ll keep you high, I can tell you that. Take too much and you won’t be able to teach. That okay with you?”

She sighed and sank deeper into the pillow, eyes darting away and back again to his. “It’ll have to be.”

“All right,” he snorted, turning on his heel and walking away. “It’s your life.”

:: :: ::

Kara ran a comb through her wet hair and pulled it tightly into a ponytail. Dressed in a bra and panties, she dug to the bottom of her drawer for her single pair of jeans and black silky top. She hesitated, running her fingers over the smooth fabric. The last time she’d worn it had been on Cloud Nine…the night she’d shot Lee. With a jerk of her hand, she tossed it back into the drawer, struggling to clear the image of his body falling to the ground, blood streaming out of the gaping wound in his chest. _He’d almost died. _

With a hard shake of her head, she stared back at her reflection in the mirror, smoothing her eyebrows and pulling a small tube of lip gloss out of a small bag on the dresser. She slicked it over her full lips, pressing them together and offering a pout to her image. _That was a long time ago,_ she reminded herself. Pulling up her jeans, she fastened them and ran a hand long her curves. She grabbed another top, a slightly wrinkled black cotton long sleeved tee with a deep V neckline that accentuated her breasts, and she rose on tiptoes, struggling to see her whole reflection in the head-high mirror. _It will have to do._

Checking her watch, she glanced into the mirror one more time before pulling on her heavy coat and heading out the door. The Chief’s tent was a ten-minute walk, one of many in a long line of green canvas structures west of the town center. Slightly breathless, she arrived at number forty-four and heard Cally’s lilting laughter through the thin walls. Kara knocked and a very pregnant Cally opened the door, her face alight with humor.

“Commander,” she greeted and smiled wide, showing her perfect row of white teeth. “Lee’s already here. Come in.”

Kara smiled back and stepped into the coziness of the tent, rubbing her hands together to get warm, eyes drawn to the barrel heater in the corner of the room, its metal exhaust pipe fitting neatly in a hole in the side of the tent. “It’s freezing tonight,” she said as Lee approached, sliding his arm around her waist.

“Hey, baby,” he murmured, his lips finding her hairline. “You okay?”

She nodded, stepping back. “Yeah, good.”

Kara glanced at Galen and Cally who were both staring at them with an amused expression. “What?” she asked, a laugh in her voice a she shrugged off her coat.

Cally blushed down to her roots, “Sorry, Commander. Just getting used to all the changes. Give me your coat.” Cally smiled and reached out.

Kara handed her the coat, and dug her hands into her back pockets, suddenly feeling like the center of attention. “You’ve got some changes going on there, too,” Kara said, nodding at Cally’s protruding stomach.

Cally’s face dissolved into a grin and she ran a hand over the curve of her belly. “Any day, Commander. You’d think Galen was pregnant for all of the worrying he’s been doing.”

“That right, Chief?” Kara asked, wiping her now damp palms on her jeans and stepping towards him.

Galen chuckled and shook his head. “Nah…she’s the worrier.”

Cally crossed the room and Galen gave her shoulders a squeeze. “Only a few more weeks…or any day. Have to be prepared.” He glanced around the small tent and Kara followed his eyes.

Their small tent was divided into two sections, a common area with four chairs and a small metal table along with a few crates stacked sideways and filled with various household items. The other side, warmer and more welcoming, an extra-wide cot and, remarkably, a wooden cradle. She blinked and glanced at Lee, gesturing.

Lee followed her gaze. “Where did you ever find a cradle?” Lee said, walking towards the rectangular wooden crèche.

“You’re never gonna believe this, but it was a gift from the Old Man,” Galen said as he put glasses on the table along with a tall bottle of clear rotgut.

Lee blinked and glanced at Kara. “Really? Wonder where he found it.” She watched Lee’s frown as he ran a finger over the softly curved edges, followed what she thought was a mental trail of Lee feeling uncomfortable about the warm attention his father lavished on others.

“Not sure. Surprised the hell out of us, though.” Galen’s face was nostalgic. “Your father’s a good man, Lee.”

“Yeah,” Lee gave a tight smile and pulled out a chair next to the one Kara had taken.

“I’m sure you two could borrow it,” Cally’s voice piped in. “You know, if you ever…” Her voice trailed off and Kara laughed awkwardly.

“That’ll be the day,” she said, pulling the bottle towards her and beginning to pour. She felt Lee’s eyes on her and ignored them. “So, how’s the union biz, Chief?” she asked, filling three glasses and sliding one across to Galen, handing the other to Lee.

Galen let out a sigh. “Good so far. Not too much resistance. Lee, here, has been helping us get it off the ground.”

Lee took the glass, sniffing before answering. “Well, I’m doing what I can, but I’m afraid my support isn’t as strong as it used to be.”

Kara cringed and drank. Her fight with Linot had continued to dog him in the press. He’d shrugged it off, but she continued to worry anyway. Another frak up that Lee was cleaning up.

When she finally glanced at Lee over the edge of her glass, he smiled and winked, surprising her. She shifted in her seat, let out a breath, and tried to relax.

An hour later, with Lee’s hand firmly on her knee, she laughed loudly at a story Cally was recounting about mustering out and finding a place to live. Absently, Kara realized that she felt settled, even happy, to be among old friends. It was a feeling she hadn’t had since she moved to New Caprica. She squeezed Lee’s hand, catching his eyes for a long moment before looking back to Galen and Cally.

Galen’s eyes crinkled around the edges as he shook his head at his wife. “You’re full of shit, Cal…”

Kara rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right, _she’s_ full of shit.”

Beside her Lee chuckled as they all joked and laughed about their lives now and then, and a wave of nostalgia raced through Kara, bringing her back to the camaraderie on the decks, working all together to save the Fleet’s collective asses.

Kara raised her glass. “To the Fleet,” she announced, tipping her glass towards Lee’s. They all shared the toast and fell into a comfortable silence, the warmth of the fire crackling nearby.

“So, Lee,” Galen asked, leaning forward. “Did you hear anything about that matter I brought to you a few weeks ago? Cameri’s cousin?”

Lee sighed. “I sent three messages and the first two got no response. The third time, they finally contacted me, but said that her cousin is not on board.” He shrugged. “I don’t believe it, of course.”

Cally interrupted, “Is this the Prometheus thing?”

Nodding, Lee shifted, catching Kara’s gaze briefly before answering Cally. “Yeah. Helping a woman trying to reach someone there. Haven’t had any luck.” Lee took a quick drink, draining his glass and setting it back onto the table, his brow knit in thought.

“Well, thanks for trying,” Galen said, his shoulders hunched over his elbows resting on the table.

Lee rushed to speak, “I’m not done yet. Maybe I’ll send a patrol up there to check on things. See if they can find her.”

Cally spoke again, her tone sour. “That ship is bad news. No one really talks about it. Seems weird.”

Kara glanced between the three of them, feeling outside the loop; too much wavering and wondering was pissing her off. “Why are you all sitting around acting so helpless? Why not send a few military over there to straighten their asses out? They’ll think twice about keeping people trapped.”

“Doesn’t work that way, Kara,” Lee said, pouring more rotgut into his glass and topping off hers.

“Why the hell not? If there are people there who can’t come off, then go and get them off. Simple.”

“It’s not simple,” Lee countered, frowning. “There are children on that ship. They have weapons and they’ll use them. Put too much pressure on the leaders of the black market and they’ll just jump away, taking all of those people with them.”

“What the frak, Lee, so you’re just going to sit around and do nothing?” Her mouth twisted in disgust.

“Not nothing.” His eyes bored into hers, anger pulling his mouth into a thin line. “I have to go to Tom, bring him into the discussion. He has connections and maybe he can convince them to re-think their position.”

Kara snorted. “Fat chance of that. He’s probably running the whole thing. Making a tidy profit and keeping you in the dark. Wake the frak up, Lee. He’s not your friend.” Her tone was sharp and frustrated and she pointedly ignored Cally and Galen’s eyes on her.

“I know he’s not my friend, but he _is_ the President. I owe him my respect.”

Kara snorted pointedly and sank deeper into the chair, her knees accidentally bumping against Cally who shifted and gave a wary smile.

Galen broke the awkward silence that followed. “I heard about Tom Zarek when I was a kid. My dad believed in his message. Didn’t condone the violence, but liked what he had to say about equality and freedom.”

Kara jumped in, “You know, I’m all about equality, too, but the guy’s a terrorist. He killed women and children. Who’s to say he won’t do it again?” Kara leaned forward to engage him. She sensed Lee settling back in his chair.

“He might, but it doesn’t mean his message is wrong.” Galen’s tone was even.

Kara shrugged. “Can’t separate the two. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to stay in power. That includes screwing us all over.” She looked pointedly at Lee who ignored her barb. They’d had this argument a hundred times over. He raised his glass and drank instead.

“Until then,” Galen continued, his tone slightly sharp. “I’m going to keep pushing for unionized labor and Lee can try to get Cameri’s cousin and maybe those other people off of the Prometheus. I just brought it to the table.” With a final exasperated note, he leaned way back his chair, giving Cally an impatient expression before raising his glass to finish his drink.

Kara blinked, mouth curving into a dissatisfied frown and swirled her drink around in her glass.

Eventually, the conversation slipped slowly back into lighter territory with Cally’s bright smile and pregnancy talk putting them at ease once more. Lee kept his distance, his hand resolutely in his own lap. Kara watched him under the veil of her lashes, his light mood and relaxed expression replaced by tension.

After a short while, Lee put his glass on the table. “Thank you both for having us over. I think we should head back. The Quorum has an important vote day after tomorrow and I’ve got a lot of phone calls to make.”

Kara watched him as he stood and she drained her glass, thumping it loudly on the table. “Thanks for the rotgut, Chief, Cally.” Kara stood, too, pulling her shirt down over the waist of her jeans and stepping away from the table towards the door.

Kara hung back, gathering their coats as Lee kissed Cally on the cheek and shook Galen’s hand. “I’ll be in touch about Cameri’s cousin. Let me know if you hear anything.”

Galen nodded. “Will do.”

Kara gave a short wave as she followed Lee out the door, pulling on her coat as the cold wind shot through the thin fabric of her shirt. Stepping close to Lee, she threaded her fingers through his, acutely attuned to his sour expression. His hand was limp for a long moment until he squeezed her fingers and she let out a breath, leaning close, their shoulders bumping as they took the long walk home.

:: :: ::

_Laura sits against a tree, its pale white bark smooth against her back. The ground is covered in small berries, greenish and purple, creating crunchy bed of heathered landscape between the trees. A breeze tousles her hair, warm and fragrant as it passes through from the open field not far from where she sits. Dipping briefly behind a cloud, the sun emerges, bright against her eyes and she closes them, her eyelids pricking with the sharpness of the light. _

_When she opens them again, it is dark and she sits crosslegged in the middle of the field, the white-barked trees behind her, a cool wind sliding under her shirt raising her skin into gooseflesh. Shivering, she pulls her shirt tighter, blocking out the air, and blinks, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the stars overhead. They are unfamiliar but strangely tickling some part of her mind that she cannot reach. Glimmering silently, small clusters, random shapes, sweep into the horizon towards a clouded and dense formation of stars, a round red center barely visible, pulsing slowly, fading until she squints, blinks and suddenly the cloud of stars rushes down towards her._

_Laura takes a deep breath, coughs, the taste of dirt and metal filling her mouth. She heaves. More soil, the blackness clouding her eyes, the thumping pressure of dirt spilling down onto her face. She tries to cough again, but her lungs feel thick and full, the racing of her heart suddenly ceasing. Blackness trickles deeply, filling her mind and body, still…cold…_

With a sharp gasp, Laura woke, eyes wide and searching in the darkness of her tent. With a shuddering breath she fell back, head thumping on the thin pillow, her heart pounding loudly in her ears. She raised a shaking hand and wiped dampness from her brow and released a shuddering breath. Finding calm, she breathed slowly, telling herself it was a dream, another dream of Earth that she needed to find. More clues, maybe meaningless, but there was so much life for the others. She’d felt it, breathed the life until she couldn’t breathe at all.

Swallowing hard, Laura felt her fate. She knew that she would never see this promised land, but she believed with all she was, that she would lead her people to it. With Kara.

In a rush, she sat, flinging off the blanket and pulling herself to standing. Her journal was not far away and she reached for it, tipping a cup in her clumsiness, and grabbed the leather-bound book before slumping back onto the bed, her heart once again racing. The pen trembled in her shaking fingers, but she sketched nonetheless, the red pulsing eye, the smattering of stars, the cloud… She shivered, mind going back to that place, the coldness of her grave, the dirt filling her throat and she coughed into the darkness of the tent and then breathed deeply, reminding herself that she was alive.

For today, she was still alive.

:: :: ::

Kara pulled the wires out of the undercarriage of a raptor raised a few feet above her head. The ends were frayed and had sparked a small fire that put the bird out of commission. Thankfully, it had been found during pre-flight checks, but with supplies dwindling, every bad part had to wait weeks to be replaced. She tossed the unit onto the repair cart and logged it into the maintenance queue. She grimaced hard. Another bird down, not something she wanted to think about if the cylons suddenly appeared.

She replaced the clipboard and motioned Specialist Alever to take over. “I pulled the device. See what you can do about the collateral damage in the housing unit. Might hold, not sure.” The specialist nodded and Kara peeled off the orange suit, sliding it down to let it hang around her waist.

“Always thought you were a knuckledragger,” a familiar woman’s voice sounded from behind her.

“Frak off, Racetrack.” Kara spun around. “Unless you’ve got business here, I suggest you get back in your bird and fly away.”

The woman smirked and raised two hands. “No problem, Commander. Surprised to see you digging in the guts of a raptor. Not enough to keep you excited around here?”

“At least I’m not on shit shuttle runs for the rest of my life. Heard the Admiral declined your request to come planetside. Isn’t that a shame?” Kara leaned close, their eyes locking in this repeated battle of wills between the two women.

“I’d rather make runs to Cloud Nine and the Prometheus than be stuck on this dirtball. At least I’ll survive when the cylons eventually find us.”

“The Prometheus?” Kara stepped closer. “How many runs?”

Racetrack gave her a quizzical expression. “I don’t know. Half a dozen a week, maybe? One or two down here, mostly between Prometheus and Cloud 9.”

“What kind of passengers?” Kara’s mind started making associations.

“Women, mostly, a few men, all dressed nice. Cloud 9 is doing a booming business with the Prometheus.” Racetrack sneered. “Not as busy as it used to be, though, you know…” her voice dropped an octave, “when your boyfriend was a regular customer on the Prometheus.”

Kara’s jaw clenched, nostrils flaring out, and Racetrack stepped back, smirking. “Commander.” She saluted and walked away.

Kara watched her climb back into her bird, anger creating a rising heat in her face. She remembered those weeks after Lee’s spacewalk when he’d avoided her and everyone else, disappearing for long stretches of time without explanation. There had been rumors, but she’d ignored them, too wrapped up in her own crap to want to know the truth. Now, it was all starting to make sense.

Lost in churning feelings of annoyance and concern, she discarded her jumpsuit and walked back to her office, mind re-focusing on a thousand details she’d forgotten about that time. She’d just flopped into her desk chair when a soft knocking broke her train of thought.

“Come,” she announced absently, turning towards the door as it opened. “Laura,” she said, rising to her feet, grateful for the interruption. Her face softened into a smile.

“Commander, I hope I’m not bothering you.” Laura stepped through and the door closed behind her. In the fluorescent light of her office, the older woman's face appeared gaunt, deep lines around her eyes pronounced.

“No, it’s fine. Have a seat. What can I do for you?” Kara motioned and they both sat at the conference table.

Laura’s hands were in her lap, clasped around her journal. “Commander, I haven’t heard from you in a week and I am wondering how we are progressing on our search?”

Kara eased back into her chair. “Truth is, I haven’t had much of a chance to get up to Galactica to look at more charts. I moved a few weeks ago and I’ve been overseeing the transition of new workers into the fields for harvesting. Winter is coming and we’re all feeling the push.”

Laura nodded, her eyes never leaving Kara’s face. “I understand. The food supply is vital to our survival. But so is finding Earth, Kara.”

“Yes,” she answered, her heart ticking a bit faster. “I haven’t forgotten.”

“I know, but I’ve come here today to press us into greater action. I feel the time for urgency has come.”

Something in Laura’s tone caught her attention and she leaned forward. “What happened?”

“The treatment I’d been receiving for my cancer, Kara, the Doloxan…” Laura took a breath. “Sickbay has run out. Major Cottle has told me that the cancer will progress quickly now. We don’t have a lot of time.”

Laura’s stared at her and Kara saw the fear and desperation in the set of her mouth, the wideness of her eyes. She swallowed, pulling her lip between her teeth, mind shrinking back to her mother’s own cancer, the call she’d received when her mother’s treatment had failed. Her pale body thinner, weaker under the thin sheets of the hospital bed. _Her voice… _Kara pulled her mind back sharply.

“Isn’t there anything else they can do?” Kara asked, forcing herself to focus on Laura’s face.

“No, Kara. There’s not. I will be taking chamalla again to cope with the symptoms, but it’s not a cure. As much as I’d like it to be, it’s not.”

Kara sat silently for a moment, eyes drifting to Laura’s hands, pale and thin with blue veins webbing just under the surface of her skin, and then she spoke, “I’ll look harder, bring in Lieutenant Gaeta, I’ll get Baltar’s files. There has to be something, right?”

“Yes, and this.” She extended her journal. “I’ve had more visions, Kara. New things, a star cluster that we haven’t seen before. It’s in here.”

Kara took the book and flipped to the newest entries, her eyes focused on the sketch and description of the cloud of stars and the eye.

“It blinks, Kara. The center of that star cluster. It’s red and blinks slowly. It could be important. It felt important.”

Laura leaned forward, her fingers wrapping tightly around Kara’s hand. “We have to find that cluster, Kara. We have to.”

:: :: ::

The sun set slowly over New Caprica, the day’s warmth replaced by a chill sweeping down from the mountains and over the plain towards the river. Lee pulled his outer layer closed and quickened his pace towards Colonial One, his mind awash in the day’s meetings. Tomorrow, the Quorum would vote on two new measures, both related to the social laws of New Caprica. Sarah Porter had introduced yet another alcohol-limiting bill, but this time, she had been able to quickly gain support among constituents. Her proposal, to strongly oversee alcohol production and sale had also contained a measure for levying a tax on the sale. This added factor, from the clever Quorum member, had garnered the support of the financially conservative Scorpian representative who had once backed the Administration’s less restrictive measures. Grimly, Lee thought that they were all acting like they were back in the Twelve Colonies instead of building a new society. Cooperation, it turned out, was not a priority.

The other law, more straightforward, would outlaw prostitution and regulate the trade of pornography, a burgeoning business on the small planet. The depth and extent of the trade surprised him, but moreover, it fed his suspicions about the activities on the Prometheus, where it was like the vids had been made. With a scowl, he marched up the steps and into the waiting area where Thia patiently worked at her desk.

“Afternoon, Thia. Is Tom in?” Lee shrugged of his jacket and tossed it over his arm, shifting his briefcase, and glancing at Tom’s door.

“Yes, sir. The President was just asking after you. Let me buzz him.” Thia reached for the phone and Lee took a breath, calming his heart which still pounded from the brisk walk.

“Go ahead in, Lee. Can I take your things?” She stood and extended her arms. Lee gave her his belongings and straightened his jacket.

Knocking, Lee waited for Tom’s signal and entered the President’s office, his wide wooden desk taking up the space near his private quarters. Papers and books were stacked haphazardly on a side table, while the desk’s surface appeared clean and neat. Thia’s work, he imagined.

“Hello, Lee. Come in. Can I get you a drink?” Tom smiled tightly, his face pre-occupied, and walked to a shelf with three bottles and pulled two glasses into his hands.

Lee shook his head. “No, thanks. But please…” He motioned to Tom who dropped one back with a thud and poured himself a drink, taking a long draw before sighing and turning to Lee.

“I’m concerned about something, Lee.”

Folding his arms over his chest, Lee tilted his head in question.

“Tomorrow’s vote. It’s come more quickly than I expected and I’m not sure our positions are in alignment. We need to stand together.”

“Which positions are those?”

“Prostitution, pornography, the vices of the Twelve Worlds, once again under threat of legislation.”

“And why is that a problem?”

A smile ghosted Tom’s lips as he approached and leaned on the edge of his desk to stare at Lee. “You and I both know that Sarah Porter and the Gemenese want to control the morality of our citizenry. We have an obligation to uphold their freedoms, political, religious, and otherwise.”

Lee interrupted. “We also have a duty to protect the citizens of the Fleet who might be coerced into those activities.”

Tom nodded. “Yes, that’s true, but who is to say what is coerced and what is free? Us? Unilaterally?”

“Well, we can’t say for sure, but Tom, isn’t is safe to say we can expect coercion?”

“We can’t prosecute women and men for what they might be doing, Lee. Due process, evidence, all of those things must continue to operate. Our job is not to uphold the morality of a select few, but to uphold the freedom of our constituents to make a living how they choose to do it.”

Lee watched him speak, the smooth delivery, and his anger notched higher. “Let’s cut through it, Tom. We both know what this is about.”

Tom regarded him evenly. “And what is that, Mr. Adama?”

“You have an interest in the Prometheus.” Lee kept his tone as calm as he could, hands digging into his pockets and curling into fists.

“I did, Lee. Not anymore. I made that clear to you.” Tom pushed off the desk and dropped his now-empty glass on its surface.

“Forgive me if I don’t believe a word of it.” Lee’s heart raced inside his ribcage and he swallowed hard.

“That’s your choice. I left that behind when I took the Presidency. For whatever you believe about me, I want our people to survive and be free. That includes all of them – the prostitutes and the businessmen and the factory workers. I don’t get to pick their freedoms. _They do._ A point sorely missed by you and your father.”

Lee blinked. “My father? What does he have to do with it?”

“You father also believes in suppressing the freedom of the people. He’s shown that trait over and over again. I thought you would be different.” Tom sighed, making a show of his disappointment as he turned his back to stare out the window. The muscle in Lee’s jaw twitched.

“My father has nothing to do with this and you know it. The issue is the Prometheus and the people they are hurting. You need to uphold _their freedom_.”

Tom spun around, his eyes sharp and predatory. “Their freedom, Lee? Or the freedom of your pet, Shevon?”

Lee’s eyes widened and then narrowed, his lips pressed into a thin, tight line.

Tom approached, eyes dark. “I know you’ve been inquiring about her. What’s going on, Lee? Your new life with Kara Thrace not the blissful paradise you had hoped for?” Tom snorted and moved back, leaning once more on his desk, posture casual and arrogant.

Lee smiled bitterly and shook his head. “You’ll use any tactic to protect these people won’t you? For the record, Shevon’s cousin approached me, terrified for her family member, and I agreed to help. That is all.”

Tom raised an eyebrow, glancing askance at his Vice President. “Keep telling yourself that, Lee. We all have people we want to protect. Make sure you’re protecting the right ones.” The older man turned and stepped behind his desk, tapping it with his fist before looking back at Lee. “Get your alliances straight, Lee. You’re putting lives in jeopardy for your personal needs.”

Lee’s face darkened, anger and an unexpected discomfort in his gut. _It had been for everyone, right? To secure their freedom?_

Tom glanced up one more time, catching Lee’s eyes. “I’ll see you before the vote tomorrow, Lee. Consider what I’ve said.”

The man looked away and Lee paused, staring at the top of his head, a mix of emotions warring in his mind. Straightening his shoulders, he turned and walked out the door.


	28. Chapter 28

New Caprica was quiet at night, the occasional sound of a raptor overhead or quiet voices walking by were all that Lee heard as he lay in bed staring into the shadows. Closing his eyes, he tried to clear his thoughts, the turmoil caused by Tom’s warning, the idea of people unable to leave the Prometheus, ideas that left him squirming in discomfort. He rolled to his side, staring out over the edge of the bed towards the sofa and the wall behind it, eyes trained on the flickering light outside the plexi window, his thoughts jumbled.

A few moments later, he turned again, facing Kara this time, her blond hair covering most of her face as she slept, arms tucked against her chest. He adjusted his pillow, folding it, sliding his arm underneath and breathing a sigh. His eyes wouldn’t stay closed and he moved again, twisting his legs, the restlessness of his mind triggering his body to move. Flipping onto his back one more time, Kara finally stirred, shifting and making a noise of protest as she turned to her other side and pulled the blanket over her shoulders. With an internal groan, Lee sat, rubbing his face and leaning to pull a sweatshirt off a chair near the bed.

Giving in to his restlessness, he stood, and yawned wide, moving towards the kitchen for water and then finally settling on the sofa with a book he knew he wouldn’t read. In the darkness, he bumped the table, sending an empty ambrosia bottle tipping onto the floor.

“Lee, what are you doing?” Kara mumbled sleepily, turning back towards him on the bed.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.” He righted the bottle and sat on the wide seat, adjusting his sweatshirt and leaning back into the cushions.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do…” she grumbled, her voice clearer.

“Sorry. Just restless.” He could just make out the glint of her blond hair.

“Third night this week, Lee. What’s going on?” Kara propped herself on her elbow and peered at him, her face falling into a streak of light coming from the street.

“Go back to sleep, Kara. We can talk about it in the morning.” Lee smiled, trying to show her that nothing was amiss.

“No time like the present, Adama. I’m awake now.” Kara sat, pulling the blanket up and tucking her knees against her chest.

Lee paused, not sure if he was ready to come out with it all. “I met with Tom today about the Prometheus and the new bills in the Quorum.”

“The prostitution one?” Kara asked, yawning wide.

“Yeah…”

“What about it?”

Lee squirmed, dropping the book onto the sofa beside him. “Tom wants me to vote ‘no’.”

“I thought you didn’t vote.”

“I do when the Quorum is deadlocked. He’s pretty sure that’s how it’ll go tomorrow.”

“And he wants you to vote ‘no’ so he can keep his black market power?”

“Something like that…” He grimaced in the dark; the idea of openly countering Tom’s position filled him with worry.

“So what’s the problem? Vote ‘yes’.” Kara spoke matter-of-factly.

Lee frowned. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why do you keep saying that? It is simple. If you outlaw prostitution then you have a legal reason to go onto the Prometheus and get those people off.”

“It’s not that simple because they’re not honorable men, Kara. They’re not going to just hand people over. Innocent people are going to die. I don’t want that on my hands.” He leaned forward, with his elbows on his knees, hands raking through his hair. Unbidden, bloody images of Shevon and Paya came to his mind and his stomach lurched.

Kara shifted on the bed, scooting across to sit on the edge, feet on the floor as she stared at him. “I know about the prostitute, Lee.”

He blinked, startled and met her eyes, glimmering in the weak light. “What do you mean?” He swallowed convulsively.

“The woman, the one with the kid. I know about her.” Kara paused and looked at the ground. “Is she the one you’re protecting?”

“Gods, Kara, no.” The words came automatically, but didn’t feel totally true. Lee stood, rubbing a hand over his face as he began to pace.

“It’s everyone, Kara. I have no idea what the black market will do. They’re brutal. They want power and that’s it. They’ll kill them or hold them hostage or worse.” Lee’s tone took a desperate edge and Kara stood.

“Kill who, Lee? That woman? Her daughter?” Kara stepped quietly towards him.

“Yes. No. Frak. I don’t know.” Lee grimaced, staring hard at the floor, shoulders slumping as his eyes tried to dig a hole into the floor that he could disappear into.

“Can you get them off the ship, Lee?”

He blinked up at her, surprise jarring him. “What?”

“Find a way to get them off the Prometheus before you send troops to enforce the new law?”

He shook his head slightly. “I don’t know.” Lee’s mind spun around her words, but they didn’t register. _How can she be talking about this calmly?_ He turned and walked away, slumping into a chair at the table.

Kara followed him, standing nearby with her arms crossed over her chest. He didn’t meet her eyes, just traced invisible patterns on the tabletop with his thumb. “Those were bad times, Kara. After Admiral Cain… I don’t know, I just… I didn’t have my head on straight.” He glanced up at her, then back at the table, remembering his depression and how he’d tried to save someone else to save himself. It hadn’t worked and now it was coming back to bite him.

“Well, we all do stupid crap, Lee. Me more than anyone else, so I get it.” She pulled out a chair and spun it around, straddling the back and facing him. “Gotta figure out what you’re going to do now. That was a long time ago.”

Lee finally looked at her, saw the open expression on her face, no recriminations or anger, just tiredness and support. He blinked, his mouth softening into a small smile. “I love you, you know that, right?”

She pushed off the chair to stand and chuckled. “If you loved me, you’d stop squirming all night and just go to sleep. Come on.” She held out her hand.

Lee paused and stood, taking her hand and following her to the bed. He lay on his back and she settled in, fitting herself tightly against his body. His mind still wandered, but his body was calm and eventually sleep came.

:: :: ::

An hour after the Quorum’s vote, Tom returned to his office on Colonial One, his fingers curled around a stack of papers as he slumped into the leather chair behind his desk. Lee had, as he expected, failed to support him and Tom’s careful neutrality about his Vice President had almost slipped. Openly, Tom was careful to stay vaguely aligned to Lee, tacitly supporting his endeavors while working his own agenda on the side. Most of the Quorum saw them as a united front. This vote, however, had pushed Tom into a corner.

Tossing the papers onto the desk, he sighed heavily, rubbing his hands together, absently aware of a new aching feeling in his joints. Age was wearing him down and some days the fight seemed too long and too hard.

The comm’s buzzing interrupted his thoughts. “Mr. President. You have a call. Urgent, Sir.”

Tom groaned, a feeling of wariness sliding down his spine. “Tom Zarek,” he answered, already knowing who it would be.

“We’ve heard unfortunate news about the Quorum’s vote, Tom.” A man’s voice, deep with a Tauron accent sounded on the line.

“A split vote, Hector, you’ve still got the pornography market. That vote won’t come up again.” Tom swallowed.

“Not good enough. You told us that you’d keep your Vice President in line. That didn’t happen.”

“I’ve still got him. He won’t take action against me.”

“He already did. His vote broke the tie and it seems you don't have as much control over Mr. Adama as you’d like us to believe.”

Tom’s grip tightened on the receiver. “Leave him to me. Voting on a bill and enforcing a law are two different things. He doesn’t have the power to authorize an action against the Prometheus.”

“But his father does.”

Tom smirked. “Admiral Adama and his son are estranged. I’ll handle it.”

“This is your last chance, Tom. There are facts about how you became President that Mr. Adama might find very interesting.” The man’s voice was hard and threatening.

“It won’t come to that.” Tom’s lips flattened and his heart ticked faster. “Let me speak to Dominic.”

The man chuckled. “Mr. Giaco is…occupied at the moment, Tom. You’ll hear from him when we see some action. Keep Adama in line!” The line went dead and Tom cursed before slamming the receiver back onto the unit.

“Frak!”

:: :: ::

Kara wiped her mouth with a sleeve and stood, picking up her lunch tray to slide the dishes into the dirty dish bins at the far end of the mess hall. The weather had turned sharply colder this morning and she grabbed her green fatigue jacket from the chair and pulled it on before walking out the door. A small commotion across the way caught her attention and she quickened her steps.

“Commander!” Corporal Griffs rushed towards her. “A medical emergency, sir.”

“Who? What happened?” Griffs sprinted ahead of her and Kara followed around a line of tents towards the raptor pads. A small group huddled around a figure lying on the ground. She shoved through the crowd.

“Oh gods, Cally! Chief, what happened?” Kara’s eyes snapped to Galen’s as she fell to her knees, her heart racing suddenly. A gray blanket covered the pale woman, her pregnant belly creating a tented effect over her small form.

“She’s bleeding, Kara. A lot. We have to get her to Galactica. There’s blood everywhere. It’s not normal.” Galen held out his hands and arms, stained with the dark slick blood. “I carried her here. You have to get her to Cottle. Hurry!”

His voice rose high and sharp and Kara sprung back, rising up on her knees to shout instructions to her team.

“Corporal! Get over to the raptors. Tell Grainger that I want a bird ready to go in five minutes. Go! Now!” Kara watched as the woman ran full out towards the raptors before turning her attention back to the crowd of soldiers around her.

“Ensign, get to the aid station and get a gurney. Farley, go with him.” The two men nodded and ran off in the other direction.

Galen was leaning close, touching Cally’s face and murmuring words of comfort. When Kara touched her hand it was cool and clammy. She’d lost a lot of blood.

Moments later, the gurney arrived and they lifted Cally gingerly onto it. Kara directed two Marines to carry the her towards the raptor pads as she and Galen followed closely.

“We waited too long, Kara,” Galen said, eyes wide with fear. “We should have gone to Galactica a few days ago. Cally said she was fine and then…” He wiped his face with a shaking hand, smearing blood onto his forehead and cheek. Kara’s stomach roiled.

Galen followed the gurney onto the waiting raptor and the door clanged closed. Kara’s heart fluttered, anxiety and worry in her throat as she watched the bird lift off and head towards Galactica. She picked up the ship-to-shore wireless and put a call into Galactica. They would need to be ready.

:: :: ::

Lee arrived back at Colonial One well after he’d expected to. Sarah Porter, the Gemenese delegate had invited him to a rare lunch where she spoke to him about her vision for New Caprica. Always respectful, Lee nonetheless boiled inside as she laid out her opinions about the rights and responsibilities of the citizenry. It pained him that he’d aligned himself with her through the vote outlawing prostitution. His own position, straddling the freedoms of the citizens and the needs of society left him uncertain.

With a jumble of thoughts on his mind, he rushed back into Colonial One, shivering as he came through the door. Thia was on the phone, her clipped tone reaching Lee’s ears as he passed by. She caught his eyes and held up a hand for him to stop. He paused and shifted his briefcase to the other hand, eyebrow raised as she said a terse goodbye to the caller and replaced the handset.

“Excuse me, Mr. Adama, but the President would like a word with you. You can go in.” She nodded officiously and Lee glanced at Tom’s door, slightly ajar, and his jaw tightened.

“Okay. Let me stow my things and I’ll be right there.” Lee turned away to go down the steps, but Tom’s voice sounded behind him.

“Lee, if you have a moment.” Lee’s back stiffened and he glanced back, fixing a pleasant smile on his face.

“Of course.” He turned around and followed Tom through the office door.

The desk was unkempt and Tom’s jacket lay draped over a stack of papers on the corner of a small table.

“I thought you believed in the freedoms protected by the articles, Lee. Your actions this morning show otherwise.” Tom took up his usual position, leaning against the edge of his desk, arms crossed over his chest.

“I do believe in the articles, but I also believe that we have no power where the Prometheus is concerned. As you well know, I’ve been there. Those men don’t care about the articles, and frankly, I’m not sure how much you care either.”

Tom’s face hardened, eyes narrowing into dark points. “I spent twenty years in prison for my beliefs, Lee.”

“And so the people who are not allowed to leave the Prometheus should do the same? From the beginning, the black market has coerced men and women into serving the appetites of the Fleet. I let it go, convinced President Roslin and my father to let it exist because I thought it was a necessary evil.”

Tom interrupted harshly. “Because you had a personal stake, Lee. Don’t sugar coat it.”

“My personal affairs had nothing to do with it – now or then.” Lee’s voice was harsh as he stepped forward, anger loosening his words. “We have a new home, we’re putting down long term roots. The people on the Prometheus deserve to be free, Tom. You, of all people, should believe that, too.”

“I do believe it, Lee. But I know that there are forces at play that you do not understand. This vote, this new law, will put all of those people at risk.”

“It’s a necessary risk. We can’t have a thousand souls imprisoned on a ship above New Caprica. We can’t.”

Tom shook his head silently. “Fancy words, Lee, but how are you going to feel when Shevon and her daughter are the first executed? Do you think the black market has forgotten your relationship? Do you honestly think they will spare her?” Tom snorted and walked around his desk, stopping to rest a hand on the leather back of his chair. When he looked at Lee again, there was a sadness around his eyes that Lee had not seen before.

“They’ll kill them all, Lee. And you and I will have to live with it.”

:: :: ::

“Any word on Cally, Commander?” Corporal Farley asked, his eyes drawn in worry.

Kara looked up from the wireless unit she was repairing and shook her head. “Nothing yet. Get back to work.” Her tone was clipped, anxiety making her vibrate like a plucked string.

Stripping the ends off the wires, she flicked the plastic bits onto the ground, mind repeatedly playing the footage of Galen’s stricken face and the feel of Cally’s clammy palm. Kara shivered, surprised at how much it affected her. _Too much time out of the fight is making you weak, Thrace,_ she thought and gave herself a mental shake as she stepped up into a raptor to finish the repair.

Determined, she focused on twisting wires together and pushing the unit back into the housing under the cockpit panel. Crouching between the raptor seats, she felt the slight movement of someone stepping into the bird.

“Hey,” Lee’s voice sounded behind her.

She turned slightly, a half-smile on her face, as the unit finally snapped into place. “Hey. What’re you doing here?”

Kara attached the wires and powered the unit on. “Help me test this?” Behind her she heard movement as she connected a headset. “Testing one two. Testing. You getting this?”

“Affirmative.” Lee’s voice came over the line, along with a mild crackling. Not perfect, but good enough.

Kara tossed the headset on the seat and flicked the unit off, gathering her tools before standing and turning towards Lee, eyes widening in surprise as she took in his t-shirt and fatigues. “Where’s your suit? Thought you had the vote today?”

Lee’s face was tense. “Needed to get out of there. When are you off duty?”

Kara stepped out of the raptor with Lee following. Dropping the tools into a toolbox, she picked up a rag and wiped her hands. “Now’s good for me.” She turned to Corporal Farley. “Log that wireless unit repaired and tested.” She glanced back at Lee. “Let’s go to my office. Gotta grab a few things.”

Lee followed her a few steps before she asked, “So, how’d the vote go? You showing up here isn’t good.”

“Prostitution illegal, pornography legal. The alcohol provision also passed but with heavy changes. It’s all a frakking mess, Kara.” Lee’s face was strained, the line between his brows slashing deep.

“What do you mean?” Kara asked, nodding to a passing soldier.

“Well, Zarek and I had a _conversation_…”

“What did he say?” Kara gave him a concerned look.

Lee hesitated and motioned towards her office. They stayed silent until she pulled open the door and they stepped inside.

“He all but threatened to kill Shevon and Paya if I try to enforce the law.”

Kara blinked, matching the names to the only people he could mean. “Frakker,” she snarled. “These people need to be taken down, Lee, and we’ve got to move fast.” Kara jerked off her orange overalls and shoved her feet into fatigues similar to Lee’s.

“And do what? Send a raptor they’ll see on DRADIS? That won’t work. They don’t care, Kara. They’ll do anything to save their enterprise. Godsdamned Zarek. He stared right at me and warned me that they would be the first ones killed.” Lee paced, shaking his head as Kara pulled on her jacket.

Kara stood, watching him, hands on her hip, mind ticking through all the options that came to mind. “We need to talk to the Admiral.”

Lee swung his eyes toward her. “What? Why?” He shook his head; the last thing he needed was his father rubbing it in about Tom Zarek. “It’s not a military matter. At least not yet. Tom’s already warned me against getting involved and if I bring the Fleet into it, the whole thing will explode.”

“Unofficially, Lee. The Admiral needs to know what’s going on. The Prometheus is a weapon with enough bulk to smash into one of the other ships, even the Galactica, if they wanted to. Catch him by surprise and we’ll be screwed.”

“Frak,” Lee cursed, his face twisted with indecision.

“We’re not playing games any more, Lee. You tried it your way, being nice to that motherfrakker and now he’s threatening people you care about. Who’s next, Lee? If Zarek has his way, he’ll have something over you forever. Can’t play that way.”

Lee hesitated for one second longer, fixing her with a hard stare before he sucked in a breath and let it out with a whoosh. “All right. Let’s go.”

Kara pushed the door open and twenty minutes later they were in a raptor heading towards Galactica.

:: :: ::

Bill face was etched into deep lines of concern as he passed through the sickbay hatch and into the corridor, leaving Cally and the Chief behind. The news was grim and Cally and the babies teetered on the line between life and death. The former specialist had been deathly pale and now as he walked away, the news was hitting him harder than he expected. The scene had taken him back to Zak’s birth and emergency cesarean section that saved both him and Carolanne. Zak had been tiny, with a full head of fuzzy black hair and eyes that were more gray than blue, eventually turning into a warm brown. He’d been a fighter, though, and Carolanne had recovered to care for both boys while he served on the Valkyrie. He’d missed his family then, the birth of a child always reminding him of the difficult decision he’d made to stay on a battlestar instead of taking a post planetside. It was a decision he never regretted, but he didn’t fool himself into thinking it had done no harm. His marriage had lasted only until the boys reached middle school and then Carolanne had filed for divorce. They’d had a lot of good times, the four of them, but things didn’t last.

Finally reaching his quarters, Bill settled in for the evening, flicking the wireless on and turning to a music station. Sounds of the Caprican Symphony filled the empty space of his quarters and he chuckled to himself. _Feeling nostalgic, Old Man?_

He shrugged off his uniform jacket and hung it in the closet, opting instead for a worn sweatshirt he’d had since those days long ago when he and Saul had risen up through the ranks on the Valkyrie. That had been a good post.

Sitting down with a drink and a stack of logs, he startled at a clanging on his hatch door. “Come,” he called, moving the stack of reports off his lap and onto the sofa beside him. The door opened and he stood.

“Son, what are you doing here?” A smile spread across Bill’s face. “It’s good to see you.”

“Admiral,” Lee said, smiling uncomfortably, then glanced over his shoulder to see the guard closing the hatch.

“Have a seat, Lee. Can I get you a drink?” He crossed to the bar.

“Yes, I’d like that.” _Ever formal,_ Bill thought, and poured whiskey into a glass and handed it to him.

Lee accepted the drink and waited for Bill to sit before he joined him on the wide brown sofa. “What brings you to Galactica?” Bill sipped his drink, glanced sideways at Lee.

“I think there’s going to be a problem with the Prometheus.” Lee’s tone was clipped.

“How so?”

Lee eased back into the cushions a little. “The Quorum passed a vote today outlawing prostitution.”

Bill paused, then nodded, taking another sip of his drink. “And you think the black market isn’t going to like it.”

Lee shook his head and gave a wry smile. “To say the least.”

“And Zarek?” Bill kept his tone casual, ever aware of the fireworks that man caused between him and his son.

“I voted against his position.” Lee stared into his drink, swirling it around before raising the glass to his lips.

“I see…” Bill regarded his son openly now, dressed casually in old fatigues that made him seem almost military again. Only the longer hair and lack of pips gave away his civilian status. It all made Bill ache with a desire to see his son commanding Pegasus again. He chided himself again for his nostalgia; he was getting sentimental in his old age.

“What can I do, son?” Bill asked and Lee glanced up, blinking and then sinking back deeper into the cushions.

“Not sure. Kara thought you should know. Seemed like a good idea.” Held his eyes and then shrugged a bit, dropping his gaze again to the floor in front of him.

Bill sensed Lee holding back. “What else?”

Lee seemed to wrestle with something and then leaned forward, licking his lips and meeting Bill’s gaze briefly. “Remember that woman I was involved with on the Prometheus? Shevon?” Bill nodded and Lee swallowed, eyes digging holes into the carpet. “Zarek threatened her and her daughter if I try to push enforcement of the new law.”

“So, Zarek’s got you by the short hairs?” Bill sighed and stood, filling his drink again and carrying the bottle over to Lee to top him off.

“What did Kara say?” Bill sat back down, adjusting his sweatshirt as he did.

Lee chuckled. “She wants to go in with guns blazing.”

Bill laughed a little. “I bet she does.”

Lee’s face grew serious again. “I don’t want it to come to that.”

“No. A lot of innocent people will die if that happens. How much time before you have to enforce the new law?”

“We probably have a week, maybe more. Depends on how much Sarah Porter pushes. I’d like to think she’s not so naïve that she would stir up a dangerous situation, but it turns out that she’s a pretty ruthless politician.”

Bill frowned. “Something the President Roslin found out on more than one occasion.”

Lee nodded and they sat quietly for a long few moments before Bill spoke again, “What about appealing to Captain Franks? She’s responsible for what happens on her ship.”

Lee’s face brightened and he nodded. “Right. She’d want to protect her interests, especially since there’s a provision in the law that allows us to arrest people who facilitate prostitution, too. If I need to, I could threaten her personally with arrest.”

“Go easy, Lee. We don’t know how connected she is to the black market.”

“I know, dad. I’m just thinking ahead. It might give us the leverage we need. I’d like to handle this peaceably. My gut tells me it won’t go that way, but I want to try.”

“It’s a dirty business, Lee. Maybe we should have shut it down months ago.”

“What with the cylons breathing down our necks? Wasn’t a priority.” Lee took another drink, his face less anxious, more resolved.

Bill shook his head. “Laura won’t be surprised by this development. She always hated our position on the Prometheus.”

“Laura?” Lee smiled a little and raised an eyebrow.

Bill snorted softly and closed his eyes for a moment. “She’s dying, Lee.”

“What do you mean? I thought Baltar’s cylon cure worked…” Lee’s eyes went wide with alarm.

“For a while, it did. Now the cancer is back.” Bill stared into his own glass of whiskey. “I don’t think she’ll beat it this time, Lee.” He tossed back the drink and stood, crossing the room to drop the empty glass onto the bar top with a thud.

“It was good to see you, son,” Bill said, suddenly feeling overcome with emotions. Behind him he heard Lee rise, the clank of his glass on the coffee table and Bill half-turned. “I’ll assign someone to watch the Prometheus full time until we know things have been resolved.”

“Okay, dad. And thanks.” Lee paused and Bill met his eyes, smiling softly, before nodding and turning away again.

Bill stood alone for a long time after the door clanged closed.

:: :: ::

Kara found Felix Gaeta sitting alone in the mess, his tray empty and slid over to the other side of the table while he scribbled on a sheet of paper.

“Lieutenant Gaeta,” Kara said, walking over and standing near him. “Mind if I join you?”

Felix looked up. “Commander Thrace. Sure. Have a seat.” The man scooped up his papers, stacking them neatly in a pile as Kara pulled out a chair and sat.

“You were working with Giaus Baltar on the next road sign to Earth just before we found New Caprica. Is that right?”

Felix blinked. “Uh, yes…why?” He glanced around the mess, as if looking for backup.

Kara stared at him. “Did you find it?”

“I’m not sure what you mean, sir.” Felix frowned, lines of his forehead more pronounced.

“Did you find the next stop on the Roslin’s search for Earth? Was it a star cluster with a flashing red light in the center?”

Felix thought for a moment and then his face lit with recognition. “Yes, that’s the way it was described, but as far as I know, the location was never identified. I know that Doctor Baltar had been working on it, but with his death…”

“Have you seen his notes? Do you know if he found it?” Kara leaned forward, eyes intense.

“I didn’t see them after he moved to New Caprica. I-I don’t know where his notes are.”

“Can you request them? Ask the President’s office for them?”

Felix gave her a confused expression. “I guess so. Can I ask why you’re interested in them? I thought we gave up on the search for Earth.”

“No, you can’t. Just get the notes and see what you can make of them.” Kara stood, pushing her chair out behind her. “You’ve got three days.”

Felix’s mouth opened to speak and then he clamped it closed and nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Kara turned away and left the mess.

:: :: ::

Fifteen minutes later, Kara found Lee in the corridor on his way to the hangar deck.

“How’d it go with your dad?” she asked, pausing near the bulkhead and standing close.

Lee nodded, a thoughtful smile on his face. “Good. Better than I expected.”

Kara let out a breath, relieved that the meeting had gone well. “What’s he going to do?”

“Nothing yet. He suggested that I contact Captain Franks, the CO of the Prometheus, see if I can make an alliance with her. Use her authority to start negotiations with the black market.”

“Negotiations?” Kara snorted.

Lee shrugged. “Hey, it’s a start. Better than gun batteries at dawn,” he said pointedly, a teasing tone in his voice.

Shaking her head, she commented with mock sternness. “Damn, I knew getting you two to talk would be killjoy.”

“Sorry, baby, you’ll have to get your thrills somewhere else…” Lee took a step forward, closing the gap between them.

Kara looked up at him, expression provocative. “Got something in mind, Lee?”

He snakes his hands around her waist and he pulled her flush against his hips. “Maybe…”

With an answering smile, she leaned forward and kissed him, breathing in the heady scent that was Lee, lost for a moment until she heard footsteps nearby and she pulled back, mouth wet, heart racing inside her chest. “Mmmm… Let’s go home,” she said, wrapping her fingers around his and pulling him towards the flight deck.

They’d crossed two corridors and were nearing the hangar bay when a niggling thought tickled Kara’s mind. A sudden realization flooded her and she stopped, freezing in her tracks. “No, wait. Frak. We need to go to sickbay.” Kara spun and yanked Lee’s hand in the opposite direction.

His voice was high with worry and he stopped, spinning her to face him. “Wait, what?? Kara, what’s going on?”

“It’s Cally, Lee. Frak.” She glanced toward sickbay. “I was so distracted by Zarek that I forgot to tell you. They had to rush Cally to sickbay this morning. The Chief carried her to the base, Lee. Gods, they were covered in blood.” Kara swallowed as the rush of memories assailed her.

“Oh, my gods.” They both spun and set off towards sickbay, their heavy steps echoing in the mostly empty corridors. “What about the babies, Kara? Anything on them?”

Kara glanced over at him, his face strained. “I don’t know. She was about ready to deliver, right?”

“I don’t know. Frak.” They quickened their steps, almost jogging to sickbay.

They arrived a few minutes later, slightly breathless, to find Jammer and Figurski, still in their orange jumpsuits, pacing the corridor.

“Guys, any news?” Kara asked, as they paused at the entrance to sickbay.

Figurski answered, his hands twisting around a pair of gloves he’d obviously brought from the deck. “Nothing. They won’t tell us anything. Saw a glimpse of the Chief a while ago, but he hasn’t come out since.”

“You two on duty?” Kara asked, fixing them with a stern stare.

“Yeah, but it’s dead down there. Everyone wants to know if Cally’s okay.”

“Well, lurking outside of sickbay isn’t going to help her. Get back to the deck.” Kara thumbed towards the hangar bay and watched them trudge off.

“Tell them to call us when there’s news,” Jammer hollered over his shoulder. Kara nodded and turned back to Lee and they stepped into sickbay together.

In the far corner, surrounded by blue curtains, they could hear the rumble of Cottle’s rough voice, barking commands. A second later, an ashen and slightly angry Chief emerged.

“Chief?” Kara asked and stepped forward, Lee right next to her.

Galen paused, taking a long moment to answer. “Commander, Lee.” He nodded absently, his voice distant.

“Is Cally okay?” Lee asked calmly, his shoulder brushing against Kara’s.

Galen blinked, finally focusing on their faces. He licked his lips before speaking. “Doc says she’s stable. She had two surgeries and lost a lot of blood.”

Kara watched his face, slack with shock and she swallowed hard. _This shouldn’t be happening,_ her mind screamed.

“What about the twins? Are they okay?” Lee’s voice again, softer and Kara’s eyes remained fixed on Galen, looking for something to give her hope. _There was so much blood._

Galen brushed a hand over his face, fingernails still encrusted with a dark line of blood around the cuticles. “The bigger one is fine, healthy, thank the gods. But the little one…he’s on a ventilator.” Galen looked right at Lee, his face showing the first signs of pain. “Two little boys. We hadn’t been sure. Wanted to be surprised…” His words trailed off into silence and his face fell once again into the blankness of shock. He swayed on his feet and took a step back.

“You need anything, Chief?” Kara asked leaning forward slightly, a sick feeling in her gut.

Galen shook his head vaguely. “No. Just prayers.” He took another step, almost mechanically, his hands falling loosely to his sides and walked past them towards the head. Kara’s eyes trailed him until he disappeared behind the now closed door.

She turned and faced Lee. “What should we do?” Her voice trembled and she cleared her throat. “Should we wait?”

“No, I think we should go,” Lee said, sliding his hand along her arm and around her shoulders. “We can call in the morning. There’s nothing we can do.”

Lee’s face was grim and she nodded, glancing back towards the door one more time as they left sickbay.

Her mind reeled in shock. _This wasn’t supposed to happen. The cylons were gone, they were supposed to be safe…_

Lee squeezed her shoulders and let his arm drop as they walked through the corridors. Soldiers passed but Kara hardly noticed. She felt the weight of potential death, Cally’s, Laura’s, the tiny lives just beginning and a deep feeling of discontent sparked into flame.

It was wrong. All of it was wrong and she was helpless to fix it.  



	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Canon-compliant character death

“I’m empty,” Kara called out with a grin, waving her empty glass towards Buzztop, the raucous laughter of the other triad players cheering them on.

“Losers pour,” she continued gloating, her voice already slightly slurred as she watched Lieutenant Joseph “Buzztop” Kawalski grab an ambrosia bottle and pour unsteadily, his four drinks nearly matching her five. When he finished the pour, she tipped her glass to the young pilot, and tossed back a large swallow. With a satisfied sigh, she shuffled a deck of triad cards, prepared to deal to the soldiers gathered around a small table in the rec tent. Bottles and glasses littered the top, along with the scattered piles of winnings in front of each player.

Kara tossed the cards to the players in turn, a smirk on her face as she appraised the mostly inexperienced crowd. Buzztop, the only pilot, gave her an answering smirk and rolled his eyes at the newest player, Corporal Farley.

With eyes on both her cards and the other players, she fanned out the hand and tossed two cubits into the center of the table. “Farley, to you.” The man looked up from his cards, glanced at her expression, and tried to blank his features. Inside Kara chuckled, keeping her face in the cocky smirk she wore during game play.

The corporal tossed in his two cubits and shuffled the cards in his hand. _Nervous,_ Kara noted and swung her eyes to Buzztop who was staring intently, his eyes focused on re-arranging the ones he held. The Lieutenant was harder to read, but as the ante increased, he might show her something worth seeing. Over the past several months, his bluffing had gotten better, but he’d yet to win more than a few nights of cards.

The game progressed slowly, with the newer players agonizing over their decisions and Kara taunting them with insults. During one particularly long pause, Farley spoke, “You guys heard anything about how Cally’s doing? I hope she’s gonna be okay.” He looked around and Kara gave him a hard stare.

“And what if she’s not? You gonna hold a prayer circle? Play!” Her biting tone caused the other players around the table to shift in their seats, glancing between them. Farley swallowed and folded. “I’m out.” His pile was the smallest, just a few cubits and two cigars.

Kara tossed back the rest of her drink, mood darkening with the worry she been fighting all day to ignore. “Buzztop. Let’s go. My glass is empty.” She raised her glass wiggled it at him, her expression sliding back into a taunt.

“Hold on, Starbuck. You might be pouring my next drink. Call.” He sported a cocky grin which Kara answered with a raised eyebrow as she leaned forward, ready for her reveal.

“A triple. Read ‘em and weep.” She fanned out her cards and waited expectantly for Buzztop to fold.

So slowly that she wanted to punch him, he dropped his cards on the table one at a time, ending with a flourish on the final one. “Full colors, baby.” He drained his glass and held it out to Kara whose eyes narrowed. _Frakker._

Kara grabbed a bottle and stood, her eyes locked onto Buzztop's gleeful expression. She walked slowly around the table, a saunter in her hips as she held the bottle towards his head. “Open your mouth.” Buzztop blinked up at her, raising his glass and shaking it at her with a questioning expression.

“Nope. Mouth open, head back. Straight down the gut.” The Lieutenant looked around the table, shrugged and cleared his throat before leaning back and opening his mouth.

Kara tipped the bottle down, slowly at first, watching him swallow and then pouring faster until he reached up suddenly and grabbed her arm to stop the flow. A second later he coughed and sputtered, spewing ambrosia all over the cards. Kara let out a nasty laugh. “Guess the game’s over, kids.”

As the other players scrabbled to clean up the spray of ambrosia, Kara raised the bottle towards Buzztop and took a swig before slamming it down on the table. Spinning around, she grabbed her jacket and stuffed her winnings into her pockets. “Later, losers,” she said and strode out the door.

Half an hour later, she stumbled into bed, falling heavily onto Lee and waking him. “Hey. Everything okay?” he asked as she laid down beside him still half-dressed.

“Yep. Good,” she slurred, thinking absently that it must be late and maybe he’s unhappy, but then she shivered in the cold night air and curled herself close to him. Vaguely, she sensed Lee talking and tried to answer, but the blackness of sleep took her first.

:: :: ::

_Laura steps along a narrow dirt path, soil soft on the soles of her feet. Tall weeds and trees envelope her until she emerges at the crest of a hill overlooking a wide plain sweeping towards the ocean. She breaths deeply, life and hope settling in her lungs as she sets off towards the small town abutting the water, its flattop roofs and slanted porches inviting her in._

_Ocean water tickles her feet and she bends, running her fingers through the warm current before she straightens, suddenly aware of the bustle of life around her. She turns, eyes opening wide as she takes in a sudden cityscape, impossibly tall buildings, their mirrored sides reflecting the white clouds spreading over the ocean’s breadth. The sounds of traffic and people and music surround her and she moves out of the water, drawn to the city’s energy, the clack-clack of her feet now clad in heels on the sidewalk._

_Her fingers slide along the cold marble surface of the kitchen island, brown and copper flecks catch the light and she turns her head, laughter drawing her attention to the sight of a party with twinkling lights and soft music. Her face breaks into a smile, a warm feeling of welcome spreading through her limbs. She steps forward, takes his hand and joins the crowd. _

Blinking twice in the weak morning light, Laura stretched, her legs reaching the end of her narrow cot before she curled her body once more under the blankets, willing her mind to return to the warmth of her dream. Cold air, seeping through the gaps at the edges of the tent, found its way under her blanket and she shivered, pulling the rough wool cloth more tightly against her skin. Breathing a tired sigh, she closed her eyes until sleep fled and the morning cataloging of her pain began, the familiar ache of the chamalla’s penalty spreading from her neck to the top of her head, the deep fatigue in her bones as they dug into the thin mattress. All of them reminders of her inevitable decline.

When her eyes refused to stay closed, she put on her glasses and reached for her journal, the cold air raising gooseflesh on her thin arm before she pulled it back to tuck it inside the warmth again, only her hand exposed as she sketched the contents of her dream.

_Home._

:: :: ::

Just after dawn, Lee woke tired but sharply aware of the problems he’d been dreaming about all night. The Prometheus, Shevon, Paya, and Tom, all twisting into one terrible puzzle that he couldn’t solve as he dreamed. Wakefulness, he thought as he eased gently out of the bed, was a hell of a lot better than his wandering mind while he slept.

Careful not to disturb Kara, he gathered his things for the day. His watch had read oh-two-hundred when she got back home and stumbled into bed, jostling him awake. The smell of cigars and ambrosia told him that she’d been out, but when he’d asked for details, she was already asleep. Now in the slowly brightening morning, he slid out of their house and headed to Colonial One to shower and start his day.

A short time later, he headed upstairs to the see Tom’s assistant, Thia. “Is he in yet?” Lee asked, fairly certain of the answer.

“No, sir. He has a meeting and I don’t expect him until after ten. Can I help you with something?” Thia busied herself collating a large stack of papers into smaller bundles.

“If you have a moment,” Lee said and looked at her until she acknowledged him. Since his argument with Tom, she’d been decidedly cooler.

“Of course,” she said deferentially, giving him a small smile. “I’m sorry, sir. The President has had me working some very late nights recently and I’m a bit overwhelmed. I didn’t mean to sound rude.”

Lee reappraised her, surprised by her admission. “It’s fine, Thia. What’s going on?”

“Not sure, sir, but the President has seemed unusually stressed for the past few days.” Thia looked away, as if suddenly concerned that she was revealing something private.

“Yes, I noticed. Have any idea what’s going on?” Lee lowered his voice and leaned closer to the edge of Thia’s desk.

He smiled warmly and she answered. “He has been receiving a lot of phone calls, sir and a visitor yesterday. Tall man I hadn’t seen before and he didn’t look happy.”

Lee nodded. “I see. And the phone calls, any idea what those were about?”

Thia blinked and frowned. “I’m not sure, sir, because I’m not an expert, but I think they were from the Fleet, you know, in orbit.”

“What gives you that impression?”

“Static, sir. I’ve noticed that ship-to-shore calls on this line are filled with static.” She shrugged. “I could be wrong, though, sir. Is there a problem?” Her voice grew more concerned.

Lee smiled calmly and stood. “No problem at all. I’ll have a word with Tom and see what I can do to help.”

She nodded, obviously relieved, and sat back in her chair.

“If you have any other concerns, Thia, you can always come to me. We’re a team, right?”

She nodded again, her face breaking into a wide smile that made her appear years younger. It occurred to him in that moment to wonder what instructions she had been given regarding him all this time.

Lee turned away to take the steps down to his office. It seemed that Tom’s ties to the Prometheus had only strengthened and now the last remnants of Lee’s hope about him were completely gone.

:: :: ::

Kara woke sometime later, head throbbing and mouth dry and sticky. She pulled herself up to sitting, remembering that Lee had already gone to Colonial One and yawned wide, wincing at the pain spiking along the side of her head. Padding to the kitchen, she drank down two large glasses of water and dug a food bar out of a box. She chased it down with more water, shuddering at the sour taste before she pulled on her pants to hit the showers. Heavier than usual, she dug in the pockets, pulling out cubits that she barely remembered putting there. She tossed the metal coins onto the bed and slid her arms into her jacket.

Twenty minutes later and freshly showered, she made her way to Laura’s, the bright morning light still hurting her eyes as she walked. Her mind, vaguely fuzzy from her hangover, felt heavy, worry tickling the edges of her thoughts about Cally and Lee and now, as she stood in front of Laura’s tent, a deepening feeling of dread settled into her gut. Since the last Doloxan treatment, Laura’s condition had worsened, and the woman had begun to grow weaker and paler with each of Kara’s visits. With a deep breath, she knocked anyway.

Hearing no movement inside, Kara knocked again until she heard Laura’s voice inviting her in. Slowly, she pushed open the door, peering into the dimly lit quarters. “Laura?”

“Come in, Kara,” Laura’s voice sounded, weak from across the tent.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust and then she saw Laura, sitting upright in her bed, a pot of tea at her side, along with a cup and her notebook. “Are you okay?” Kara asked, her brow knitting in concern. As sick as Laura had become, she’d always greeted Kara at the door.

“I’m a little tired to day, that’s all. Sit down, Kara. Would you like some tea?” Laura smiled softly, the crinkles of her eyes fanning out as she did.

“No, thanks. My stomach’s a little raw from last night.” Kara chuckled self-consciously.

Laura simply nodded and adjusted her blankets.

Kara swallowed and continued, “I spoke to Lieutenant Gaeta. He recognized the star formation with the flashing eye and said that Baltar had been working on it before he died. He’s going to get Baltar’s notes and try to pinpoint it for us.”

“That’s good, Kara. When do you expect to hear from Lieutenant Gaeta?” Laura reached for her journal and drew it into her lap.

“Tomorrow.”

Laura nodded again and then her face spread into a slow smile. “I’ve had another vision, Kara. Different, but so wonderful.”

Kara raised her eyebrows. “What was it? Turn-by-turn directions? Because that would be a big help.”

Giving a weak laugh, Laura coughed and spoke, “I wish. No, unfortunately it wasn’t that specific, but I know we are on the right track. I made some sketches.”

Kara took the book, a bit of wariness in her heart as she opened to the last entry. Spreading across three pages were colorful drawings of a seaside village and a cityscape with tall buildings, much like the Caprica she remembered. “What is this?”

“The future, Kara. Humanity’s future. It’s more important than ever that we get there.” Laura leaned slightly forward, her eyes locked onto Kara’s.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and gazed at Laura, seeing how the vision had filled her with peace and hope. “So we survive?”

“Yes, Kara, and we flourish.” Laura’s voice lilted with promise. “The city was beautiful and full of people…thousands of people, probably even millions. Reminded me so much of Caprica City, especially the Inner Bay. I only remember bits and pieces, but there were cafes and I remember music playing. Street performers maybe?” Laura sighed, tucking her knees up against her chest and tilting her head wistfully. “I know I’ll never see anything like that but our descendants will. If we can find it. You and I, Kara, we’re the only ones who seem to understand that _this_ place is not for us. The gods are making it crystal clear to me. I know this is not our home.”

Kara’s heart ticked faster as she listened, enamored by the hope sparkling in Laura’s eyes, her face seeming brighter and healthier as she spoke. The lilting tone drew her in, its message of hope and promise pulling Kara away from the darkness of her earlier thoughts, the ceaseless worry about how they would survive on New Caprica, the risks and dangers that they faced every single day.

Kara shook her head. “No, it’s not.” Then she leaned forward, her eyes now also filled with the same hope. “I’ll find it, Laura. I promise.”

:: :: ::

Later that night, Kara’s feet pounded on the gravely surface of New Caprica, her ponytailed hair flying out behind her as she ran against the wind towards the base. Sweat trickled down the back of her shirt, and she wiped beads of moisture off her face with a sleeve. With labored breathing, she reached the perimeter of the base, a row of green flag marking the boundaries of the eastern edge abutting the plain that spread out towards the mountains behind her.

With each footfall, her mind twisted around ideas about the search for Earth, playing scenarios like vids inside her brain until she was dizzy with the possibilities. The idea of finding Earth, like it always had, filled her with excitement. For nearly half a year, she’d been planetside, hadn’t touched a viper in three months, and her hands nearly ached for wanting it. The possibility of getting back into the air, having a mission and a team to lead again nearly made her grin. Her promotion to Commander was great and all, but she missed the rush of battle and a purpose beyond managing a bunch of farming soldiers.

She sobered at the thought and slowed her pace, reducing her jog to a walk to cool down for the last half click. As she approached her office, her breathing had calmed and she nodded to a few passing soldiers. Stepping through the door, she pulled a towel out of her locker to wipe her face. She took a look drink of water and scraped the towel over her skin again before she stripped off her sweatshirt to cool down more. Throwing the shirt onto a chair, she glanced at her desk and noticed the mail delivery from the Fleet. _Gaeta?_. She shook her head against the hope; the man still had another day. Unsealing the envelope, she pulled out several sheets of paper and another smaller envelope with confidential markings.

With unexpectedly shaking fingers, she opened the smaller one and unfolded a single sheet of paper with Gaeta’s precise handwriting.

_Here are the coordinates for the “Lion’s Head Nebula”. I extrapolated them from Doctor Baltar’s notes. In anticipation of your further needs, I calculated the two intermediary jump points and they are listed below. Good hunting, Commander._

Kara grinned wide, relief and excitement surging into her throat. “Finally!”

Grabbing her jacket and the bottle of water, she burst out of her office clutching the envelope tightly. With a renewed energy, she ran the two miles to Laura’s tent, her face flushed, legs rubbery with overuse by the time she arrived and knocked on the woman’s door.

With no answer and the faint sound of something crashing to the ground, she pushed the door open cautiously. “Laura? Are you here? Everything okay?”

“Yes, Kara? Come in. I knocked over my table trying to get up.” Kara looked across the tent to the spilled contents of the table, the teapot and cup scattered on the ground with Laura’s notebook and pens.

“I’ll get it.” Kara knelt and cleaned up the mess, her heart still pounding from the run, sweat running into her eye as she bent to retrieve the items.

With everything settled back into place, Kara sat on the edge of the sofa, wiping her forehead, acutely aware of her sweat-soaked body. “I have them, Laura. The coordinates for the flashing star. Gaeta sent them. It's called the Lion's Head Nebula.” She waved the paper in front of her and held it out for Laura to take.

The woman’s eyes grew wide as she unfolded the paper and scanned it. She blinked and looked at Kara. “This is it, isn’t it?” Her voice held wonder. “We’re really going to find it.” Laura eased back into her pillow, a profound sense of relief evident on her face.

“Yes. We are.” Kara grinned and slumped back onto the sofa, uncaring now, and closed her eyes. All of her errant thoughts about find Earth coalesced into a tight set of parameters that she began to apply to a mission now formulating in her mind.

“What’s next, Kara? How soon can you go?” Laura held out the paper and Kara took it back, glancing at it again before folding it in her lap.

“I need to put a team together, hand select a few good soldiers, gather supplies and then jump. A few days maybe?”

“A team?” Laura asked, her face sobering.

“Yeah. Considering that we’ve already lost two raptors, I’d like to take precautions and jump with two birds, each with different pass-through coordinates to reach the nebula. I don’t want to get stranded out there – not when we’re this close.” As she spoke, her mind already began to designate the crew she’d want with her.

“I didn’t realize you’d need a team.” Laura thought for a moment and continued, “I am concerned about Admiral Adama’s approval for this mission, Kara. What if he denies your request? And Lee? Are you planning to involve him, too?” Laura’s brow knit and Kara stopped her train of thought to focus on the older woman.

“That’s why I need to put together the right mission parameters. If I can get Lee’s help, he’ll work with me to anticipate the Admiral’s objections. It’ll work.”

Laura frowned harder. “I’m afraid that you have more faith in the Admiral than I do, Kara. What happens if he does say no? Can Lee authorize this mission? I can tell you for sure that Tom Zarek’s administration will never support a mission that takes them away from the business of settling New Caprica. They want votes and one whiff of this mission will set Zarek’s ass on fire.” Laura was shaking her head vigorously now. “It’s not a good idea, Kara.”

“So, you want me to jump there alone? Against orders? It’s three jumps away. Any frakking thing could happen.” Kara felt anger rising into her cheeks.

“You’ve done it before, Kara.”

“And I almost frakking died,” Kara spat, sitting forward, her eyes narrowing as she faced off with Laura.

Laura was nonplussed. “I appreciate that fact, Commander. But we do not have a lot of time. This isn’t Earth that you are jumping to. It’s a _roadsign_ to Earth. I don’t know how many more signs there are after this one. We don’t have years, we have months. When I die, it’s over.” Laura’s words were sharp, punctuating the air with their finality.

Kara’s anger slowly dissolved as she listened, and her eyes dropped away, uncertainty replacing outrage as they did.

“Kara,” Laura continued calmly and Kara met her eyes again. “You said that you believed in the Gods, their message, the visions they’ve given me. Well, we have to trust them once more. _This_ is the time to act, not waver. Do not waver.”

Kara blinked at Laura’s words, so reminiscent of another powerful woman, Admiral Cain, who’d once said similar things to her. This time however, there were no orders to follow, just her own heart and beliefs and the faith that it would all lead them to a better place.

:: :: ::

After a long and frustrating day of meetings, Lee clicked the lock on his office door and told Thia to leave him undisturbed as he prepared for his call to Captain Franks. He’d put it off all day, hoping desperately that by some miracle, the Prometheus situation would resolve itself. As he sat at his desk and stared at the comm, he knew it was now or never. A pre-emptive strike was the only way to determine if Captain Franks could be an ally. With this one last hope in his heart, he took a deep breath and connected the line to the Pegasus first.

“Pegasus CIC,” a man’s voice answered.

“This is Lee Adama, put me through to actual.”

A few moments later, Greg Bruner came across the line. “Lee,” he said enthusiastically. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” There was a smile in his voice.

“Hey, Greg. I need a favor.”

“Sure, Lee, anything.” Lee imagined Greg nodding into the phone.

“Can you put me through to the Prometheus’s Captain Franks? I need a scrambled channel.”

A pause. “Sure. That’s not a problem. Can I ask why?” His voice dropped to a serious tone.

“Did the Admiral brief you on the potential Prometheus problem?”

“Not yet, sir, but we are supposed to meet this afternoon.” Greg’s voice sounded concerned.

“I’ll let him give you the details, but suffice it to say that there may be some issues coming soon. I’m contacting the captain to see how they can be avoided.”

“I understand. Hold for a scrambled channel. It was good to hear your voice, Lee.”

“You, too, Greg. And thanks.” Lee smiled, suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia for his old command. A flood of images washed over him for a moment until a gruff man’s voice replaced Greg’s on the line.

“Prometheus Bridge,” he said.

“Captain Franks, please. This is Vice President Lee Adama.” He tapped his pen anxiously against the desk as he waited too many minutes before the line clicked and a woman’s voice came on.

“Franks,” she said, her voice hard.

“Captain, Franks. Lee Adama. Sorry for the surprise phone call.”

“I was told this is a scrambled channel. Is there a reason?” The woman didn’t bother with pleasantries.

“There is. I am not sure if you are aware of the recent bill that passed into law down here on New Caprica?” Lee’s voice lilted at the end with the leading question.

“No, sir. Enlighten me.” Her defensiveness said something different than her words. _She knew._

“The Quorum recently passed a measure that outlaws prostitution within the Fleet. This includes the Prometheus.”

“I fail to see how that law would affect us, sir.” Her tone wavered just slightly.

“Captain Franks, with all due respect, I’ve been on the Prometheus. I know what kinds of business takes place on that ship.”

“This is a passenger ship, sir. We have families and small businesses on board.” Her tone was flat in a way that made Lee think she’d said those lines before.

“It’s the families that I am concerned about, Captain. The government will be enforcing the new law and I’d like to avoid bloodshed, if at all possible.”

“There will be no bloodshed, sir, if you keep the Fleet away from my ship. It’s as simple as that.”

Lee clenched his jaw and forced himself to take a calming breath. “Captain. I understand that you don’t want anyone coming onto your ship, but your operations fall under the laws of the Twelve Colonies, from whom you have a charter to operate. That charter is still in effect. I am simply asking you to uphold your legal obligation to obey the laws of the government and the Quorum. Will you do that?” Lee now pressed the woman to reveal her hand.

“There will be dire consequences if you board my ship, sir. Franks out.” With a click, the line went dead.

“Godsdamnit,” Lee swore and slammed the receiver back on its base. With a frustrated groan, he slumped back into his chair and rubbed his eyes. _There was no frakking way this was going to end well._

:: :: ::

Kara paced back and forth between the front door and the kitchen of their quarters, waiting for Lee to arrive home from Colonial One. The streetlights flickered on as the sky outside darkened, and her feet thumped the same path from end to end in their small house. All around her were reminders of why she needed to slow down, include Lee, make a plan. Inside her, though, she needed to do it faster. Now. Before Laura died, before anyone had a chance to tell her no. They needed this – all of them.

Behind her, the door swung open and Lee walked in as she turned, his face grim. She stopped moving, watched him drop his coat and briefcase onto a chair.

“Hey,” she greeted him, taking in the strain around his eyes. “What’s up?”

Lee sighed heavily and pulled at his tie. “Captain Franks. She’s going to be no help. She practically denied illegal activities on the Prometheus and warned against anyone, government or not, boarding her ship without permission. I couldn’t tell if she’s directly involved or just protecting her ass.” He slid the tie from around his neck and threw it on the chair as well. “Now, I’m right back where I started. It’s a godsdamned mess.”

Kara watched him sit heavily on the bed, his shoulders hunched as he rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor. She crossed the room and sat on the sofa opposite him. “What are you going to do?” she asked, pushing her thoughts about Earth to the edges of her mind.

“I don’t know.” He raises his head to look at her, deep lines of concern around this mouth. “I found out that Zarek’s been talking to the Prometheus on a pretty regular basis, though. I don’t see any way out of this now that won’t result in bloodshed.”

“Is it worth it? Getting people killed all because of some new law?” Kara sat back against the cushions, her face disdainful.

“It’s more than that. There are a thousand souls up there, if not more, and I can’t just let it go on. I have to believe it’s worth it, Kara. I have to.” He rubbed his face and stood, holding his hand out to her. She stood, too, and leaned into him, feeling his arms wrap around her waist to hug her. Her arms threaded around his neck and she hugged him back, reveling in the feeling of his strength and resolve. In that moment, she made up her mind about Earth. She needed him with her.

“Lee,” she started, easing back to look at him. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

She felt his body tense under her arms. “What is it?” He stared at her, wariness lacing his expression.

“It’s about Laura Roslin,” she said, her mind searching for the best possible way to tell him what she wanted to do. All this time and she'd told him none of it. Her heart was in her throat as she began to roll out the story in her mind.

“What about her? Is she okay?” His eyes went wide with alarm.

“No, no, she’s fine.” Kara swallowed and opened her mouth to speak when a hard rapping at the door startled her and their eyes swung to the entrance.

Lee released her and moved away. “Hold that thought,” he said, and Kara watched him move to open the door. She felt a cold burst of wind on her arms and she shivered.

“Kara?” Lee turned and motioned her closer.

She stepped to the door and Lee opened it wider to reveal Corporal Farley, his face flushed and strained. “Corporal, this better be important.” Kara’s eyes narrowed and she glanced at Lee.

“I, uh, it’s Cally, sir.” Farley glanced nervously at Lee, as if afraid to speak openly.

“Just come out with it,” Kara snapped. “What about Cally?”

“She didn’t make it, sir. About an hour ago, Galactica sent word. She died this afternoon. I thought you’d want to know.”  



	30. Chapter 30

Kara buttoned her uniform jacket, the dress grays feeling stiff and unfamiliar against her skin as she prepared for the memorial service. Glancing in the mirror, she saw the dark circles under her eyes, skin pale and thin in the weak light of dawn. Her night, fitful and restless, ended with Lee’s alarm bringing her mind sharply back into focus, the last place she wanted it to be. Smoothing her hair again, she took a breath and crossed to the kitchen, pulling a bottle from underneath the shelf. She took a long swig and replaced it, her mind tracking the familiar burn all the way into her stomach.

With a burst of cold air, Lee returned from his shower, his hair wet, face red from the wind and rain whipping the tents outside. Kara tucked the bottle away and pulled on her military-issue poncho. Lee did the same and their eyes met, a connected sadness spreading out between them. She’d spent the night wrapped tightly in his arms, seeking comfort from the steady thrumming of his heart against her back, his warm breath on her neck as she cried silent tears.

“Ready?” he asked, the lines around his eyes softening with a gentle smile.

Kara nodded and stepped forward to take his hand.

:: :: ::

Galen’s voice spread through the temple, low and shallow, his words barely audible against the rain pelting the metal sides of the structure. Standing at a waist-high dais lit with candles, his lips barely moved within the shadow of his newly growing beard. Cally’s image swam before Kara’s eyes as she listened, her fingers tightly twisted around Lee’s as they sat in chairs around the altar.

“You were the breath in my lungs, blood in my veins, light in my eye. Now that breath is gone. That blood and the light are gone. I am left, a voice. And the Lords of Kobol, as many and varied as mortal men, must bend down and lean low to hear that voice. And hear my lament.”

Lee stroked Kara’s knuckles, the motion of his thumb echoing the start and stop of Galen’s voice as he spoke his final words and stepped back, moving to the side of the room to sit, his face slack with grief. Figurski sat beside him, cheeks red and wet with tears as the deck crew leaned closer to their former leader, lips moving in the silent murmurings of comfort.

Beside her Laura shifted, bending towards Kara, her voice a whisper. “I like this service, Kara.”

She glanced at the older woman, eyes blinking in surprise. Laura, unaffected, simply smiled back and continued. “I just want you to know what I like.”

Kara’s throat tightened with a sudden rush of emotions and the sensation of Lee’s fingers disappeared, leaving her mind swimming with images of the Admiral at the dais, the deep timbre of his voice offering comfort as they mourned Laura’s death. _No…._ Her mind resisted and she shook her head once before focusing back onto the Priestess Navarra who’d stepped forward to speak.

Kara stared at the woman, her black curls hanging softly around her face as the lilting tone of her voice filled the room, her expression oddly alight with religious calm, a small smile gracing her lips. “With all our thoughts and love, Callandra Anderson Tyrol, we send your spirit into the universe. So say we all.”

Lee squeezed her hand as he repeated the words, his voice quiet near her ear, “So say we all.”

The sound of her own voice was frozen inside her throat and she mouthed the words silently. A moment later, the crowd around her began to shuffle towards the entrance where Galen stood. Lee released her hand and touched her waist, guiding her before him.

The Admiral approached first, Laura’s arm resting on his for support and Kara heard only the sound of his voice and then hers as they gave their words to Galen. A deep aching pain spread across her chest as she and Lee finally stepped forward, the shadows haunting Galen’s unshaven face appearing sharper and blacker as he stared into nothing, barely aware of their presence in front of him.

“Galen, I’m sorry about Cally,” she heard Lee say and watched him squeeze Galen’s arm before he stepped past and turned to wait.

Kara moved forward, hands tightly held at her sides. “Sorry, Chief,” she said, holding her emotions in check.

Galen nodded, almost meeting her eyes and Kara moved off, grief thick in her mouth as she slid her fingers between Lee’s and squeezed. His face was grim, lines deep around his mouth as he frowned.

Kara looked around the outer room, watching the stream of mourners exit the main temple hall, some faces wet with tears, others blank, holding calm until they could be alone to express their grief. Across the room Laura and the Admiral spoke with their heads close together. Kara watched them with interest, the Admiral’s gentle smile confirming her suspicion that he had feelings for the woman.

She glanced up at Lee whose eyes were focused on the same thing and their gazes caught, Lee’s eyebrows raising momentarily before falling back into place.

“We should go,” Lee said, and with final glance at the crowd, they walked outside, flipping up their hoods against a gust of rain.

With the downpour clacking against the plastifab of her poncho, Kara tried to focus on the here and now, the feel of Lee’s palm against hers, the mud sloshing under her feet, but her mind slid into thoughts about everything but the here and now. Instead it was Earth that captured her thoughts, the awaiting nebula, the path to their salvation. Laura's presence at the funeral had rattled her, visions of the woman's death too difficult to think about. It made her realize that she had been right, this was no time to waver. Too much could happen and she couldn't wait any more.

When they reached the back stairs of Colonial One, Lee stopped to face her. “You okay?” he asked, his fingers tucking her hair back behind an ear.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

She was afraid to say more, as if the sound of her own voice would let loose the floodgates of her emotions. Her eyes dipped away for a moment and then she stepped forward and kissed him, long and slow, her hands sliding under the hood of his poncho to cup his face. He kissed her back, their shared grief intensifying a simple kiss into an act of longing and connection. Rivulets of rain poured down their faces as the motion of their heads jarred their hoods out of place. She tasted rain and Lee and her own desperation on her tongue.

With a final hard press of her mouth, she stepped away, breathless and coiled for the next step. Their eyes lingered and she smiled intently. “I love you, Lee.”

He answered softly, love and sadness reflecting back at her. “I love you, too.”

Their fingers intertwined for a long moment, arms outstretched between them as he moved towards Colonial One. With a final glance, he ducked down against the rain and sped up the steps of the ship before slipping out of view. With determination in her heart, Kara turned and walked away.

:: :: ::

Sleep had become a commodity in Tom Zarek’s life, the skills he’d learned to cope in prison escaping him in the few years of freedom he’d received from the cylons. After several hours of restless tossing in his bed on Colonial One, he woke and splashed water on his face. Rubbing a rough towel across his skin, he studied his reflection, hair graying at the temples, lines fanning out from his eyes deeper than they ought to be. He was not a vain man, at least not anymore, as the time and trials of his life had softened his body and face. No, he was simply a man, determined to protect the liberties of those he led, even if the cost was high. Running a wet hand through his hair, he took a deep breath and changed out of his night clothes and into his suit and tie.

Stepping out of his private quarters and into his office, Tom heated water for the rough tasting coffee he’d been drinking since he became President, the earthy aroma now a welcome smell. He stirred in the grounds and waited for them to settle, yawning wide and attempting to clear his mind.

In the center of his desk was a stack of papers and a padded letter envelope, his name marked in bold letters. Absently, he sipped his coffee, mindless of the now familiar grounds swirling around in his mouth. The envelope was light, unremarkable with a small bump in the center and he yawned again, shaking his head to wake up.

He opened the end of the envelope carefully, ever mindful of the shortening supplies of everything he’d always taken for granted. He tipped the contents into his hand, blinking when a gold ring tumbled into his hand. He froze, breath caught in his chest.

Tom closed his eyes for a long second then opened them and examined the ring he already recognized so clearly: Dominic Giaco’s Antarus signet ring. _Frak!_ The man never took it off.

With trembling fingers, he slid his thumb over the symbol etched on the face, the star of Antarus, a Saggitaron symbol of fire and commitment. He had given this ring to Dominic more than a year ago in answer to his unexpected proposal. Now, unfamiliar fear tugged at his gut. Hector and the Black Market bosses were holding Dominic as leverage and they were sending him a message. _Godsdamnit, how could he have let this happen?_ He should have never allowed Dominic to go back into space.

He cursed again, anger boiling up inside him. _What had Lee done now?_ He pounded is fist on the desk in frustration.

With a settling breath, Tom picked up the comm and punched in the numbers to connect to the Prometheus, unconsciously fingering the matching gold Antarus coin hanging from a chain around his neck. _He had to know if Dominic was okay._

When the comm connected, he barked into the receiver, “It’s Tom. Get me Hector.”

A few moments later, the heavily accented voice of Hector Lathourakis came on the line.

“What the frak is this, Hector?” Tom demanded.

“Ah, I see you received our package. What did you expect, Tom? Your boy Lee Adama has been rustling some feathers with Captain Franks.”

Tom clenched his jaw and cursed to himself. “Where’s Dominic?” He kept an even tone despite the anxiety clawing at his chest. He clutched the ring tighter in his palm, the edge digging painfully into his skin.

“He’s alive, for now, although, I’m not sure he’ll be able to put that ring back on any time soon.” He chuckled mirthlessly.

Tom grimaced and he pushed away images of a mangled hand…and more. “Leave him out of this,” he barked, his temper flaring.

“We had an arrangement, Tom. And you are not holding up your end of the deal. This is your final warning. Next time, Giaco’s dead.” The line clicked off and a deep rage poured into his veins. _He should have never let himself involved with Dominic. Never let himself get weak, risk someone else’s life. Stay separate, Tom. Stay clear. Stay focused on the mission. Frak frak frak._

Shoving the ring roughly onto his finger, he rose, pacing the room, his mind spinning out a series of events that would end all of this. Once and for all.

:: :: ::

Kara drifted slowly in space, a faint smattering of stars surrounding her raptor as she carefully typed the final coordinates that would take her to the Lion’s Head Nebula. Her heart thudded in her chest, vibrating all the way down to her fingertips.

“Almost there…” she said, swallowing against a dry throat.

Checking and double-checking against Gaeta’s notes, she slid her hand to the FTL key and with a held breath, turned it sharply.

Two seconds later, the momentary sensation of _rushing_ dissipated and she blinked, letting out a whoosh of air as she gazed at the amazing sight spread out before her eyes. Space was filled with purple and black, a cloudy nebula that _did_ in some weird way resemble a lion’s head with a gaping mouth and a flashing light for an eye. She froze for a long moment, staring in wonder at the sight, joy and hope filling her.

“Oh my gods, it worked!” She sat back heavily in the cockpit and began to laugh with delight.

:: :: ::

The rain continued throughout the day, a heavy downpour that brought a frigid wind to New Caprica. Lee pulled on his poncho and tightened the hood to block the rain as he set out towards the Caprican district of the city. With his head down against the driving storm, he walked fast, barely aware of his footsteps as he sped forward. He counted the tents as he turned into Helios Lane, one of the first streets named as part of a new campaign to discard the numbering system previously used to map the city. The woman he was going to meet, Claudia Wynn, had named this particular street.

Number fourteen looked like every other Caprican tent with a small flag and cornucopia near the door, an old Caprican symbol of welcome. Lee knocked and waited a moment, turning away from the blowing rain until the door opened and Claudia waved him inside.

“Come in, Lee, please. I do wish you had let me come to Colonial One. This weather is terrible. The Vice President should not have to walk so far in such conditions.” She held out her hands, taking Lee’s poncho as he pulled it off and hanging it near the door.

“I don’t mind,” Lee said, swiping at the water on his face as he glanced around the warmly lit tent.

“Let me get you a towel,” she said, smiling and handing him a small white towel that left him wondering how she managed to keep up this kind of appearance on the dusty gray New Caprica. He pressed the towel against his face and hands, wicking away moisture before folding it and handing it back.

“Thank you, Claudia, and thank you for meeting with me on such short notice.” He smiled warmly, and she motioned him to sit on a long sofa made of a deep brown leather, pillows adorning each end in velvet and embroidered silk.

“Of course. Can I offer you some tea or bitter-root coffee?” When Lee shook his head, Claudia sat opposite him, her long fingers resting on the arm of a moss green overstuffed chair. “What can I do for you, Lee?”

Lee took a small breath and tried to relax, surprised at the emotion bubbling up inside him as he started to speak. He cleared his throat, his eyes meeting Claudia’s smoky gray ones. “Cally Henderson, a young woman who worked for me when I served on Galactica died yesterday. She and her husband were expecting twins and the delivery didn’t go as planned. She left two twin boys and Galen, her husband.” He frowned, looking away, blocking as best he could images of Galen’s stricken face.

“I’m sorry, Lee. That’s terrible to hear.” She shifted in her seat, eyes softening with comfort and crossed a leg in front of her.

Lee nodded. “It is. She and her husband, well, we all went through a lot together…” He got lost for a moment in his thoughts, the patterns on the rug beneath his feet blurring into meaningless squiggles as memories of Galactica flashed behind his eyes.

After a long pause, Claudia spoke. “How can I help, Lee?”

Lee smiled sadly. “I know the Chief, um, Galen, that is, and he’s a miracle at fixing a viper, but I think he’s going to need help with the boys. I didn’t know what else to do and I thought maybe you could help. I know you normally work with abandoned children, but I thought you might have some resources for a new parent or someone in his situation.” He shrugged a little. “I’m afraid I don’t even know what to ask for.”

“I understand, Lee, and a few things are coming to mind. Give me a day or two and I’ll send over a list of names for your friend. Does he live on New Caprica or is he still a Fleet member?”

“Oh, he and Cally moved down to New Caprica a few months ago. I assume he’ll be coming back here once the littlest boy is out of the incubator. Frankly, I’m not really sure.”

“It’s all right. I can still get started for you. Unfortunately, your friend is not the first woman in the Fleet to die in childbirth since the cylons attacked. Medical care on some of the smaller vessels is non-existent and New Caprican care is not much better.” Her brow crinkled and before she cleared her expression and smiled sympathetically.

Lee frowned deeply, acutely aware of the dangers of just trying to survive. “No, it’s not. They rushed Cally to Galactica, but it was too late for her. Doc Cottle said that they were lucky to save the two boys.” Lee shook his head against the idea of losing them all and shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.

“They are fortunate to have received care on Galactica. I am sorry for your loss.” She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. “I’ll do what I can to help.”

With a breath, Lee smiled. “Thank you, Claudia.” He rose and when the woman followed, he extended his hand.

Her fingers were warm against his. “You are welcome, Lee. I’ll be in touch soon. Please let me know if you need anything else.” He smiled gratefully, slipped his poncho back on and left.

As he stepped out into the rain, his heart felt lighter, a sense of accomplishment replacing some of the helplessness he’d been feeling about Cally’s death. It wasn’t much, but for once, he was grateful that his position as Vice President might help.

:: :: ::

The sky was black as Kara walked from the base to Laura’s tent, the muscles of her legs and back loosening after more than ten hours crammed into a raptor cockpit. It didn’t help that she’d spent another three examining the recon photos and snippets of the video footage she’d captured. Her brain felt flooded by purple, a meaningless mass of purple gas masking the twinkling stars inside it. The flashing light had blinked ceaselessly, with no variation in its pattern, and it left Kara no closer to finding Earth.

Knocking sharply at Laura’s door, Kara shifted the envelope containing the photos from one arm to the other. The door swung open and Laura blinked. “Kara, what a surprise. Is everything all right?” Laura glanced past Kara and stepped back when Kara nodded. “Yes, it’s fine. I have news.”

Laura motioned Kara to sit and pulled her bathrobe tighter around her thin frame. She stoked the fire and settled back onto her cot, lighting a small lamp near her bedside table. “Tell me, Kara. What’s the news?” She saw a glimmer of hope in the woman's eyes.

Leaning forward, Kara licked her lips and spoke. “I jumped to the nebula, Laura. I found it.” Feeling a resurgence of excitement, she flipped open the envelope and grinned. She took out a stack of photos and laid them on the edge of Laura’s bed.

“You found it?” Laura said, her eyes wide with surprise. She pulled on her reading glasses and grasped the photos, flipping through each one carefully, expression intent and studious.

Kara watched, gratified to see the wonder and hope sparking a glowing smile on her otherwise tired face. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Kara grinned in response.

“Gods, yes. It is.” Photo after photo landed in a pile on alongside Laura’s legs on the bed. “The eye, Kara. It flashed, like my vision?”

“Yeah. But that’s all. It just flashed, it wasn’t special. I didn’t get any kind of message, Laura. It doesn’t do anything but flash. Long range scans showed nothing – no ships, no unusual readings – just the nebula. What does it mean?”

Laura frowned, stacking the photos neatly at her side. “Did you go into the nebula, Kara? Is the message inside?”

Kara shook her head. “Radiation readings spike, so we’re not getting any closer.” She sat back on the sofa chewing on a thumbnail. “Maybe different spectrometry readings? I scanned with just about every protocol I know, but I didn’t see any anomalies. But I’m not a scientist, Laura. I can do the scans, but interpreting them accurately would take someone with more skill.”

“No, I know, Kara.” Laura fingered the edge of the stack. “I thought the message would be clearer,” she said and with a frustrated breath, leaned back into the pillow and closed her eyes, letting her hand drop onto the bed.

“Me, too. Looks like this signpost to Earth is a dead end.” Kara rubbed a hand across her face, fatigue washing over her.

They sat for a long time, Kara’s mind ticking over other options, better scans, a long term crew stationed at the nebula waiting for the sign. All of it would involve the Admiral and she didn’t know if that would work.

Laura spoke finally, “Maybe now that I’ve seen it, the gods will show me the next step, Kara.” She watched as Laura pulled herself to standing and walked slowly to the small table in her quarters, taking a box from a shelf and pouring water into a metal cup. “The gods provide, Kara. I have to trust them.”

Taking a small bag out of the box, Laura spooned one heaping mound of rust colored powder into her cup and stirred.

“What is that?” Kara asked, standing and approaching the table.

“Chamalla. Tastes just the way it looks. Like metalllic powder.” Laura shuddered in anticipation as she continued to stir the liquid.

“May I?” Kara asked, sitting across from Laura and reaching towards the cup.

Nodding, Laura released the spoon and pushed the cup towards Kara who raised it to her nose and sniffed. “Agh. That’s awful,” she said, leaning away and sliding the cup back to Laura who continued to stir.

“It’s very strong and makes me so tired. I don’t look forward to it, but the dreams are necessary. I have to take it. Earth is so close that I can feel it.”

Kara nodded and eased back in her chair with wary eyes, watching the dying woman with her thin fingers clutching the cup as she sipped. “Do you want me to stay, Laura?”

She smiled, eyes softening as she lowered the cup. “I’d like that.” Laura rose unsteadily and Kara took the cup from her hands, following her to her cot where she tucked the blankets around her.

Settling back on the sofa, Kara began to flip through the photos once more, searching for something that she hadn’t yet seen. _It had to be there,_ she thought. Why would the gods lead them to this place without another sign?

Laura sipped the chamalla slowly, coughing a few times and asking Kara for water. As time passed, the woman’s eyes grew heavy and Kara took the nearly empty cup from her loosening fingers. Kara sniffed again, a sharp metallic twang assailing her nose. Experimentally, she stuck her finger into the remaining liquid and tipped her tongue out to taste. _Maybe this was her answer._

:: :: ::

_Kara’s body jars against the safety seat of her viper’s cockpit, her head bouncing from side to side as she flies into the raging storm below. Gray clouds tinged with blue and red and yellow swirl around her, turbulent and violent, her entire body vibrating with the effort to keep her ship from spinning out of control. In her headset, Lee’s voice barking at her, “I’ve lost you.” The sound fades into whiteness and her eyes close._

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Kara blinks and glances around the room, focusing on the sound of a heart monitor capturing the steady rhythm of the woman in the hospital bed next to her. With her eyes closed, Socrata Thrace appears calm and at peace as Kara hovers nearby. Antiseptic and bleach sting her nose and she breathes out sharply, adjusting to a blinding light. _

_Her body trembles beneath his hands, her back arching into him. His body is thick, breath hot on her neck as his fingers find her nipple, tweaking as his mouth slashes over hers. He smells like paint and turpentine and her eyes open, blinking hard as the cylon pushes himself inside her. She gasps, body reacting to the pleasure while her mind screams. Their sweat-slicked bodies slide together, creating a rush of warmth that spreads into her face._

_The inside of Kara’s helmet is fogged, breath coming in bursts as she fights for control of the ship. A faint voice sounds in her ears and she pulls hard on the stick, urging her ship higher, away from the circling storm. It’s too strong and it pulls her in, rattling her ship and scattering debris across the viper’s nose. Her body jerks forward as the force of a heavy object slams into the canopy ripping a jagged hole and spreading a streaking crack over her vision. A rush of wind and pressure hits her, jamming her back into the seat, flattening her breasts against her chest, and forcing her hand off the stick. The ship spins and spins and spins, dizzying and nauseating until she is hunched over the toilet, vomiting. _

_Lee is behind her, holding her hair as she pukes, his hand heavy on her shoulder in Galactica’s head. The stink of vomit and urine make her even sicker and her stomach clenches once more, letting loose little more than caustic bile until she collapses back into Lee’s chest. He’s stroking her hair, murmuring unintelligible things as her body relaxes into him, stomach calming with every breath. “It’s okay, Kara. I’m here…” His voice fades into nothingness and a white mist settles around her._

_“I’m here, mama. They said you wanted to see me.” Kara clutches her mother’s hand, dry and warm against the skin of her palm. Socrata’s eyes blink open, softening in a way that Kara has never seen. “I knew you would come,” she says, squeezing Kara’s fingers weakly. _

_“I knew you would find it, Kara. Earth, just as we imagined.” Laura says, walking by her side, healthy and beautiful, red hair streaming out behind her like a mane. “You’re okay,” Kara comments, her voice filled with wonder. Laura stops and faces her. “You saved me, Kara. You save all of us.” Kara grins, happy, spreads her hands out in joy, spinning in place like a child. _

_Spinning spinning spinning, a sharp pain knifes through her head, jarring her awake, the taste of blood on her tongue. Lee’s voice is shouting at her again, “Godsdamnit, Kara, you come back. Come back!” She tries. She reaches and reaches for the stick but her hands can’t find it, she is pinned by the gravity of the storm pressing her into the seat. Her lungs are burning, and she coughs, hands tightening into fists by her side. _

_“I said stand at attention, Kara. Stand up straight.” Socrata Thrace barks at her and Kara does as she’s told, back stiffening under the pressure of Socrata’s sharp fingers digging into her spine. “Pathetic. Get that chin up. Loosen those hands.” Socrata rips her fists open and Kara holds her breath, eyes locked onto the edge of the framed medal on the wall. “A real soldier can stand at attention for hours, Kara.” Her mother gives her a pointed stare and turns away and leaves the kitchen, the door slamming behind her. Kara stands, eyes fixed on the dark wooden frame, mind locked down tight. She’s waiting, holding every muscle in her body impossibly still until her vision begins to blur and dizziness takes her. She crumbles to the floor._

:: :: ::

Lee burst into Laura’s quarters the moment the door opened, forcing Laura to step back as he rushed by. He looked around the small tent, finding Kara lying unconscious on the sofa. “What happened?” he asked and kneeled beside her body, hands stroking her face, skin flushed and damp with sweat. “Kara. Can you hear me?” There was no response.

“She’s burning up, Laura. When did this happen? Why is she here?” His mind was flooded with questions. Laura had called him a few minutes ago, just after dawn, to ask for his help, to tell him that something was wrong with Kara. All night he’d been anxious, waiting for her to return, fitfully sleeping, then waking only to convince himself that Kara was fine, that nothing had happened to her. It was Cally who had died, not Kara.

“Kara…” he shook her gently, “Please, Kara.” Anxiety tightened Lee’s chest and his voice became desperate.

He tipped his forehead against her cheek and breathed deeply, his nose filling with a sour smell. She stirred a little. “Kara?” he asked once more and shook her shoulders. She moaned in her sleep, fists tightening before her body went slack again. “I think she’s coming to. Kara?” He stroked her hair, some small sense of relief emerging from the panic.

“Lee, I can’t be sure, but I believe Kara took some of my chamalla.” Laura’s voice sounded behind him and when he turned she held out an empty cup towards him.

“Chamalla? Why would she do that?” He looked back at Kara, his brow drawn tight in confusion. A sense of uneasiness spread through him, the instinct that something else bad was about to happen.

“I think she wanted to have a vision,” Laura said and he froze.

“A vision?” Lee turned towards the older woman. “What are you talking about?”

Laura let out a breath and spoke, her hands folded tightly in her lap. “I’ve been having visions again, Lee. Visions of Earth.”

“Earth?” Lee blinked, his mind filled with a thousand questions, predicting answers he didn’t want to hear.

“Yes. And Kara is helping me.” Lee’s mouth opened to interrupt and Laura held out a hand to silence him. “I know you are not a believer, but Kara has a purpose, Lee, and like it or not, that purpose is to find Earth.” Laura’s voice was filled with such conviction that it sent Lee reeling.

“Is this what you’ve been telling her, Laura? My gods.” He looked back down to Kara, his body trembling with anger. _What had she done?_

“She believes, Lee.” Laura’s tone was indignant and it pushed Lee over the edge.

His voice rose high and sharp as he faced her. “What happened to you, Laura? When did you become a mindless follower of the scriptures? How the frak do you even know you’re right?” Lee’s eyes bulged at her, demanding an answer.

But Laura faced him with calm assuredness. “The gods tell me I am right, Lee. They’ve shown me the path to Earth and Kara’s finding it.”

“What do you mean finding it?” He looked back to Kara, wondering why she’d kept this from him.

“She found the Lion’s Head Nebula, Lee. The next sign post to Earth.” Laura turned for a moment and then held out a photograph for Lee to see.

He grabbed it from her and scanned it, his eyes finding the date marked on the corner. “Oh my gods, this is from yesterday. She…” He nearly gasped with the shock of understanding what she had done. She’d jumped away, risked her life for a frakking religious quest. His body vibrated with anger and he stood, beginning to pace as his mind rejecting the implications.

“How could you do this?” His voice boomed, accusing Laura, who notched her chin higher and held his eyes. He threw the photo at her, watching as it flew to the ground at her feet.

“Lee…” Kara’s voice sounded weakly from the sofa and he turned abruptly and knelt once more at her side.

“Kara? What happened?” Relief surged through him, momentarily displacing his anger. He smiled a little as she looked up at him through puffy eyes.

She gave a weak laugh. “Bad trip…” Her eyes lolled in their sockets. “Water... I’m so thirsty.”

Lee accepted a cup of water from Laura and helped Kara drink. “Are you okay?” He held his anger in check, but his jaw twitched with the effort, shock waves continuing to roll through him. The only saving grace was that Kara was conscious again. He could barely speak for the rush of questions coming to his mind. He steadied himself, taking a breath. _There would be time later._

“Ugh…my head,” Kara said as she tried to move and raised a shaking hand to her hair, holding it there as her eyes sagged closed again.

Lee shot a look of pure bile towards Laura and then returned his gaze to Kara. “Let’s get you home. Can you sit up?”

“I’ll try,” she mumbled and Lee raised her to sitting.

“Kara, did you take my chamalla?” Laura interrupted from behind them and Lee ignored her.

Kara, however, looked over his shoulder and nodded. “I thought it would help.” Her voice was breathy with regret. “I guess not.” She closed her eyes again.

With a glare at Laura, Lee interrupted. “Don’t worry about it now, Kara. I just want you back home. C’mon.”

He pulled Kara up, steadying her as she swayed against him. “Can you make it?” He knew that he should wait until she was stronger, but every fiber of his being needed to get away from Laura.

With a strong arm around her waist, he guided Kara out of the tent, and with a brief stop in the head, back to their quarters. It took sheer force of will, but he kept his mouth shut and helped her into bed.

“I need to sleep, Lee. I’m so tired.” She gave him a sleepy smile and reached out a hand. He squeezed her fingers and watched her eyes close. He stared at her for a long moment and then turned away, pacing until he felt strung out with unexpressed anger and hurt. Fatigue finally overwhelmed him and he lay down on the sofa and slept.

:: :: ::

Several hours later, Kara woke, blinking to adjust to the sunlight streaming into their quarters. Vaguely, she remembered Lee helping her home from Laura’s. Her eyes darted around the room and she found Lee sleeping on the sofa and she let out a breath. _What had Laura told him?_

Gingerly, she sat, wincing slightly as pain spiked inside her skull. Laura had once mentioned the terrible headaches from the chamalla and now she understood. Gently, she reached for the glass of water by the bed, drinking it down slowly, each swallow jarring her already tender head. She finished and held the glass in her hands, mind easing awake and shedding the cloudiness of sleep.

As awareness returned, bits and pieces of her vision came to mind, her viper spinning over and over again inside a violent storm, the vibrant swirling pattern a startling copy of the images she’d been drawing all her life. Swallowing against the realization, she glanced at Lee, his face calm in sleep, and she suddenly remembered the sound of his voice in her vision, shouting at her as she tried to pull her ship up. The panic made her shiver and she stood, walking away from the bed to the kitchen. _It’s not real,_ she told herself and dug into a box for food.

Choking down some crackers, she reached for a bottle of ambrosia to wash them down. After a few sips, her stomach soured and she tucked the bottle away, deciding instead that a shower would be better.

Twenty minutes later, feeling more refreshed and a bit hungry, she returned home to find Lee sitting up, barely glancing at her as she walked through the door.

“Feeling better?” he asked, his voice toneless as he stared at the floor. She glanced at him, and took a deep breath. _Here we go._

“Yeah, better.” She hung her towel and approached him, hands digging into the rear pockets of her fatigues. “How about you? How’s it going?” She watched his face, waiting for a sign. _Maybe Laura had told him nothing._

“I’ve been better, Kara,” he said, hunched over his elbows as they rested on his knees, eyes glued to the floor.

“Yeah, me, too.” She sat on the edge of the bed, her body taut with anxiety. _He knew something._

“I’m trying, Kara.” He looked up, met her gaze with a confused expression. “I’m trying to understand why you did it. Why you’d jump away in a raptor by your—” His voice stopped abruptly and she saw him struggle to stay calm. She swallowed, her eyes locked onto the top of his head.

“I mean, I know you believe in Earth. I understand that. I just…” His words faded again and he rubbed his hands on his pants. “The chamalla, Kara?” Hers narrowed at the ridicule in his tone.

“What about it, Lee?” She glared at him, a silent dare in her expression. Defiance rose up inside her. She knew this would happen if he found out about Earth. Why the frak had she expected anything different?

“It’s frakking stupid.”

When she opened her mouth to protest, he splayed his fingers wide to stop her. “Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t even know what to say. I mean, Cally frakking died, Kara. Two days ago. And then you jump away?”

Kara’s face wrinkled outrageously. “Cally? What does she have to do with this? I didn’t jump away because of her. I got the coordinates to the nebula and I wanted to see it. That’s it. No big deal.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

He gaped at her. “No big deal? Are you frakking crazy? We lost two raptor crews and almost a third and you decided it would be a good damn idea to jump away by yourself? Cally just died, Kara. I could have lost you, too! Didn’t you frakking ever think of that?” Lee sprung off the sofa and paced back and forth in front of her.

Kara’s body grew rigid, her defenses anchoring her to the bed as she spoke in her most dismissive tone. “It was a few jumps, Lee. I’m here. I’m fine. I don’t know what you’re bitching about.”

He turned on her. “I’m bitching because I could have lost you. My gods, Kara. The entire Colonial government is crumbling around us, Tom Zarek is probably plotting against me, and you’re on a frakking Starbuck glory run. It’s unbelievable.” He was shouting at her now, eyes wide, the muscles in his neck popping out as his voice pitched higher.

Kara lunged off the bed towards him, fingers coiling tightly into fists. “So, that’s what this is about? I’m off trying to do something to help us and so I’m not here to hold your frakking hand about Tom Zarek? Well, you know what, Lee? I told you about him. I told you that frakking bastard couldn’t be trusted and now he's frakking with you and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.” She put her finger in his face, her mouth twisting into a snarl.

Lee held his ground. “It’s not about Tom, Kara. It’s about you. You and your endless need to frak things up. No one frakking jumps away without backup. Twice!” He held out two fingers. “First Caprica and now this. What is wrong with you?” His voice practically screeched the final words and she took a deep breath to shout back.

“Don’t you mean why am I a frak up, Lee? Don’t you mean when am I going to act like a proper politician’s girlfriend? When am I going to go to dinner parties and smile at your fake frakking friends so you can get a few more popularity points?” Words were spewing out of her mouth about things she didn’t even realize she’d been angry about.

“Frak that, Lee. That’s not me. I need to do something real, something that will get us off this shithole planet so we can live somewhere safe. Don’t you get it? I can’t stand this place. I hate it. I want to live on Earth, not some mudball where it rains every single day and people die of stupid things and there’s nothing I can frakking do about it!” Visions of Cally bloomed in her mind and she turned away, body trembling with anger, her heart pounding painfully in her chest. Hot tears stung her eyes and she just wanted to run away.

After a few calming breaths, she turned back to him, her eyes wide and glassy as she stared at Lee. “I did this for us, Lee. I risked my ass so we could all get off this rock.”

He snarled at her, his eyes narrowed into blue pinpoints. “Who asked you to, Kara? Anyone? You’re frakking running, that’s what it is. Just like you always do. Things get tough and you frakking run.” His words were soaked in bile and her heart felt crushed by a collapsing ribcage as everything they’d built felt like it was crashing down around her. Kara’s anger deepened, guilt and pain twisting in her gut along with the realization that it had all been for nothing.

When Kara finally spoke, her voice was low and bitter. “I did do this for us, Lee, and you know what? I didn’t find a frakking thing. It’s all a godsdamned cosmic joke and I am the frakking punchline. Kara Thrace has a special destiny. Kara Thrace will frakking save them all. Well, frak you, Lee. I’m outta here.”

Barely able to breathe, she jammed her bare feet into boots and grabbed her jacket, shoving her arms into it before tears came full on. Without another word from either of them, she bolted and ran.  



	31. Chapter 31

Lee cleaned his quarters for the second time in as many days, shaking out the pillows and wiping down the surfaces to control the ever present gray dust that permeated everything on New Caprica. With a cough, he shook out the blankets, fine particles and lint flying into the air around him as he closed his eyes and looked away.

Spreading the blankets over the bed, he glanced at Kara’s side, empty for the last two nights and he swallowed, trying to clear his mind of their terrible fight, trying to stay right in what he’d felt and said. Inside, none of it seemed to matter anymore and he grimaced, curling his fist around the edge of the pillowcase. Like so many arguments before, he’d gotten too angry, ignoring that voice in his head that warned him to stop talking, walk away, don’t shout and he’d done it anyway. He knew he’d hurt her and the anger that justified it had now faded, leaving regret and the aching sense of missing her.

Tucking the blankets under the mattress he stepped back, looking for something else to do. Finding everything spotless, he jammed his hands in his pockets instead and imagined Kara on the base, just as miserable as he was.

:: :: ::

_Dark waves crash onto the beach below and Laura retreats inside, closing the glass doors and clicking on the light as the clouds roll in overhead. A fine mist of rain splatters against the windows as she moves around the apartment, gathering magazines and stacking them neatly into a pile. She jumps, startled when a loud crack of thunder and lightning rattles the windows._

_Wind rushes by, swirling and twisting as it rustles the leaves scattered under the wide branches of the trees, spinning them upwards and tossing them around her feet. Laura pulls her hood more tightly, cinching the string to block out the wind and ducking her head as she walks. Voices in the distance are growing louder, arguing, and she breaks through the tree line, fingers gripping the closure on her jacket to pull it flush against her chest. A group of people run away from her, long robes flowing out behind them, belongings scattered and left behind without a second glance. _

_She gasps suddenly, covering her mouth with her palm. Fear crawls up her spine and she spins to look behind her, heart racing painfully against her ribs, eyes wide with panic. A consuming blackness follows her, rushing with the sound like water and wind that leaves nothing in its wake. It is formless, shapeless, just a nothing that replaces the crackling leaves and trees. She steps back to turn, falls, and lands with the darkness looming overhead. She covers her eyes and screams. _

Gasping, Laura jerked awake, her heart beating frantically in her chest, skin damp with sweat. As her eyes adjusted to the dimness of her quarters, she shook her head against the consuming blackness of her dream, and then flicked on the lamp to ward off the darkness. The stinging sensation of bile rose into her mouth, and she swallowed it away, reaching for a glass of water.

She drank with shaking fingers, using two hands to steady the glass as she raised it to her mouth, dribbling water onto the blankets now twisted around her thinning legs. Forcing her body to obey, she gulped down the liquid until the glass was empty and fell back against the pillow, sweat trickling down the side of her face.

After twenty minutes, her heart continued to flutter, sweat beading on her brow, chest thin with air that didn’t seem to reach her brain. Her head lolled to the side, limbs heavy with exhaustion as her breathing slowed. The edges of her vision blurred and her eyes drifted closed. The blackness took her.

:: :: ::

Lee walked through the gates of the New Caprica Base, the wind whipping his hair as he moved head-down towards Kara’s old quarters. He’d held out for a few more hours without her, holding onto his anger instead of her. Now, their separation kept him restless, unfocused, and miserable. His anger and worry now just an ache of loss inside him. She’d deserved for him to listen. He hadn’t.

Nodding to a few soldiers, he passed by the long line of tents and the showers before he came to her tent, dimly lit from the inside. With a deep breath, he knocked.

“Come!” Kara barked and Lee nudged the door open, peering in to find her sprawled out on a bare cot, a book on her lap, an ambrosia tucked against her side.

“Kara?” he asked, pulling the door wider.

She swung her eyes to him and sat slowly forward, sliding her feet onto the floor. “Hey,” she said, meeting his gaze and then dropping her eyes away.

“Hey,” he answered, as he let the door close slowly behind him.

Kara tossed her book onto the cot and faced him, the ambrosia bottle dangling between her knees.

“What’s going on?” she asked, as if the whole weight of their future didn’t feel bound to this conversation.

He regarded her, thoughts and words spinning in his head, where to start, what to say, all of his carefully rehearsed apologies and questions fleeing under her gaze. But there was a sadness there, mirroring what he felt, the separation between them that had to end.

“I missed you,” he finally said and she blinked, her face softening and a moment later she was in his arms, hugging him roughly around the waist. He groaned and squeezed her back, kissing her hair, inhaling the scent of cigars and the mustiness of the tent around him.

“I’m sorry, Kara.” His voice was small, words breathed into her hair as she molded herself against him.

“I missed you, too,” she said, and he pulled her closer, reveling in the warmth of their reunion, a list of other things he wanted to say held in check as he enjoyed their embrace.

Sliding his hands into her hair, he tipped her head back and kissed her softly on the lips. He looked at her. “You okay?”

Kara nodded, her eyes a wide golden green. “Yeah…”

A thousand unspoken questions floated between them but before he had the chance to speak, she leaned forward, mouth slightly open and kissed him.

He hesitated, his mind distracted by all the things he wanted to say, holding back until her tongue dipped into his mouth, insistent and wet. Everything he wanted to say was difficult and treacherous, and so he just gave in, opening his mouth wider and grinding their hips together until they were peeling off their clothing and he was pushing her down onto the cot.

His hands scrabbled along her ribs and shoulders, mouth fastening onto her breasts and her neck and her mouth as he drove into her flesh. “Kara,” he grated, because her name was on his tongue and in his mind and missing her had created a void that only this moment could fill. She answered with her body, spreading her legs to take him deeper, her nails tearing lines in his back as her teeth scraped along his shoulder. She bucked against him, her heated breaths turning into sharp cries as she crested into orgasm, her body shuddering as he gripped her tightly to his chest. He followed a moment later, a deep and surging pleasure that coiled deep and spread through his body in waves of ecstasy.

With a throaty groan, Lee collapsed half onto her, his face wet with sweat as she lay panting next to him. As their skin dried, the cold wind from outside seeped into the tent and Kara shivered, pulling a blanket off the floor to cover them before she spooned against him and he slid his arms around her waist.

He nuzzled her neck, planting kisses along her shoulder and rubbing his face against her skin. “I love you,” he whispered, his eyes growing heavy as she pulled his arms more tightly around her, snuggling in for the night. Thoughts about all those things he’d wanted to say flitted through his mind, but the fog of sleep and this momentary peace pulled too strongly and the words floated away like wisps of smoke. His eyes drifted closed and he slept.

:: :: ::

A sharp ache in her bad knee woke Kara and she stretched her leg out, bending and twisting to relieve the pressure. The hardness of Lee’s chest pressed against her, his arm draped across her hip as he snored lightly. She turned a little, estimating the time by the light coming in through the two small windows of the tent. She jostled Lee and he opened an eye.

“What time is it?” he asked, voice thick with sleep.

Kara grabbed his wrist and told him the time before letting it fall back onto her hip.

“Frak. I have to go,” he said, sitting up and blinking awake.

Turning over, she looped an arm around his waist and grumbled into it, “Five more minutes.”

He ran a hand over her hair, tousling it before he moved to get up. “I have a meeting. Can someone drive us back to our quarters?”

Kara rolled over, tracking him with her eyes as he moved off the cot. “I need to stay here, but just ask Corporal Malawa at the depot. He’ll have someone take you back.” Kara yawned, her eyes watering with the effort as she turned onto her back and closed her eyes again.

She listened to Lee shuffling around and felt him approach and lean over her. She looked up at him, reaching out to smooth his hair, now longer than she’d ever seen it and prone to sticking out in all directions. “You need a haircut, Mr. VP,” she teased, willing away the seriousness of the previous few days.

“I know. One of these days.” He half-smiled, kissed her, and stood again, pulling on his jacket.

“I’ll see you later, right?” When she nodded, he turned to go out the door, pausing with his hand touching the handle. She felt the heaviness of his thoughts before he spoke. “We still need to talk, Kara.”

She looked at him for a long hard moment. Nothing had changed. “And say what, Lee?”

“I want you to come back home.” He stepped towards her.

“You want me to stop searching, Lee. That’s what you mean.” Her old anger, briefly tempered by their time together surged once again and she glared at him.

He frowned. “I want us to talk about it. That’s all.”

Kara shook her head, impatient. “I have to do this, Lee.”

They faced off, the space between them growing wider and sharper as the seconds passed. Lee let out a frustrated breath. “Just tell me you won’t do anything crazy before we talk, okay?”

She stood with her arms crossed, face hard, and refused to answer.

He stared at her and then spoke. “Tonight, Kara. Come home and we’ll talk.” Lee glanced at his watch. “Frak. I have to go.” He half-turned towards the door, his eyes still on her.

“All right, Lee. I’ll see you tonight.” She let out a sigh and flopped back down on the bed. She had no idea what talking could possibly do except make her feel worse.

The door opened and slammed shut, a cold burst of air flooding the quarters. She rolled towards the wall and jerked the blanket tightly around her shoulders and tried to go back to sleep.

As it had for the past two days, her mind drifted and the chamalla-induced visions haunted her, the mandala she’d painted since childhood, Lee’s voice screaming her name, her mother calm and at peace like she’d never seen before. It all cycled in her head creating a confusing mix of fear and hope that left her aching to find Earth.

_You’re running, Kara. Things get tough and you do what you always do, you run._

Kara jammed her eyelids tightly shut, pressing her fingers into her eye sockets as she tried to block out Lee’s words. He was wrong. She wasn’t running. She had a destiny, a purpose, something that would frakking save them all.

She flipped over on the cot, her body’s restless energy fed by her chaotic thoughts. _What the frak were you thinking?_ Despite their brief reunion, nothing had changed between them. And as Lee’s voice continued to press on her thoughts, she abandoned hope for sleep, casting off the blanket to feel the sharp coldness of the air against her bare skin. She searched her floor for the clothes that Lee had stripped from her the night before and frowned at finding them neatly folded on a chair. _You could have died!_

_Frak!_ Her mind shouted, rejecting his words. It was worth the risk, Lee, she said silently and yanked the clothes off the chair, shoving them on her body until she was dressed.

She was pulling hard at the laces of her boots when the comm buzzed and she glared at it.

“Thrace,” she answered sharply.

“Kara?” A faint voice and static came on the line.

Her body stilled and she pressed the receiver harder against her ear. “Laura?” When she heard no answer, she repeated her name.

Finally, Laura answered, her voice breathy and weak. “Kara, can you come? I think I need to see Doc Cottle.”

:: :: ::

Kara paced outside sickbay, glaring at anyone who tried to speak to her. Laura had been whisked behind the blue curtains as soon as she’d arrived, her voice barely audible, skin pale as the white shirt she’d been wearing. Kara’s stomach grumbled but she ignored it as she waited for word on Laura’s condition.

“Commander,” Bill Adama’s voice came from behind her and she turned.

“Sir,” she said, nodding and sliding her face to calm.

Bill nodded back and glanced at the closed sickbay curtains. “How is she?”

“Not sure, sir. Cottle and Ishay haven’t been out and they’re not letting me in. Maybe you’ll have better luck.”

Bill snorted. “We’ll see. What happened anyway?”

“I got a call from her this morning, said she needed to see the Doc. By the time I got to her tent she was pretty out of it. I got some water into her and then we put her in a truck and shuttled her to Galactica. She insisted on walking from the hangar decks. She was in no shape to do that, sir.”

“Laura does what she wants, Kara. I’ll talk to Cottle.” He stepped away and Kara watched him walk through the blue curtain.

She heard the deep timbre of his voice and few moments later, he returned, his face grim. “Doc says she’s in rough shape, severely dehydrated and needs fluids. She’s sleeping now. Might be able to talk to her in a few hours.”

Kara nodded, chewing on her bottom lip and dug her nails into her palms, _Laura’s time was coming._

“You and Laura have gotten close,” Bill said, more of a statement than a question.

“Yes, sir.” Kara glanced at him through her lashes, not sure if he approved or not, unwilling to say much more.

“She’s strong, Kara, but the cancer…” Bill’s words drifted off, their meaning clear, that word carrying more weight than she wanted to think about.

Kara swallowed, staring hard at the hatch-marked patterns on the decking.

She sensed the Admiral shift beside her and turn towards the corridor. “Why don’t you get back to the base. I’ll have someone call you if there’s any change.”

“Yes, sir.” Kara walked part of the way with Bill, each lost in their own thoughts until they came to the corridor that would split them apart.

“How’s Lee?” Bill asked before he left her.

She blinked at his words, surprised that he’d mentioned it; they’d been carefully avoiding it for weeks.

Kara nodded, smiling a little. “He’s good.” She spoke clearly, her mind shoving away the conflict between them. “He’s still having trouble with the Prometheus. The call to Captain Franks didn’t go well.”

Bill frowned. “Tell him to give me call, Kara. I have a few more ideas.”

Kara smiled. “I will, sir.” She saluted sharply and when he returned the gesture, she spun on her heel and walked to her raptor.

:: :: ::

_The color blue fills her vision, swirling around her, capturing her attention as it shifts into red and then yellow, cycling around again in a mélange of spinning color. She grins, her body alive with the sensation of floating, the wisps of a cloud spreading beneath her like unformed wings. Through the streams of moist air she sees space, black with twinkling stars that flicker in and out of her view as she spins slowly around the cone of color, body feeling light and buoyant on its surface. _

_Down and down she spins, faster and faster until her hair blows back off her face and she gasps, life and light rushing into her body, separating each cell and then reforming, ecstasy jolting her body as she dives into the eye of the storm. Trembling with a sexual need, she arches back and over, tumbling wildly until she emerges into a calm silence, drifting, turning slowly as she opens her eyes to the blackness of space, a single bright star in the distance._

_A shimmering cloud carries her, a fine and pure mist enveloping her her body and casting her down slowly into a field of tall grass, green and wide, curving gently into the horizon. Her skin is soft, calm as the grass tickles her feet and she walks, stepping lightly through a soft bed of moss, eyes trained on a solitary figure in the distance. Her eyes shimmer with tears, body trembling with a satisfied joy as she approaches and sees him turn, hair lighter and longer, eyes still the same sharp blue blinking in surprise. _

_His arms wrap around her, safe and warm, the end of her journey, the fantasy come true and it feels good._

Kara sighed in her sleep, body slowly coming to awareness, the tight feeling of a flightsuit against her skin. Blinking, she licked her lips, throat feeling dry from so many hours in the recycled air of the raptor. Spread out before her, the purple hazy mass of the Lion’s Head Nebula glowed, its single flashing eye giving her no more than it had before.

With her lips curved into a smile, she shifted in her seat, the warm promise of her dream giving her hope as she cycled the FTL to her interim coordinates and prepared to jump back to New Caprica.

She turned the FTL key and the sensation of rushing and stretching blocked out all thought for a moment until she emerged into blank space. A few minutes later, she jumped again, snapping into existence on the far side of New Caprica.

Guiding the raptor smoothly around the planet she saw Galactica in orbit and thought of Laura. She requested permission to land and settled down on the flight deck with a purpose in her heart.

:: :: ::

Lee organized the papers on his desk, filing away old reports that he’d never had time to read and making room for the documents that required his immediate attention. With another hour before he would finish, Lee flicked on the wireless unit to hear the latest news.

_The new alcohol provisions go into effect at the beginning of next week. These regulations, designed to curb what has been described as rampant alcoholism around New Caprica, will provide tighter control over the liquor supply on New Caprica. The original bill, defeated in the Quorum a few weeks ago, would have prohibited the use of alcohol by anyone other than religious figures. This new law will instead regulate when and where alcohol can be sold. Stay tuned for more news about how this will affect you, tomorrow at 0900 on the McMannis-Ellison Hour. _

The news continued, reviewing the events of the week, including the somber news of Cally’s death, continuing a long tradition of citing the names of the dead to commemorate the dwindling human race. Lee frowned, pausing with his hand on a stack of files as he thought about Galen and the boys, about how they would fare without Cally. Unbidden, his mind went to his own fears about losing Kara, wondering how he could ever get through it. Images flowed out before him, his imagined grief catching in his throat until he realized that his thoughts had grown dark and grim. He inhaled sharply, shaking his head and focusing back on the wireless report.

At the top of the hour, a new program came on and Lee groaned, nearly turning off the unit as Corin Gruschek’s voice came across the wireless. She was going on and on about the “private lives of public people,” bullshit that the New Capricans ate up. Lee had been careful to keep a low profile since she’d grilled him about Kara and so in the interim, she’d mentioned him only a few times. He was certain that his support of Sarah Porter’s bill was the real reason she’d stayed away from him.

_For the last week, you’ve all been wondering about these new regulations to outlaw prostitution on New Caprica. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this reporter has the inside scoop on one of the major players in the move to pass this new legislation. _

Lee’s ear pricked and he leaned back to listen, propping his feet up on a chair near his desk.

_Our newsroom has gotten word from a reliable source that the Vice President might not be as clean cut as his image leads us to believe._

Lee froze, his eyes snapping to the wireless unit on the shelf.

_It appears, curious listeners, that Mr. Adama frequented Cloud 9, the luxury spaceliner for the better part of two months during his tenure as Commander of the Air Group on Galactica. What was he doing there, you might ask? Well, my friends, he wasn’t checking their FTL drives._

Lee swallowed and stood, his body beginning to tremble with anger at the implication in her tone. He turned up the volume on the wireless and listened.

_Word reaching this reporter’s ears indicates that the Vice President does indeed have a thing for blondes, having frequented an unnamed prostitute on Cloud 9 on at least four occasions. It leads me to ask then, why Mr. Adama changed his position on prostitution at the last moment. He voted for the new law._

Feeling all of the blood rush out of his face, Lee sat heavily back down on his chair, his stomach churning as he listened to the rest of the report.

_Why the sudden change of heart, my friends? Well, I guess we’ll have to find out. This has been Corin Gruschek with the private word on our public figures._

Her voice was replaced by a public service announcement for the new food distribution center in the south western district, the words becoming white noise in his head. He gripped the arms of the chair, fingers digging painfully into the wood. With sudden clarity, he realized that only one person could have called Corin Gruschek: _Tom Zarek_.

:: :: ::

Kara entered sickbay, wrinkling her nose at the strong antiseptic smell permeating the enclosed area. In the back corner of the bay, Laura Roslin slept soundly, a pale blue blanket covering her to the waist. Her auburn hair was mussed, half formed to her head like a helmet, the rest spread out haphazardly across the pillow. Kara approached, her eyes lingering on the woman’s pale skin, only slightly less pale than it had been when she’d brought her here.

Settling into a chair at her bedside, Kara pulled out a sheet of paper and a pencil and began to sketch, recording her impressions of the mandala and Earth. The prospect of giving Laura good news about their mission made her smile as her pencil scribbled across the page. The woman deserved some good news.

A while later, Laura shifted in her bed and blinked awake, scanning the room and finding Kara. “What time is it?” she asked, moving to sit up a little.

“It’s late,” Kara said and laid her paper aside to lean forward. “How are you feeling?”

“Thirsty,” she croaked and Kara poured her a glass of water.

Laura extended a trembling hand and took the water, drinking it slowly before setting it back onto the hospital tray that Kara had moved closer.

“Thank you, Kara. What are you doing here?” Laura rubbed her eyes and reached for her glasses.

“I have something for you.” She held out the paper, now shaded with pencil, colors indicated in words along the rings of the mandala.

Laura took the paper and deliberately focused her eyes. “What is it?”

“A mandala. I saw it in my vision the other night after I took the chamalla. It’s something I’ve been drawing my whole life, Laura.” Kara’s face brightened as she spoke about it.

Laura glanced at her and back at the page. “What does it mean?” Laura traced the drawing with her finger.

“I think it’s the final stop before Earth. I jumped to the nebula today and fell asleep after a few hours of watching that flashing eye, which told me nothing by the way. My dream was so vivid. The mandala was a huge cloud of gas and I went through the eye and landed directly on Earth. It was perfect.”

Kara watched Laura’s face as she spoke, face lighting with hope. “I’ve never seen it in my visions, Kara. Are you sure?”

She leaned close to Laura to answer. “This mandala has been in my head since I was a little girl. It has to mean something. It’s my destiny, you said so yourself.” She took the paper, tapping her finger against it. “We need to find it.”

Laura paused, her face lost in thought. “What about Lee? He was very angry about Earth. I can’t imagine he let it drop, Kara.”

She pressed her lips into a line. “Lee has his own issues with Earth, but I’m doing what I have to do. This is important, Laura. It’s everything.”

Laura sighed, her face becoming sad. “I wish this had gone another way.”

“What do you mean?”

“That we’d never stopped looking in the first place, that we would have bypassed New Caprica. We could be there already. But what if this isn’t it, Kara? The nebula – it wasn’t anything. What if this mandala doesn’t lead to Earth?” Laura’s voice sounded more unsure than Kara had ever heard it before and tears stung her eyes.

“It will, Laura. It will.” Kara spoke with conviction, ignoring the voice that shared those doubts. “I just have to find it.”

Laura breathed and a smiled, her face less strained and she reached for Kara’s hand.

“I know you will.”

:: :: ::

Lee took the steps two at a time, his face mottled with anger as he approached Tom’s door. Thia had gone for the evening and the lights were dimmed. He knocked, waited and knocked again harder. With no response, he tried the handle. Locked. He waited for a long second, the words of the reporter sounding in his mind again, and then he pounded hard enough to rattle the entire door, some of his anger flowing out in the process.

With a deep breath, he took a step back, his hands on his hips as he worked the muscle in his jaw. What the frak was he supposed to do now? He felt sick, his heart squeezing bile into his veins as he thought about the implications of Corin’s newscast. He’d worked hard to make alliances with the Quorum, letting his honesty speak for itself and then this, a feckless report about something that shouldn’t even matter.

He knew the public, knew Sarah Porter and he imagined his alliances crumbling with this news. But why? Why the frak would Tom do this to him? Lee began to pace, his mind working through the problem until only one answer remained: the Prometheus.

Taking the steps back down, Lee closed up his office and went home. He needed to make a plan, talk to his father, find Kara, and figure out some way to fix this. It felt like everything was out of balance, all the hard work he’d done seemed not to matter in one instant.

He tried to clear his mind as he took the short walk home, holding his head high and proud, ignoring the few stares he got along the way. He wouldn’t let this ruin everything.

:: :: ::

After grabbing a quick dinner, Kara found Lieutenant Gaeta in the junior officer’s quarters.

“Lieutenant,” she called out, eyes trained on Felix, and he looked up surprised from his book. A few other junior officers glanced up from their own activities, mildly curious.

“Sir,” he said standing, his finger holding his place between the pages.

“Come with me, Lieutenant,” she said and waited for him to shrug on his jacket. He dropped the book onto his bunk and followed her.

“What is it, sir,” he asked as they walked down the corridor and took the steps to the C-deck.

“I need you to research a symbol. Something I discovered a few days ago. Related to Earth,” she said as she took the steps fast, eager to get down to it.

He followed her closely without speaking until they reached the astrolab and she’d shut the hatch. Unfolding a piece of paper, she produced a now-colored drawing of the mandala and handed it to him.

“This. Does it look familiar to you?” She waited expectantly as Gaeta looked at it.

He shook his head and gave it back to her. “No, sir, I’ve never seen it.”

“What about the book of Pythia? Does it describe this? It could be a cloud, like a tornado only wider and flatter.” She pulled out a chair and sat, watched as Felix did the same.

“Well, sir, after the Lion’s Head Nebula, the next marker it describes is something called the Eye of Jupiter, but it doesn’t say what it is.” He glanced at the paper again. “That small circle in the center, that could be an eye, I supposed, but I'm not sure.”

“When you were working on the signposts to Earth, did you search for this Eye of Jupiter?” She tapped the paper.

“No, sir.”

“Well, do it.” Kara thumbed over her shoulder towards the astrolab’s computer.

Felix glanced from her to the computer and then back. “Okay...but what am I looking for?”

“I don’t know, that’s why you’re here. Figure it out.” Her tone grew impatient and Felix stood, walking to the computer to log in.

“I’ll search by formation, sir. The thing you’re describing, did it move like a tornado? Was it gaseous, like a celestial body?”

“Yes, it spun, but slowly, with thick rings of red, blue and yellow.”

Felix studied her. “Can I ask where you saw it, Commander?”

“No. Just search.”

Felix looked away, typing into the computer as she watched. Fifteen minutes passed before he spoke again.

“Does it look like this, sir?” Felix pointed to the screen, revealing an oblong sphere of blue and gold.

Kara leaned over, her face scowling. “No. Look at the picture. It looks just like this.” She held it out again and he glanced at it before returning his eyes to the computer screen.

“You said a tornado, Commander? Tornados don’t happen in space. That kind of formation would be bound inside a planet’s atmosphere, or at least very close to a planet. I doubt that our scans could detect something like that.”

Kara’s face wrinkled. Not the news she had hoped for. “Search anyway, Lieutenant.”

Standing abruptly, she took the sheet of paper and jammed it back into her pocket. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“But, sir,” he interrupted. “I have to be on duty in six hours.”

Kara looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Then I guess you’ll be tired.”

She spun on her heel and left the lab.

:: :: ::

It was well past midnight and Lee couldn’t sleep. His mind continued to repeat Corin Gruschek’s words and in return, his mind produced fantasies about how he would confront Tom Zarek. The man was doing everything he could to discredit Lee, to make his position so weak that no one would listen to him. And he was doing it in the dirtiest of ways.

He’d put a call into both his father and the base for Kara, but neither had been returned, so instead he sat in his quarters, drinking ambrosia in the dark. Raking a hand through his hair, Lee wished that his mind could go blank. He was tired – tired of constantly running over the same ground, tired of his personal conflicts and mistakes thrown into his face over and over again.

With a disgusted groan, he rubbed his eyes. He’d always thought politics would be hard, but somehow he hadn’t imagined it would be like this, with Tom using his personal life for leverage. This whole thing seemed to have no rules, nothing he could follow to figure out what to do next. His adherence to the right side of things was starting to feel unstable, an untenable position that didn’t seem to help him. His convictions to do right by the people, especially those on the Prometheus, seemed not to matter anymore.

What he really wanted more than anything was Kara, to have her here, laughing or joking or just talking with their feet touching on the sofa. He trusted her advice and the fact that she was gone left him feeling abandoned and lost. Sitting alone in his quarters while the city gossiped about him was the last frakking place in the worlds he wanted to be.

With an irritated sigh, he turned and stretched his legs out on the sofa and covered his eyes with a pillow. He was done.

A couple of hours later, he woke, his body chilled and aching from the cold, the lights still bright. He checked the time, 0400, and frowned as he glanced at the still empty bed. Kara had not come home.

With the clumsiness of sleep, he rose and clicked off the lights, wobbling as he walked and scraping his elbow on the bookcase. He cursed and made his way to the bed, falling into it and tucking himself under the blankets. His mind was thick with sleep, but a tiny spark of wakefulness crept in, threading through his thoughts and bringing his mind to an uncomfortable place between worry and anger as he pulled Kara’s pillow against his chest. His mind turned and turned until he fell into a fitful sleep.

:: :: ::

_Lee blinks his eyes against the brightness of the clouds, a thick white covering that obscures his vision as his ship rattles through a storm. His hand is heavy on the stick, the seamed fabric of his gloves pressed hard against his palm. Gravity drives his body back and his helmet bangs on the seat behind him._

_“Starbuck. Apollo. Lost you on DRADIS. I say again, I’ve lost you.” _

_Lee squints, checking his instruments, looking for the blip of her ship on the screen. He can’t breathe for the fear coursing through his body, every muscle clenched in the effort to find her ship. He needs to find her. _

_“I’ll try and get a fix on you.” There’s no response and he knows they’re getting to close to the planet. He struggles to keep the ship flat, eyes still peering through the soup of clouds. _

_“Kara!” her name bursts from his throat, clawing it’s way out, begging her to hear him._

_“Lee.” Her voice sounds weird, detached, dazed. “I’m not afraid anymore.” _

_What she says doesn’t make any sense. “Say again.” _

_“I’m not afraid anymore.” He hears her clearly this time. Something is very wrong. _

_“Kara, listen to me. Forget the damn toaster. Climb now or you’re dead.” He pushes calm into his voice, urging her, telling himself that she’ll listen. Silently begging her to listen._

_She doesn’t speak and he tries again, “We can still pull out of this. We haven’t gone past the point of no return.” No answer. “Kara!” he shouts again. _

_“Godsdamnit, where are you?” Anger and frustration edge his voice as water pours in rivulets down his canopy. He can’t see a frakking thing._

_And then he spots her and he edges slightly forward in his seat, hitting the throttle to speed towards her. “Visual. Visual. Okay. Kara, I’m coming to get you.”_

_“Lee,” she says, her voice so sad that he is startled. “I’ll see you on the other side.” _

_“Kara, please, listen to me! Come back.”_

_“Just let me go…” Her voice is a whisper across the comm._

_“Godsdamnit, Kara. You come back! COME BACK!” He is shouting into the comm, his voice rasping in desperation. _

_Her disembodied voice answers him. “It’s okay…just let me go.” _

_He doesn’t know what to say, he can’t catch her, she won’t listen. She doesn’t even sound like Kara any more. _

_“They’re waiting for me,” comes through his headset, tinny and strange and then a flash, bright, blinding._

_He jumps, a shocked scream ripping from his throat. Her ship explodes, bursting into a firework of flames and debris. Every cell in his body vibrates violently as he watches the embers spray out into a starburst of yellow flame, and then he stills, all sensation flattening out into disbelief. She is gone._

Lee bolted upright, gasping for air in the cold darkness of his tent. His heart had been lit by a firecracker, sparking erratically inside his chest and he couldn’t stop seeing the flash of her ship exploding before his eyes. _Kara,_ his mind gasped. Tears were streaming down his face and he swiped them angrily away.

_It’s not real. It’s not real,_ he told himself, standing and beginning to pace. He was shivering, his sweat-soaked body now cold and damp. _She’s okay. She has to be okay. _

Thoughts of Galen sprung to mind, the deathly pale he’d seen on his face in sickbay that day. The emptiness at the funeral, so overcome that he could barely speak. Then the worries he had about her coalesced, his mind snapping to the reality that one day he might have to live through that. Blindly, he'd thought somehow that all of the danger was behind them, that she was safe and they were building a life together.

For days, though, since the funeral, panicked thoughts had dogged him, his worry coming in bursts of anxiety that he had tried to control, telling himself that Kara was not Cally, that she wasn’t going to die. None of it had stopped the feeling of dread and fear in his gut. Ever since he'd found her at Laura's he'd fought against the fear, ignoring the reality of what was really happening with her. Somehow he kept believing it would stop.

The truth of it slammed into him and he dropped back down onto the sofa, swallowing away bitter bile. Kara was risking her life to search for Earth and he knew in his gut that there was nothing he could do about it. Everything in her attitude told him she wouldn't stop. She wanted something that could kill her, something she was doing on her own this time, not because the cylons were on her tail. She was choosing to do this, choosing to risk her life instead of making a new life on New Caprica. With him.

His throat tightened and he swiped away fresh tears. Everything he thought they were building could be swept away in an instant and she didn’t seem to care. New grief welled up in his chest and he doubled over, feeling the emotions of everything crashing down around him: Kara, Tom, his future, all going to shit.

Sometime later, he was spent, lying exhausted and cold in the dark. Eventually, he rose, taking a deep breath and pulled a sweatshirt over his head. He felt numb now, lost and bleary-eyed as he rubbed his face. The light outside was beginning to brighten and he sat back on the sofa, staring at their empty bed, unable to do anything except wait for Kara to come home.

:: :: ::

Tendrils of pale yellow light broke over the horizon as Kara took the last few steps to her quarters, mind foggy with exhaustion. It had been twenty-four hours without sleep and her body sagged with fatigue. All night she’d worked with Felix to find that mandala, and now, with nothing to show for it, she just wanted her bed. Quietly, she pushed the door open and stepped into their quarters, eyes adjusting to the dimness as she dropped her bag onto the floor and moved slowly forward.

Lee’s voice sounded from the sofa and she glanced over, seeing him sitting upright, fully dressed, holding on to a pillow. “Where were you all night, Kara? On your mission? I thought you were coming home.”

She dropped her bag onto the floor with a sharp thud and closed her eyes. “I am home, Lee.”

“It’s the next day, Kara.”

“I had shit to do. Why are you making such a big deal about it?” She stripped off her jacket, threw it on the chair.

He tipped up his head and she caught the hard glint in his eye. “Because it is a big deal.”

She unlaced her boots and didn’t answer. She knew this was about more than not coming home.

His voice was flat when he spoke again. “You know, I needed you last night. Tom pulled some political stunt and aired my frakking business all over the wireless. It’s a frakking mess, Kara, and you were nowhere to be found.” The disappointment in his voice made her cringe.

“I called the base twice until I found out where you were. Called Galactica, no one called me back. I sat up half the night wondering if you were dead or alive.” Anger edged his voice now and her jaw clenched as they locked eyes. He was spoiling for a fight and she was going to give it to him. She stepped forward, fists clenched.

And then he slumped back into the sofa and sighed, his body becoming smaller in the cushions. She stopped, struck by his pose.

She stared at his face as he began to speak, his voice tired and resigned. “In the end, I realized that you’re just you, Kara. And that you’re going to risk your life, _our_ life together to chase some dream of Earth that a dying woman planted in your head. You don’t want to be here. Doesn’t seem to matter that I’m here, too.”

He stood slowly and walked towards her, moving close enough that she could see the sadness in his eyes. “Kara, I love you so frakking much and I thought—” His voice caught and he looked away.

She swallowed at the sight of his face, eyes glistening with tears as he spoke again. “I can’t watch you die, Kara. I can’t wake up one morning and find out that you never came back, that you got lost out there or died or worse. I can’t.” Her eyes filled, too, as he sniffed and turned away to pull his jacket on.

She blinked hard when he glanced back at her once more. “I can do anything but that.”

Kara stared at him as he gathered his things for the day. Tears filled her eyes, hot and stinging, and rolled down her cheeks. She was doing it for them and he didn’t understand. Her mind screamed with everything that she wanted to say, every explanation, every word she could think of to make him understand. They all sat in her mouth, sour and useless because there was nothing that could fix it. This was something she just needed to do and in the end he might be right. She might disappear or something terrible might happen to her, but it didn’t matter. She didn’t want to hurt him, but Earth was their ticket off this hellhole and she couldn’t give it up. Not for anything. Not even for him.

Kara sunk down into the chair behind her, tears still streaming down her face and into the fabric of her shirt. “I’m sorry, Lee,” was all she could say.

He walked past her silently, so close that she could have stopped him with her hand. He paused at the door and she stared at his profile, praying that he would change his mind and make all of this pain go away. _Please,_ she begged silently, but held her hands stiffly in her lap.

He opened the door and left.


	32. Chapter 32

Kara sat heavily in the cockpit of a raptor, the engines warm and ready for her to leave the hangar deck as she called out her final check to the LSO. Gaeta had given her five more sets of coordinates, each a possibility for the mandala she’d been pushing him to find.

“Raptor 1255 you are cleared for launch. Good hunting,” Captain Vermeer’s voice sounded in her headset and she pulled at the raptor controls, lifting off roughly and speeding towards the twinkling blackness of space.

She cruised around the planet, gliding to her usual location on the far side of New Caprica and into Galactica’s blindspot where she could jump away without detection. She hovered in space, typed the first set of coordinates and turned the FTL key, taking a breath that held through the _shift_ of space and time until she emerged into a cloud of orange-hued spacedust, her raptor rattling against debris scattered all around her.

She checked the DRADIS and the scans, banking hard right to push through the formation and emerge into clear space a couple thousand clicks away. Drifting slowly, she gasped at the beauty of the display in front of her, a wide expanse of orange matter with spots of black debris and white twinkling stars throughout.

“Hell of a set of vacation pictures,” she chortled, cycling the camera through a dozen images, rapt by the splendor of the discovery. “Damn. Remind me to buy Gaeta a drink when I get back,” she mumbled to no one.

Easing back a few thousand clicks more, she typed in the next set of coordinates and jumped away, repeating the maneuver three more times over the next four hours. At each jump she took extensive scans, looking for a sign of the colorful mandala they’d been searching for.

With a sigh, she typed in the final set of coordinates, her mind fully aware of the unlikelihood that she would find what she was looking for. Blind faith had guided her before, the belief that the gods would intervene, show her the way to Earth, but they had not. Instead, she continued to search, spurred on by Laura’s steady decline and the images in her own vision, the beautiful mandala depositing her onto the wide green plains of Earth. That was where she belonged, if only the gods would help her get there.

When Kara next turned the FTL key, she emerged and her canopy filled with the bright red of a planet.

“Bingo.” She grinned, her heart beginning to race. Kara eased away from the planet, pulling the raptor from the slight tug of the planet’s gravity to survey her surroundings.

She banked left to glide around the planet, adjusting the scans as she piloted the ship. As she sped around the equator of what was turning out to be a gas giant, the DRADIS alarm sounded, and two blips appeared on the screen. She pulled back hard on the throttle, slowing her speed, but still moving forward. In the corner of her eye she caught the movement, two raiders at the far edge of the canopy and she banked hard towards the planet to shield herself from view.

“FRAK!” she shouted, fingers dancing over the controls of the clunky bird, wishing she was in her godsdamned viper.

The ship careened into the gravitation pull of the planet and she yanked hard on the controls, urging the ship to emerge from the planet’s exosphere and into open space. She continued to hug the perimeter of the giant world to stay out of sight. With shaking fingers, she re-engaged the FTL, jumping back to her previous coordinates as quickly as she could.

She popped back into space with a sickening feeling in her stomach, muscles vibrating against her flightsuit as she held the ship unmoving and waited for the DRADIS to scan. Nothing. She hesitated, waiting again to see if she had been tracked, scanning with her eyes to find the familiar glint of starlight bouncing off of the hull of a raider. Her gut told her she was free and clear, but the threat made sweat bead on her skin and she breathed to calm herself. She’d forgotten the total rush of engaging the enemy, but the sourness of the adrenaline in her mouth reminder her sharply of the danger she might be putting everyone into by straying inadvertently into a cylon patrol.

Rolling her shoulders to relieve the tension, she pulled a second sheet of coordinates out of her bag. “Gaeta, you saved my frakking ass. I owe you one.” It had been Gaeta’s smart thinking that had given her a list of safe jumps he’d calculated into empty regions of space. She shook her head at her own carelessness and crap planning. Nothing about the search for Earth was going right.

Carefully, with one last glance at the DRADIS, she typed in the new coordinates and jumped away.

:: :: ::

Snow fell for the first time since the Fleet settled New Caprica, small specks of gray-white sleet darting towards the inhabitants of the planet, their coats and hats pulled tightly around themselves to protect from the biting wind. From the Quorum meeting room on Colonial One, Lee watched the passersby and shivered, his thoughts shifting, as always, to Kara and the tents on the base that were never quite warm enough to be comfortable.

In the week that had passed since their argument, the nights had been cold as he slept uncomfortably on the sofa, his eyes drifting closed as he faced the bed, untouched since she’d moved her things back to the base. Empty spaces where her things had been dotted the room, leaving it uncluttered and bare, looking almost uninhabited as he spent most of his time at the office, tending to details that had been pushed to the bottom of his to-do list.

“— hear from the Vice President. Mr. Adama, what can you add to this discussion?” Jacob Cantrell’s voice intruded into his thoughts and his head snapped back to the thirteen other people in the room, their faces turned towards him as they awaited his response. Tom’s eyes were tiny glittering specs as he watched him under a furrowed brow.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s snowing.” Lee smiled, and breathed a sigh of relief as every head turned to stare out the windows, some of the Quorum delegates leaving their chairs to get a better view. His smile faded as he watched them, an image of Kara, eyes bright with delight flashing into his mind; he was sure that Kara loved snow.

Robin Wenutu, a particularly stern woman, turned away from the windows, her face unexpectedly bright when she caught Lee’s eyes. He smiled softly, reigning his mind back to the present as the others returned to their seats.

Lee spoke, “In light of this new weather development, we should start our dissemination of the snow emergency protocols. Oswyn, you’ve been working on those. Are they ready for distribution?”

Oswyn nodded, jotting down a few notes onto a white pad. “I’ll have my team post notices in the town hall and cafeteria. I’ll also forward a press release to your office by this afternoon. The wireless will be asking questions, so we should be ready.”

Lee leaned back in his chair. “Cross your fingers and hope we don’t get a deluge before we get the word out. I’ll contact the Fleet and put them on snow emergency standby. If we get hit hard, we may need to start evacuations for those who need them.” Lee glanced at Thia who made a note.

Sarah Porter cleared her throat, her harsh tone contrasting sharply against the brightened mood of the Quorum. “Now, if you don’t mind, Mr. Adama, can we please resume our discussion about implementing the alcohol restrictions?” Sarah stood, staring down her nose at Lee, her posture and the tilt of her head challenging.

Lee frowned, nodding. “Of course, Sarah. What was the question?” Lee leaned forward holding her eyes, dismayed by her arrogant attitude. He’d thought that his recent votes had meant a truce.

“My office has been hearing rumors about a shipment of alcohol from the Prometheus. Apparently, the ship is selling a huge stock of alcohol before the new law goes into effect in three days. It’s unconscionable, Mr. Adama. You indicated to me that the Prometheus would be well in hand by the time these laws were enacted.”

Lee frowned. “I understand your concerns, Robin, but that question might be better posed to the President. He is more familiar with the Prometheus than I am. Tom?” His eyes swung to the President and the man raised his head, fixing Lee with an even stare. The tension arced across the room and the Quorum members shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Rumors of their conflict had obviously spread.

“Of course, Lee,” he said casually, flicking his pen on the table. “Sarah, in this instance, the Prometheus has done nothing wrong. The manufacturers of the alcohol are seeking to make a profit before the new law constricts the free flow of commerce. We can’t enforce a law before it goes into effect. I won’t step in.”

Sarah sputtered, glancing between the two men. “Well, I can’t even imagine what they are doing in advance of the prostitution ban then. And we are condoning it.” She sat down heavily, her face lined with disgust as she glared at Lee.

Tom interrupted with mild derision. “Maybe Mr. Adama can address that concern, Sarah.” The implication in his tone was clear.

Lee was prepared. He'd expected some kind of attack since the newswire report about his relationship with Shevon.

Lee caught Sarah’s eyes and then glanced to the other Quorum members. “I have not been in contact with the Prometheus for several weeks. I can’t say what they are doing, but I am inclined to agree with Tom about their activities before the law goes into effect. We have no grounds to interfere.” Tom nodded in his direction; this public agreement could give him some breathing room.

“Figures you would say that,” Sarah muttered under her breath and the other occupants of the table chattered, a wave of quieted voices sharing her concerns and Lee pinched his lips together. _Or maybe not._ With a hard glance at Tom, he stared blankly down at his notes, the weight of disapproval heavy on his shoulders, and wished he were somewhere else.

:: :: ::

_Laura shivers, her mouth going slack as she steps out of the raptor and then closing tight, lips pressed together as she takes in the scene. Everything is gray and black and dead. All of it. Even the soil as she walks crunches under a heavy pair of boots and she looks down to see green fatigues, strangely colorful against the flat landscape. Bill holds her arm, supporting her against the depth of her grief, strong fingers digging into too-thin flesh as she stumbles over nothing, everything, that would never be. _

_Earth. This is Earth, her mind screams, body going into emotional shutdown as she spins around slowly, eyes glued on the broken landscape. ‘It’s the entire planet,’ she hears from Helo and fights back tears._

Laura woke shivering, her thin hands pulling at the blankets to warm her shaking body. Wincing, she tried to open her eyes, but the room was too bright, overhead lights searing her retinas and she closed them again, her body sinking listlessly into the sheets, mind once more drifting into dream.

_The pages burn, one by one as she ignites them, the flames flickering hot near her skin and she wishes they would burn her, sear her flesh so she can feel something, anything to remind her why she is still alive. An empty and dying husk of a woman who has lead her people to nothing. Her gut sours, a shot of whiskey the only burn she can stand and then she tips her body sideways to lie on the rough wool of a rug, her eyes tracing the sharp lines of a sprig of green that she’s kept clutched in her hand. The tiniest bit of life that will not thrive, no matter how much she holds it. It will die like the rest. Like her. It all has to end._

Laura felt her mind struggle to leave the dream, her entire body enveloped in pain as she tried to turn in the bed. Everything hurt, every muscles and bone and cell in her body felt like it was on fire and then abruptly it ceased.

_The wind bites at her skin and she pulls her coat around her waist as she walks in high weeds towards a mass of metal wreckage. She is drawn here, eyes scanning the emptiness, seeing trees frozen in death, their empty branches stark against a pale sky. Ahead of her the blackened metal twists into a garish sculpture, and she trips, catching her balance to see scattered pieces of white and red debris underfoot. She steps carefully, her hands now outstretched for balance as her heart pounds, fear pricking at her insides._

_Laura walks slowly around the ship, eyes searching for something she can recognize, and then she sees the body and steps away, stumbling. Laura swallows and looks away, bile burning hot in her throat. She rises to her knees, and approaches again, ducking down to see the corpse, and she reaches out a hand to tilt the head up. White blond hair surrounds a ghastly face and Laura gasps, releasing the helmet. Kara! _

Laura woke with a jolt, mind screaming where her voice could not. A loud squeak emerged from her throat and she thrashed in the sheets.

“Kara,” she grated, eyes blinking against the bright light.

“Kara…” Laura began to cough, wracking convulsions mixed with sobs that made breathing impossible. Alarms began to sound as she struggled for air, her chest tightening in a vice-like grip. Her stomach turned and vomit rushed into her mouth. Voices filled the space around her body and everything turned black.

_A shock jolts her body and she convulses, a bright spray of fireworks in front of her eyes. Lee’s voice is desperate as he shouts, ‘Kara. Kara you come back!’ Laura’s body convulses again and she gasps deeply, air filling her lungs and Kara’s voice echoes in her ears, ‘Just let me go…’ _

_Laura screams, ‘No!’ and her heart begins to beat again, wildly, as she reaches towards the sound of voices._

“Okay, we have a rhythm. Adjust her electrolytes and get a blood gas. Damn.” Cottle’s voice was faint. “And get Thrace. She’s said her name three times in the last five minutes.”

_Kara’s still alive. _

:: :: ::

Tom emerged from the Quorum meeting with a smirk on his face, mentally congratulating himself for the way he played the delegates and Lee. For a week, he’d received repeated requests for interviews about Lee’s involvement with the Prometheus. Tom’s hopes for shifting loyalties back to his side was slowly beginning to happen.

Closing his office door behind him, Tom sat at his cluttered desk, shifting aside papers and reaching for the comm. The crackle on the line indicated that the call had reached the Prometheus and a moment later, a man’s deep voice sounded on the line.

“This is Tom. Get me Hector.”

After a moment, the man answered in heavily-accented Tauron. “Haven’t heard from you in a while. Haven’t seen the Marines, either, so I guess you’ve started to contain Mr. Adama?”

“The go-date on the prostitution law has been pushed back, Hector. That gives you more time to move your operations to the Zephyr.”

“How much time?”

“Maybe two weeks.”

“Not long enough, Tom.” Hector’s voice was clipped and Tom shifted in his chair, finger absently spinning Dominic’s Antarus signet ring on his finger.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Tom was noncommittal, barely even sure that he’d be able to push the date back by two weeks despite what he’d told Hector.

“You’ve got to do better than that, Tom. You screwed up the vote in the first place. Fix it.” Hector’s tone was sharp and final and Tom sensed he was about to jump off the line.

“Hector, let me talk to Dominic.”

“No can do, Tom. Once we’re safely operating on the Zephyr, maybe we can arrange a visit with your dear boy. Until then, stay put and don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” Derision dripped from Hector’s voice, a man clearly unafraid of Tom Zarek’s position as President.

Tom reacted sharply, speaking without thinking. “I don’t have to delay the implementation of the law at all, Hector. And transports from the Prometheus and the Zephyr are often vulnerable to equipment failure.” Tom let the threat linger between them.

“Watch your step Mr. President. I’d hate to see you lose that job you love so much. Or end up on the other side of an airlock.” Hector snorted and the static on the line abruptly ceased.

Cursing, Tom slammed down the receiver, his patience with Hector’s blackmail finally at an end. In an instant, the power dynamic between the two men had become intolerable. No one could maintain that power over him, and in turn, the people of New Caprica. He’d fought his entire life against tyrants and he wasn’t about to let some thug from Tauron spoil his efforts to create a society for the people. The Prometheus be damned. He was done.

:: :: ::

Kara’s eyes blinked open at the sounds of Laura moving in the bed. Straightening, she watched as the woman came into consciousness, eyes fluttering as her tongue licked dry lips. The woman’s skin was pale and gaunt, a thin clear tube of oxygen around her face as she looked around the room and shifted on the sheets. Cottle’s words kept ringing in Kara’s ears, _heart attack. _

“Kara?” she asked, straining her eyes to see Kara in the now dimmed lights of sickbay.

“I’m here, Laura. The doc said you were asking for me.” Kara picked up the book that had fallen onto the floor when she’d fallen asleep.

“A vision, Kara. I had a vision.” Her voice was a rough whisper and Kara moved closer, taking the chair usually reserved for the Admiral.

“Did you see another sign?” Kara’s eyes brightened. She needed some good news.

Shaking her head weakly, Laura coughed. “No, Kara. No. It’s all a mistake. You have to stop searching.”

Kara’s head snapped back in surprise. “Stop? What are you talking about?”

“Earth. It’s not what we think it is. It’s dead, Kara. My vision…” Laura coughed again and Kara reached for water, steadying a glass at the woman’s mouth as she drank.

“What was in the vision?” Kara sat on the edge of the chair as Laura caught her breath.

“Earth, Kara. I saw Earth in my vision and it was destroyed. It had existed just like my visions showed, but later…somehow, it was destroyed. All if it. We can’t go there…it’s gone.” Laura let her head fall back into the pillow with a deep sigh.

Kara shook her head against the woman’s words.

“There’s more.” She licked her lips and glanced at Kara. “I found a ship…a viper, I think. It was you – your body. You died, Kara. I don’t know how, but the gods showed it to me.” Laura leaned up off the pillow again, her hand reaching for Kara. “You have to stop. Promise me you’ll stop.”

Pulling back sharply, Kara rose to her feet. “No. I can’t. Not now. We’re close, Laura, I can feel it. The mandala, that’s our hope. We have to find it.” Kara’s mind spun to find an explanation for Laura’s vision. “Maybe your vision was just telling us we’re on the wrong track. Maybe there’s another way.”

“No. Everything the gods have shown me has come to pass. This Earth is dead.” Her voice was stronger as she spoke and Kara stared at her unbelieving. “You have to stop now.”

“I just need more time.” Kara backed away, refusing to acknowledge the vision. Her body pushed through the curtain and into the outer sickbay where she froze and then rushed into the corridor.

“I just need more time.”

:: :: ::

Ambrosia made the chamalla go down easier and she gulped, feeling the sharp metallic tang as she swallowed long draughts of the now bitter ale. Shuddering, Kara wiped her mouth and settled into the cot, feet tucked under a blanket as she stared at the flat green walls of her tent. Laura’s words tumbled in her mind, ticking away at her already weakening resolve. If Laura’s visions couldn’t let them to Earth, maybe hers could.

_Her ship bounces, buoyed on the surface of the spiraling clouds, the spray of moisture flowing over her canopy as she looks below her. In the center, the blue and white shimmer of Earth, waiting for her to find it. Elation makes her skin tingle, a renewed purpose as she dips the nose of her viper down, pitching towards the deepest of the blue in the center of the mandala. Colors and mist swirl around her vision until everything goes white. _

_‘You are the harbinger of death, Kara Thrace. You will lead them to their end.’ The monotone voice of a woman echoes behind her, chasing her into the mist as it thickens, cloying and consuming as she runs blindly. It’s dense and sticky like paint covering her flesh and she slips, sliding along the wall of her apartment as footsteps approach. Strong arms lift her before she hits the floor, a face close to hers, a man’s tongue in her mouth as she arches her back. ‘I know why you suffer, Kara.’ _

_She falls hard this time, startled and afraid, into high weeds with bright blue skies overhead. The air is flat and tasteless and something digs into her palm. She unclenches her fist to see dog tags with her name crusted in black grit. Confused she feels at her own neck, following the chain to another set of tags, warmed by her skin and bearing the same name. She holds them together, staring in disbelief. The clouds above start to spin and she sits, gazing around her, mind filled with the memory of her body in the twisted wreckage. She begins to gag and cough._

_Smoke fills her lungs, particles of her burning body clog the air and she stumbles past the pyre into the fresher air, trying to breathe deeply as she gasps and chokes. She falls to her knees, alone. They have all gone, left this planet that she knows is dead. This Earth that was never meant to hold them. Her body breaks and she is hurtling once again towards the hard deck, her finger gripping the stick. ‘Starbuck. Pull up before it’s too late. Pull up. Damnit, Starbuck, pull out!’ Lee’s voice screams at her and she blinks, startled, images of Leoben flashing in her mind. ‘Pull up!’ _

_‘Apollo. Starbuck. Wilco.” She pulls desperately on the stick, body and ship resisting the drag of the planet until she is free. Her entire body relaxes and she floats again, peaceful and calm. ‘Kara…are you there?’ Lee asks._

_‘I’m here.’_

:: :: ::

“Hey, Doc. There’s news?” Bill glanced towards the curtains that closed off Laura’s bed from the rest of sickbay. Cottle only called him when it was bad and a sharp twang of fear unsettled him.

“It’s not looking good, Bill.” Cottle fished in his pocket for a cigarette.

He let out the breath he’d been holding. _She’s still alive. _“How long has she got?”

“Hell if I know. Woman should have been dead a month ago. Go and see her. She’s awake now, but maybe not for long.” Cottle put the stub of a half-smoked cigarette in his mouth and turned away.

Bill’s eyes followed him and then swung back toward Laura. His boots felt heavy on his feet as he walked, making the same twenty-one steps he had for the past few weeks. _Weeks he wished he would have taken long before._

Sliding the curtain open he found her resting, glasses held lightly in her hand. When he took a seat beside her, she turned toward him eyes still closed and smiled. “Did you come to finish the book, Bill?”

“How’d you know it was me?” he asked, a returning smile in his voice. Her skin was paler today, voice reedier than he’d heard it before.

She opened her eyes and her face brightened, color blooming onto her cheeks. “I always know, Bill. Reminds me of when I was a child and my father came to check on me at night. He always knew I wasn’t asleep. He’d pretend anyway and kiss my forehead before he left me. I adored my father.”

Bill simply smiled, grief too thick in his throat to trust his voice. He reached for her hand instead.

“The last chapter?” Laura squeezed his fingers and settled into her pillow with a sigh.

Bill began to read and Laura closed her eyes.

:: :: ::

The pillow smelled foul beneath Kara’s face, or maybe it was her hair, she had no frakking clue as she rolled over, still in the clothes she’d worn to visit Laura two days before. The air was cold and stale and she pulled a blanket tightly to her chin, digging her body into the thin cot for warmth.

Her brain was dizzy with alcohol, and the visions that were once burned brightly in her mind had faded to a dull shadow. She’d drunk the images away and she intended to keep doing it until she couldn’t. _Frakking Earth. Motherfrakking Roslin and her Earth. Dead. All of it dead and what the frak was she supposed to do? _

When her mind continued to spin, she sat, leaning forward to grab a half-empty bottle and swallowing what was left. Her stomach, long past empty, started to object and she found some stale crackers and shook bottle after empty bottle until she found one with alcohol.

Her insides felt black, rotted out with the anger that coursed through her veins. It was vile and dark, and all she could do was drink, drowning all the shit she couldn’t have in a sour soup of ale: Earth and Lee and some frakking happiness that her mother made sure she’d never have. “You’re a cancer, Kara. You’ll hurt everyone you care about and you’ll suffer for it.” Zak’s face came unbidden into her mind and she stood, pacing her quarters, so much agitated energy flooding through her that she couldn’t contain it.

When the comm suddenly buzzed, she jumped, startled, and snarled a greeting into the receiver.

“Commander,” Bill Adama’s voice came smoothly through the handset.

“Sir,” Kara said, barely containing her angry tone.

“Laura is not doing well. If you want to see her, you should come soon.” His tone was full of expectation and ignorance. He didn’t know a frakking thing about Earth, how Laura's death would end all her hopes, yet he wanted her to pay her respects to the end of everything.

“Yes, sir,” she bit back.

The line clicked silent and Kara threw the receiver at the unit with a sharp crack. Grief and renewed anger welled up inside her chest, choking her until she could barely breathe.

With a guttural cry, she grabbed a discarded stack of star charts and ripped them violently, sending showers of jagged paper onto every surface. Her jaw ached with the gritting of her teeth as she tore every frakking one until they were all done and she slumped onto the now littered floor, bits of colorful nebula and black twinkling space scattered around her. Her hands bled from tiny cuts sliced into her palms and fingers.

She stared at the blood welling on her reddened skin and she felt like a child again, sitting among the papers that her mother had destroyed, cursing her for wasting her time on drawings when she should have been studying math. “You have a special destiny, Kara, and this garbage won’t help you. Now clean it up.” And slowly, with tears streaming down her face, she cleaned up the scraps, every speck and bit of star chart collected into a pile in the center of the tent.

Rising, she sat back on the cot, a bottle in her hands as she swiped away tears. Anger had given way to sadness and her mind went where it wanted, to the one thing she’d forced out of her thoughts, the one person who had skittered around the edges of her awareness with every stupid move she made, judging her, his words echoing in her head, mocking her, never accepting what she needed to do. _A godsdamned Starbuck glory run_, Lee had said, his words digging a painful hole in her heart. _I can't watch you die._ He never understood, didn’t even try until he just decided it was over. More tears came and she doubled over with sobs, blindly reaching for a bottle that was full. She had no idea how it could all be over.

She drank as much as she could, alcohol pouring in rivulets along her jaw and into her shirt as it overflowed her mouth. Nothing mattered now. Nothing.

:: :: ::

Lee laid on the sofa, his arm tossed over his eyes as he tried to sleep. Since early that morning, he had been pre-occupied, unable to concentrate as the days had turned into weeks without seeing Kara. The sharp ache of missing her had drifted into a flat dull emptiness that he couldn’t shake. It was a pain that made him question everything he’d said and done to get him, _them_, to this place. It didn’t make sense anymore.

Turning onto his side, he adjusted the blanket and shoved another pillow under his head, his eyes lingering on the still empty bed. One of these days he’d have to–. He closed his eyes before he could finish the thought and rolled the other way to stare at the faint print on the sofa fabric.

His mind had finally settled when he heard a noise at the entrance to his quarters and he snapped awake. A scratching sound drew his eyes to a faint shape moving outside his door and he peered into the darkness, an unexpected burst of hope making him sit upright. A moment later, the footsteps moved off and he leapt up and rushed towards the sound.

He yanked on the door and looked around, his heart in his throat, but he didn’t see the person who’d stopped near his door, didn’t see the flash of blond hair he’d expected, no, _wanted_ to see, and his heart fell. _Of course it hadn’t been her. He’d made his feelings clear enough._ With a disgusted grunt, he turned back towards the sofa and his foot brushed against something in the entryway. It was an unmarked envelope that he bent to retrieve, hope and dread mixing as he slid his finger under the seal. He didn’t want more bad news, but the hope of something from Kara spurred him forward. Expecting to see her messy scrawl, he saw instead a few words printed in bold block letters. He gasped and stood stock still, his heart beating loudly in the otherwise silent night.

_President Baltar was murdered._


	33. Chapter 33

_President Baltar was murdered._

Lee stared at the neat block letters on the page, putting the pieces of the man’s death together in his head. After weeks of conflict with Tom about the Prometheus, things had suddenly fallen into sharper focus, and Lee couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before. Tom’s transition into the Presidency had been too easy. But it had been Lee’s shock at Tom’s proposal and his estrangement with his father that had blinded him to the now obvious conclusion: Tom was involved in Baltar’s death.

With the folded paper in hand, he dressed, mind focused on one singular purpose. He was tired of feeling out of control, letting Tom block every movement without protest. Tonight it would end.

Lee tied his boots and threw on a coat, slamming out of his quarters and taking the short walk to Colonial One. The nighttime air was frigid, a fitting comfort to the task ahead. He took the steps quickly and nodded to the guard who gave him a startled expression. Breathless, he came to Tom’s office door and began to pound.

After five minutes, he finally heard the snick of the office lock.

“What is it?” Tom’s voice sounded just as he pulled the door open. The older man stood with the soft light of his office behind him, wearing a burgundy robe over a black t-shirt. Lee had obviously woken him.

“I need to talk to you,” Lee said, stepping forward.

Tom flattened his lips and opened the door wide, and Lee stepped past him. “Lee, it’s the middle of the night.”

Lee spun around and faced Tom, his eyes ablaze. He pulled out the note and shoved it towards him.

“What the frak is this, Tom?”

Tom raised his eyebrows, face still impassive, and took the note, unfolding it to stare for a long moment. Without a word, he re-folded the wrinkled paper and handed it back to Lee, his face now wearing a resigned smile.

“I wondered how long that would take.” Tom turned his back and walked to the shelf near his desk and poured a drink. “Do you want one?” he asked, raising an empty glass and glancing at Lee over his shoulder.

Lee shook his head. “What I want are some answers about Baltar.”

“Have a seat, Lee.” Tom crossed the office and sat in one of the overstuffed chairs that he and Lee often used to discuss matters of State.

Lee stood stubbornly and glared at Tom with his arms crossed over his chest. He watched as he impassively took a sip of his drink. Lee felt his anger ticking up a notch.

Finally, Tom let out a sigh and met Lee’s eyes. “Six months ago I was given an opportunity to lead New Caprica. It wasn’t a position I pursued, but it came to me nonetheless and I could not refuse.” Tom paused and took another drink, adjusting his robe before he continued.

“What do you mean, _given_?”

Tom’s brow knit and stood to face Lee, something more than tiredness creating deep lines of wrinkles on across his forehead. “There are powerful men in the Fleet, Lee. Men that don’t follow the same rules that you and your father hold so dear. You know them and so do I. They…created the opportunity for me. I took it.” Tom turned away and walked to look out the window. “I didn’t ask them to, but they did it anyway.”

“Are you saying that the Black Market forces killed Gaius Baltar? And you knew about it?” Lee sputtered, his body taut with outrage.

Turning back, Tom faced Lee again, his face grim. “I made a choice to serve the people of New Caprica.” His voice was calm and unruffled.

Snorting, Lee gave him a withering look. “And you covered a murder plot.”

“And what decision do you think your precious Laura Roslin would have made? She tried to steal the election from Gaius Baltar and she failed. Do you think her decision would have been so different from mine?” Tom gave him an even stare and Lee recognized the truth of his words.

“It would still have been wrong.” Lee notched his chin higher. He _would_ have done the same with Laura.

“You are naïve, Lee. You expect benevolence from your leaders and that blinds you to the real world of politics. That is why you will ultimately fail as a politician. You don’t want to get your hands dirty.” Tom’s dismissive tone made Lee prickle and he stared daggers at the older man.

Tom downed the rest of his drink and dropped his glass on the desk. “Your move, Lee. What do you want to do?”

Lee paused, thrown by Tom’s forthright attitude and let his words settle over him for a moment. He pursed his lips. “Why are you telling me this, Tom? Why reveal your connections to Baltar’s death?” Suspicion had blossomed in Lee’s mind. Nothing Tom ever did was above reproach.

Tom shook his head. “Let’s just say I have my reasons, Lee. When you’ve been imprisoned as long as I have, you learn to adapt to the circumstances. You live under another’s rules until one day you have to refuse. That day has come.” Tom dropped his eyes to the gold ring he was twirling on his finger.

“What are you talking about?” Lee asked, tilting his head in question.

Tom let out a breath and straightened, his expression giving Lee nothing. “Like I said, it’s your move.” Tom shoved his hands deep into his robe pockets and gave Lee an expectant stare.

Lee paused, his plan coming to mind in an instant. Nothing that Tom had said mattered; he couldn’t let it stand. “You have twelve hours to resign. If you don’t, I’ll have you forcibly removed from office. Use whatever excuse you want with the press. But make no mistake, you will eventually face a court for what you’ve done.”

Tom gave a bitter smile, judgment plain his tone as he spoke. “You’re making a mistake, Lee, but at least you are predictable. The Prometheus, however, is not.”

“What does that mean? What do you know?”

“Nothing for certain. But I do know men and I know what they do when they’re pushed into a corner.”

Lee blinked and his eyes narrowed into a challenging glare. “Is that a threat?”

Tom shook his head and shrugged. “No. Just a fact. But I don’t think you care, Lee. I don’t think you really care what happens to those people. You’re too focused on making sure that this particular wrong is righted. As usual, you are missing the bigger picture.”

Lee clenched his fists and forced himself to breathe. Tom was trying to rattle him. “You have twelve hours.” He spun on his heel and left Tom’s office, sweat pricking under his shirt.

Lee strode away from his office and back into the welcome blast of the New Caprican night, wind whipping inside his open coat. As he walked back to his quarters he stopped short, the realization stopping him on the street: in less than twelve hours, he would be President.

:: :: ::

Two hours later, Tom zipped his duffel bag and flicked off the light to his personal quarters, casting the now empty room into blackness. He moved into his office and sat down at his desk, pushing aside a stack of stapled reports and pulled a sheet of blank paper out of his drawer.

Slipping the cap off his pen, he began to write, his mind re-counting all of the accomplishments he’d achieved during his tenure as the President. He wrote about his dreams for the future of their society, the outcomes he’d like to see and the pride he’d felt in leading the human civilization as they made new roots. He believed everything he wrote, only the tiniest voice in his head hearing the pompous words of a man who wanted a legacy. He shoved those thoughts away and wrote exactly what he wanted in his final act as President.

With a frown, Tom also outlined the details of his resignation. He kept that part short, unwilling to linger on the sad end to his political career. He slid the letter aside and pulled out another blank sheet of paper. He copied the same words onto the second copy and added a note at the bottom outlining the names of those aboard the Prometheus he believed were guilty of Baltar’s murder. And he included other details, ensuring that those who needed to be mentioned would receive attention after he left office. With a satisfied smile, he re-read the two letters and signed the both, affixing his seal under his scrawled signatures. He was not yet powerless.

Standing, he looked around his office, his sense of pride untouched by what he had done in the wake of Baltar’s death. It had been Tom’s idea to ask Gaius to run for office, but he had underestimated the man’s lack of interest in the people. After months of abusing his powers and ignoring his official duties, Hector’s assassination could not have been more welcome. His error, Tom realized as he picked up his duffel and approached the door, had been allowing Dominic to stay on the Prometheus; it gave Hector leverage that Tom could not counter.

With a deep breath and exhale, he turned off the lights and frowned, staring into the darkened room for a small moment of self-pity before he tamped it down.

He was going to miss New Caprica.

:: :: ::

The weak rays of New Caprica’s winter sun brightened the small windows in Lee’s quarters and he hauled himself out of bed feeling like he’d barely slept, bits and pieces of his confrontation with Tom running through his mind. The enormity of Tom’s admission and the shock of his changing job weighed heavily on him. He was still struggling to manage his job as Vice President and the idea that he would soon be the leader of the human settlement was more than he could wrap his head around.

Anxiously, he sat at the table with a lukewarm cup of bitterroot coffee, his fingers tapping lightly on the rim, mentally rehearsing what he would say to the press after Tom’s departure. There would be so many questions and he wasn’t exactly sure what to say. He didn’t know how to ease the minds of the people when they found out that their sitting President had covered up the assassination of his predecessor. It still made no sense to him.

He downed the rest of the coffee, grabbed his suit and headed for Colonial One to shower.

Fifteen minutes later, he climbed the steps up to Thia’s office, smiling as the woman greeted him with a worried frown.

“What is it Thia?” Lee grabbed a stack of his messages from his box and flipped through them.

“It’s a note from the President, sir. He said to forward all of his daily business to you – that you would know why. I’m confused, sir. He has a full docket of meetings today. What should I do?”

Lee frowned, holding his face impassive. _He wasn’t ready yet._ “When’s the first meeting?”

She glanced at her watch. “In about forty minutes.”

“Cancel that meeting and I’ll get back to you about the rest.” Lee did his best to stay calm and keep his tone neutral. Inside, however, the pressure was mounting inside his chest. There would be so many questions he had no answers for.

“Let me know if there’s a problem,” he said. At her nod of agreement, Lee took the steps down to his office, realizing with a small sense of panic that soon he wouldn’t be taking those stairs – he’d be in Tom’s office. _His office._

:: :: ::

_Laura’s coffin is draped with the Caprican Flag, its bright colors ones she now associates with death. Kara is alone, her face flat and lifeless as she holds the grief inside, refusing to give it reign over her body. It’s too soon, her mind chants. We haven’t found it yet! _

_The casket is lowered into the ground as Kara watches, her legs shaking and unsteady as she peers over the edge to see a shower of dirt fall onto the shiny metal of Laura’s coffin. She leans too far and loses her balance, arms flailing out to catch herself. Instead she tumbles, falling down and down and down…”_

With a sudden gasp, Kara woke, cold air rushing into her lungs as she bolted upright. “Laura!” she exclaimed, jumping off the bed and shoving her feet into boots.

“Frakking gods,” she grated, checking the time. _Ten hours. How the frak?_ She pulled off her sweatshirt and tanks, shivering in the cold air of her tent, and shook out another set of tanks lying in a heap on a chair. She pulled on her duty blues, panic firing her heart and her body. She moved fast, fueled by her dream and her fear, all the while cursing herself for not going right after the Admiral called. _What the frak was wrong with her?_

Digging into the pocket of her discarded fatigues, she pulled out a hair elastic and shoved her hair into a tight ponytail. She grabbed her outer coat and slid it on halfway before pushing out the door, gasping as the frigid air found its way under her jacket, biting against her skin.

With her fingers holding the coat closed, she rushed to the head to relieve herself and splash water on her face. She swished water around her mouth and spat, before rubbing a finger over her teeth and rinsing again. Bleary-eyed, she glanced in the mirror, blinking at the dark circles under her eyes, then looked away before wetting a towel and rubbing her face until it burned.

Ten minutes later she was in the cockpit of a raptor speeding towards Galactica. She prayed to the gods that Laura was still alive.

:: :: ::

The lights of sickbay flickered overhead as Laura laid with her eyes closed, Bill’s voice strong and calm as he read to her.

“The feel of sand under my fingers was welcome, despite its gritty taste in my mouth. I had washed ashore, finally, after a long night of holding onto the broken pieces of my raft. The waves had sought to pull me under, to put an end to the thing that had been my life. As I lay on the sand, my body felt broken, yet my mind was more whole than it had been before…”

As their shared story was coming to a close, Laura heard Bill’s voice began to waver, pitching higher as he read. Reaching out, Laura laid her palm flat on the book and he abruptly stopped reading, eyes lifting slowly to meet hers.

“Laura?”

“Not yet, Bill. Save the rest. I’m not ready for it to end.” She smiled softly, eyes crinkling as he smiled back and closed the book, dropping it by his side. She held her breath and her tears as he leaned forward to take her hand between his two larger ones

He dropped light kisses onto her knuckles. “Me, neither, Laura.”

:: :: ::

Lee wrote and re-wrote his speech, crossing out and re-arranging the sentences until the page had become a jumble of black scratches and arrows. His thoughts were too chaotic to make sense. With a frustrated groan, he dropped his pen onto the desk and leaned back in his chair to close his eyes for a moment.

A rapping on the door roused Lee from his thoughts and he glanced up to see Thia, her face again worried, fingers clutching an envelope. _This is it._

“I went into the President’s office to find a file, sir. This letter was on his chair – addressed to you.” She held out the letter with questioning eyes and Lee rose as she stepped forward. “His office, sir – there were things missing.” Her voice was halting, obviously confused.

Lee frowned, nodding. “I know Thia.” He grasped the paper in his fingers, suppressing the mild trembling in his hands. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you what was happening before. Have a seat.” Lee motioned to the chairs on the other side of his office, watching as she settling herself while Lee opened the envelope.

He scanned the letter quickly, throat suddenly dry and slid it back inside the envelope. With a grim expression, he crossed the room, his eyes on Thia as she gazed nervously up at him. He smiled then, donning his politician’s face and sat next to her. He began to explain.

:: :: ::

Bill sat quietly, flipping through reports as Laura slept. At his side was their favorite book, the final ten pages left unread for now. His mind shifted back and forth between the work at hand and the thought of losing her, this woman that he now had to admit he loved. So like him, he thought, to come to something too late, to realize a profound thing just moments before it would end. And sometimes only after.

She’d turned a corner the day before, regaining some of her strength when Cottle gave her a new type of pain medication. It had brightened her mood and restored some of her energy.

_It’s not a cure, but it’ll give her a little while longer,_ the doctor had told him.

Settling his pen in his lap, reached over and touched Laura’s hand, stroking the skin and pushing the memory into permanency. He wanted to remember everything.

Thudding footsteps approached the curtain and Bill lifted his pen again, waiting as the figure stopped and a hand snaked through the gap. A second later Kara appeared, her face worried, casting an anxious glance at Laura.

“Am I too late?” she asked through panting breaths.

“No. She’s sleeping.” Bill answered automatically, his eyes widening slightly as he took in Kara’s disheveled appearance.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner,” she said in a rush and moved closer to the dying woman. Kara’s face softened and she reached out a hand to touch the Laura’s shoulder.

It was then that Bill noticed the stain on Kara’s uniform, a dirty brown swath at the bottom of her jacket. His eyes trailed up the crooked line of her duty blues, one buttonhole missed, creating a bubble of fabric at her waist. When his eyes finally found her face, he saw it then, a ragged Kara Thrace with dark circles and sallow skin. She looked like hell.

“Commander,” Bill said, his voice taking on a sharp edge.

Kara glanced at him, obviously startled at the tone.

“A word,” he said and stood, dropping his reports on the chair and pushing through the curtain. He strode across the deck, sensing her a few steps behind.

He stopped and turned to face her. From a distance, she was noticeably thinner, her face gaunt and shadowed. As she approached, he saw a Kara who was almost unrecognizable.

Bill’s face was tight with anger when he addressed her. “Have you looked at yourself, Commander?”

Kara blinked, mouth slightly open. “What are you talking about, sir?” She glanced around sickbay and then back to him.

“You’re a mess. Get your ass down to the head and clean yourself up.”

It took Kara a long moment for his words to register and she glanced down at herself and then stepped back as if recognizing what was so plain to see.

“I, uh….” She croaked, her face pained.

Bill cut off her words. “I don’t know what’s going on Commander, but I don’t ever want to see you looking like this again. It’s a disgrace. You are dismissed.” His words were low and serious and Kara blanched.

He turned to walk away, pausing for only a second to toss another order over his shoulder. “And get a godsdamned new uniform. You stink.”

:: :: ::

“I’ve confirmed it, sir,” Thia said as she strode into Lee’s office, slightly breathless. “Mr. Zarek left New Caprica this morning at oh-six-hundred on his way to the Prometheus.”

Lee pinched his lips together, nodding solemnly. “Okay, Thia. Thank you.”

He paused for a moment to take it all in and then glanced back at the waiting woman. “Is everyone ready?”

“Yes, sir. The press is assembled and waiting. Can I get you anything?”

Lee smiled a little. “No. Don’t think so. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” Lee stood, straightening his tie and buttoning his jacket as he slid out from behind his desk. He picked up his statement and headed for the door.

“Let’s go.”

:: :: ::

Kara stood for a stunned moment watching the Admiral walk away. She squirmed in her own skin and left the other way, speeding through the sickbay doors as fast as she could. Her heart pounded with anger, shoulders rolling forward with shame; everyone had seen her failure, even the Admiral. She clenched her jaw, biting down hard to stay in control as she took the stairs to the lower decks, finding the laundry where she grabbed a uniform and a towel.

She tucked them under her arm and made her way to the nearest head. Laying the uniform on a bench, she approached the mirrors, eyeing the empty sinks until she raised her gaze to her reflection. It had been weeks since she’d really looked at herself, had remembered to take more than the most cursory of showers, or even taken the time to run a comb through the hair she kept always in a ponytail. Now, she realized, she could see what the Admiral had seen.

Leaning close, she touched her face, sliding fingertips across the sunken hollows of her cheeks and dark rings around her hazel eyes. She blinked, leaning away again and slowly unbuttoned her jacket, fingers hesitating at the skipped button hole, her pinky finger jabbing through in some kind of weird wonder. _How had this happened?_ She’d been drunk before, hell she’d drunk for a week straight after Zak died, but somehow this was different. This was an even greater failure.

Once again, Kara stared at the woman in the mirror, peeling away the stained jacket and letting it fall with a clank of buttons onto the floor behind her. She fingered more stains on her tanks, almost disconnected from the grime that clung to her body.

She had failed to find Earth. No matter how much chamalla she took, there were no answers, no divine intervention that lead her to the planet in Laura’s visions. It was pointless, she realized, this futile search for something that might not even exist, but she wanted it. Wanted it so frakking badly that she could taste it the way she tasted the metallic tang of the hallucinogen. She needed to walk those fields, show the people their promised land. She wanted to be the one.

Dipping her head away from the failure of her reflection, she unbuttoned her pants, sliding them down and taking a step sideways to leave them behind. The next mirror held her reflection, too, as she pulled at her ponytail, allowing her hair to fall down to her shoulders, greasy locks that stuck together in thick lines around her face. She grimaced, the smell of hair suddenly piquant in her nose.

Finally, Kara moved away from the sinks, stripping her tanks, bra and panties, leaving them in a trail behind her as she approached the shower and stepped in. She stood under the water, biting cold for a second and then warming, sluicing over her hair and body, coving her with warmth. She shivered anyway, reminded of the lukewarm showers on New Caprica, the way dust and sand was absent only under the spray of water, clinging once again to her skin as soon as she stepped step out.

Rubbing hard against her flesh, she spotted a sliver of soap and reached for it, lathering as best she could. She massaged the nub of soap into her hair, fingers scraping her scalp free of the dust and grime she’d allowed to accumulate there. With slick hands, she washed her body, the bumps of her ribs feeling more pronounced and her hipbones sharpened through the flesh of her abdomen. She swirled the soap on her shoulders and breasts, almost wincing as Lee came to mind. It had been so long since she’d seen him – touched him – and her eyes blurred with tears.

Grimacing, she turned her face into the spray and finished washing, standing for a long time under the warmth until the small sliver of soap disappeared from her palm.

As the last of the New Caprican dust swirled down the drain, she took small comfort in the fact that she would emerge clean, free of the gray film that coated her body every single day. Kara padded out of the shower and swiped up her towel, rubbing hard at her body and hair until her skin tingled.

She stepped nude in front of the mirrors, the thinness of her body confirmed by her eyes. The muscles she’d worked so hard to hone were thinner, weaker as she’d spent hours and hours pouring over charts and jumping from system to system. The chamalla had robbed her of her appetite and she’d eaten only when her body cried out for it. Cringing, she stepped back, mind reeling at the thing she’d become, wasting away while she searched. It didn’t make any sense.

She tucked her hair behind her ears and pulled on the uniform pants, sliding her legs against the crisp new fabric and buttoning, feeling the waistband slide to her hips – too big. The pants sagged on her frame, but she ignored it, shrugging on the jacket and buttoning carefully as she watched in the mirror. Lastly, she removed her Commander’s pips from the soiled uniform, feeling the grit of New Caprica once again coating her fingers. She rinsed them and her hands and tacked the emblems onto her collar.

Fully dressed, she straightened her back and appraised herself. Nothing could remove the heavy shadows under her eyes, but her skin looked better, brighter and less pale. With a deep breath she picked up her uniform and tanks and threw them into a rolling laundry bin.

Finally, she felt ready to face the Admiral again.

:: :: ::

Lee moved away from the podium with shaking hands, his entire body trembling with the rush of the spotlight and the enormity of what he’d just said and done. In a few moments, he would be sworn in as the President of New Caprica. Until then, he needed a moment to collect himself, and with a whispered request, he let Thia guide him into the President’s office to wait for the Priestess to arrive.

Once there, Lee paced on the other side of the curtains, wiping sweat from his palms onto his pants. Through the slit in the blue fabric, he could see reporters scurrying around the room, sending runners out the door to their respective offices to relay the shocking news to the citizens of New Caprica.

Stunned and a little queasy, Lee leaned against the edge of Tom’s – no _his_ – desk and breathed, forcing his body to calm. _He could do this._

:: :: ::

Laura leaned towards the bedside table and flicked on the wireless unit, its crackling static filling the space around her bed.

_…now vacated by Tom Zarek. Vice President Adama will take the oath of office on Colonial One in just a few moments. _

Laura gasped, hand flying to her mouth as she listened to the reporter re-cap the events that had just transpired on the planet. Tom Zarek had resigned. Laura was so shocked that she could barely breathe.

With trembling fingers, she picked up the comm next to her bed and called Bill.

“Are you hearing this?” she asked at his gruff answering of her call.

“Hearing what?” he asked tiredly.

“Lee. On the wireless. Tom Zarek has resigned and Lee is being sworn in tonight.”

“What?” In the background a moment later, she heard the same reporter’s voice sounding in tandem across the line.

They both listened for a few minutes before Bill spoke again. “I’m coming to sick bay.” And he hung up the comm.

Laura replaced the receiver and pulled the blanket over her body. It was inconceivable that Tom would give up the position of President and it was only after listening for a few more minutes that she gathered the whole picture. A thing that had flitted across her mind all those months ago now seemed to be a reality: Tom Zarek was implicated in the death of Gaius Baltar.

:: :: ::

Lee twisted his hands together nervously and took a deep breath. The Priestess had arrived and everyone was waiting. He’d sent Thia out already and took a few moments alone to prepare for the oath. Despite his best efforts, he could not calm his heart’s rapid pounding – the enormity of the job he was accepting had begun to settle down upon him. It was a job that he had never sought. The simple life that he thought he might have one day, long, long ago before the Colonies were destroyed, seemed like a wispy dream that would never have a chance to come true. This job, like so many others, took him farther and farther from where he actually wanted to be, settled down, living a happy life with people he loved.

Instead, he was alone, surrounded by people who wanted him for his politics and position and didn’t give a shit about his happiness. The deep ache he’d been too distracted to feel found its way to the surface again, the pain of missing Kara, especially in these moments when he needed her so much.

_When he needed her?_

Lee swallowed, body locking still as he realized his thoughts, somehow blaming her for abandoning him. It hadn’t been that way at all. It had been him, not listening, pushing her away and shutting her out. It was his fault that she was not here. He frowned deeply, tears stinging his eyes with a rush of emotion.

She _would_ have been here for him. No matter what he did, she would have supported him. But he hadn’t done the same for her. He’d frakked it up beyond belief and he had no idea how to fix it.

Now, in what might have been one of the most amazing moments of his life, he didn’t want it, didn’t want the pressure and the responsibility. Instead, he wanted to be with Kara, curled up on their sofa, laughing and talking and living some kind of life other than this one.

Even finding Earth. _Frak._ Lee dropped his head, the sudden realization crushing him.

“Mr. Vice President?” Thia’s voice intruded and she poked her head through the curtain. “They are ready to start, sir.”

Blinking hard, he took a breath and his mind snapped back into focus. He stepped through the curtain once again to face the press.

:: :: ::

_I, Leland Joseph Adama, do confirm and avow to take the Office of the President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol without any moral or reservation or mental evasion._

Lee’s voice came across the wireless as Bill listened, his eyes drifting to Laura’s and away again.

When the ceremony was over, he sat back in his chair and adjusted his jacket. “It’s a crazy day, Laura.”

She nodded, her face deep in thought. “I’m envious, Bill. I miss the Presidency, but I’m also proud of Lee. He’ll make a good President.”

Bill sighed, remembering his outrage when Lee took the position of Vice President against his wishes. “It’s taken me a long time to admit it, but you’re right, Laura. Lee will make a fine President.”

“He will,” Laura agreed, and then smiled at him. “And, yes, it did take you a long time to admit it.”

Bill laughed this time and settled back in the chair to listen as Lee addressed the press one last time.

_I am proud to accept the Presidency, but also saddened that it has come to me under such difficult circumstances. As the first act of my Presidency, I will establish a panel to investigate former President Baltar’s homicide. We will get answers and we will see justice done._

Lee continued to talk, shoring up an undoubtedly shocked populace and Bill felt pride swelling in his heart. A few moments later, he glanced up to see Kara stepping through the curtain, her hair wet from a recent shower.

“Is that Lee?” she asked, a little wild-eyed.

Bill raised his fingers to his lips and nodded.

Lee’s voice continued, _If citizens on the Prometheus were involved, as I believe, we will require the assistance of the Fleet Marines to bring them to justice. I will coordinate with Admiral Adama to formulate a plan…_

The three of them continued to listen quietly until Lee’s brief remarks ended. When Bill glanced again at Kara, her face was ashen, eyes glistening, and he notched his head higher, openly regarding her.

“Kara?” he asked, his voice pitching in concern.

The young woman blinked and tossed her head. “Admiral,” she answered and gave an overly bright smile.

Bill’s concerned expression stayed the same. “What’s going on Kara?”

He watched as Kara glanced at Laura and back to him.

“Bill, will you give me a moment with Kara, please?” Laura interrupted.

Bill pressed his lips together, but stood anyway. “I’ll be in my quarters. Commander, Laura.” He nodded to both women and left.

:: :: ::

Kara stood as the Admiral walked away and then sat back down, shoulders slumping under the too-large uniform jacket.

“You look better, Kara. What happened?” Laura struggled to sit up in the bed and reached for her glasses, sliding them on and peering at Kara with a concerned expression.

Kara slid her fingernail along the seam of her pants leg. “I failed, Laura. Everything…” She didn’t bother to look up, just stared mindlessly into her lap.

The woman stayed silent until Kara finally lifted her head and met her eyes. “I’m sorry, I–” Kara’s words stopped and tears she couldn’t control streamed down her face. It was all too much.

“You didn’t fail, Kara. The gods led you here for a reason.” Laura’s voice was calm and reverent.

Kara’s head snapped up. “Here? What the frak is here? I couldn’t find Earth. You’re dying. What are you talking about?” Something in Laura’s tone made her want to scream.

“I don’t know, Kara. But if the gods wanted us to find Earth, they would have shown it to us.”

“This is unbelievable,” Kara said, shaking her head. “They did show us, Laura. A dead planet.”

Laura nodded and pursed her lips. “Yes, they did, Kara. The gods showed us a ruined Earth. That is what the gods wanted us to see.”

Kara stood abruptly, anger making her shake. “They dragged my ass into space thirty-seven times, into cylon frakking territory just so they could show us NOTHING? Are you frakking kidding me?”

“Kara,” Laura said sharply, and Kara swung around to face her with an angry glare.

“What? I don’t want to frakking listen to you anymore. It’s wrecked. Every frakking thing in my life is wrecked because I followed you. Just like my godsdamned mother. _You are special, Kara. You have a destiny, Kara._” Her voice was sharp with derision.

“Well frak that. What about my own godsdamned life? What about what I frakking wanted? I am a mess. My relationship with Lee is ruined. My life, the one I frakking wanted, gone. What do the gods have to say for that? Tell me, Laura! What do they want from me?” Kara was screeching by the time the final words rushed out of her mouth. She stepped back, horrified, her back jamming up against the blue curtain.

She gulped in air and stared at at Laura, seeing the woman pale-faced and shocked. Kara paused, anger draining out of her as suddenly as it had come. _What the frak was wrong with her, screaming at a dying woman? _

Kara slumped into the chair again, shaking her head and recanting her words. “It’s not your fault, Laura. It’s mine. It’s my fault that I did it. I believed it so frakking much. I wanted it so much.” Kara raised her eyes, more tears stinging her eyes. “Why did they let us down?”

“I don’t know, Kara. I’m sorry.”

:: :: ::

Two hours after the swearing in and Lee was finally home and changing out of his suit. A Marine guard stood watch outside, something his security detail had insisted upon. In this time of turmoil and with the Prometheus’s role in Baltar’s death looming large, it seemed wise to listen. His life, too, was now at risk, and it would be at least one more day before he would move into new quarters on Colonial One.

Kicking off his shoes, he let out a deep sigh, his mind too weary to think of anything other than the feeling of his bed underneath him. Tiredly, he slumped down on the sheets, sliding against their coolness and tucking an arm under a pillow. Something felt odd and he shifted again, his mind just holding onto consciousness. _He was back in the bed without her._

Sitting straight up, he slid from under the sheets and took the few steps to the sofa, falling down onto it with a resigned sigh, his mind oddly awake and feeling the sharp ache in his heart. He missed Kara so frakking much.

He stared into the darkness, tracking the shifting shadows outside his window until his eyes began to drift closed, images of blond hair and a playful smile finally lulling him to sleep. Tomorrow he would find her and everything would be okay.


	34. Chapter 34

Lee turned awkwardly in the cramped bathroom of his new quarters on Colonial One, the tiny head with a compact sink and toilet never intended for daily use. His wide shoulders bumped against the wall as he tried to shave, rinsing the dulled razor under a weak stream of water before tapping it against the sink. 

His mind drifted as he rinsed the last remnants of soap away from his skin, sliding his fingers through his hair to style it. From the other room, Jim McMannis was wrapping up his report on his thoughts about the presidential scandal. Lee listened with half an ear, his mind on the hundred other things he needed to take care of today. 

Lee dried his face and stepped into the sleeping quarters to pull on shorts and his blue dress shirt, fingers moving quickly over the buttons as he rushed for an early meeting.

As Lee pulled on his pants, _The McMannis Hour_ concluded and the familiar jingle introducing Corin Gruschek’s gossip wireless report filled the room. With a groan, Lee slid his blue tie around his neck and stepped back into the bathroom to knot it at the mirror. The woman’s grating voice followed him as he did. 

_Ladies and gentlemen, this is Corin Gruschek with your daily dose of the happenings around New Caprica. Today, my friends, I have a special report you will not want to miss. Hold onto your seats, folks, because it appears that our disgraced former President Tom Zarek has more to say._

Lee’s fingers froze on his tie, ears attuned to the woman’s voice.

_That’s right, citizens. This morning, I received a letter from Mr. Tom Zarek. The body of the letter is the same resignation letter that you’ve all heard. But this copy, with an original presidential seal and a signature, also contains a handwritten note from Tom Zarek himself. He has provided us with a list of the people responsible for the assassination of President Baltar. That’s right, friends. We now have names. More surprising? One of the names on the list is none other than our _new_ President, Mr. Lee Adama._

Lee’s gasped at the words and his body recoiled in shock. He gaped at his own reflection.

_Mr. Zarek states that Lee Adama was aware of the plans to remove President Baltar from office and had been prepared for weeks to take join his administration. _

With blood rushing in his ears, Lee listened to the remainder of the report in disbelief. He could almost hear the glee in Corin’s voice. A dark dread spread over his shoulders. 

_Citizens, I am shocked, too. Shocked that after all we have been through, we cannot even trust our government to uphold the basic tenets of political office. We must do something about this, my friends. And the answer is simple: Lee Adama must resign. _

Without realizing it, Lee had wandered into the sleeping quarters and now sat heavily on the bedside chair. Corin continued speaking along the same vein, citing one incident after another that she tied to the Prometheus, a list of events that had nothing to do with the black market and everything to do with pushing Lee out of office. 

_Join me today, ladies and gentleman, for a rally today at thirteen hundred hours outside the doors of Colonial One. We must show the government that we will not tolerate dishonesty and murder as a means to control New Caprica. Come and make your demands known. New elections must happen now.” _

With a sick feeling, Lee bent over and slid his hands into his hair, elbows resting on his knees as he stared blankly at the floor. 

Tom Zarek had outplayed him once again.

:: :: ::

_ Lee walks towards her, lips pressed into an angry line, the fabric of his suit jacket billowing out in the wind. His lips are moving but she can’t hear the words. A moment later, he is yelling into the wind, his hair, longer than it’s ever been, waving wildly as a sharp breeze catches it. A swirl of dark dust separates them and he fades into the cloud and disappears._

Laura woke, blinking fast, the simple quiet of sickbay calming her as the dream faded away. _Lee is the President now, _she thought, blinking again to clear her mind. 

The rustling of papers at her side draws her attention to Bill, his head bowed over a stack of reports. She turned her head towards him and licked dry lips. “Water,” she croaked and Bill glanced up. 

“Good morning,” he said with a smile and leaned over to fill her cup, bringing it close to her lips. Laura grasped it, fingers shaking as she raised her head to sip. Coughing weakly, she pushed against the cup and he took it away, brushing water from her chin with his thumb as she settled her head back into the pillow.

“Thank you, Bill,” she croaked, her hand rising to adjust her headscarf. “What time is it?” Her mind was disoriented and foggy from drugs and weakness. 

He sat back down, sliding his reports to a nearby chair. “It’s early. How’s the pain?” 

“It’s okay,” she said, and shifted her legs under the blanket. In the distance, she heard the faint sound of a wireless unit. “Is that Lee on the wireless?” she asked, her dream rushing back at her. 

Bill glanced in the direction of the sound coming from the other side of sickbay, and then flicked on Laura’s unit. Lee’s voice, as it had over the past several days emerged, sounding strained.

_There is absolutely no truth to Tom Zarek’s accusations. I had no role in the assassination of President Baltar and frankly, his accusations are nothing more than the desperate actions of a guilty man. I had no involvement in the plot before, during or after President Baltar’s death. _

Laura stared at Bill, her mouth slightly open, head shaking against what she was hearing. Bill’s face hardened as he listened. Tom Zarek had surprised her once again.

_Even now, Tom Zarek is trying to control the Presidency by casting doubt on my character. Don’t be swayed by his lies. I ask you now to remember our objective: to bring those responsible for President Baltar’s death to justice and ensure the safety and welfare of our citizens. That is my top priority. _

With a few more words, the pre-recorded statement ended and Laura spoke, “Zarek is a bastard. Pissing on the Presidency to get back at Lee.”

“Lee should have never gotten into bed with him in the first place.” Bill grimaced, anger etching his features like chisel to stone. 

“He did what he thought was right, Bill.”

“Of course, he did. He’s Lee.” Bill let out a whoosh of air and flicked the wireless unit back off. “I don’t want to listen to this crap anymore. It’s too stressful and you should be resting.” 

“It takes my mind off things. Turn it back on.” 

Bill frowned and did what she asked. He stood, though, and retrieved his papers. “I have to get to the CIC anyway. I’ll check on you later.” 

Laura smiled up at him as he leaned over to kiss her forehead. _Stubborn._

Her eyes trailed Bill until he disappeared through the curtain and then she turned, curling onto her side and pulling the blankets over her shoulders. A faint sense of loss touched her heart as she listened to the political discussion on the wireless. She didn’t envy Lee his troubles, but she did miss what she would never again have. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and listened.

:: :: ::

Kara woke with a heavy heart. Her sleep, restless and fitful, was filled again with dreams of stars and Earth and Laura’s thinning body. Now, as she woke though, the confused images began to dissipate, scattering like smoke in the wind, their hold on her diminishing and leaving her more clearheaded than she’d been in weeks. 

Rising to stretch, she made her way to the head to use the toilet and splash water on her face. She rubbed at her eyes, still slightly haunted but brighter, some of the blankness now gone. Earth is dead, she repeated to herself, the sting less sharp, her realization somehow more settling than she expected. Other worries remained, though, that would take longer to accept: why the gods had let her down.

Kara had asked Laura that question even though she hadn't really expected an answer. That’s not how it worked. She’d learned that fact as a child, praying for answers about her life, begging for her father to return, for her mother to go away. The gods hadn’t given her either. 

Shaking her head, she rinsed her mouth with cold water and spit. With a shiver, she used someone else’s towel and rub her skin dry. She’d have to live without the answers – like she always had. 

Kara returned to the empty pilot locker and pulled on her jacket, buttoning and smoothing her hair before leaving to go to sickbay. Her attitude with Laura still bothered her, the way she’d screamed, the woman’s helpless expression. She needed to make it right.

When she arrived, Laura was listening to the wireless, her eyes closed as Kara approached her bed. The curtains were spread wide and Ishay was across the room in conversation with Cottle. 

“Laura?” Kara asked, her feet stopping at the curtain’s edge.

Blinking, Laura opened her eyes and smiled. “Kara,” she breathed. “Please come in. Close the curtains.” 

Kara stepped forward and dragged the thin blue veil around her bed. It was an illusion of privacy, but one she appreciated nonetheless.

One of the public wireless shows sounded from the unit, a civilian asking a question to a call-in show. Laura reached over and silenced it. “A lot going on today,” she said with a sigh. 

Nodding, Kara stood at ease with her hands folded behind her back. “Laura,” she started and then cleared her throat. “I wanted to apologize again about yesterday. I was out of line.” Kara held her eyes.

Laura frowned. “Kara, please sit.” She motioned to the Admiral’s usual spot. 

She perched herself on the edge of the seat and gave Laura a hesitant stare. 

Laura looked at her and frowned. “You had every right to be angry. I don’t blame you.”

Kara dropped her eyes and slid a nail along the cuticle of her thumb. 

“You did what the gods asked, Kara. What I asked. I’m sorry.”

Kara’s head snapped up. “_You’re sorry?_ For what? For being sick? For…” 

“…dying?” Laura finished her sentence. “No, Kara. I’m not sorry for that. I believe in the Gods. I believe I was meant to lead the humans to the promised land. I just…” Laura’s words faltered for a moment before her face grew sad. “I didn’t think it meant New Caprica.”

“New Caprica? It’s a hole.” Kara practically snarled, her grief and anger coming once more to the surface. 

“We’re safe here. Maybe that’s all we are supposed to be. I fought it for so long, wanted to find that other place. I think, Kara, that I just wanted another chance to live.” Laura took off her glasses with shaking fingers and folded them into her chest. “I don’t think I realized that until just now.” 

Kara watched her face, a shattered moment of grief laid bare before the elder woman clamped it down. Laura’s body seemed weaker now and she let her hand drop, glasses falling loosely in her limp hand.

“I’d like to be alone, Kara.” Laura closed her eyes and turned her face away.

Kara watched the woman, her eyes smarting with tears before she nodded mutely and rose. She took a few steps, glanced back and then slipped quietly through the curtains. 

:: :: ::

Lee stared out the window of Colonial One, his face screwed up in anger. “This is unbelievable,” he snapped, turning to Thia who was finishing a call with yet another Quorum member withdrawing support. The people of New Caprica had actually followed that screwball Corin Gruschek and a crowd was gathering outside to protest his Presidency. 

Lee paced the room snapping his hand into this palm as he thought of some way to counter the growing movement against him. Tom Zarek, for whatever disgrace he’d brought upon himself, still commanded attention. Or maybe, like him, the entire thing had left a sour taste in their mouths. 

“Sir,” Thia interrupted. “I have Admiral Adama on the line.”

Lee blinked, surprised and headed into his office. “I’ll take it in here.”

“Admiral,” Lee said, sitting tiredly in his chair. “You heard.” 

“I did. Do you need a hand down there? Reports from the ground say you might be having riot on your hands.”

“No. Don’t send the Marines. That’s all I need.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “They’re protesting now – they have that right. But frankly, Dad, I don’t know how this is going to pan out. It’s all happening so fast.” Lee surprised himself with his honesty with his father. 

“Zarek really put the screws to you, didn’t he?” Lee detected no venom in his father’s voice.

“Yeah, he did. I shouldn’t be surprised. I asked for his resignation and told him he’d be facing a judge. So he ran and left a bomb in his wake. It’s a mess.”

His father was quiet for a long moment. “Just stick to your guns, son. I know you'll do the right thing. But just in case, I’ll send a few more military down to the base. Quietly.”

Unexpectedly, Lee felt his chest loosen, feeling less stranded and alone than he had been a few moments ago. “Thanks, dad.” 

Lee saw the call waiting light flash on the comm. “I’ve got to go. I’ll keep you posted. Adama out.”

:: :: :: 

Kara sat slumped on a metal chair, foot tapping against a table leg as she stared at the reflective tape decorating the new “bar” on C-Deck. Joe's had opened a few weeks prior in one of the small unused mess halls. It was a dive, but it was something new.

“What’s up, Commander?” a familiar voice sounded behind her as she swirled her drink absently.

Kara turned her head, surprised to see Galen Tyrol standing nearby, a drink in his hand. He was cleanly shaven although thinner than she remembered.

“Nothin’. What are you doing here?” Kara kicked out a chair and motioned him to sit.

Galen eased into the chair, looking around bemused. “Leave Figurski unsupervised for a few months and look what happens.”

With a snort, Kara responded, “At least it has booze.” She picked up her drink and took a sip. 

“I hear that.” Galen tipped his glass toward her.

After a moment, he spoke, “Brought Charlie to see the doc again. He’s been having trouble on the planet. Seems like the dust bothers him.”

Kara watched Galen as he talked. Cally’s presence seemed to be with them as he talked about the boys.

“How’s the other one…?” Her voice drifted off and she realized she didn’t know his name.

Galen just smiled. “William. He’s healthy. Got a hell of a mouth on him. Takes after his mother.” 

Kara smiled sadly. “I bet.” 

They sat drinking for a while before Galen spoke again. “I miss her, you know? Thought we were going to have this great life together. Left Galactica to raise our kids in the fresh air. Now Cally’s gone and Charlie can’t breathe the stuff. The gods have some frakked up way of screwing with our lives don’t they?” He shook his head, tapping on his glass with his thumb.

Kara didn’t say anything, just shook her head at the gods and watched him as he continued to speak, “My dad was a priest. Did I ever tell you that? He’d say it was meant to happen this way. That the Gods did everything with a plan.” He looked up and caught her eyes. “It’s frakked, Kara. There’s no plan, it’s just random. I believed for so long and then the Colonies... How could they let that happen?”

“Got me, Chief.” Kara agreed. “It’s frakked up all right. I used to think the gods had a plan for me. I tried. I really tried to make it work, but in the end it was nothing but a stupid fantasy.” There was a bitter edge to her words. 

Galen dipped his head once more, staring at the bottom of his glass. “So, I guess all we got is ourselves, right? This ship, friends. I don’t know. My kids. I had to find some way not to just wander off and disappear, Kara. If it wasn’t for those boys.” Galen leaned back in his chair. “Shit. Listen to me. I sound like cranky old man. It’ll be fine. I’m coming back to Galactica. I have a job here. People I can trust to watch the boys. It’ll be okay.”

Galen had a faraway look in his eyes that Kara recognized, the one that had no answers but kept moving forward anyway. The same one she had now. 

“To the Galactica,” she raised her glass.

“To Galactica,” he answered, clinking his glass against hers. They drank.

:: :: ::

After an hour, the crowd outside Colonial One had begun to grow restless and the pressure on Lee to speak was increasing. In his office, he worked on a short speech that he hoped would give him enough space to make an actual plan. The political scene had changed so quickly that he was left scrambling. 

He struggled with the delicate phrasing of his words, avoiding an outright refusal to step down, yet promising to consider their ideas until an investigation could be launched. Giving up the Presidency was not something he had ever considered. Now, with his back pressed against the wall, he felt the urge to dig in his heels. 

“Mr. President?” Thia knocked at his door. “It’s the Galactica on the line, sir.”

Lee picked up the receiver and a moment later, his eyes widened in surprise, then flashed to Thia’s who stood at his door looking worried. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant. Tell the Admiral to expect me shortly,” he said into the receiver and then set it slowly back onto the unit.

“Sir?”

Lee shook his head in disbelief as he spoke, “The Prometheus has just jumped out of orbit.”

:: :: ::

Thirty minutes later, Lee was on his way to Galactica to discuss the Prometheus situation with his father. His brief statement to the waiting crowd had gone without incident and they’d dispersed in relative confusion, their mission derailed. Along with the Prometheus’s sudden disappearance, Lee had learned, was a frantic message from Captain Franks. 

Lee stepped out of the raptor, his feet hitting the floor with a thud as he strode towards the aft exit to meet his father in the tactical ops center. Thia and one of his guards had accompanied him in the raptor and Lee saw Thia’s eyes grow wide as they traversed the enormous length of the hangar bay. 

He glanced back at her and smiled. “I forgot you’ve never been on board.”

“No, sir. I’ve only been on Colonial One, sir. Since the beginning.” 

“It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it? Just stick with me and you won’t get lost.” Lee glanced around the deck, smiling with pride. It had been too long since he’d visited and the old girl looked good.

Lee led her down the winding corridors of Galactica to the familiar tactical planning room and stepped through the door. His father stood as he entered, shaking his hand and embracing him roughly. 

“It’s good to see you son,” Lee returned the Old Man’s embrace and let his eyes linger for a moment on the shadows under his eyes. It had been nearly two months since he’d seen him. 

Lee introduced Thia to his father and to Lieutenant Gaeta who had accompanied the Admiral. He motioned Thia to sit and asked the guard to wait outside. 

His father started the meeting without preamble. “We received this message from Captain Franks. It's interrupted at the end by gunfire. Something serious happened on board that ship before it jumped away.” Bill nodded to Gaeta who played the sound clip.

_Galactica, Prometheus. Condition One. I repeat. Condition One. There is mutinous action aboard the Prometheus. Send assistance. Condition One. Send assistance._

The person making the call stopped talking as heavy clunking sounds and sporadic gunfire sounded in the distance. A moment later, the recording cut off sharply.

Gaeta offered more information. “The Prometheus jumped away at fourteen-hundred twelve. This message ended at fourteen-hundred nine.”

Bill cut in. “We’re assuming that Captain Franks did not initiate the jump – or at least not of her own accord, but that remains unclear. A blind jump could have killed them, so whoever took over that ship had a plan in place. I sent a raptor to the Fleet’s emergency coordinates but no joy.” The Admiral’s face knitted in frustration.

Lee nodded, listening intently as Gaeta provided more details. “The Prometheus was scheduled to refuel in fifty-one hours. With standard orbiting procedures in place, the ships reach minimum fuel readings before the Daru Mozu connects with them. I’ve calculated their fuel use based on previous data and I predict a week of fuel remaining under normal orbiting conditions. If they’re burning more fuel than that, it’ll be only a few days.”

“So they have to jump back or they’ll be stranded.” Lee rubbed his face and leaned back in the chair and looked at his father. “So we wait. I have to assume that Tom Zarek had something to do with this, the coincidence is too great.”

Bill questioned Lee. “Did he give you any idea about the problems on that ship?”

Lee sighed. “He was vague about the whole thing, but something other than my ultimatum pushed him back to the Prometheus. I’ve got a hunch that it was personal, too.”

Bill dropped Lee’s eyes and glanced around the room. “There’s nothing we can do except be ready to intercept the ship when it returns. I’ll set Condition Two throughout the Fleet until that ship jumps back. Pray it doesn’t bring the cylons with it.” Bill’s lips were set into a tight frown. 

“Let’s hope.”

:: :: ::

Lee rushed out of the meeting and back towards the flight deck, his fingers curled around the transcript of the Prometheus’s distress call. Lee’s guard shadowed him as he spoke to Thia who was taking notes at his side. With the Prometheus now just a waiting game, he intended take advantage of the time he’d been given.

“Contact Sarah Porter’s assistant and set up a meeting for nineteen hundred hours. Tell her it’s urgent and I won’t accept ‘no’ for an answer.”

_Set Condition Two throughout the ship. Set Condition Two throughout the ship._

The intercom boomed above them as they walked and Lee felt the familiar rush of adrenaline. He was worried, like his father, that any jumps out of system could bring a cylon tail upon return. As always, they needed to be ready.

Around the ship, he sensed the quickening of everyone’s movements, a chatter among the crew that rose in volume and speed as did his own steps. 

Rounding the last corner, he finally stepped through the wide doors of the hangar bay, a grim expression on his face as he saw the men and women in orange jumpsuits scurrying from ship to ship. 

Surprisingly, Galen Tyrol’s voice sounded above the rest. “Get that raptor ready to move, Gurlocki. The President’s here.” 

Lee followed the voice and greeted Galen with a surprised smile. “Chief? What are you doing here?” Lee pointed to his jumpsuit.

“Gotta stay off New Caprica, Mr. President. Not good for the kid’s lungs.” Galen spoke quickly, his mood and tone all business. “Excuse me,” he said, holding up a finger as he turned away to call out to someone, “Figurski, get Aiello over to Starbuck’s bird. Damn thing’s leaking hydraulic fluid again.” 

He turned back to Lee. “Godsdamned knuckledraggers.” His tone had a teasing edge.

Lee grinned and stepped back. “I’ll let you get back to your job, Chief. Good to see you.”

“You, too…Mr. President.” Galen gave him a casual salute and turned away, striding towards a cluster of orange-clad deckhands, his voice sharp as he barked orders.

Lee had taken a few steps away from the Chief when he realized what he'd said. _Starbuck's bird_. He slowed and swung his eyes towards the vipers, lined up neatly against the port side bulkhead. 

He felt the tick of his heart beta faster. “Give me a minute, Thia. You can board the raptor.” He pointed to the ship and watched as Thia and the guard moved away from him. 

His eyes found her ship and he walked slowly, almost hoping she wouldn’t be there, unable to go in any other direction even if she was. Adrenaline poured into his veins as he moved closer.

A second later, her familiar blond hair bobbed into view and he faltered in his steps. The spirit and authority of being President rushed out of him, leaving an insecure twelve year-old boy in its place.

Lee took a breath and squared his shoulders as he rounded the nose of the viper. “Kara?” 

She turned, eyes wide with surprise before she recovered and quipped lightly. “Mr. President,” she said, “Where’s your entourage?” She made a dramatic gesture of looking behind him.

Lee took her in, blond hair pulled back into a pony tail, face thinner than it had been when he saw her last. He cocked a half-smile and thumbed behind him. “At the raptor.”

“Congrats on the promotion. Zarek finally showed his true colors, eh?” Kara gave him half of her attention as she ran a hand long the underside of her viper. Her fingers found a panel and flicked it open. 

“Yeah… I guess.” Lee appraised her, wariness growing as he took in her flightsuit. “You’re flying?” 

“Yep. Going out on CAP in fifteen.” She bent over and peered under the ship. “Aiello, check this.” She motioned the specialist over and they talked briefly.

Kara walked along the ship with her hand stroking the white metal. “She looks good, doesn’t she? I can’t wait to get out there. I’ve missed it.” Her face lit into a bright and relaxed smile. She seemed so happy. He felt something inside starting to break.

“Yeah. She looks good.” He caught her eyes. “So do you.” He spoke tentatively, testing the waters.

“Don’t let the sexy attire fool you, Adama.” She pulled at the zipper on her suit and moved away from him towards the tail of the bird. He tried to follow but his legs felt locked.

A moment later, Kara came around the other side of the bird. “Crazy thing about the Prometheus. Think it’ll come back?” she asked, eyes avoiding his as she continued the visual inspection of the viper.

“Not sure. Sometimes things jump away and don’t come back.” The words escaped his lips before he could stop them. _Frak._

“Sometimes things have to jump away, Lee,” Kara said and then snapped her gaze to him, hand still touching her ship. Their eyes stuck together for a long moment, an unspoken wave of emotion between them, before she blinked and spoke sharply. “I’m transferring back to Galactica. Effective immediately.” 

Lee felt the blood drain out of his face. “You’re what?” he mumbled. The thing that had begun to crack, shattered wide open, blistering his insides with a thousand tiny cuts. He stepped forward, his hand out. “Kara…”

Her expression hardened and she pulled her arm away from the ship to step back. “Aiello. How’s that line?” Kara looked away and barked at the Specialist before ducking back under the bird. 

Lee stood staring, his hand dropping uselessly to his side. Shock and hurt blazed through him, the hope he had for making things right suddenly gone from his grasp. 

He breathed slowly, fighting for control as he watched her crouch down under the ship, heard her clipped conversation with Aiello. Anger spread through him like a dark blanket, supplanting the pain and forging something that could carry him home. 

He notched his head higher. “Good hunting, Commander,” he said, proud of the strength in his voice. Without waiting for a response, he turned away.

By the time he hit the raptor, he was numb.

:: :: ::

Kara straightened and watched as Lee walked away, his back stiff, movements sharp and quick as he stepped up onto the raptor’s wing. Under her flightsuit, she shook, her entire body quivering with unexpressed emotion. She clenched her fists at her side, ignoring Aiello talking from beneath the viper. She hadn’t expected to see him, hadn’t realized that he was even on board until it was too late. 

And now he was leaving, flying away from her, and what she really wanted to do was scream and chase him down, beg the LSO to call the ship back, make some frakking excuse so she could take it back. Someway for her to take it all back.

Instead, she stood there, watching until his ship lifted off and sped out of the hangar bay. 

Her mind replayed the shock on his face, his step towards her wanting to try. _No,_ she told herself as she watched his raptor grow smaller. He was better without her. Their lives had gone in different directions and her place now was on Galactica.

With shaking hands she turned away as the raptor banked and disappeared from sight. 

_It was time to get on with her life._   



	35. Chapter 35

Two days later, Lee stood in the press room of Colonial One and watched Sarah Porter take the Oath of Office for the Vice Presidency.

When she finished, she turned a rare smile on him and extended her hand. Lee touched palms with her and squeezed. 

“I am honored to serve with you, Mr. President,” she said and turned to face the cameras and the wireless mics stretching out to record her voice.

“Ladies and gentleman, thank you for your confidence and your support. I am eager to begin our journey together and to find our place in the history of men and women who have come before us. I am encouraged by the birth of every child and the sun that rises each and every morning. May the gods protect us and allow us to thrive. I take this office in their honor and in the honor of our families long lost in the Great War.” 

Sarah paused and turned to Lee. “And I’d like to thank President Adama for believing in the power of the people and for providing strong leadership during this time of strife. Thank you.” Sarah smiled at him again and Lee nodded deferentially. 

Without answering questions, Lee and Sarah retreated from the press room to speak quietly together.

“Sarah, Thia will show you to your office. Why don’t you get settled and we’ll meet in the morning to go over the agenda for the day.”

“That sounds fine, Lee. I have a few points of order I’d like to discuss with you.”

“Of course. Until tomorrow then.” Lee smiled and retreated back into his office and closed the door, leaning against it for a long moment to take a deep breath. 

After a moment, he poured himself a drink and sipped slowly as he rifled through papers. He’d done with Sarah Porter what Tom Zarek had done with him: he reduced his opposition’s power by bringing her close.

He only hoped that his decision wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass. 

:: :: ::

The next morning, Kara sat by Laura’s side listening to the erratic beeping of the heart monitor. Her heart was growing weaker as the cancer ravaged her body, affecting system after system in turn. She was very thin, her body visibly wasting away as the cancer lived off of her remaining fat and muscle. Her voice was a rasping and thin echo of the strong woman who had led her people to safety all those months ago. 

“Where’s Bill?” she asked, raising her hand shakily off the blanket.

“I can get him. Do you need him?” Kara’s voice was anxious and she glanced towards the curtain.

“No, I’m okay.” The woman turned her head, catching Kara’s gaze. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Kara slid her fingers under Laura’s palm and squeezed. “Me, too.” Her eyes stung with tears but she blinked them back. That time would come soon enough. 

“Do you want me to read to you?” Kara bent down to pick up _A Statue in the Sun_ from the floor and opened it to a random poem. 

“No, Kara. Talk to me. Tell me more about your life.”

Kara laid the book on her lap, her finger still pinched between the pages. She had already begun this story, the one Laura wanted to hear about her parents and her life before Galactica. Unexpectedly, she had told Laura everything.

“I ran away at fifteen, but not for long. She had one of her Marine buddies come into Delphi center and find me. How he did it I’ll never know, but after two weeks he stormed this little shithole I was squatting in, bursting in like he was invading a basestar. He was yelling and ordering people around – my stoner friends were terrified.” Kara chuckled at the memory. “He yanked me by the arm and dragged me back to her. I stayed this time. Not exactly sure why, but I figure if she called in a favor, I must be worth something.” Kara shrugged, pulling her finger out of the book and dropping it back onto the floor. 

Laura reached for her hand. “You are, Kara.” 

Kara shrugged. “Yeah, well…” She shifted on the chair and tucked her hair behind her ear. 

A moment later Laura began to cough violently and Kara rushed to give her water. She tried to drink and sputtered more violently, her breathing coming in gasps. The heart monitor began to chatter erratically. “Breathe, Laura. Try to breathe.”

After a moment, the woman settled, her chest heaving as she sucked in air. A moan escaped her lips and she winced, pulling her legs up towards her chest. “Ohh, Kara.” Her face twisted in pain.

“Ishay!” Kara called sharply. 

The small woman appeared through the curtains, syringe in hand. “I have it.” Ishay pushed the needle into the port and depressed the plunger. “You’re okay, Laura. Just give it a minute. Breathe.”

Kara leaned against the bed, Laura’s hand clutched between her two. The end was getting closer and panic lit in her chest.

Ishay turned to Kara and gave her a sad and resigned smile.

Kara blinked, looked at Laura’s ashen face, and squeezed her fingers harder.

:: :: ::

“Oh, my gods. You have got to be kidding me.” Lee gasped, waving a paper in front of Thia whose eyes were wide. “They are _still_ calling for my resignation.”

He sat back down in his chair shaking his head. “They’re insatiable. Without Tom to prosecute – without any of them, I get to be the lucky victim.” Lee grumbled and slapped the paper back onto the stack of others that were making a small pile on the desk. “It’s a waste of godsdamned paper is what it is.”

In the two days since Sarah’s swearing in, he’d continued to be flooded with demands to step down. A crazier person might even believed that Sarah Porter’s new role as Vice President had made things worse for him. It made no sense at all. He was supposed to be calling the shots, but he had the strangest feeling that Sarah Porter had somehow gotten the upper hand. 

The comm buzzed and Thia retreated to her desk, popping back in the doorway a moment later. “It’s the Galactica, sir.”

Lee winced. Every time he heard that name all he could think of was Kara. He took a breath and picked up the receiver.

“Adama.”

“Please hold for actual.” Lee tapped his finger against the receiver.

His father’s voice came on the line. “Lee. The Prometheus has jumped back into orbit. The CAP is on her now and we’re scrambling vipers.”

“Have you made contact?” He sat forward in his chair, imagining the action in space.

“Negative. Not answering hails.”

“Anything on DRADIS?” Lee asked, mind racing with visions of raiders flooding the skies. 

“Negative. Starbuck gave us a visual. Says the ship’s intact, no signs of external damage.”

“Board her. And bring me Tom Zarek.” 

“Yes, Mr. President,” his father answered. “Actual out.”

The line clicked off and Lee dropped the handset on the unit. Maybe this was the break he needed.

“It’s about frakking time.”

:: :: ::

Four hours later, Kara landed her viper and slammed back the canopy. She handed off her helmet and with a quick signature on the shutdown checklist, she jumped out of the cockpit and sped across the deck. 

Kara unzipped her suit as she moved, nearly running towards sickbay. She rushed through the doors, breathless and found Ishay and Cottle talking. “Am I too late?” she asked through heavy breaths, eyes darting to Laura’s curtain.

“No, Major. She coded a few minutes ago, but her heart started back up on its own.” Cottle gave her a warning look. “She won’t survive another.”

“Where’s the Admiral?” Kara glanced around. Despite the Prometheus emergency, she’d expected him to be here.

“In the CIC. He sent word that you’d be coming. She asked for you.” 

Kara blinked and wiped her sweaty brow. 

“Okay.” She pulled down the top of her flight suit and smoothed her hair as she approached the curtains.

She stepped in quietly and saw Laura’s eyes closed, her fingers clutched around her glasses as usual. Kara smiled – she wasn’t sleeping yet. 

“Laura?” she said quietly as she approached.

The woman lifted heavy lids and Kara saw the corner of her mouth rise up. “Kara,” she whispered, more a sound than a word, but Kara knew what it meant.

“Hey. Doc said things got rough there for a while. You’re okay now.” She stroked the soft skin on Laura’s arm. 

The woman shook her head weakly. “Not okay.” Kara leaned close to hear her words.

Tears slid out of Kara’s eyes and she couldn't stop them. She wouldn’t lie to her. “No. Not okay.” 

Kara sat on the edge of her chair and reached out to adjust Laura’s scarf, which she insisted on wearing even now at the end. Her pride amazed Kara. “I’m here now.” She squeezed her fingers.

“Thank you.” Laura smiled faintly as her eyes drifted closed. The monitor continued its steady beating and Kara relaxed. She still had a little time.

:: :: ::

A few hours after the Prometheus had been boarded and successfully taken under control, Bill Adama made his way to sick bay. His footsteps were loud as he walked, trepidation making his gait slow and heavy. He didn’t want to know that Laura might be dead. 

He approached her bed and reached out a hand, steeling himself as he opened the curtains. He stopped short, taking in the sight before his eyes. Laura was half-awake with her eyes closed, and her hand, bone-thin and weak, was stroking the top of Kara’s head as she half-lay on Laura’s bed. Kara’s blond hair, spread out like a fan, moved as Laura touched it, rubbing in gentle circular motions. It was the tenderest scene he’d ever witnessed from either woman and his eyes filled with tears. Surprised and overwhelmed, Bill stepped back through the curtain. 

He took a few steps and faced the wall, the tears that he’d refused to shed suddenly coming in a hot wave of grief. _It was too soon._ Too many things that he loved had been taken from him and he wasn’t sure how he could handle this next loss. The numbness of fighting every day had eased, letting warmth and love into his heart. Now, though, even as he knew it would come, he did not know how to face it again.

Bill swallowed hard, teeth grinding against each other as he fought for control of his emotions. The grief, sharp and poignant refused to abate and all he could do was ride the waves, stepping behind a partition to grieve in private.

When he was finally able, he moved back towards the curtain and into the scene again. This time, Laura’s eyelids lifted and she opened her mouth to speak. Bill raised a finger to his lips and quietly pulled another chair to the free side of the bed. 

Once he’d settled, his eyes lingered on Laura’s face and then he glanced at Kara, Laura's fingers still tangling in Kara's hair. “She’s amazing, isn’t she?” Bill finally whispered. 

“Take care of her, Bill. Promise me.” It was the longest sentence Laura has spoken in days. His eyes stung again and he fought away the tears.

“I will. I promise.” He clutched her fingers in between his palms and kissed her hand. “I love you, Laura.”

“Love you, too.” She smiled at him and withdrew her fingers from Kara’s hair to place them on Bill’s larger hands. 

Kara roused and lifted her head, blinking at him. She smiled warmly and stretched a little. Bill reached out and took Kara’s hand in his. “Family,” he said, emotions cresting in his heart.

Laura sighed and closed her eyes to rest.

:: :: ::

With a sharp wind whipping against his face, Lee walked towards the New Caprica detention center to meet with Dominic Giaco, Tom Zarek’s partner who had recently been detained on the Prometheus and held on New Caprica for questioning.

Lee passed through the double gates, nodded to the two Marines guards and stepped into a small windowless room. The door closed with a thud behind him and he leaned against it facing the prisoner, a thin muscular man wearing arm and leg shackles. His face was badly bruised with a wide red gash along his brow. A Marine stood nearby with his weapon ready.

“You wanted to see me?” Lee asked, his eyes hard and penetrating.

The man nodded, his eyes, a pale hazel rimmed with light lashes, looked up at him. “Are these shackles necessary? I’m not here to hurt anyone.”

Lee chuckled bitterly. “I’m sure President Baltar would disagree. So, yes, the shackles are necessary.”

“I had nothing to do with that. It was Hector and Anahd. Tom had nothing to do with it either.”

Lee gave him a disbelieving expression and crossed his arms in front of him. “Where’s Tom Zarek?”

Giaco swallowed hard. “He’s dead. They airlocked him and they made me watch.” His face screwed up in grief but he continued in a rush. “He did it for me. He came back to the Prometheus to stop Hector and to get me out. It was my fault…because I made it happen. I sent you that note. I never expected it would go this way.” His eyes were wide, as if he was afraid of his own actions and Lee tamped down an empathetic response.

“You sent it? Why?” Lee’s drew his brows together. It didn’t make any sense.

“They were torturing me to get leverage, threatening to kill me unless Tom did what they wanted. Check my back if you don’t believe me.” 

The man doubled over to expose his back and Lee nodded to the guard who prepared to intercept any unexpected movements from Giaco. Lee lifted the man’s shirt, looked and let the fabric fall again. Lee grimaced at what he saw: a crisscross of scabbed-over slashes, some old, many new and raw. It made him feel sick.

Lee resumed his spot near the door, his face now impassive despite the queasy feeling in his gut.

“I needed him. I tried to take it, be strong, but they did other things.” The man blanched and swallowed before continuing. “I was desperate, but I didn’t think they’d kill him.”

“Where did they airlock him?” Lee’s voice was hard. He refused to feel bad for this…criminal.

“I don’t know. Where ever we jumped to.” His eyes stayed lock on Lee’s, desperate.

“Why did the ship jump?”

“Hector didn’t trust that Tom came alone, so he jumped. After Tom’s death, the rest of us overpowered Hector and we jumped the ship back.”

“And Hector?”

“Dead.” 

Lee nodded grimly. The man’s account matched the advance description of events he’d received from Glactica’s Marines. It was a frakking mess.

“Thank you, Mr. Giaco. That’s all I needed to know.” Lee raised his hand to knock on the metal door. The weight of events starting to hang on his shoulders. 

“Wait, please. Can you do something for me?”

Lee raised a surprised brow and looked back at him.

“You are the President now. I wrote the note that made it possible. Can you—” 

"No," he boomed cutting the man off sharply, clenching his jaw to stay in control. He pounded sharply on the door and yanked it open when it unlocked.

“Send him back to Galactica’s brig. I’m done with him,” Lee grated and stepped back into the narrow hallway without glancing back.

As Lee walked out, he heard Giaco’s plaintive voice behind him. “Please, I’m sorry. Please get Tom’s body.” Giaco’s voice followed Lee as he sped down the corridor, growing desperate. “Please! He doesn’t deserve to float in space. Please!” The voice was sharply silenced as the room’s door slammed closed.

Lee’s left the detention center feeling manipulated and dirty. His connections with Tom Zarek ate away at the very nature of what he had imagined his role in politics would be. He had become unexpectedly embroiled in the Prometheus mess and a horrifying truth was becoming evident: there might be no way out.

:: :: ::

Late in the night, Bill sat by Laura’s side, his voice calm but soft as he read the final pages of their book. She lay on her back, head tilted at an odd angle with her mouth slightly open. The room was still and silent save the low rumble of his words. Her breathing was shallow and thin, small choking sounds emanating from her throat as he read. 

“I could not move for the pain in my limbs. The sun, now bright, shone strongly for the first time in days. It washed over me, heating my skin and my heart, the weary old muscle that I thought would not beat again. The weakness in my breathing told me the end was near, but I did not feel sad. The long days of my life, the joys I once experienced, the final decision of my death, they all seemed right to me. A life full and vast in its experience, a death that had been earned. I shed no tears. The time for grieving had passed. Instead I stared at the sky, the clouds, the sun. When the night came, my vision darkened with it. I was lost. And then found.”

Bill pushed the last words through tears that slipped into his mouth as he read. Beside him Laura was still, her final rasping breath coming between his words as he read. Her fingers, limp on his arm, were still warm as he turned to her and brought them to his lips. “Goodbye, Laura.” 

He dipped his head onto the bed and sobbed. 

:: :: ::

Lee sat in a meeting with Sarah Porter and four other Quorum delegates, each of them citing concerns about the immigration of the civilians from the Prometheus. His mind, which should have been sharp and focused, was unfocused instead, wandering back time and time again to Dominic Giaco and his plea for the return of Tom Zarek’s body. 

The information he’d gathered about the mutiny aboard the Prometheus painted a grim picture with details that he chose not to share with the delegates. The Black Market had, as he feared, continued to sell the services of its occupants for money, including children. The “oversight” he’d promised so long ago had been painfully and profoundly inadequate. He had underestimated just how far the Prometheus would go to continue its operations. In the twenty hours since the ship returned, Galactica had also sent a crew to the Zephyr, a civilian transport that was half-operational as a new center for black market business. They’d rescued 137 children from that ship alone.

Lee was roused from his musings by a tap on the shoulder and Thia’s voice in his ear. “A message from Galactica, sir.” She pushed a note into his hands and stepped back. He unfolded the paper and read, his heart suddenly in his throat. 

He closed his eyes for a long moment then folded the paper neatly and twisted it inside his palm. “Excuse me,” he interrupted and the others at the table turned to look at him, their faces concerned.

“I’ve just received word that former President Laura Roslin has died.” Lee frowned, maintaining composure as he unfolded the paper again. “She died at 2241 hours from complications related to her cancer.”

Mouths around the table dropped open. Elrad Hunter, a close confidant of the President during her term, looked grim. “I didn’t even know she had become ill again.” He sat back in his seat, stunned. 

Lee stood, fingers absently buttoning his jacket. “I’m going to excuse myself and take up these matters another time. Thia will contact your staff with formal funeral arrangements.” Lee nodded before pushing back his chair and leaving the room. 

He managed to keep his emotions in check until he reached the other side of his office door. 

:: :: ::

The sky was clear and bright on the day of Laura’s funeral. Nearly every citizen of New Caprica, Lee believed, had come to pay their respects and stood in long lines twining around the town center. He stood with Sarah Porter at his side, heads bowed as they listened to the Prayer for the Dead. In front of him was Laura’s casket, made of a dark native wood, polished to a high sheen and draped with the flag of the Twelve Colonies. 

On the other side of the casket stood his father and Kara, their fingers tightly intertwined as they stared blankly at her final resting place. Under the hood of his lashes he studied them, feeling separate and bereft, as if a gulf wider than the had sea separated them once more. This feeling, the sheer loss of it shocked him, pulling him suddenly back to the grassy, overly bright day when they’d buried his brother more than three years prior. He had been filled with rage and grief that day, torn between the duty to his mother and the desire to rip his father apart. 

Now, however, there was no rage, just sadness so intense that he could barely keep his composure. How had he ended up on this side again, separate from Kara and his dad, looking over another coffin at them? He hadn’t seen it coming and if he had, he realized now, he’s not sure he would have recognized it. He’d been blind to it all – living for the government – for his _job_, he realized with a crushing truth. Living for his own needs while his father and Kara had obviously cared for Laura through the end of her life. 

Swallowing back tears, he sniffed, hands tightening into fists as he thought of a thousand other things, mistakes and failures, that made him want to crawl into that hole with her. Time he couldn’t get back, a breach between him and his family created through his own carelessness. He bit back a sob. If it had not been his duty to stand there, stoic and impossibly strong, he would have fled to solitude, just to keep the thoughts from spilling out of his mouth. 

But he couldn’t. He could only stand, his body rigid with control and stare at the two people in the universe he loved more than any others, feel the vast distance between them, and wait. Wait until he could fix it.

:: :: ::

Kara sat next to the Admiral on the raptor, her head tipped against his shoulder as the ship pushed out of the atmosphere of New Caprica. She felt warm and safe and incredibly sad. Laura’s death felt like an end to something painful she’d carried in her heart, a sharp stone that pinched and pricked when she tried to move too fast. Now, she felt free of it, calm in a way that she never expected to feel. Beside her, the Old Man sat lock still, face stoic and emotionless as she’d expected. Inside, she knew a storm raged. 

She closed her eyes and thought of Lee, his face beautiful and sad as he spoke at the funeral. She missed him so much that it had become a physical pain, sitting right alongside the one she felt for Laura. Their hug, brief and warm after the funeral had only made it worse, giving her a taste of comfort, familiarity, longing that stuck inside her gut begging for attention. Now, at the thought, she felt the hot sting of tears, and she just let them come, streaming down her face and into the neck of her jacket. She deserved to grieve her losses – she had earned them. 

:: :: ::

Nine days later, Lee stepped off a raptor and made his way to his father’s quarters on Galactica. 

Kara met him at the hatch, her face worried and beautiful. “I don’t know what to do. He won’t talk to me. He hasn’t been in the CIC since Laura died.”

“What about Tigh?” Lee asked as he followed her towards his father’s sleeping area. 

“Tried that. They just fought. Helo’s got the con and Tigh says he and Ellen are mustering out. I have no idea what the frak happened.” Her face was irritated.

At the closed door to his sleeping quarters, Kara stopped and motioned Lee to pass ahead of her. As he brushed by, she grabbed his sleeve and he turned to look at her.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said, eyes lit with a smile. 

He paused, eyes searching her face. He smiled back and touched her cheek. 

“Me, too.” 

:: :: ::

An hour later, Lee emerged, his face tired but calm. “He’s okay. Stubborn, but okay.” 

“What did he say?” she asked, glancing back to the door closing the Old Man behind it.

Lee let out a nervous laugh. “He wants to retire. Can you believe that?” he smiled, running his fingers through his hair. 

Kara blinked and shook her head. “What’s he going to do?”

Lee dug his hands into his pockets. “I guess Tigh and Ellen invited him to live with them. He’s going there.”

“What about the ship?” Kara glanced around his quarters, unable to imagine Galactica without him.

Lee shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. “She’ll need a new C.O.”

Kara’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “Helo? He’s not going to like that. He wants to spend more time with Hera, not less.”

“No, not Helo.” Lee continued to wear that strange expression and then she stepped back alarmed and stretched out her arm to ward him off. 

“No way. I’m not doing it. Vipers. I just want to fly Vipers. I’m not commanding anything.” Kara turned to face the hatch, feeling the weight of that responsibility starting to choke her. “I don’t want it. I won’t do it.” Her voice grew louder and Lee chuckled behind her.

“What?” she barked at him. “I’m not changing my mind.”

He shook his head and let his face open into a wider smile. “You don’t have to.”

“What? You’re starting to piss me off. Tell me what the frak is going on.”

“All right. Calm down.” He stepped towards her and put his hands on her arms. She sucked in a breath, stomach quivering at his closeness. 

“It’s me. I’m coming back.”

Kara’s mouth dropped open and she stepped back. “You? What the frak are you talking about? You’re the President.” Her heart started to pound wildly. _No. No. This was too much._

“Don’t you ever listen to the wireless?”

She glared at him. “No. You know I don’t.”

“I announced a few days ago that I'm holding new elections. I’m not running, Kara. Everything has been tainted by Zarek and the Prometheus. They don’t trust me. And, frankly, I don’t want to be there anymore.”

“Have you lost your mind, Lee?” She gaped at him, unable to comprehend what he was saying.

“No, Kara. I think I finally found it.” He smiled at her, eyes intense, and took a step towards her again. 

“No, Lee. Stop. Frak.” Kara was in turmoil, her carefully woven peace starting to unravel around her.

“So, I see Lee has told you his news,” Bill voice sounded from behind them. 

Kara spun around and saw the Admiral, his hands pulling at the ties on his robe. He was freshly showered, but pale. 

“Sir. This is nuts.” She faced him with her hands on her hips. “Lee already has a job.”

“Wasn’t my idea, Kara. It was his.” Kara swung her eyes to Lee again. He had an infuriatingly bemused expression on his face.

“You’re both frakking impossible.” She turned on her heel and practically sprinted out of the room.

:: :: ::

Lee watched her storm out away and glanced at his father. “Well, that went well.” He swallowed, not feeling quite as confident as he had before.

“You two have some things to work out, I assume.” Bill stepped to the bar and poured a drink. “You want one?”

“No, I have to get back.” Lee glanced at the hatch again. “Think I should go after her?”

“Only if you want to get punched in the face. Give her some time. I’ll talk to her.” Bill lifted the glass to his lips.

“What if it’s a mistake?” He didn’t want to think about what it would mean if she really didn’t want him.

Bill sighed and sat on the sofa staring up at Lee. “Since Laura got sick, I’ve seen something in Kara that I never expected.”

“What was that?” Lee sat on the edge of the sofa, his anxiety about Kara making him unable to relax.

“I saw her at peace, Lee.” Bill smiled softly, remembering. “After Laura’s death, she just seemed different, more mature. Those two became very close over the last few weeks. I’m not sure how or why, but it had a profound effect on Kara.”

Lee nodded, careful to keep what he knew to himself. It was obvious that the two women hadn’t shared their search for Earth with his father. 

“She was right there until the end, Lee. Right by Laura’s side, taking care of her. Kara’s the bravest woman I’ve ever met, but not with that kind of thing. She’d stare down the barrel of a gun without flinching, but to watch someone die…that takes a courage I didn’t know she had.” 

Lee felt something in his heart constrict, imagining her pain and how he hadn’t been there for her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” 

His father gave him a sad expression, but didn't speak. He needed to weather that guilt on his own.

“I’ve got to get back. Tell Kara…” Lee pressed his lips together. “Well, I’ll tell her when I see her. I’ll be back, dad. Should take a couple of weeks to get everything squared away.”

His father stood and walked towards him. “I’m glad you’re coming home, son.” He clapped Lee on the shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. 

“Me, too, dad. Me, too.” He hugged him back as hard as he could. 

:: :: ::

A month later, Kara paced the length of her quarters, moving from one end to the other, an overabundance of anxiety flooding through her. Everything for Lee’s return was set. She’d been thinking about it for weeks, figuring out what she wanted, how it would go, ways not to frak it up in a heartbeat. 

As promised, Lee had held new elections and she’d listened, pretending she wasn’t, as Sarah Porter of Gemenon was elected President. It all went by in a flurry of activity as the ship prepared to welcome a new commander and say goodbye to the one who had brought them through hell to safety. 

Kara would see Lee tonight at the Admiral’s retirement party on Cloud Nine. The thought of it left a lump in her throat.

She huffed a breath, blowing an errant hair out of her face and pulled her dress grays out of her locker. With a grimace, she cursed. She’d never had them cleaned and they reeked of New Caprica. Pulling her damp towel out of her locker, she wiped them down, making brisk strokes on the fabric to wipe away the dust. 

She reviewed her work and threw the dirty towel to the bottom of her locker. She shoved her legs into the pants and threw on the jacket, buttoning and securing the sash with nimble fingers. 

Checking her appearance in the mirror, she lingered, envisioning her face as Lee would see it and then shook herself. “Stop acting like a godsdamned teenager,” she scolded out loud and grimaced. 

Her legs were tired as she took the steps down to the hangar bay to catch a raptor to the luxury liner. She’d run five miles this morning, just to burn off the extra adrenaline, but with the way her heart was pounding it was like it had been a few hundred feet. 

_Give him a chance to explain._ The Admiral had told her. _He loves you._

Frak. Frak. Frak. She had no idea what she was going to do.

:: :: ::

Kara stood next to the bar, a drink in her hand watching the crews of Galactica and Pegasus dance and party. She smiled faintly, feeling detached from the action as she kept her eye on the Admiral, noticing the sad expression he sometimes wore. No matter how hard he tried to convince her otherwise, she knew he was having a hard time. Despite his return to the CIC, he was different, more distant. She knew he’d grieve for Laura for a long time to come.

Thinking about her brought her own feelings of sadness, pooling in her stomach like they always did until they overflowed in tears. Today, things were better, some effect of the transition, she thought, as she watched people dancing to the music piped through the speakers. A few minutes later, she spotted Lee, coming through the door in his dress grays and a fresh haircut. She had forgotten how great he looked in a uniform. It took her breath away.

Tamping down her excitement, she took two swallows of her drink, feeling it burn to her toes and back. She shivered, watching as Lee found his father and the two embraced, the Admiral’s face beaming at his son’s return. She knew, above all things, he'd always dreamed that Lee would take his place. She felt her heart lighten at the thought of that dream coming true. He deserved it.

Lee looked away from his father and she saw his eyes searching and then finding hers. He gave a little smile and leaned down to listen to something Ellen Tigh was saying. A moment later, he was raising his eyebrows at Kara and she couldn’t help but laugh. Ellen Tigh’s departure from this ship had taken away one of her best sources of amusement. 

Leaning her elbow on the bar, she sipped slowly, feeling like her emotions were running wild and she didn’t want to dampen them. She had no illusions about her and Lee. She loved him. She knew that for sure, but there were things… things they might not get past. She’d promised the Admiral, though, that she’d try.

_I promised Laura I’d take care of you. This is the best way I know how._ The Old Man had whispered to her when they were dancing together. He wanted her to be with Lee.

Grabbing a drink off the bar for Lee, she walked towards him, her uniform feeling suddenly tight against her skin. He saw her coming and excused himself from the Tighs and met her half way, his face breaking into a shy smile. He glanced at her pips, confirming what she thought he already knew. 

“Major,” he greeted her.

Kara offered up the drink. “Commander,” she quipped, a smirk on her face. “How’s that uniform feeling?”

He laughed and pulled at his collar. “It’s a little tight.” 

He sipped and turned to look at his his father. “Dad seems tired.” The music had suddenly reached a crescendo and she waited to answer him.

“He needs some rest. Some peace and quiet and no nuggets asking stupid questions.”

“Nuggets?” He raised his brow at her.

“Guess you haven’t heard. Got a new round of recruits in basic flight. Raw and fresh-faced. Just ripe and ready to be broken.” She smirked as she spoke. Nothing like breaking nuggets made her heart sing.

“Have they called you god yet?” He teased.

“Not yet,” she smiled into her drink, letting the fiery liquid slide into her mouth. “But they will.”

“I have no doubt,” Lee said, shifting on his feet.

In the awkward silence that followed, it began to feel like the weight of everything had suddenly caught up to them.

“Funny,” she said, glancing at him sidelong. “We’re right back where we started. You’re the boss, I’m training nuggets.” 

He turned to face her. “That’s not all we have to be.” He looked down at her, eyes brimming with emotion and she felt overwhelmed.

“Kara…” She heard that tone in his voice, the one that said he needed to talk about it all. Earth. Laura. _Them._ Right at this very moment. She couldn't do it, not yet. Not here.

She shook her head and looked away, raising her glass to her lips. She was confused and afraid, all of the old stuff rushing back at her. 

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Okay. I’ll wait.”

He stepped back to her side, their shoulders just brushing and she let out a breath she didn’t even know she’d held. She felt a sudden wash of relief and then…disappointment? She tilted her head, considering for a moment, and then took another sip of her drink. He was giving her space.

:: :: ::

An hour later and they were at opposite ends of the party, Kara talking with a couple of pilots from Pegasus and Lee chatting with the Quorum members he’d invited to the party. Over and over again, her eyes found him and then she’d swing back to the conversation, pretending like she cared what the others were saying when all she wanted to do was go and drag him to a room somewhere. _Damn._

She swallowed the rest of her drink and pushed the thought out of her mind. Too much had happened between them and she had no idea what to say or feel or thing. _Godsdamnit._ She was making herself crazy. She just needed some air.

Kara stepped out into the corridor, which felt a few degrees cooler and unbuttoned her jacket. Down the hall she heard giggling and stepped around the corner away from the sound. 

“Too much party for you, Starbuck?”

Kara turned her head and saw Colonel Tigh just about to light a cigarette. “Colonel,” Kara said, for lack of a better title. “How’s the planet treating you?”

“Steady ground under my feet, wind on my face, a pot to piss in…” 

“So you hate it,” she said over her shoulder.

“Could be worse. Could be stuck up here with you and that new bunch of whiny nuggets you’re training. What’s the frakking point? Cylons come and were dead anyway.”

“Well, that’s uplifting,” Kara drawled and looked back around the corner to see more people littering the hallway.

“Since when are you miss happy cheery sunshine, Thrace?” Tigh stared at her and drew a long drag on his cigarette.

“People change. Well, at least some people.” She looked at him askance and started to move away.

“How long you think you’re gonna last with Lee again? Couple more months before that boy comes dragging his ass through our door on New Caprica? You’re gonna break the Old Man’s heart.”

His words sparked a burning ember into fireworks. Kara spun on him. “What is your frakking problem, Tigh?” She got in his face, the smoke from his cigarette burning her nostrils.

Tigh held her eyes and then dropped them, bringing his glass to his lips instead. “You’ll never make up your mind. You’ll drag his sorry ass up and down off that planet till you’re both old and gray. If you make it that long.”

Kara stepped back. “It’s none of your frakking business.”

“It’s my business because you and Lee are all the Old Man’s got. Do it right this time or don’t frakking do it at all.”

“Gods, you’re a frakking asshole.” She glared at him for one more long second and then spun away and left him behind. 

Kara stormed down the hallways of Cloud Nine, her fists balled into tight knots. She breathed fast, her heart pounding violently in her chest. “Motherfrakker,” she cursed as she walked, muttering to herself about how many ways that asshole could lose a frakking limb.

Kara paced in a widening square around the party room, waiting until she cooled down enough to find Lee or the Old Man or maybe even a frakking shuttle back home. 

Finally she stopped and leaned against a bulkhead and closed her eyes. 

Why was Tigh such an asshole? She was trying. Really trying to do things right and… _Breathe._ Bending over, she put her hands on her knees and took a deep breath to clear her mind. _Everything was okay. It was all okay._ Slowly, she began to feel better, returning to the calm she’d work so hard to find. Tigh was wrong about her. She wasn’t going to frak it up. She wasn’t.

“Major?” a woman’s voice called towards her. 

“Yeah?” She answered and wiped sweat from her brow. 

“Commander Adama is looking for you, sir.” _Lee._

“Where is he?”

“He’s with the Admiral. They’re on their way to the flight deck.”

“All right. Go and catch up to them. I’ll be there in a minute.” Her limbs felt weak and she was suddenly so tired. 

With a shake of her head, she straightened and walked to the flight deck. By the time she arrived, the raptor was fueled and ready to depart. 

Lee was talking quietly with his father when she stepped onto the wing. Both men looked up from their seats and smiled at her. 

“Hey,” she greeted them. “We’re like three old fogies, going home before the party gets rolling,” she joked and slid into the cockpit next to the pilot. 

Lee and his father chuckled behind her as she strapped herself in. Strangely enough, she didn’t mind at all.

:: :: ::

On Galactica, Lee and Kara said goodnight to his father and left him at his hatch. Lee felt his heart thudding as they walked together, their footsteps in tandem, echoing in the nearly empty halls of the ship.

“Where’d they put you?” Kara asked.

“Tigh’s old quarters. Dad wanted me to take his, but I don’t know. Maybe later. I think it would be weird.” Lee hadn’t come to terms with his father’s retirement and he planned to take advantage of the next few days before his father cleared out his things.

“Won’t be the same without him," Kara said and he heard the sadness in her voice, knew it would be hard on her. Especially right after Laura.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when Laura…when she was sick. I should have been.” 

“You had a lot going on, Lee. Don’t sweat it,” she said lightly.

Lee slowed his steps. “Don’t do that, Kara.”

She stopped walking and faced him. “Do what?”

“Give me a pass. I _should_ have been here. I should have been with you the whole time.” His lungs were bursting with the need to apologize and the words came out despite his best intentions to keep them in.

“I’m not giving you a pass. I’m just saying –” 

“No, you are. You’re telling me it’s okay not to be with you when things get bad. It’s not. It never was. It isn’t.” He needed her to understand.

“Okay already. I get it.” She stepped past him and continued down the hall.

“No, Kara, you don’t. Frak.” Lee felt his frustration rising and took a mental breath.

Footsteps sounded from around the corner and he followed Kara until he caught up with her. They walked silently until they reached his quarters.

He put his hand on the wheel and looked at her, seeing a guarded expression. “Look, I’m sorry. I know I said I would wait. It’s just so frakking hard. I have so many things I want to say to you.” 

She was shaking her head without speaking, thumbnail in her mouth as she listened. He should wait but he couldn't.

His eyes bored into hers. “Can I just say I’m sorry? I’m sorry for frakking it up and not trusting you and not believing in you. I blew it. It’s my fault. I just need to know how to fix it.” 

The words brought his regret and pain in force, and before his knew it his eyes were welling up and he stepped back, half turning to wipe his eyes. “Frak. I can’t even apologize without screwing it up.” He struggled to contain his emotions and spun the hatch to get out of the frakking hallway. 

The quarters were dark and he tripped, nearly tumbling onto the floor before he righted himself and found the light. “What the frak is wrong with this room?” He barked. “Where are the automatic lights? Godsdamnit” he cursed, kicking his duffel towards the bed.

“It’s not the room’s fault, Lee.” Kara drawled from the doorway. 

“Thanks,” he said, bending to retrieve the bag and tossing it onto the bunk. He told himself was going to be so careful and patient and now he was making an idiot out of himself.

He pulled his clothes out of the bag and started putting things in drawers, nearly oblivious to anything except calming down. He felt Kara watching him, one thousand times a fool in front of her. The whole frakking thing was pointless.

When the hatch clanged closed, he expected to see Kara gone. Instead she stood there, watching him, her face pained. 

He turned, hands full of clothing. “What are you doing?” he asked softly. He watched her mouth, afraid to see rejection in her eyes.

“Watching you lose your shit all over Tigh’s quarters.”

His shoulders slumped at her tone. He felt like he had nothing left. 

“Look, Lee,” she said. “I never wanted an apology. You did what you thought was right. So did I. I needed to search for Earth and I did. Never found it, but I needed to try. I get why you didn’t want me to go.”

He watched her with wary eyes, her voice sounding like one he’d never heard before and he tried to explain, “I was so afraid I’d lose you that I pushed you away. I shouldn’t have.” He dropped the clothes into his bag and stepped towards her. “I should have believed in you. I don’t know if I could have ever believed in the gods or even in Earth, but I should have believed in you, Kara. And I let you down.” His head dropped and he stared at her feet.

Kara sighed and shook her head. “I wouldn’t have heard it anyway. I was on a mission. You saw me, right? Taking chamalla and drinking until my stomach was so raw I couldn’t eat. I was running, Lee. Harder than I ever ran in my whole frakking life because that planet, you, us, I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t deal with being an ordinary Kara Thrace with two point five kids and a white picket fence. I couldn’t be a Vice President’s wife, Lee. That’s not me. So I ran, just like I promised I wouldn’t.” 

She stepped forward and put her hands on his chest, holding his gaze. “Except I didn’t even know I was running. Earth pulled me in, Laura, the gods, all of it and I wanted it so bad.”

Kara let her hands drop. “And then Laura told me that the Earth we’d been looking for was dead. A joke on both of us.” 

Lee heard the bitterness in her voice and watched as she crossed the room and sat on his bunk. 

“Quitting that search was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I could have died out there and been fine with it. But, I don’t know, something pulled me back. Laura, I guess. I felt like she’d sacrificed, too. Her life, ya know? I couldn’t let mine go when she wanted hers so much.” 

“Eh, anyway,” she said, letting out a breath and rubbing her palms on her pants. “This is a whole bunch of mushy mumbo jumbo that Kara Thrace isn’t supposed to think or feel or say, but I’ve done nothing but think – about everything. Watching Laura die. That was frakked up. It hurt and I miss her.” Kara looked down and picked at her fingers.

Lee moved to sit next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. “I still should have been here.”

She turned her head to look at him, her expression sad but sweet. “S’okay. I’m okay now.”

Lee nodded, raising his hand to her cheek. “I love you, you know that, right? I never stopped.”

“Yeah. I know. Me, neither.” She tilted her head and smiled at him. 

With a rush of emotion, he pulled her into his arms and she laughed, sweet sounding in his ears as he held onto her as tightly as he could, his eyes overflowing with tears. He buried his face in her hair. “I’m sorry, Kara. I’m so sorry.” He needed to repeat the words over and over until they were emblazoned in his mind forever. 

He didn’t want to make the same mistakes again.

:: :: ::

Kara heard the words murmured against the skin of her neck, felt him trembling with emotion as she fought back her own. Gently, she pushed him away.

“Lee, what happened to you? I thought you wanted all that stuff down there.” She looked at his tear-ravaged face and barely recognized him.

He sniffed and pulled her hand into his, twining his fingers through hers. “I did. I thought I was making a difference and then it went to shit.” He looked up at her. “I should have listened to you and dad about Tom Zarek.”

“Yeah, right. That’d be a first,” she teased and knocked her elbow against him.

He laughed. “Yeah, I guess.” He sniffed and continued, "I was naive. Turns out I'm not very good at politics and actually, kind of hate it now. I was in over my head. Tom, for all of his mistakes was good at it. Laura, she was good at it. Even Sarah Porter. They're politicians, not me." 

He looked around Tigh's quarters. "I feel good here. After all these years of saying I didn't want it, the service is right for me. I guess I'll miss living down on New Caprica, being part of something new, but this place, I don't know, it seems like more of a home than I've ever had anywhere else."

He studied her and smiled wryly. "You know that destiny thing you kept talking about? Well, I thought mine was politics and being in office. But when I saw you and dad at Laura's funeral, it stung. The two of you together, just like at Zak's funeral and it made me look at my life - figure out what went wrong. In the end, you and dad, that's all that really matters to me."

He took a breath and touched his forehead to hers. "I need you, Kara. Are we okay?" 

She saw the fear in his eyes and suddenly didn't want it to be there. She wanted to make it right, be the person who comforted him, fought with him, called him on his crap when he was being an idiot. 

Kara tilted her head back and quirked her brow. "Depends on how fast you kiss me." 

He laughed and smashed his lips to hers, pulling her face tightly against him. Their mouths slashed together, hot and wet and fired with a passion that swept them back onto the bed, their bodies grinding together through too many layers of clothing.

Urgently, she fought to find her way to his skin, fumbling with buttons and snaps and that godsdamned sash. Their clothes ended up as a pile at their feet as Lee rose above her, his fingers and mouth everywhere at once, lighting her aflame until she was crying out for him. 

He hovered over her, eyes locking onto hers before he slid inside and tucked his head into her shoulder. She bucked up to meet him, grinding their hips together as he filled her. He moved fast, pounding into her, responding to her cries and her nails digging into his flesh. White hot spikes of pleasure coursed through her body, leaving her trembling and writhing against him.

She panted into his mouth, letting herself go, riding the waves of ecstasy. "Oh, gods, oh, Lee," she cried, orgasm slamming into her, jerking her uncontrollably against him. He gripped her hard, enveloping her in his arms as she shuddered, and then he followed her with his own guttural groan. 

He collapsed at her side, breathing hard, his hands still holding onto her as she folded her still quivering body into him, touching as much skin as she could, feeling his heart racing under her palm. 

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her hair. 

Every muscle in her body was sated, feeling loose and watery as they lay tangled together. "Me, too," she answered. And for the first time in her life, she felt completely safe and loved. Her family, the new one she didn't even know she needed, was her with her, filling that void she'd protected so hard all those years. She had everything she needed. 

And finally, she realized as she let her eyes drift into sleep, she wasn't afraid anymore.  



End file.
